SpongeBob: I hope this doesn't mean that we're missing the one thing that's nearest and dearest to our heart.
Squidward: Nope, I'm right here.
SpongeBob: The Krusty Krab! [cuts to Krusty Krab] Pheww.
SpongeBob: Reporting to duty, Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs? Mr. Krabs? Pearl? what are you doing here?
Pearl: Oh nothing, SpongeBob. Just trying to juggle schoolwork, having a social life, and running a family business. That's all.
Squidward: Drama queen.
SpongeBob: Where's your dad?
Pearl: I don't know. When I went to get my allowance this morning, he was gone.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs is missing?
Squidward: I'm missing my clarinet.
SpongeBob: ...and Gary's shell.
Patrick: Has anyone seen my cuff links?!
Sailor:[laughing] So, you lost your cuff links, aye? They're probably in the Bikini Bottom Triangle.
SpongeBob: Bikini Bottom Triangle?
Sailor: That's right. First, an eerie fog blows in, [makes noises with tongue] then, you can here the hypnotic song of the mermaids. [makes the noise again] And then, your cuff links are gone. Never to return... [he leaves and laughs]
SpongeBob: The triangle must've taken Mr. Krabs. We gotta find him!
Squidward: Maybe he's doing his morning dumpster dive for change.
[Behind the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, are you out here?
[An eerie fog appears and the mermaids begin singing]
Squidward: Oh no, is that a mermaid song?
SpongeBob: No, just a thick eerie fog.
[A spotlight appears on SpongeBob and Squidward]
Squidward: Ohh no!!
[SpongeBob and Squidward scream and get pulled into the Bikini Bottom Triangle]
[Squidward shows up in a gumball machine]
SpongeBob: Come on, Squidward, stop messing around. We've gotta find Mr. Kra- hey, gumballs! [He chews one and blows a bubble].
Squidward: OOOHHHH! This is the Bikini Bottom Triangle? Looks more like a dump.
SpongeBob: Come on, we've gotta find Mr. Krabs. The Krusty Krab needs him. Mr. Krabs? [Squidward trips and bumps into SpongeBob] Squidward, this is no time for seahorseplay!
Squidward: Oh, my neck.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! Mr. Kraaaaaabbbbbsssss!
Squidward: Would you shut it already?!
SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, Mr. Krabs is gone. I can't take it much longer! Oh, it hurts so bad! I can't take it much longer! I hope he's not in too much pain...where ever he is.
Squidward: Oh, I think Mr. Krabs is doing just fine.
[Shows Mr. Krabs getting a massage]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! You've gotta get up. We gotta get out of here.
Mr. Krabs: Ohh, Okay, Tibor I think I'm good.
Tibor: Remember to drink plenty of fluids.
Mr. Krabs: Look, SpongeBob, you see all this stuff, including you and me, are brought here when the mermaids sing their beautiful song, the mermaids' song triggers this here contraption, to suck this pile like a vacuum. Dumpin' all the contents here on this island, that is how we ended up surrounded. With all this valuable and resellable stuff! [Mermaids begin singing, again] Oh, Yippee! Another shipment! Free stuff, here I- come? [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs scream as they are chased by a pile of items] Pretty neat, aye, boy? [Mr. Krabs pulls out Patrick]
Patrick: Have you found my cuff links?
SpongeBob: No. [Patrick begins eating a Krabby Patty] Patrick, is that a Krabby Patty?
Patrick: Yep. Pearl doesn't make them as good as you do, though.
Mr. Krabs: Pearl? [begins crying] Oh, my sweet little girl, all alone, with me cash register!
Mr. Krabs: Pearl!!
Pearl: Get me out of this trash heap!
Mr. Krabs:[hugs Pearl] Oh me little angel. Thank you mysterious signing mermaids.
Pearl: Enough with the hugging!
SpongeBob: That's it Mr. Krabs! I'll just find the mysterious singing mermaids and ask them how to get out of here!
[SpongeBob and Patrick are climbing a large hill]
Patrick: Ah, riding by piggy-back is exhausting.
SpongeBob: You're telling me. [falls]
[Shows five mermaids sitting on top of a hill]
Mermaid #1: I love this mirror girls, but it is soo ten minutes ago.
Mermaid #2: Like, I couldn't agree with you more...
Mermaid #3: Yeah like all this stuff is old news.
Mermaid #4: Shall we ladies?
All Mermaid:[clear throats. begin singing]
Patrick: Ah, excuse me, hi.
Mermaid #4: Umm, can I help you?
Patrick:[laughs and waves]
SpongeBob: Yes mermaid ladies, you actually can help us.
SpongeBob: Yeah, we'd like to know how to get out of here, please.
Mermaid #4: Like, this is the Bikini Bottom Triangle, nothin ever leaves. Duh.
SpongeBob: Uhh, are you sure?
Mermaid #4: Look, little freakazoid, we only know one thing, and that's how to surround ourself with cool new stuff whenever we feel like it, anything beyond that is T.N.O.P.
Mermaid #4: Uh, yeah. You know, Totally Not Our Problem.
SpongeBob: Oh, T.N.O.P! Okay, well thanks anyway, come on Patrick, let's go. Patrick?
Patrick:[laughs] You go ahead SpongeBob. I think I'm gonna hang with the ladies a bit. [laughs. Cuts to Mr. Krabs using a metal detector]
Mr. Krabs: Come on... [finds a quarter] Ah ha, playing hard to get, weren't you little one?
Quarter: Little one? How dare you, sir!
SpongeBob: I'm back, Unfortunately, I was unable to get the information from the ahhh [passes out]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? SpongeBob, boy-o! SpongeBob can you hear me?
Pearl: Should we help?
Squidward: He looks fine to me.
Mr. Krabs: What's the matter, boy-o? [gasps] You're Krabby Patty meter is on empty! We've got to get a Krabby Patty into you quick or- [the mermaids sing again] Please great vacuum cleaner, please just give us just one- [notices a Krabby Patty at the top of the pile. gasps] ...Krabby Patty. [puts the patty into SpongeBob's mouth]
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah!! Wow, sir, that was the single best Krabby Patty I've ever eaten.
Mr. Krabs: Why, thank you, Boy-o. I'm glad you- Wait a minute, I didn't make that Krabby Patty, and you didn't make that Krabby Patty, and those two couldn't have made it, so it must have been that rotten pipsqueak Plankton! I've gotta stop that poor excuse for a life form from- So, how do we get out of here?
SpongeBob: Well, sir, based on what the mermaids told me, there urr... there is no way out.
Mr. Krabs: Oh really? Well, I think you don't know who to talk to the ladies.
SpongeBob: Well, sir, I-
Mr. Krabs: Look, boy, I've got a way with the ladies, and I guarantee the old Krabs charm, will have them telling us exactly how to get out of here. [cuts to the Mermaids] So there's really no way out of this place? I really need to get back to the Krusty Krab to stop my arch-nemesis from ruining my business.
Mermaid #4: T.N.O.P, Grandpa.
Mr. Krabs: T.N.O.P?
SpongeBob: Totally Not Our Problem.
Mermaid #4: Oh, and P.S, here's you creepy pink friend back.
[They throw Patrick and he lands on Mr. Krabs]
Pearl: Daddy! Daddy!
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, Pearl, he's okay. [Mr. Krabs tosses Patrick off]
Pearl: Can I go to the mall now?
Mr. Krabs: The mall? But Pearl-
Pearl: I wanna go to the mall! [starts crying]
Mermaid #4: Like, what's a mall?
Pearl: Wait what? You seriously don't know what a mall is?
Mermaid #4: I am seriously, serious.
Pearl: Well, the mall is only like the most awesome place to get the best, super-coolish, glittershly fabulous new stuff you want!
Mermaid #4: Really?
Mermaid #3: No way!
Mermaids #1, #2, and #5: We want to go to the mall!
Mr. Krabs: Oh do you?
All Mermaids: Ah, huh!
Mr. Krabs: Now, how do you propose we do that, huh? Wait, I know we just hit the magic reverse button on the giant vacuum cleaner.
SpongeBob: That's it sir! It's the mermaids!
Mr. Krabs: It sure is, what?
SpongeBob: The reverse switch is the mermaids, they just need to sing their song, backwards.
Mermaid #4: Yeah! Backwards!
[All Mermaids clear throats and sing backwards]
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, backwards, what a stupid idea that-
Everybody: WOOOOAAAHH! [ground shaking. The vacuum cleaner sucks in everything on the island and transports them back to Bikini Bottom]
Pearl: You ready for the mall, girls?
All Mermaids: Yeah! The mall! The mall! The mall! The mall!
Squidward: Hello, miserable life, I'm back.
[Some Bikini Bottomites come to the pile]
Old Fish: My dentures!
Grey fish: T-Bor! You're alive!
SpongeBob: Isn't that great, Mr. Krabs? Everyone is reclaiming their stuff.
[Mr. Krabs walks away]
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Speaking of re-claiming... alright Plankton, I know what you're up to but, the jigs up you little conniving pipsqueak! Huh?
[The sailor from the beginning is cooking at the grill]
Sailor: Actually the name's Charles. Figured I'd hold down the fort, for ya' while you were gone.
Mr. Krabs: So, you've been the one making me Krabby Patties?
Sailor: Yep. All me. Oh, and by the way, you've got a little vermin problem.
Plankton:[in glass jar] Vermin? You take that back!
Sailor: He's a feisty one...
Patrick: Hey! I found my cuff links! [puts them in] that's better. Good day, gentlemen.