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What's Eating Patrick?
Season №: 9
Episode №: 193b
Airdate: October 2, 2015
Previous: "Sanctuary!"
Next: "Patrick! The Game"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "What's Eating Patrick?" from season nine, which aired on October 2, 2015.

  • SpongeBob: Founders Day is here today, Squidward is this even?
  • Squidward: [SpongeBob is trying to put up a banner] A little higher. A little to the left. A little more to the left.[SpongeBob falls over] Ha- Perfect! [A barrel rolls along the floor, hits a ladder which hits a table into Squidward's head] Oww.
  • SpongeBob: [Mr. Krabs emerges from his office very happy] Wow, Mr. Krabs really loves Founder's Day!
  • Squidward: No he doesn't!
  • SpongeBob: But just look at him go!
  • Squidward: This is the day he gets the patty orders for the big Founder's Day eating contest, it's the most money Krabs makes all year.
  • SpongeBob: Well it's not just that, Mr. Krabs has a lot of love in his heart for this town.
  • Mr. Krabs: Nope, it's good as that. Not only do I supply the Eating Contest but I get to sell my profilating patties to all the hungry spectators!. I had to grease a few wheels but it was worth it. [Cuts to flashback]
  • Commissioner: Thanks Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: Sure thing Mr. Commissioner! See you at Founders' Day! [Cuts out of flashback]
  • Mr. Krabs: I wonder how many Krabby Patties I can sell.
  • Squidward: Wonder no longer, you only need one.
  • Mr. Krabs: What do you mean one!
  • Squidward: Didn't you see today's newspaper?
  • Mr. Krabs: No takers for "McNulty Challenge". Ha! What's that suppose to mean?
  • Squidward: He's the current champion. He only needs to eat one patty to win.
  • Mr. Krabs: [Gasps] I'm ruined! No-one wants to see a one Krabby Patty Eating Contest, least of all me wallet. [Starts crying]
  • SpongeBob: Hey at least we have Founders Day!
  • Mr. Krabs: I couldn't give a seafit for Founders Day. I need sales boy, sales is what I need. Oh if only there was someone dumb and hungry enough to take on Ol' Oswald McNulty.
  • Patrick: I'll just have 47 Krabby Patties please. I had a big breakfast so I'm not that hungry. [Patrick is talking to a mop.] Squidward did you get a new haircut?
  • Mr. Krabs: Ah! Dumb and hungry. Well, if it isn't Patrick!
  • Patrick: I isn't Patrick?
  • Mr. Krabs: No, no of course you are! How would you like to eat as many Krabby Patties as you can handle and restore the honor of your home town.
  • Patrick: I like the first part but I don't understand the second part.
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm talking about Oswald McNulty! He comes here every year with his big city ways and his extremely relaxed throat muscles and he shows us up a bunch of rubes. Rubes! And on Founders Day no less! We need a home-town hero to make me lots of mone- I mean return the belt to Bikini Bottom! He-he, He-he.[Cuts to next scene.]
  • Mr. Krabs: You're going up against the best, so you have to be the best! We're gonna light a fire under you boy-o!
  • Patrick: Ah! Oh no that's gonna hurt!
  • Mr. Krabs: Listen up, Mister. No more fooling around, you're here to eat and eat and then eat some more.
  • Patrick: I like to eat!
  • Mr. Krabs: Well let's see how your tummy handles these patties Mr. likes-to-eat.
  • Patrick: [Patrick starts laughing] Ha-ha-ha, you said tummy.
  • SpongeBob: Tummies! Ha-ha-ha [Mr. Krabs blows whistle]
  • Patrick: I like whistles!
  • Mr. Krabs: Eat!
  • [Mr. Krabs starts the timer and Patrick takes a Krabby Patty and starts sniffing it and then eats it slowly.]
  • Mr. Krabs: What are you doin'? Your wastin' time!
  • Patrick: Gotta warm up my taste buds first. [shows Patrick's mouth then shows his taste buds cheering and they take the bits of Krabby Patty he eats.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Son, can you eat faster?
  • Patrick: Oh, faster? [Mr. Krabs starts the timer again and Patrick starts eating faster]
  • Mr.Krabs: [Mr. Krabs stops timer.] Four and a half patties in one minute! Well McNulty can eat a hundred in a minute! But you know I think your teeth might be getting in the way a little bit-
  • Patrick: Oh, why didn't you say so. [Patrick takes out his teeth.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Ooh, I didn't know you had false teeth.
  • Patrick: [laughs] I don't
  • Mr. Krabs: Nah, that can't be it, McNulty has teeth. SpongeBob! Let's go to the film. [SpongeBob turns on film projector and shows McNulty eating Krabby Patties.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Look at that devious face, a face without pity, cold dead eyes, like a sharks eyes. What is Oswald McNulty doin' that Patrick Star is not!
  • Patrick: His homework?
  • Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Or maybe we should be asking what Oswald McNulty is not doing.
  • SpongeBob: His taxes?
  • Mr. Krabs: Your both wrong! Or possibly right, I mean I don't know much about his personal life, the point is, he's not tasting boys, [shows McNulty's taste buds which aren't in use.] That's where Oswald McNulty has the edge! Those extra seconds you take to taste a patty Patrick, are slowing you down! From now on [grabs Patrick's head and puts a patty in his mouth and puts his head down to swallow it.] You must put them in yer mouth, then swallow!
  • Patrick: I don't get to taste?
  • SpongeBob: This feels wrong Mr. Krabs.
  • Mr. Krabs: Don't act bad bucket boy, we're gonna need a hundred more patties.
  • SpongeBob: Okay, i'll get right on it. [walks away.]
  • Mr. Krabs: We're gonna teach this sea star, a new way to eat! Without tasting. [Mr. Krabs pulls out Patrick's tongue then it shows his taste buds crying, then the scene cuts to Patrick starting training and eating patties.]
  • Fred: There he goes!
  • Thaddeus: Our champion!
  • Sadie: He's so dreamy![one of them fall over]
  • [everybody is cheering for him.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [while throwing Krabby Patties to Patrick] Come one, come all! This Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! It's a Founders Day extravaganza! Watch our home town hero, Patrick Star, take on the down the beloved champion from three towns over, Oswald McNulty! And see who takes, The Patty Belt!
  • Diner Fish: Say, can my little boy ask you something?
  • Boy with a Broken Foot: Are you the brave man that's gonna bring the belt back to Bikini Bottom?
  • Patrick: [Tries to say something but can't cause he's eating a Krabby Patty and then he gets some of the patty he was chewing on the two fish.]
  • Diner Fish: Inspiring words!
  • Boy with a Broken Foot: I hurted my foot on the playground.
  • Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah, that's wonderful, move back. Be sure to bring your friends![they drive away and it bubble transitions to The Krusty Krab with a big crowd cheering and the contest is about to happen, then two guards bring Oswald McNulty and every one starts booing.]
  • Boy with a Broken Foot: Dad, is that the bad man who took the belt away from Bikini Bottom?
  • Diner Fish: Yes it is son. [both start booing.]
  • Perch Perkins: Looks like this crowd is hungry! For excitement that is, and also possibly food, any moment now these doors will open on what promises to be the most dynamic patty eating contest, in Founders Day history.
  • Mr. Krabs: Krabby Patties, T-shirts, conical hats, and, Patrick's chompers!
  • Perch Perkins: Today, our local hero, Patrick Star, the courageous underdog, is going against five time belt winner, Oswald McNulty from three towns over, one can only imagine the seeding tension pulling over right now, between these two titans of the sport, as they prepare for ultimate battle.
  • Patrick: Hey.
  • Oswald McNulty: How's it going.
  • [SpongeBob and Squidward bring out the Krabby Patties.]
  • Perch Perkins: [holds a plate of Krabby Patties.] Five short minutes to consume as many patties as they can.
  • SpongeBob: Who's ready!
  • Patrick: SpongeBob, I don't wanna do this.
  • SpongeBob: Well then don't do it, i'm sure Mr. Krabs will understand.
  • Mr. Krabs: [sniffing.] I smell mutiny, what's going on here?
  • Patrick: I don't want to eat in the contest it hurts my taste feelings. [points to his tongue and his taste buds are crying.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, no problem, [pulls out a paper]
  • Patrick: What's that?
  • Mr. Krabs: That, is a bill, for all those Krabby Patties you ate during training. [drops bill on the table for it to roll out very long, and the crowd is cheering.]
  • Patrick: But I didn't know I had to pay!
  • Mr. Krabs: Well I didn't know either until you decided you weren't doing the contest, and that means all your training patties, just became plain, eating patties. Now if you was to do the contest, I might be inclined to tear up this here little bill, and of course, there are all the people counting on you son. [Mr. Krabs points to the crowd and the Boy with a Broken Foot.]
  • Boy with a Broken Foot: Ow, my foot. [Patrick looks at him and feels sad.]
  • Patrick: Okay, i'll do it for the little boy with the hurt foot.
  • Mr. Krabs: [tearing the bill.] You made the right choice kid! [laughs and then Squidward rings the bell.]
  • Perch Perkins: There's the bell! And we're off and eating. [McNulty starts eating] McNulty taking an early lead and really going to work with those patties, what a dynamo! A little skull from three towns over eating at a terrific pace! But what's this? [shows Patrick struggling to eat a single Krabby Patty.] Patrick Star isn't moving, he seems stuck in the gate!
  • Mr. Krabs: What are you doing Patrick? Don't make me charge you for those patties too!
  • Perch Perkins: McNulty is pressing forward, looks like this is gonna be a blowout!
  • Boy with a Broken Foot: Patrick, [wearing Patrick merchandise] I believe in you Patrick. [Patrick is about to cry but he then starts eating.]
  • Perch Perkins: But wait! Patrick Star is on the move, patties are starting to disappear, look at that little sea star eat! He's inching closer to McNulty, and it look like McNulty can feel the heat, never have there been a more pretentious display of competitive eating! The amount of patties being consumed is astounding. [Patrick finishes a whole plate of patties and is starting to suck everything in.] And now, yes, yes! Patrick Star has matched Oswald McNulty! And they are tied as they come into the home stretch! Both eaters are so full they could barely eat but eat they do, moving so slowly now. One can't help but wonder if they are going to hit the patty wall at some point. And, and, [both McNulty and Patrick stop eating and fall on the table.] Both eaters have stopped! With only seconds left, we are tied in patties eaten, and neither one seems to have the room to go on! Oh! What is this? [McNulty falls down.] And down goes McNulty, down goes McNulty! [the crowd is cheering] It looks like we do have a tie!
  • Patrick: It's over SpongeBob, I can't go on.
  • SpongeBob: The taste, Patrick, [pulls Patrick's tongue and slaps it.] Remember the taste!
  • Patrick: The taste. [Patrick gets up and stands on the table pointing.]
  • Perch Perkins: What's this? Patrick Star has risen from his seat, and is pointing to center field,[points somewhere else.] No wait! He's pointing to a little boy with a hurt foot. [Patrick points to his mouth.] Ladies and gentleman, he's pointing to his mouth, as if to indicate something
  • Boy with a Broken Foot: [holds out a Krabby Patty.] Here you go champ, you can have one. [Patrick sticks his tongue out and the boy puts the Krabby Patty in his mouth and his taste buds carry it to his mouth, and then he eats and finishes it.]
  • Perch Perkins: And, he's eating! He's eating! The Great Starbino, is eating! [Patrick's nine hundred ninety nine became a thousand and broke the counting machine, and the crowd is cheering.] Patrick Star wins! The belt is back in Bikini Bottom! The belt is back in Bikini Bottom!
  • Commissioner: Here you go son, you earned it fat and square. [Patrick holds up the belt and puts it on]
  • Perch Perkins: Congratulations, Starbino. So, are you gonna defend the belt next year?
  • Patrick: No, this thing doesn't even fit! [ tries to get it off and then shoots off of him and hits the Boy with a Broken Foot.]
  • Boy with a Broken Foot: Ow! My other foot.
  • [the screen fades to black and then the episode ends.]

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