This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Welcome to the Chum Bucket" from season 2, which aired on January 21, 2002.
- [The Krusty Krab at night. The lights are still on.]
- Mr. Krabs: Come on, SpongeBob! It's quittin' time! [the lights turn off, permanently closed and Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob walk out] I've got a card game tonight. [locks the doors]
- SpongeBob: Who're you playing cards with, Mr. Krabs? [we see the Chum Bucket across the street, with its lights still on]
- Mr. Krabs: I'm goin' over to the Chum Bucket to play with Plankton. [SpongeBob gasps]
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Plankton?! [a thought bubble appears over SpongeBob's head with Plankton inside] But Mr. Krabs, he's your arch-enemy! [picks up a Krabby Patty] He's been trying to steal the Krabby Patty formula for years! [Plankton in the thought bubble sees the Krabby Patty and goes to get it, but SpongeBob squishes him with a fly swatter.]
- Plankton: Ouch. [the thought bubble disappears]
- SpongeBob: Why would you play cards with him?
- Mr. Krabs: Between you and me, Plankton is the worst card player in Bikini Bottom! [cut to him and Plankton holding cards and a giant stack of money on the table] Why, I've been takin' him to the cleaners every Thursday night for fifteen years! [puts his cards down on the table and rakes in his money with his claws. Back to the present, his eyes have turned to dollar signs] I never lose! [the two start laughing and walk off their separate ways. Cut to the morning where Mr. Krabs walks to work crying, and SpongeBob walks in laughing.]
- SpongeBob: Takin' him to the cleaners! That's a hot one! [Mr. Krabs leans against the Krusty Krab doors] How'd the card game go last night, Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: I lost.
- SpongeBob: Barnacles, Mr. Krabs. How much money did ya lose?
- Mr. Krabs: I didn't lose any money. [sheds away a tear] I lost...
- SpongeBob: Don't tell me you lost the Krusty Krab!
- Mr. Krabs: I lost... [SpongeBob grabs him]
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, please tell me you didn't lose the... Krabby Patty secret formula!
- Mr. Krabs: I... lost... [points to SpongeBob] you!
- SpongeBob: What?
- Mr. Krabs: I bet your contract, and I lost. [SpongeBob stares blankly, then laughs]
- SpongeBob: Good one, Mr. Krabs. Well, I gotta go make those Krabby Patties. [begins to walk to the door, but Mr. Krabs' claw stops him. After continually walking and getting nowhere, he falls to the floor]
- Mr. Krabs: I'm afraid... you don't work here anymore. [Squidward runs out the door to the two and closed permanently.]
- Squidward: Please tell me this isn't a joke.
- SpongeBob: Go on, Mr. Krabs. Tell him. Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke. [Plankton walks over]
- Plankton: As much as I love cruel, sick jokes, I'm afraid he's not joking. [points at SpongeBob] You work for me now, SpongeBob. [whips out a bucket with the initials "CB" on it] Time to put on the official Chum Bucket bucket helmet. [jumps onto SpongeBob's head, kicks off the Krusty Krew hat and puts the bucket on his head. SpongeBob screams and runs to Mr. Krabs while knocking Plankton and the bucket off his head]
- SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, I don't wanna work for him! [tugs at Krabs' shirt collar] I wanna work for you, here at the Krusty Krab! [he and Krabs start crying loudly and hug]
- Mr. Krabs: I'm sorry, boy! It's all my fault!
- Plankton: [pretending to sound genuinely sad] What kind of cold, heartless person would break apart such a loving relationship? [whips out a crowbar] I WOUUUULD! [jumps up and uses the crowbar to pry SpongeBob off Krabs. SpongeBob goes flying with Mr. Krabs' arms still clung to him]
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! [slams into a cage and Krabs' arms fly off him. Plankton walks over and shuts the door]
- Plankton: This is your greatest blunder, Krabs. For fifteen years, I've been throwin' those card games just waitin' for you to slip up. I may not have the precious Krabby Patty formula, but I've got the next best thing: the guy who makes 'em! [a propeller emerges from the cage] I'm gonna run you out of business, Krabs! [the propeller spins and pilots SpongeBob into the Chum Bucket, laughs maniacally]
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! [cries] Can I have my arms back? [Plankton walks over and throws the arms on Krabs' head. Cut to the cage hovering over a spotlight and dropping SpongeBob into it]
- SpongeBob: What is this place? [the lights turn on and screens with wires and gizmos start starting up. SpongeBob gasps. A giant boiler turns on. SpongeBob yelps. A light turns on and a calendar entitled "Science!" appears and the photo of the month is some nerd in front of a blackboard. SpongeBob screams. Plankton bursts open the doors]
- Plankton: Okay, I'm ready for my Krabby Patty! [walks over to SpongeBob]
- SpongeBob: Actually, uh, Mr. Plankton, sir, I haven't, uh...
- Plankton: Perhaps you don't understand. You work for me now, [jumps onto SpongeBob's knee] and as your new boss, I command you to make me a patty this instant, or I'll be forced to remove your brain and implant it in my robot chef! [we see a giant robot that bears a slight resemblance to SpongeBob] So get cookin'. [twangs SpongeBob's nose. Later, SpongeBob is in front of a weird looking grill. He picks up a spatula with a spring end. He puts his fingers to one of the holes in the grill and steam bursts from it. SpongeBob screams. He looks at a digital sign reading "KITCHEN"]
- SpongeBob: The sign says "kitchen," but my heart says "jail." ♪A stove is a stove, no matter where you go.♪
- Mr. Krabs: ♪A patty is a patty, that's what I say.♪
- SpongeBob: ♪A grill is a grill, this is surely so,♪
- Mr. Krabs: ♪And fries should be fries, either way.♪
- SpongeBob: ♪But this grill is not a home. This is not the stove I know.♪
- Mr. Krabs: ♪I would trade it all away, if you'd come back to stay.♪
- Unison: ♪This kitchen's not the same without you.♪
- Mr. Krabs: ♪It's just a greasy spoon♪
- SpongeBob: ♪It's just a greasy spoon...♪
- Unison: ♪...without you.♪ [SpongeBob cries over The Krusty Krab is permanently closed]
- Plankton: What is he doing? All these tears... and the showtunes? Why isn't he making the patties?! Forget it. I'm going with plan B, I'll put his brain in the robot chef.
- Karen: You know that never works! The answer is obvious: to get to the SpongeBob, you must show him compassion and understanding, then he'll give you what you want.
- Plankton: Will you be quiet? I'm thinking! I've got it! To get to the SpongeBob, I'll show him compassion and understanding, then he'll give me what I want.
- [We see SpongeBob struggling to make a Krabby Patty with one of Plankton's cooking machines.]
- SpongeBob: [sound of surprise]
- Plankton: Hi!
- SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Plankton, I've tried my best! I'm not used to cookin' this way! Please don't take my brain out!
- Plankton: Hold it, SpongeBob, I'm capable of compassion and understanding.
- SpongeBob: Really?! Then I'd like to go back to the Krusty Krab.
- Plankton: Let's not get carried away. Now what can I do to make you more comfortable here at the Chum Bucket?
- SpongeBob: Well, I usually cook on a grill.
- Plankton: You got it! [brings a grill into the Chum Bucket] Well, it wasn't easy, but here it is! One old fryin' grill. How about we try it out?
- SpongeBob: Uh, it's just that... I'm used to the grill facing that way.
- Plankton: Say no more, I'll take care of everything. [pushes the grill] How about here?
- SpongeBob: A little more to the left.
- Plankton: How's this, SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: Move it over a little more.
- Plankton: Here?
- SpongeBob: Keep goin'.
- Plankton: Here?
- SpongeBob: Almost! That's it, just a little more...perfect! Right there! [Plankton growls angrily] I don't know, something still doesn't feel right.
- Plankton: [cut to a blindfolded SpongeBob] Just a few more steps, SpongeBob. Okay, go ahead, take it off! [SpongeBob removes the blindfold] It's an exact replica of the Krusty Krab kitchen!
- SpongeBob: [gasps] It is an exact replica! Here's the sink, the greasy fryers, the squeaky floorboards... and that thing! One Krabby Patty comin' up, Mr. Krabs! [his face turns sad. wailing] Oh... Mr. Krabs!
- Plankton: Don't cry, SpongeBob! I'll show you it's much better workin' for me! Is there anything that old skinflint Krabs wouldn't let ya have?
- SpongeBob: Well... there is one thing I've always wanted... [cut to SpongeBob with some fancy vibrating shoes on] Wow!
- Plankton: So now do ya have everything you need to make some Krabby Patties?
- SpongeBob: Well... [cut to SpongeBob in a bubble bath, licking green mint ice cream]
- Plankton: You ready to make some patties?
- SpongeBob: Wait 'til I finish my ice cream! [cut to SpongeBob riding a toy seahorse, with Plankton pushing him]
- Plankton: [while pushing him] How about those patties?
- SpongeBob: [laughing] Faster! Faster! Faster! [cut to Plankton reading to SpongeBob a baby book]
- Plankton: And then the littlest sea-elf said... [drool drops on Plankton. SpongeBob is sleeping. He wakes up] Huh? [growls angrily, then takes out a mallet] Steady, Plankton. It's all gonna pay off soon enough. [throws the mallet away] Hey there, sleepy head, what do ya say?
- SpongeBob: All this preparation is makin' me hungry.
- Plankton: Me too. You know what would really hit the spot? Why don't ya whip us up a couple of Krabby Patties?
- SpongeBob: Mmmm... I'm kinda in the mood for tacos.
- Plankton: [laughs] Good one, SpongeBob. But really, why don't you go ahead and make us a patty?
- SpongeBob: [yawning] Nah, I don't really feel like it.
- Plankton: But I don't understand. [SpongeBob drinks soda from a cup] Ya have the grill, and the spatula, and the comfy chair. [loses his cool as he exposes his hands with fumes rising out] I rubbed your putrid feet!
- SpongeBob: Tell you what, half-pint: why don't ya ask me later?!
- Plankton: [growls in fury] I command you to make me a patty this instant!
- SpongeBob: [crossing his arms in refusal] No!
- Plankton: Don't back sass me!
- SpongeBob: [mocking Plankton] Do ba da ma!
- Plankton: What?! [SpongeBob blows a raspberry as he moons at him] That's it, mister! You just lost your brain privileges! [cut to Plankton outside of a lab as he successfully finish building a robot that looks like SpongeBob] Finished! SpongeBob, come in here! [laughs] Or should I say RobotBob Sponge... Chef... Pants...? [to the audience] I put the brain in the robot, you know. [to Robot SpongeBob] You shouldn't have been a spoiled brat. Ya see, I always get what I want. And I want you to make me a Krabby Patty!
- Robot SpongeBob: [beeping] Dee-dee-doodle-dee-dee-doo! Response: Why don't you ask me later?
- Plankton: [going mad] What? What?!
- Robot SpongeBob: Get welded.
- Plankton: [presses the button on the control] Wait! I command you, make me a Krabby Patty!
- Robot SpongeBob: [reads a comic and drinks oil] I don't wanna.
- Plankton: [screams out of madness and decides to give up]
- Mr. Krabs: [cut to the vacant Krusty Krab in a dark, gray sky] Well, old girl, this looks like our final chapter. [holds up an "Out of Business" sign] Huh?
- Plankton: [crying] I can't take anymore. You've gotta take that yellow nightmare back! It's not worth it. I'm better off stealing a Krabby Patty fair and square.
- Mr. Krabs: Um... well... [takes off the "Out of Business" sign off the doors] a deal's a deal, Plankton. He's your headache now.
- Plankton: Oh, please, have mercy, Krabs! I'll do anything! I beg of you!
- Mr. Krabs: How 'bout... you give me fifty bucks, and I'll take him off your hands.
- Plankton: It's a deal! I cheated, anyway.
- Mr. Krabs: Now be gone with ya, you puny pest! [throws Plankton back inside the Chum Bucket]
- Plankton: Thank yooooooooou! [a crashing sound is heard] Ouch.
- SpongeBob: My brain and I are glad to be back, Mr. Krabs.
- Mr. Krabs: Glad to have ya back, lad. Now, get to those patties! The lunch rush is a-comin'!
- SpongeBob: [yawns] I don't feel like it! Why don't you ask me later, Krabby? [laughs; Mr. Krabs glares at him] I mean... I'm workin' all day for free! My treat! [runs to the kitchen]
- Mr. Krabs: That's what I thought you said.