This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Walking Small" from season 1, which aired on March 22, 2000.
- [metallic roaring]
- Plankton: Attention, beach-goers! You are trespassing! You have exactly seventeen minutes to haul your carcasses off the future site of the 'Chum Bucket Mega Bucket'.
- Shubie: Do you hear something? [Peterson doesn't hear anything]
- Plankton: [takes out megaphone] Ok, have it your way. I don't mind bulldozing over each and every one...hey! Put me down!
- Billy: Mommy, look! Somebody left this toy tractor here.
- Evelyn: Put that thing down, Billy, it has germs on it. [captions version Woman Put that thing down, Billy, that has germs on it]
- Billy: Ohh, mom.
- Plankton: [talks through megaphone] You'll see. [throws away the megaphone] You'll all see! The future site of the Chum Bucket Mega Bucket must be clear to these cretins beachgoers. But it's becoming increasingly obvious. I can deny it no longer! [zoom out] I am small. I need someone big to clear the beach for me. I need... [giant foot almost steps on Plankton but he dives out of the way] SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: Steppin' on the beach! Doo-doo-doo-doo! Steppin' on the beach! Doo-doo-doo-doo! Steppin' on the beach! Doo-doo-doo-doo! Steppin' on the beach! Doo-doo-doo-doo!
- Plankton: Yes. He's the one. [laughs evilly. The sand on his head falls off]
- SpongeBob: I'll have one... [some kid cuts in front of him]
- Monroe: Two please. [Lou gives him two ice creams] Thanks. [walks off]
- SpongeBob: One please. [Electric Eel slithers through SpongeBob and grabs the ice cream]
- Eel: Excuse me. [walks off licking the ice cream]
- SpongeBob: One please.
- Lou: Sorry, kid. We're all out.
- SpongeBob: Aww, barnacles. [he hears crying coming from Plankton, who's sitting on a bench with two ice creams] Plankton, what are you doing here? And why are you crying?
- Plankton: Oh, hi, SpongeBob. [blows his nose] I'm cryin' because I've got these two ice cream cones, but I only need one! [cries] I don't know what to do with the other one! [cries then stops and looks at SpongeBob and cries again]
- SpongeBob: I'll eat one of those ice cream cones for ya.
- Plankton: SpongeBob! Would you do that for me?
- SpongeBob: Sure! [starts to lick the ice cream]
- Plankton: SpongeBob? [SpongeBob is still licking the ice cream] SpongeBob? [SpongeBob eats the whole ice cream and is now licking what's left inside. Plankton uses his megaphone to get SpongeBob's attention] SpongeBob!!
- SpongeBob: [turns towards Plankton] Yeah? [spits out ice cream as he talks]
- Plankton: Isn't it great to get the things you desire? Like that ice cream cone, for instance. [SpongeBob licks his fingers] You can have anything you want with a little training. [SpongeBob licks his fingers again]
- SpongeBob: Conch Street?
- Plankton: Yes. You just have to learn to be more assertive. And I can show you how.
- SpongeBob: Assertive, huh?
- Plankton: That's right.
- SpongeBob: Anything I want. [licks his lips] Sounds great! [spits more ice cream at Plankton when talking]
- Plankton: Wonderful. [laughs evilly then SpongeBob joins in the laughing. Then an adult fish sits on SpongeBob] SpongeBob, don't let that guy sit on you! Assertiveness lesson #1: tell him to get off!
- SpongeBob: Umm, excuse me, sir, you're sitting on my body, which is also my face.
- Plankton: No, no, be assertive! [SpongeBob puts his fingers in the guys pockets]
- SpongeBob: Beep beep! [Plankton smacks forehead]
- Plankton: Not in-sertive! [adult fish checks his watch then walks away] SpongeBob, you missed your chance! You've got to be aggressive to get the things you want! You're too soft!
- SpongeBob: But I'm a spo...
- Plankton: Don't say it! [Plankton spots the eel that took SpongeBob's ice cream] There's the guy who took your ice cream. Don't you want it back?
- SpongeBob: Ice cream! [Plankton gets up and runs behind Electric Eel]
- Plankton: Listen, you! My friend's got something to say! [Electric Eel turns around]
- Eel: What, who said that? Was it you? [talking to SpongeBob]
- Plankton: Tell him off, SpongeBob. Assert yourself!
- SpongeBob: That's my ice cream cone!
- Plankton: Great! Now let him have it!
- SpongeBob: You can have it.
- Eel: Say, thanks! [walks off]
- Plankton: No! [jumps inside SpongeBob's mouth] I'll show ya how! Hey, pencil neck! [Electric Eel turns around] Yeah, you, slither over here! [Electric Eel walks over to SpongeBob] Surrender that ice cream cone or every waking moment for you will become a swarming torrent of pain and misery! [Electric Eel throws ice cream on SpongeBob's face and runs away crying]
- SpongeBob: Hey, that guy was crying!
- Plankton: Those were tears of joy I told you! He was happy that you were assertive!
- SpongeBob: Yeah!
- Plankton: You see how wonderful life can be, when you're maniacal?
- SpongeBob: Uhh, I thought it was called assertive.
- Plankton: Whatever.
- SpongeBob: Well, if it got me this ice cream, I like it! I found something!
- Scooter Like Fish: Uhh, excuse me, my metal detector broke. Can I use yours? [SpongeBob hands the equipment to him]
- SpongeBob: Sure!
- Plankton: SpongeBob, this is your next lesson. Be aggressive! Tell that guy to take a hike!
- SpongeBob: Do you want to take a hike with me?
- Scooter Like Fish: Yeah.
- Plankton: [angry] Now look what you've done! Tell that guy to go fall in a ditch!
- SpongeBob: Hey, go check in that ditch! [points to the ditch beside them. The fish jumps down in the ditch and finds a treasure chest]
- Scooter Like Fish: Wow, buried treasure! Thanks!
- SpongeBob: Did you see that, Plankton? That guy found some buried treasure!
- Plankton: SpongeBob, you'll never get it right! Tell that guy you know karate and you'll tie him in a knot if you don't get your metal detector back!
- SpongeBob: Hey! I'm gonna tie your shoe if you don't give that back!
- Fish: But I'm wearing sandals!
- SpongeBob: Ok, never mind! [Plankton jumps off of SpongeBob] It's alright, Plankton, he's wearing sandals. What's the matter?
- Plankton: [putting things into a suitcase] Oh, nothing, SpongeBob. [puts on a black hat] I was just beginning to think that this was a waste of time.
- SpongeBob: No it's not!
- Plankton: Forget it! I guess you don't have what it takes to be a stand-up guy.
- SpongeBob: But what about airline food?
- Plankton: What?
- SpongeBob: Airline food. My gosh, what is up with that stuff? Thank you, good night! [rimshot] See, I can be a stand-up guy. See? [Plankton throws his hat down]
- Plankton: SpongeBob, you'll never get what you want! You'll always let people step all over you! You're just like stairs!
- SpongeBob: Wait, Plankton, give me another chance!
- Plankton: Ok, but this is your last chance! [points to people trying to get a tan] Look at all those beach hogs soaking up your sunrays. Do you have what it takes to get a tan?
- SpongeBob: Just watch me! [runs over and waves a blanket up and down and builds up sand to make the beach-goers run away] Man, this thing is sandy!
- Fred: My leg! [after everyone runs off, SpongeBob is laying on his back with a funnel acting as a sunlamp]
- Plankton: Yes, my plan is beginning to work! They're leaving the beach! [SpongeBob now has a tan and looks brown] SpongeBob, that was wonderful! Is that an all-over tan?
- SpongeBob: Well, not all of me.
- Hot Dog Man: Hot dogs! Hot dogs!
- Plankton: Look at that huge line at the hot dog stand. Assert yourself to the front!
- SpongeBob: I'll do better than that!
- Plankton: SpongeBob that was genius! Look at all those kite fliers blocking your view!
- SpongeBob: What?
- Plankton: Breaking your wind! [SpongeBob uses one of his teeth to boomerang it into cutting the strings off the kites]
- Larry: Hey SpongeBob, throw us the ball. [chattering like a monkey][trumpeting like an elephant][growling and roaring like a tiger]
- SpongeBob: Plankton, did you see that? I was a regular alpha-male! Plankton? [Plankton is driving a crane] Plankton, all my asserting is driving everybody away!
- Plankton: Exactly.
- SpongeBob: You didn't tell me everyone would leave.
- Plankton: Oops.
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Mega Bucket?! You used me...for land development! That wasn't nice!
- Plankton: Haven't you figured it out, SpongeBob? Nice guys finish last. Only aggressive people conquer the world! [laughs evilly]
- SpongeBob: Well, what about aggressively nice people?
- Plankton: Huh? What are you doing? [SpongeBob brings out the hot dogs he ate earlier and puts them back where they belong. Then he puts the kites back where they were] Wait, SpongeBob! Stop! [a girl is crying because she has sand on her ice cream. SpongeBob takes it and wipes the sand off with his eyebrows] Butterfly kisses. Can't take it. It's too cute! It's...it's disgusted! [Scooter is crying at his broken surfboard]
- SpongeBob: What happened? [points to surfboard]
- Scooter: I hit a reef with my new board, dude!
- SpongeBob: No problem! [makes himself a surfboard]
- Scooter: Whoa! [grabs the surfboard] Killer!
- Plankton: SpongeBob, stop! Before it's too late! Your kindness is bringing everybody back! Get back! [everyone comes back] Wait! [everyone runs over Plankton. Scooter is surfing]
- Scooter: Cowabunga! Thanks, dude! That was awesome!
- SpongeBob: Gee, Plankton, I'm sorry about the Chum Bucket.
- Plankton: Forget about that. I just can't take so much kindness in one sitting! [bunches up into a ball] Need hatred. [crawls away]
- SpongeBob: Volleyball, anyone? [everyone uses SpongeBob as the ball] Service! aaa! ouch! aaa!! ouch!! aaa!!! ouch!!!