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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
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{{ITranscript}}
 
{{EpisodeTr
 
|title = Truth or Square
 
|titlecard = Truth or Square.PNG
 
|seasonnumber = 6
 
|episodenumber = 123-124
 
|airdate = [[November 6]], [[2009]]
 
}}
 
{{L|Announcer|10 years ago, an unknown pirate from Encino began a decade-long obsession with TV's most beloved and absorbent sponge. And today, a mere 10 years later, obviously, 10 years later, I said that. He has traveled all the way to a far off land known as Burbank. To find NickToons Animation Studios and meet his idol face to face for the first time in 10 years? 10 years, 10 years ago. Let see what happens.}}
 
{{L|''[cuts to Nickelodeon Studios Gates where a speeding car pulls over and drops Patchy off]''}}
 
{{L|Patchy|Bye, Mom! Thanks for the lift. ''[coughs]'' Hey kids! Isn't this exciting? I'm here at Nickelodeon, home of SpongeBob SquarePants! ''[presses intercom button]'' Ahoy!}}
 
{{L|Employee|Studio, may I help you?}}
 
{{L|Patchy|This is Patchy the Pirate for SpongeBob SquarePants. I believe he's expecting me, I sent him over 400 letters. This week.}}
 
{{L|Employee|Uhhh, yeah. SpongeBob is not here right now, sir.}}
 
{{L|Patchy|That's okay. I can wait.}}
 
{{L|''[Pulls out lawn chair and sits in front of the studios gates, the gates opens]''}}
 
{{L|Patchy|Ohhh, SpongeBob!}}
 
{{L|Employee|Sir, please step away from the gate.}}
 
{{L|Patchy|Awww, poopdeck. I was hoping I could ask SpongeBob to phone up some of his famous friends so we could ask them to be guests on my show.}}
 
{{L|Employee|Uhhhh. Oh, you're here for the casting department.}}
 
{{L|Patchy|Yeah!}}
 
{{L|Employee|In that case, please step right inside, sir.}}
 
{{L|Patchy|Yes!}}
 
{{L|''[cuts to waiting room]''}}
 
{{L|Employee|Here you are, sir. Please wait here while you wait.}}
 
{{L|''[Patchy sits on sofa]''}}
 
{{L|Employee|Can I get you anything, sir?}}
 
{{L|Patchy|Yeah. A shrimp cocktail.}}
 
{{L|''[Employee gets one from outside]''}}
 
{{L|Patchy|Oooohhh. Now that's what I call service.}}
 
{{L|''[Employee smiles]''}}
 
{{L|Patchy|With a smile!}}
 
{{L|''[Employee closes door revealing title card: Truth or Square]''}}
 
{{L|''[Cuts to SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward's houses]''}}
 
{{L|''[Gary sleeps until alarm clock starts ringing cause a domino effect of a line of clocks. The line reaches to SpongeBob's fog horn clock making it spew out more alarm clocks]''}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob turns off all the clocks]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Gooooooood morning, Gary!}}
 
{{L|''[Gary meows annoyed]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|A little overboard? And take a chance of being late for single greatest day of my career? The eleventy-seventh anniversary of the Krusty Krab? I think not.No self-respecting employee would be late on this day.}}
 
{{L|''[Alarm clocks lead into Squidward's house]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|What the?}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|See you at the big event, Squidward!}}
 
{{L|''[Alarm hits SpongeBob in the back]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[to Gary]'' Can you believe it's been eleventy-seven years already?}}
 
{{L|Gary|''[annoyed]''Meoww}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Huh? Watch the pottymouth, Gar. Today is a day of gentle reflection. ''[sighs]'' I remember my first visit to the Krusty Krab.}}
 
{{L|''[Flashback starts with Mr. and Mrs. SquarePants walking to the Krusty Krab]''}}
 
{{L|Mr. SquarePants|I don't know. This doesn't look like a family restaurant.}}
 
{{L|Mrs. SquarePants|Well what do you think, baby? Would you like to eat here?}}
 
{{L|''[Baby SpongeBob pushes his mom into the Krusty Krab]''}}
 
{{L|Mrs. SquarePants|Well ok then. What would you like?}}
 
{{L|''[Baby SpongeBob looks out her bellybutton and sees the menu]''}}
 
{{L|Baby SpongeBob|Krabby Patty!}}
 
{{L|''[Mr. and Mrs. SquarePants eat their Krabby Patties]''}}
 
{{L|Baby SpongeBob|Mmmmmmmmmmmmm! Yummy!}}
 
{{L|''[Pulls umbilical cord off and sucks on it. Flashback ends]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Good times.}}
 
{{L|''[Alarm clock goes off]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|Oh, sorry Gary. We could talk later, but I got to get ready!}}
 
{{L|''[SpongeBob runs off while Gary hisses at a alarm clock. The following song shows many scenes relating to the lyrics]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|''[singing offscreen]'' ♪I never thought that I would have a chance like this. What dreams exist as big as this one? If happiness are patties frying on the grill, I'll have my fill upon each fresh bun. Here's a day that couldn't get much better. It is the greatest that's ever been. It's so cool I ought'a wear a sweater, just to hold on to that warm feelin'. A miracle is something that you don't believe, you will receive, and then it happens. This is what I have to call a miracle: My heart is full and toes are tappin', here's a day that couldn't get much better. It is the greatest that's ever been. It's so cool I ought'a wear a sweater, just to hold on to that warm feelin'. Sure, I know it's gonna take a lot of work. But here's the perk, I think I must say: When you're doing something that you really love, and so proud of, then work is like play. Here's a day that couldn't get much better, It is the greatest that's ever been. It's so cool I ought'a wear a sweater, just to hold on to that warm feelin'♪}}
 
   
  +
{{EpisodeTr/123-124}}
{{L|''[cuts to Nicktoons Studios where Patchy is sitting in a office]''}}
 
  +
*(SpongeBob runs out of his pineapple and down the street only to run into the back of a long line)
{{L|Patchy|Security, more shrimp cocktail for casting please, thank you.}}
 
  +
*'''Fish:''' Hey, hey! Chill out, buddy. We all want to get into the Krusty Krab as much as you do.
{{L|''[ A Devil Potty appears]''}}
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''(notices how long the line is)'' But I don't have time to get in line. Sorry, but I can't be late today. ''(starts jumping on top of peoples heads)'' Sorry, everyone, but Mr. Krabs needs me. ''(annoyed murmur as SpongeBob continues to jump on their heads. He then slides under the Krusty Krab doors and jumps into Mr. Krabs' arms)'' Reporting for duty, sir.
{{L|Devil Potty|Look Patchy, a rolling ads. Why it's probably full of celebrity phone numbers. You don't need SpongeBob, you can call them yourself. Go on. Have a look.}}
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Sit down, boy.
{{L|''[Patchy is about to touch it until Angel Potty appears]''}}
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Happy eleventy-seven,Squidward!
{{L|Angel Potty|That's private property, Patchy. If you keep caught looking at it, well never get to meet Spongebob.}}
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Today is a big day for the Krusty Krab. So I want yous to listen up. ''(pushes a red button that puts the Krusty Krab on lockdown)'' It's the perfect opportunity for Plankton to try to steal the Krabby Patty formula. ''(pulls on a latch on a table that pulls up a holographic image of the Krusty Krab)''
{{L|Devil Potty|Don't listen to him. Don't you want your TV show to have big name guest stars?}}
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' Isn't that just the Krusty Krab?
{{L|Patchy|Yeah.}}
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' No, it's a holographic projection of the Krusty Krab. I want you two to watch all the entrances.
{{L|Devil Potty|Then do it!}}
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' You mean the front and the back door?
{{L|Angel Potty|Don't do it, Patchy!}}
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Those are just the ones on the surface. ''(pushes a button to reveal tunnels under the Krusty Krab)'' There's an entire network of tunnels and air ducts underground. And I want all eyes on the lookout!
{{L|Devil Potty|Come on, do it! Do it!}}
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Aye, aye Mr. Krabs. ''(eyes start appearing on SpongeBob's holes)''
{{L|Patchy|I shall.}}
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Right. Study this map. Stay extra vigilant. Don't fall asleep on the job. That means you, Squidward. What? I have never fallen asleep on duty.
{{L|''[Both disappear as he grabs it with his hook]''}}
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Don't make me have a flashback. ''(flashbacks of Squidward sleeping everywhere in the Krusty Krab)''
{{L|Patchy|''[mumbles]''Dawson, Richard Dawson, Rosario Dawson! She'll bring a little class to the show}}
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' All right, point taken. ''(Mr. Krabs turns off projector)''
{{L|''[cuts to her reading a book until her phone rings]''}}
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' And to help watch out for Plankton, I've hired some extra security. ''(Patrick comes into the light and smacks his fist)''
{{L|Rosario|Hello?}}
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' You hired Patrick?
{{L|Patchy|Hello, Rosario. ''[his bad breath travels through the phone]''}}
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' What, you expect me to spend money on a real security guard? You're my first line of defense, Patrick. So look out for any suspicirous characters.
{{L|Rosario|''[smells Patchy's bad breath]'' Aw, goodness.}}
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' Yes, sir. ''(looks around and pushes Squidward against a wall)''
{{L|Patchy|It's Patchy the Pirate, president of the SpongeBob fan club.}}
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' Who are you? And who are you working for?!
{{L|Rosario|''[plugs her nose]''Ahh}}
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' ''(laughs)'' Plankton doesn't have a chance. ''(cut to the Chum Bucket)''
{{L|Patchy|I'm throwing a TV Show-tecular and I need a celebrity in a sail, so to speak.}}
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' It's a conspiracy, I tell you! 1003 times I've almost had that recipe, and 1003 times I've been launched by that Krabs! He celebrates eleventy-seven years of success, and I'm left with four score and forty fortnights of failure! I give up, Karen. Krabs has won!
{{L|Rosario|Ok, you need a little mouthwash, that's what you need.}}
 
  +
*'''Karen:''' Well, you'll never get the formula with that attitude. Maybe 1004 will be your lucky number.
{{L|Patchy|I was wondering if you liked to be my special guest.}}
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' Oh, yeah? You try getting launched!
 
  +
*'''Karen:''' Oh, right, the launchings, I've got them all on my hard-drive. ''(Karen plays multiple clips of Mr. Krabs throwing, tossing, hitting Plankton on the front of the Chum Bucket. One where Mr. Krabs sets Plankton on the ground)''
==SpongeBob==
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' I'm tired today, Plankton. You're just gonna have to launch yourself.
*(SpongeBob starts running to work)
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' ''(walks up to the Chum Bucket doors)'' Splat. ''(sobs. End of clips. Karen is laughing)'' Karen?!
 
  +
*'''Karen:''' I'm sorry. That last part always makes me laugh.
*(crashes into a line-up)
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' It's just no use!
 
  +
*'''Karen:''' Today is the perfect day to steal the recipe. Krabs will be completely distracted by all the festivities. You can do this.
*Random Fish: Hey, hey! Chill out, buddy! We all want to get in to the Krusty Krab as you do.
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' You really think so?
 
  +
*'''Karen:''' Of course, I do! Now, who's my big man?
*(SpongeBob looks at how far the line is)
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' Oh, Karen...
 
  +
*'''Karen:''' Come on, come on. Who's my big, strong man?
*SpongeBob: But, I don't have time to get in line. Sorry, but I can't be late today.
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' I am.
 
  +
*'''Karen:''' That's right, now get out there and steal that recipe.
*(Starts jumping on the people in the line-up)
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' Yes ma'am!
 
  +
*
*People: Hey!
 
  +
*---Patchy Segment---
 
  +
*
*SpongeBob: Sorry, everyone. But Mr. Krabs needs me.
 
  +
*''(outside the Krusty Krab)''
 
  +
*'''Crowd:''' ''(chanting)'' We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
*(keeps jumping until he is at the Krusty Krab then slides under the doors and jumps into Mr. Krabs' arms)
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Now to add some special anniversary deals to the menu. ''(adds a zero to the end of the prices)''
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Krabby Patty... 20 bucks. 39 bucks. 30. ''(cackles)'' Oh, number zero, how I love you so. SpongeBob!
*SpongeBob: Reporting for duty, sir.
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Yes, sir?
 
*Mr. Krabs: Sit down, boys.
+
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' I'm putting you in charge of decorations.
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, but Mr. Krabs!
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Yes, boy?
*SpongeBob: Happy eleventy seventh, Squidward!
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' I thought you said I would be in charge of decorations.
 
*Mr. Krabs: Today is a big day for the Krusty Krab, so I want you to listen up.
+
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' What? But you are.
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' I am? Yay! Yeah! Yeah!
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Squidward, I had chores for you but you won't do 'em anyway.
*(presses red button which activates lockout, all windows get shielded by metal which gets Squidward's attention)
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' It only took you eleventy-seven years to figure that out?
 
*Mr. Krabs: It's the perfect opportunity for Plankton to try to steal the Krabby Patty formula.
+
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Here's your budget, boy. ''(hands SpongeBob two quarters)'' Decorate it anyway you want.
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Wow! 50 cents!
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' You're letting SpongeBob decorate? Remember all the other times SpongeBob decorated?
*(Pulls on a table which brings up a holographic projector and projects a picture of the Krusty Krab)
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob, Squidward, & Mr Krabs:''' Hmm... ''(flashback)''
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''(western theme)'' Yee-haw! ''(braying laugh. Now 70s disco theme)'' Do you come here often? ''(laughs. Now space theme. The kitchen window sucks everything in. End flashback)''
*Squidward: Isn't that just a picture of the Krusty Krab?
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Well, you want to do it then?
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' No.
*Mr. Krabs: No. It's a holographic projection of the Krusty Krab. I want you two to watch all the entrances.
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Then shut your porthole.
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' Battening down the word hatches, sir. ''(SpongeBob begins to decorate the Krusty Krab with pink toilet paper, ketchup and mustard, and Krabby Patty balloons)''
*Squidward: You mean the front and the back door?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Your change, sir.
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Good work, boy. What, that's it? Decorations, check. Security? ''(Patrick takes Squidward and pushes him against the wall again)'' Check.
*Mr. Krabs: And those are just the ones on the surface.
 
  +
*'''Crowd:''' We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Okay, open your ears. These people have come from miles around because they love my patties. I want every employee on their best behavior.
*(pushes button to show tunnels under the Krusty Krab)
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' Are you getting any of this, SpongeBob?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Every word, Squidward, every word.
*Mr. Krabs: There's an entire network of tunnels and air ducts underground. And I want all eyes on the little one.
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' So let's get out there and sell some Krabby Patties!
 
*SpongeBob: Eye, eye Mr. Krabs. (lots of eyes start appearing on SpongeBob)
+
*'''SpongeBob:''' Yes! Yeah! Ooh, I almost forgot! Mr. Krabs, wait! There's one more decoration!
  +
*''(Group walks to freezer)''
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' I present to you... ''(tries to open door but can't. Tries again)'' I present to you... ''(breaks off the handle which knocks out Squidward. Door opens and Mr. Krabs and Squidward gasp)''
*Mr. Krabs: Right. Study this map. Stay extra careful. Don't fall asleep on the job! That means you Squidward.
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' ...my ode to the Krabby Patty made entirely out of ice. ''(ice sculpture of a Krabby Patty is shown)''
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Geez, boy. This thing's enormous.
*Squidward: What? I have never fallen asleep on duty!
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' And cold. ''(shivers)''
 
*Mr. Krabs: Don't make me have a flashback.
+
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Alright, let's get this thing out of here. Me customers are waiting.
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Ready? Set?
 
  +
*''(SpongeBob slips, flies out of the freezer, back into the freezer, shutting the door and locking it. Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and Patrick scream)''
*(Flashback starts, clips of Squidward sleeping, flashback ends)
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Guys, I'm okay. No need to scream.
 
  +
*''(Squidward and Krabs run over SpongeBob and Patrick to get to door. They pound with the door locked on them while no one hears)''
*Squidward: Alright, point taken.
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Oh no, Patrick, stand up! We're locked in! This is going to spoil the eleventy seventh anniversary!
 
  +
*'''Crowd:''' ''(chanting)'' We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! ''(Squidward and Mr. Krabs are banging on the freezer door)''
*(Mr. Krabs turns off projector)
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' Somebody! Anybody! I don't care who!
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' How are we going to get out?
*Mr. Krabs: And to help watch out for Plankton, I've hired some extra security.
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Everyone calm down. I've spent a lifetime working in this restaurant and I know there's only one way out of here.
 
*(Patrick comes and does a fist clap)
+
*'''Patrick:''' A high school diploma?
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' No, the air duct. ''(everyone climbs up the Krabby Patty ice sculpture and into the air vent)'' This way, boys. All we got to is crawl through this duct. ''(multiple ways out)''
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' Which one? There must be a least 20 ways to go.
*Squidward: You hired Patrick?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Not to worry, Squidward. I have the entire map memorized. ''(shows a map on his back)''
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Uh, hmm, uh...
*Mr. Krabs: What? You expect me to spend money on a real security guard? You're my first line of defense, Patrick. So look out for any suspicious character.
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Hurry up, guys, this kinda hurts.
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Well, according to the map, we just go straight, take a right between these three moldy tree stumps. Then towards that kidney bean-shaped puddle of gravy.
*Patrick: Yes, sir.
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' That's not the map, you old barnacle. Those are three moles and a birthmark!
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Oh. Alright, then let's try this one. ''(goes through an air duct and into a tiny pipe)''
*(Looks and pushes Squidward against the wall)
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' It's this way.
 
*Patrick: Who are you and who are you working for?
+
*'''Patrick:''' Here it is. ''(everyone crashes into a dead end)''
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Hey, what's this? ''(picks up an old Krabby Patty wrapper)'' It's a old Krabby Patty wrapper. Ahh, that takes me back to the good old days. ''(flashback with a Krusty Krab commercial)''
 
  +
*
*Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Plankton doesn't have a chance!
 
  +
*--Start Krabby Patty Commercial--
 
  +
*''(baby SpongeBob watching TV)''
*(Bubble animation switches to the Chum Bucket)
 
  +
*'''50's Announcer:''' And now a word from our sponsor.
 
  +
*'''Singers:''' K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y! Krabby Patty give em' a try!
*Plankton: It's a conspiracy, I tell ya! 1003 times I've almost had that recipe and 1003 times I've been launched by that Krabs! He celebrates eleventy-seven years of success and I'm left with 4 score and 44 nights of failure! I give up, Karen. Krabs has won!
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Come on down and buy, buy, buy!
 
  +
*'''Singers:''' Not just one or two or three, but enough for the whole family.
*Karen: Well, you'll never get the formula with that attitude. Maybe 1004 will be your lucky number.
 
  +
*'''50's Announcer:''' Yes, folks! nine out of ten doctors recommend eating at least one Krabby Patty a day to maintain a healthy lifestyle and youthful, positive attitude.
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs ''(in a doctor outfit)'':''' I'm a doctor, as far as you know, and I believe Krabby Patties add years to your life. So what are you waiting for? Go out a get yourself a Krabby Patty. Or buy a sack full of patties. Or better yet, go out and get yourself a case of the Krabbies. For your health.
*Plankton: Oh, you try getting launched!
 
  +
*'''Singers:''' K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y! Krabby Patty! ''(baby SpongeBob walks into the Krusty Krab and eats a Krabby Patty that young Squidward gives him. He's in love with it)''
 
  +
*--End Krabby Patty Commercial--
*Karen: Alright, the launchings. I've got them all on my harddrive.
 
  +
*
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' ''(sighs)'' Back then, a Krabby Patty only cost a dime. ''(crumples up the wrapper)'' It was a dark and evil time. I still have nightmares.
*(Clips of Mr. Krabs launching Plankton in various ways, Karen giggles)
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' ''(sobs)'' We'll never get out of here!
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Don't worry, Squidward, we'll find our way out. And then we'll have the best eleventy-seventh anniversary ever. All we have to do stick together.
*Plankton: Karen!
 
  +
*''(crawling through a new air duct, Patrick is breathing heavily on Squidward)''
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' Stop breathing on my neck. Yuck.
*Karen: I'm sorry! That last part always makes me laugh!
 
  +
*''(Patrick holds his breath then let's it out and spits all over Squidward's face)''
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Hey, I think I see the exit.
*Plankton: It's just no use!
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Ahh, barnacles. It's just the surveillance room.
 
  +
*''(SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward walk in)''
*Karen: Today is the perfect day to steal the recipe! Krabs will be completely distracted by all the festivities! You can do this!
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Oh! My house is on TV.
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' All of our houses are on TV. ''(Mr. Krabs sneaks off)''
*Plankton: You really think so?
 
  +
*'''Gary:''' ''(jumping on SpongeBob's bed)'' Meow! Meow! Meow!
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Gary the Snail, you get down from that bed this instant.
*Karen: Of course, I do! Now, who's my big man?
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' Hey, there's my house. ''(his TV is still on)''
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' You left your TV on.
*Plankton: Awwww, Karen!
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' Well, duh! I don't want to miss my shows.
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Look, it's Sandy! ''(she's brushing her teeth)''
*Karen: Come on, come on! Who's my big strong man?
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' Mr. Krabs, why do you have cameras watching us?
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Oh, uh... uh... uh... I just want to make sure you all floss after every meal.
*Plankton: (sighs) I am. (giggles)
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Thank you Mr. Krabs. Dental hygiene is very, very important.
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' ''(pointing to a TV)'' Hey, who are those guys?
*Karen: That's right, now get out there and steal that recipe!
 
  +
*''(TV shows backs of SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs)''
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' I think it's us Patrick. ''(turns around and points to a camera crew)'' But who are they? ''(the two cameramen escape through the air duct)''
*Plankton: Yes, Ma'am!
 
  +
*'''Crowd on TV:''' ''(chanting)'' We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
*(Fades into Patchy flipping through the address book)
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Me customers are getting antsy!
==Patchy==
 
  +
*'''Crowd:''' We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! ''(Plankton enters the Krusty Krab through a vent but falls through a hole inside)''
*(Patchy flips through address book)
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' We're getting warm. I can feel it.
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' That might just be my hand, Mr. Krabs.
*Patchy: Hey, LeBron! How's the dribbling?
 
  +
*''(Group sees crossroads)''
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Hmm, a crossroads. I'll go this way and SpongeBob, you lead them down that way. ''(Then Mr. Krabs follows the path on the right.)''
*LeBron James: Hey, Patchy! What's up?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Lead them? I can finally use my leader hat and my lederhosen!
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' Nice.
*Patchy: How would you, LeBron James, like to be a guest on the fan club special for SpongeBob?
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' Those are just sock garters, you idiot.
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Follow me.
*LeBron: I love SpongeBob, but I can't. I gotta game today. Sorry.
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' This is not happening, it's just not happening. ''(Mr. Krabs takes the right path and the others take the left)''
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Guys, it's a dead-end. ''(push through the end of the vent and fall, screaming)''
*Patchy: Oh, come on! The season hardly even started yet!
 
  +
*
 
  +
*---Patchy Segment---
*LeBron: Huh?
 
  +
*
 
  +
*''(Plankton falls into a large vent)''
*Patchy: Oh, they won't care if you miss one game; will they?
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' Thank Neptune that's over. ''(SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward fall on top of Plankton)'' SpongeBob! Why must you always ruin my plans?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Plankton! You're trying to steal the Krabby Patty recipe again.
*LeBron: I got a contract, man. I have to go.
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' Uh, I didn't... uh... Okay, fine. You caught me. You happy now?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' You know, this reminds me of the time Mr. Krabs confided in me the Krabby Patty recipe. Oh, I don't want to bore you with my silly old stories.
*Patchy: Oh, contract; smontract. We got parting gifts!
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' Oh, you couldn't possibly bore me.
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Well, okay. Mr. Krabs called me into his office. ''(start flashback)''
*LeBron: Dude, I got to go. (hangs up)
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' SpongeBob, you've been working here a while now. So I think I can trust you. It's time I told you.
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''(screams and gasps)'' You mean?
*Patchy: This casting business is harder than 40 years of barnacle build-up!
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Yes, the Krabby Patty formula. Follow me, son We need to go where no one else will ever hear us. ''(they go out of Bikini Bottom, across a forest, desert, in a storm, across a bridge, up a mountain, and into some open area before they are tired)'' Ugh, we finally made it. Quick, into me office before anyone sees us! ''(stop flashback)''
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' What? You just went in a circle. Why didn't you just stay at the Krusty Krab?
*(Begins flipping through the address book again)
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' We wanted to make sure we weren't followed. Then Mr. Krabs leaned close and whispered the recipe.
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' Yes? Go on. ''(start flashback again)''
*Patchy: Ok, time to get serious.
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Now remember, you can never tell another living soul.
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' Wait, wait. Hold on!
*(Tina Fey picks up the phone in her office)
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' ''(in thought bubble)'' Why's that?
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' My pen is out of ink! ''(works again)'' Okay, okay, go ahead.
*Tina: Hello?
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' ''(in thought bubble)'' Plankton. ''(grabs him)'' You'll never get me formula. Not even in a flashback. ''(laughs as he sends Plankton through a vent. Plankton screams)''
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' SpongeBob, if you had never come to Bikini Bottom, this wouldn't be happening.
*Patchy: Ahoy, Tina!
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Squidward, what's with the creepy smile?
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' I was just... remembering the world before SpongeBob. ''(start flashback. Squidward gets out of bed happily and waters the ground. Pink flowers pop up)''
*Tina: Who is this?
 
  +
*'''Flowers:''' Morning, Squidward. ''(Squidward goes into the Krusty Krab and looks through the kitchen window at the cook)''
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' Good morning, not SpongeBob. ''(kisses the cook. Flashback ends)''
*Patchy: Patchy. The Pirate!
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''(braying laugh)'' But, Squidward, you're glad I moved in. Remember that day? ''(start flashback where SpongeBob and a real estate agent is looking at different houses. A pineapple from a boat, above shore, falls into the ocean)''
 
  +
*'''Janice:''' Well, okay, that's every available house in Bikini Bottom. ''(Squidward is working on his garden)''
*Tina: I don't know any pirates anymore. Are you sure you have the right number?
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' My secret garden is finally done. ''(the giant pineapple falls on Squidward. He cuts out a door)''
 
  +
*'''Janice:''' Oh, yeah, I forgot about that one.
*Patchy: Listen, us bad soul sisters gotta stick together, eh?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' It's beautiful. I'll take it! ''(walks up to Squidward)'' Hi, neighbor! I'm SpongeBob SquarePants. ''(hugs Squidward)'' And we're going to be bestest friends. ''(Patrick walks up)'' Hey, Patrick. Guess who just moved in right next door?
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' Neighbor hug! ''(group hug)''
*Tina: Sure?
 
  +
*'''Crowd:''' ''(in the distance chanting)'' We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' ''(gasps)'' What's that sound? ''(looks through a little hole in the building)'' Customers.
*Patchy: Great! Cause I'm throwing a huge extravaganza for SpongeBob SquarePants! And I'd love it if you would come down and sing a song for us!
 
  +
*'''Crowd:''' ''(chanting)'' We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! We want to spend money.
 
  +
*'''Fish #2:''' ''(using megaphone)'' What do we want?
*Tina: Well, I'm not much of a singer but I love SpongeBob! Who else is going to be performing?
 
  +
*'''Crowd:''' Krabby Patties!
 
  +
*'''Fish #2:''' ''(using megaphone)'' What do we welcome?
*Patchy: Well, SpongeBob for one will be on the show.
 
  +
*'''Crowd:''' To spend money!
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Oh, no. All that loose change out there. ''(talks out wallet)'' It's driving me wallet mad with money lust. ''(his wallet barks and pants)'' Poor little guy's starving. ''(puts wallet through the hole)'' There you go, boy. You're free. Go towards the money, boy. Towards the money!
*Tina: Oh, Tom Kenny, the voice of SpongeBob?
 
  +
*'''Wallet Fish:''' ''(picks up wallet)'' Hey, a wallet! And there's fifty bucks in it! All right!
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Hey! Oh, no! ''(crying)'' What am I gonna do? We gotta get out of here. Now!
*Patchy: Who?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Oh. If only Sandy was here. She could help us.
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' Oh! Maybe we could use this. ''(takes out walkie-talkie)'' I borrowed it from Sandy's treedome. It might be our way out of here. Shh! Everybody quiet! ''(yells)'' Hey, Sandy, I got your radio! If you want it back, come and get it! She'll come.
*Tina: Well, you said SpongeBob was going to be on the show.
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' Oh, give me that. ''(takes walkie-talkie)'' Sandy, come in, Sandy.
 
  +
*'''Sandy:''' Sandy Cheeks here. So it was you who stole my other radio, Squidward.
*Patchy: That's right! The little sponge is our guest of honor!
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' What? No, I'm just--
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' ''(screams)'' Sandy's trapped in that box! ''(destroys radio. Squidward growls)''
*Tina: But he's a cartoon, so you mean the guy that does the voice, right?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''(sighs)'' Remember the day Sandy and I got married? ''(everyone gasps)''
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' What?
*Patchy: Listen, Ms. Turner. Let me handle the guests. You stick to your singing and dancing.
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' No.
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' I'm freaking out!
*Tina: Ms. Turner? This isn't Tina Turner, this is Tina Fey.
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Mm-hmm. ''(start flashback. Mrs. Puff is playing the wedding march on the organ. Sandy marches down the aisle in her wedding dress)''
 
  +
*'''Priest:''' Friends, we have gathered here today these two hearts in the bonds of love. SpongeBob, do you take Sandy as your lawfully wedded wife?
*Patchy: Who?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' I do.
 
  +
*'''Priest:''' And, Sandy, do you take SpongeBob as your lawfully wedded husband?
*(Tina hangs up)
 
  +
*'''Sandy:''' And how!
 
  +
*'''Priest:''' Well, then, I now pronounce you sponge and squirrel. You may kiss the bride. ''(tries to but a light falls from above)''
*Patchy: Hello, hello? Hello, Tina? You better be good to me!
 
  +
*'''Theater Fish #1:''' Boo! You stink!
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Worst play I've ever seen. ''(opens exit doors)'' And a total rip-off!
*(flips through address book again, Will Ferrell is exercising until his cell phone rings)
 
  +
*'''Theater Fish #2:''' What has happened to the theater? ''(everyone exits)''
 
  +
*'''Priest:''' I didn't know this was a play.
*Will: Yeah, who's calling me?
 
  +
*
 
  +
*---Patchy Segment---
*Patchy: Hey, Will! It's Patchy the Pirate, president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club in Encino and I'm throwing a little TV special for him.
 
  +
*
 
  +
*'''Crowd:''' ''(chanting)'' We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
*Will: Oh, really? Cause I'm president of the SpongeBob fan club Tarzana chapter and I'm throwing a TV show too, now get lost!
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' And we didn't even get to celebrate the Krusty Krab's eleventy-seventh anniversary. We missed what could've been the greatest party ever.
 
*Patchy: What? You can't do that!
+
*'''Patrick:''' Hmm. You guys ready to give up?
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Yes.
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' Yes.
*Will: Can I? And guess when I'm doing it. I'm gonna wrap your mind around it cause guess what? My show gonna be a lot better.
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' And I'll just write down myself down here for giving up, too... Uh, SpongeBob?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' No, Patrick, I don't want to give up.
*Patchy: Doubt it. Who are your guests?
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' Ooh, I know! Let's just say our tearful farewells and solemn last words.
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' I didn't make any money. ''(sobs)''
*Will: You name it, we've got it. Hollywood stars, musical people, singers, jugglers, a guy who does things with knifes. Do you have that? Who do you have?
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' I never made anyone sick with envy. ''(cries)''
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' I didn't get to sleep in this morning. ''(sobs)''
*Patchy: Hang on to your hat. Sir Quatin and Mr. Tinder. Ever heard of that?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Guys, we can't give up now. We got into this mess together, and we'll get out of it the same way.
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' Through the freezer?
*Will: What? The world's fifth best ventriloquist and his wooden sidekick?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' No, by using our heads.
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' To concoct an elaborate escape plan?
*Patchy: Of course, silly.
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''(gasps)'' No. ''(snaps fingers)'' As a battering ram. ''(rips off some of the metal and puts it around the other three and tries a few times to rip through an air duct)'' Okay, this is the one. Feel very god about this. Okay, ready? ''(they tear through the air duct and into the main part of the Krusty Krab)''
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Oh, boy, we made it out! Woo-hoo! Money! Money! Money! Money! ''(opens the doors)'' Come on in, folks. No need to shove. Plenty of room for all your money. Ay-yi... ''(no one is there)'' Where are all me customers? They left...with all their money?! ''(sobs)''
*Will: No way!
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' We went through all of that for nothing?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, it wasn't for nothing, Squidward. I spent the whole day with my best friends. You, Squidward. And you, Patrick.
*(Patchy laughs)
 
  +
*'''Patrick:''' What now?
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' And let's not forget the man who made it all possible--Mr. Krabs. What could be better?
*Will: Ok, you win this time. But you just wait for the 20th, cause I will come at you, harder and faster. (Will hangs up)
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Money!
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''(sings)'' Oh!
*Patchy: (mumbles) 20th anniversary. Whatever.
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' Oh, no. He's not going to sing.
==SpongeBob==
 
  +
*
*(Crowd gathers by the Krusty Krab shouting: " We want Krabby Patties!")
 
  +
*------------------------------------------------
 
  +
*''(in the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree")''
*Mr. Krabs: Now to add some special anniversary deals to the menu!
 
  +
*
 
  +
*Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab,
*(Adds 0 onto the prices)
 
  +
*Oh, how I love you, Krusty Krab.
 
  +
*
*Mr. Krabs: Krabby Patty; $20.00 bucks. 39 bucks. 30. (laughs) Oh, number zero. How I love you so. SpongeBob!
 
  +
*Your Krabby Patties from the grill
 
  +
*The smell of grease gives me a thrill
*(SpongeBob runs in)
 
  +
*Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab
 
  +
*Oh, how I love you, Krusty Krab.
*SpongeBob: Yes, sir?
 
  +
*
 
  +
*With prices high and portions small,
*Mr. Krabs: I'm putting you in charge of decorations.
 
  +
*There are stains of mustard on the wall
 
  +
*Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab
*SpongeBob: (sighs) But Mr. Krabs!
 
  +
*Oh, how I love you, Krusty Krab.
 
  +
*
*Mr. Krabs: Yes, boy?
 
  +
*''(chorus humming)''
 
  +
*
*SpongeBob: I thought you said I'd be in charge of decorations!
 
  +
*Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab
 
  +
*Oh, how I love ya, Krusty Krab.
*Mr. Krabs: What? But you are!
 
  +
*
 
  +
*Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab
*SpongeBob: I am? Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
 
  +
*Oh, how I love you, Krusty Krab.
 
  +
*------------------------------------------------
*Mr. Krabs: Squidward! Uhh, I had chores for you but you won't do them anyway.
 
  +
*
 
  +
*'''Squidward:''' Mr. Krabs, look.
*Squidward: It only took you eleventy-seven years to figure that out.
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Me customers? SpongeBob's dopey little song is bringing them back.
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, Krusty Krab, you've always been there for me. When I'm tired and hungry, I just reach out my hand and there you are with a Krabby Patty that's all so hot and juicy. Are you with me people?!
*(Mr. Krabs pulls out quarters)
 
  +
*'''All:''' Yeah!
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' I said, are you with me people?!
*Mr. Krabs: Here's your budget, boy.
 
  +
*'''All:''' Yeah!
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' In that case, let's get some Krabby Patties!
*(Gives SpongeBob 50 cents)
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' ''(inside)'' There's no one here. The Krusty Krab is empty. I've won! The Krabby formula is mine! ''(runs towards the door with the formula)'' It took eleventy-seven years, but I got it! ''(notices the crowd coming)'' Oh, no. No! ''(gets kicked a lot)'' Oh, nuts.
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' Did somebody order a Krabby...whoa! ''(balances on the Krusty Krab formula bottle)'' Oh, look out! Oh! Oh, oh. Coming through. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. ''(sets tray on table)''
*Mr. Krabs: Decorate it anyway you want.
 
  +
*'''Customers:''' Yay!
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Ah...'tis a beautiful sight. It warms me heart. ''(gasps as the formula bottle rolls up)'' Me Krabby Patty recipe! What's it doing out here? Whoa-ho! Should have known. Plankton.
*SpongeBob: Wow! 50 cents!
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' Hey, Krabs. Uh, happy eleventy-seven? ''(Mr. Krabs peels him off the bottle)''
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' It's launching time.
*Squidward: You're letting SpongeBob decorate? Remember all the other times SpongeBob decorated?
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' Please, Krabs, no! I can't take it anymore! No more launching, please?!
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Oh, all right. Since I'm in such a good mood, I'll go easy on you this time. ''(blows up Plankton like a balloon and lets him go)'' There. Happy landings, Plankton!
*(Squidward, SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs "hmmmmmmmmmmm" as flashbacks begin shows Krusty Krab in western theme)
 
  +
*'''Plankton:''' You know, this isn't so bad. Everyone looks like little ants from up here. ''(laughs)'' Wait. Help.
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Stay away from the high tension wires. ''(customer walks up. Mr. Krabs opens up the door)'' Allow me to open the door for a valued customer.
*SpongeBob from kitchen: Yeeeehaw! (laughs)
 
  +
*'''Wallet Fish:''' Thanks, Mister. Today must be my lucky day. I found a wallet with fifty bucks in it.
 
  +
*'''Mr. Krabs:''' Wow, that's some coincidence 'cause I lost one earlier today with fifty bu...! Hey! Wait a minute. Come back with me wallet, you thievin' bilge rat.
*(Shows Krusty Krab in 70's disco theme)
 
  +
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''(flipping patties)'' Happy anniversary, Krusty Krab. ''(laughs)''
 
*SpongeBob from kitchen: Do you come here often? (laughs)
 
 
*(Shows Krusty Krab in space theme, kitchen windows suck everything into space. Squidward screams while SpongeBob grills patties in space and laughs.)
 
 
*(Flashbacks ends)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: (to Squidward) You want to do it then?
 
 
*Squidward: No.
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Then shut your porthole.
 
 
*Squidward: Batten down the word hatches, sir. (Walks away)
 
 
*(SpongeBob smiles as he begins decorating. Runs in bathroom as he uses pink toilet paper as streamers. Wraps pillars and ribbons tables with it. Bow ties Patrick and Squidward. Also ribbons windows edges with toilet paper. Uses ketchup and mustard for words on banner. Also uses it for decorating doorways and table tops. Uses air pump to inflate Krabby Patties for balloons on the ceiling and tables. Floats down to Mr. Krabs and hands back 50 cents.)
 
 
*SpongeBob: Your change, sir.
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Good work, boy. What, that's it? Decorations, check. Security?
 
 
*(Patrick attacks Squidward as he comes out of the washroom.)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Check.
 
 
*(Crowd outside chants "We want Krabby Patties!" over and over.)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: (to everyone) Ok, open your ears. These people have come for miles around because they love my patties. I want every employee on their best behavior.
 
 
*Squidward: Are you getting any of this, SpongeBob?
 
 
*SpongeBob: Every word, Squidward. Every word.
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: So let's get out there and sell some Krabby Patties!
 
 
*SpongeBob: Yeahhhhhhhh! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Oh! I almost forgot! Mr. Krabs, wait! There's one more decoration!
 
 
*(Group walks to freezer)
 
 
*SpongeBob: I present to you........... (tries to open door) (in frustrated tone) I present to you.......... (pulls off handle which knocks out Squidward)
 
 
*(Door opens. Krabs and Squidward and gasp)
 
 
*SpongeBob: My ode to the Krabby Patty.
 
 
*(Shows an ice sculpture of a Krabby Patty)
 
 
*SpongeBob: Made entirely out of ice.
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Yeesh, boy.
 
 
*(Walks to statue)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: This thing enormous.
 
 
*Squidward: And cold. (Shivers)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Alright. Let's get this thing out of here. Me customers are waiting.
 
 
*SpongeBob: Ready, set, (groans as he pulls while Patrick, Krabs and Squidward push on other side.)
 
 
*(SpongeBob's hands slip from statue as he launches himself out of the freezer, off the wall and accidentally closing the door with the wind of him flying.)
 
 
*Krabs and Squidward: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (Patrick joins in)
 
 
*SpongeBob: Guys, I'm okay. No need to scream.
 
 
*(Squidward and Krabs run over SpongeBob and Patrick to get to door. They pound with the door locked on them while no one hears)
 
 
*SpongeBob: Oh no! Patrick, stand up! We're locked in! this is going to spoil the eleventy seventh anniversary!
 
 
*(Switch to black screen)
 
 
*(Return to crowd chanting "We want Krabby Patties!" outside. Then to Squidward and Krabs pounding on freezer door)
 
 
*SpongeBob: How are we going to get out?
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Everyone calm down! I've spent a lifetime working in this restaurant and I know there's only one way out of here.
 
 
*Patrick: A high school diploma?
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: No. (points to vent) The air duct.
 
 
*(Group climbs up statue to vent and starts to crawl through it.)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: This way, boys!
 
 
*(Patrick crushes Squidward on his way in)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: All we got to is crawl through this duct.
 
 
*(Points to room with multiple ducts.)
 
 
*Squidward: Which one? There must be a least 20 ways to go!
 
 
*SpongeBob: Not to worry, Squidward. I have the entire map memorized. (Begins to think real hard as the map starts to show on his back.)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Uhhhhh, hmmm. Uhhhh.
 
 
*SpongeBob: Hurry up, guys. This kinda hurts.
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Well, according to the map, we just go straight, take a right between these 3 moldy tree stumps. Then towards that kidney bean shaped puddle of gravy.
 
 
*Squidward: That's not the map, you old barnacle! Those are 3 moles and a birthmark!
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Oh. Alright, then let's try this one. (Points to random duct)
 
 
*(Groups falls in small tank)
 
 
*Squidward: It's this way!
 
 
*Patrick: Here it is!
 
 
*Everyone: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
 
 
*(Groups squeeze in pipe and fall into dead end)
 
 
*(Mr. Krabs groans)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Hey. What's this?
 
 
*(Picks up old Krabby Patty wrapper.)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: It's a old Krabby Patty wrapper. Awwwwwwww. That takes me back to the good old days.
 
 
*(Flashback starts with a baby SpongeBob watching TV when a commercial comes on)
 
 
*Announcer: And now a word from our sponsor!
 
 
*Chorus: K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y! Krabby Patty! Give em' a try! Come on down and buy, buy, buy! Not just one or two or three, but enough for the whole family!
 
 
*Announcer: Yes, folks! 9 out of 10 doctors recommend eating at least one Krabby Patty a day to maintain a healthy lifestyle and youthful, positive attitude!
 
 
*Mr. Krabs (in a doctor outfit): I'm a doctor. As far as you know, and I believe Krabby Patties add years to your life! So what are you waiting for? Go out a get yourself a Krabby Patty! Or buy a sack full of patties! Or better yet, go out and get yourself a case of the Krabbies! For your health.
 
 
*Chorus: K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y! Krabby Patty!
 
 
*(Switch to baby SpongeBob walking down to the Krusty Krab and getting a patty with his Mom and Dad and loving his first bite. "Television turns off" effect returns to the group stuck in the air duct.)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Ahhhhhh. Back then, a Krabby Patty only cost a dime. (crushes ad) It was a dark and evil time. I still have nightmares.
 
 
*Squidward: We'll never get out of here!
 
 
*SpongeBob: Don't worry Squidward. We'll find our way out. And then we'll have the best eleventy-seventh anniversary ever! All we have to do stick together!
 
 
*(Groups crawls close together in new duct, Patrick breathes heavy behind Squidward)
 
 
*Squidward: Stop breathing on my neck! Blah!
 
 
*(Patrick starts to hold his breath. Then after a couple seconds then he spits all over Squidward.)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Hey! I think I see the exit!
 
 
*(Mr. Krabs opens door to a security room)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Ahh, barnacles. It's just the surveillance room.
 
 
*(SpongeBob, Patrick and Squiward walk in)
 
 
*SpongeBob: Whoa! My house is on TV!
 
 
*Squidward: All of our houses are on TV!
 
 
*(Mr. Krabs starts to sneak away)
 
 
*(One TV shows Gary jumping on SpongeBob's bed)
 
 
*Gary: Meow! Meow! Meow!
 
 
*SpongeBob: Gary the Snail, you get down from that bed this instance!
 
 
*Patrick: Hey, there's my house!
 
 
*(TV shows Patrick's living room with his TV still on)
 
 
*Squidward: You left your TV on.
 
 
*Patrick: Well, duh. I don't want to miss my shows.
 
 
*SpongeBob: Look, it's Sandy!
 
 
*(TV shows Sandy brushing her teeth)
 
 
*Sandy: Ahhhhhh.
 
 
*Squidward: Mr. Krabs, why do you have cameras watching us?
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Ohhhh, well, uhhhhhhhhh. I.. just want to make sure floss after every meal.
 
 
*SpongeBob: Thank you Mr. Krabs. Dental hygiene is very very important.
 
 
*Patrick: Hey! (points to TV) Who are those guys?
 
 
*(TV shows backs of SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs)
 
 
*SpongeBob: I think it's us Patrick. (SpongeBob turns around and points to camera crew) But who are they?! (The camera crew flees using the vent canal)
 
 
*Crowd (on TV): We want Krabby Patties! (2x)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: (Mr. Krabs turns around to see customers chanting) My customers are getting antsy!
 
 
*(The camera goes to the live scene where customers are chanting. Then the camera pans to Plankton in the crowd then he goes inside a vent tube in the Krusty Krab's perimeter. When he goes in he walks a little not looking in front of him then he immediately falls down a hole and bumps into a seris of turns and corners. Return back to the group currently still looking for an exit)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: We're getting warm, I can feel it.
 
 
*SpongeBob: That might just be my hand Mr. Krabs.
 
 
*(Group sees crossroads)
 
 
*Mr. Krabs: Hmm, a crossroads. (Mr. Krabs points to the path on the right) I'll go this way and SpongeBob (Mr. Krabs points to the left path) You lead them down that way. (Then Mr. Krabs follows the path on the right.)
 
 
*SpongeBob: Lead them? I can finally use my leader hat! (Yodel song plays; SpongeBob points to his hairy leg) And my leader hosen!
 
 
*Patrick: Nice.
 
 
*Squidward: Those are just sock garters,y ou idiot.
 
 
*SpongeBob: Follow me!
 
 
*(The two begin to follow SpongeBob)
 
 
*Squidward: This is not happening, it's just not happening. (Yodel song ends)
 
 
*(Camera shows Mr. Krabs going on the right path then to SpongeBob's group taking the left, SpongeBob's group hits a dead end but continue to push against the barrier)
 
 
*SpongeBob: Guys, it's a dead end....
 
*All: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
 
 
*(Barrier breaks as the trio fall out screaming while camera switches to Patchy)
 
==Patchy==
 
*(We see Patchy still looking for other celebrities)
 
 
*'''Patchy:''' Hey! I went to Blackbeard Polly Technique with this guy! He has to be on my show. According to the pirate's code.
 
 
*(Phone rings for Craig Ferguson; Ferguson picks up phone)
 
 
*'''Ferguson:''' Hello?
 
 
*'''Patchy:''' (In bad Scottish accent) Is this Cap'n Craig, son of Ferg?
 
 
*'''Ferguson:''' Oh hey, Patchy the Pirate.
 
 
*'''Patchy:''' How's me old Blackbeard Collage roommate?
 
 
*'''Ferguson:''' Listen, it would be great plunging down memory rapids with you, but I'm kinda busy right now.
 
 
*(Servant of Ferguson comes in and asks which bagel he likes from the plate. He chosses one, then the servant leaves while Patchy continues talking)
 
 
*'''Patchy:''' Listen Fergalicious, I was hoping I could get you to appear on my SpongeBob Fan Club 10th year anniversary show tonight.
 
 
*'''Ferguson:''' Uh no no, that's not gonna work for me.
 
 
*'''Patchy:''' Oh, you have to. It's in the pirates code.
 
 
*'''Ferguson:''' Arrr.
 
 
*'''Patchy:''' Arrr!
 
 
*'''Ferguson:''' Arrrrr.
 
 
*'''Patchy:''' Arrrrr!
 
 
*'''Ferguson:''' Garrrrrrrr!
 
 
*'''Patchy:''' Mr. Bigshot. Mr. TV. No time for your old pirate school buddies anymore.
 
 
*'''Ferguson:''' That's right, Patchy. I got my own network TV show now.
 
 
*'''Patchy:''' Oh great. So who's on your big fancy, schmancy TV show tonight?
 
 
*'''Ferguson:''' Actually, we've got a real A-lister tonight. Robin Williams is on.
 
 
*'''Patchy:''' (Stars appear on Patchy's eyes) Robin Williams! (Patchy gasps; Stars disappear) Gotta go Fergo! (Patchy hangs up)
 
 
*'''Ferguson:''' (Ferguson puts down phone) Where's my bagel? BAGEL!!!
 
 
*'''Patchy:''' Thanks for the tip Ferguson! (maniacally laughs)
 
*(Fade to Patchy spying on Robin Williams before he enters the building)
 
*'''Patchy:''' Mr. Williams!
 
*'''Robin:''' Ho-ho, give me one!
 
*(Both have a hearty laugh)
 
*'''Patchy:''' So are you, ho-ho, here for the show?
 
*'''Robin:''' I am actually.
 
*'''Patchy:''' Right this way.
 
*(Patchy and Robin go into the garden)
 
*'''Robin Williams:''' Right this, uh, there's not someone dressed up as Popeye, is there?
 
*'''Patchy:''' (laughs) I've never heard of him.
 
*(Scene cuts to an inside part of the studio)
 
*'''Robin: '''What's your name again?
 
*'''Patchy: '''Er, uh, Pagy.
 
*'''Both:''' Pagy the Pirate.
 
*'''Robin:''' Oh, excuse me just for a second. (Goes to food table to get some snacks)
 
*'''Patchy:''' Oh, Mr. Williams, that's not for you.
 
*'''Robin:''' Oh, ok.
 
*(Patchy and Robin continue to go to the Green Room)
 
*'''Robin:''' I've never been this way.
 
*'''Patchy:''' Yes, I know the release seating and everything.
 
*'''Robin:''' Um, not yet. But what what, what part of the studio is this?
 
*'''Patchy:''' Oh, it, it's the uh, the part that, we're on our way to the green room. Don't you worry.
 
*'''Robin: '''Oh. I've never been to this part of this studio before.
 
*'''Patchy: '''Right this way Mr. Williams, this is the green room.
 
*'''Robin:''' Yeah, the old green.
 
*'''Patchy: '''Cause it's green. Sit down, I'm gonna get some more celebities okay! Don't try to escape, I mean enjoy your hospitality!
 
*(closes the door, Robin goes out)
 
*'''Patchy: '''Who else you got Ferguson? Hahahaha!
 
*(cuts to black, then cuts to the blue curtain)
 
*'''Anouncer: '''It's Patchy the Pirate's SpongeBob SquarePants Fan Club Big Time Impressive Celebrity Television Extravaganza! With celebrity guests like basketball mascot, "The 3 Point Fowl", "The Guy on the Penny", her Majesty the Queen, Musical Guest "P!nk", "Sir Quentin" and his little wooden sidekick "Mr. Tinder", and guest of honor SpongeBob SquarePants. From the Encino, California, the president of the SpongeBob SquarePants Fan Club, Patchy the Pirate!
 
*(Patchy walks across stage leading to an "x", music starts, Patchy begins to sing, cut to technical room with Potty)
 
*'''Potty:''' Brawk, you're looking at the wrong camera.
 
*'''Patchy:''' Anywho. can you believe it kids? It's been 10 years since I started the SpongeBob SquarePants Fan Club! And he's here, in person! I'm finally going to meet me idol! Let's bring him out now!
 
*(Camera man shakes his head, points to sign that says "P!NK", Patchy ignores)
 
*'''Patchy''': Please welcome, SpongeBob SquarePants!
 
*(Points to empty spot spotlight is shining on)
 
*'''Patchy''': (weakly laughs, Potty flies up to him and whispers in his ear) What? What do ya mean he's not coming? 10 years I've been president in this fan club, now I throw him a television extravaganza and he can't even be bother to show up? Well, we'll just see about that! (Walks off stage to exit door leading outside, camera men look at each other in confusion, Patchy gets into his boat and leaves, cut to aerial view of Fancy Studios and the green room)
 
*'''P!nk''': (Talking on phone) I can't believe I gave up my Hawaiian vacation for this. (Looks at Sir Quentin and Mr. Tinder)
 
*'''Mr. Tinder''': I really love your music.
 
*'''P!nk''': (Still talking on phone) Remind me to have my agent walk the plank.
 
*(Potty opens door)
 
*'''Potty''': Brawk. Can I get you anything?
 
*'''P!nk''': Passage on the next streamer out of here?
 
*'''Potty''': Just five more minutes, brawk. (Leaves room; P!nk walks up to band)
 
*'''P!nk''': (To band) Well, there's no use of sitting around like a bunch of barnacles at the bottom of a dry dock dinghy. Let's do some practicing!
 
*(P!nk and band leave to perform "We've Got Scurvy"; after song, camera cuts to Patchy on his boat passing a wall with Squidward graffiti and falling down a waterfall to spot the island found in the show's theme song)
 
*'''Patchy''': There it is! I'm coming for ya, SquarePants!
 
*(Patchy and his boat are swallowed by a whale before he can reach it)
 
==SpongeBob==
 
 
*(Bubble animation returns the plot back to the Kursty Krab as we see Plankton falling down pipes in the ventilation system, finally emptying out a vent into a larger duct)
 
 
*Plankton: Thank Neptune that's over.
 
*(SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward's screams fade in and they land on Plankton in the duct, Plankton squeezes out from under the three as he shows a dazed look on his face)
 
*Plankton: SpongeBob! Ugh! Why must you always ruin my plans!
 
*SpongeBob: Plankton!  This reminds me of the time Mr. Krabs told me the secret formula...(''flashback begins.)''
 
*Mr. Krabs: (in flashback)  SpongeBob, I've decided to tell you the Krabby Patty Secret formuler.  Follow me.(''they begin walking through many areas including a desert, mountain, across an old bridge and finally back to the Krusty Krab looking very old and tired)''
 
*Mr. Krabs:''(in flashback) ''Quick, into me office before someone sees us! (they rush inside)
 
*Plankton: Wait, you just went in a circle.  Why didnt you just stay at the Krusty Krab?
 
*SpongeBob: We wanted to make sure we werent followed.
 
*Krabs:(in flashback) OK boy the secret formula is-
 
*Planton: Hold on a second!! ''(he is holding a pen and paper. the ink has dried out so he draws a little and it works again)'' OK I'm ready!
 
*Krabs:(in flashback) Nice try Plankton.  You'll never get me formuler, not even in a flashback! (picks up Plankton takes out a straw and launches him through the ducts./\ flashback ends.)
 
*(cut to Krabs walking through the ducts)
 
<p style="text-align:center;">(Transcript to be continued.......)</p>
 
 
[[Category:Episode transcripts]]
 
[[Category:Episode transcripts]]
 
[[Category:Season 6 transcripts]]
 
[[Category:Season 6 transcripts]]

Revision as of 22:16, 23 November 2014

Template:EpisodeTr/123-124

  • (SpongeBob runs out of his pineapple and down the street only to run into the back of a long line)
  • Fish: Hey, hey! Chill out, buddy. We all want to get into the Krusty Krab as much as you do.
  • SpongeBob: (notices how long the line is) But I don't have time to get in line. Sorry, but I can't be late today. (starts jumping on top of peoples heads) Sorry, everyone, but Mr. Krabs needs me. (annoyed murmur as SpongeBob continues to jump on their heads. He then slides under the Krusty Krab doors and jumps into Mr. Krabs' arms) Reporting for duty, sir.
  • Mr. Krabs: Sit down, boy.
  • SpongeBob: Happy eleventy-seven,Squidward!
  • Mr. Krabs: Today is a big day for the Krusty Krab. So I want yous to listen up. (pushes a red button that puts the Krusty Krab on lockdown) It's the perfect opportunity for Plankton to try to steal the Krabby Patty formula. (pulls on a latch on a table that pulls up a holographic image of the Krusty Krab)
  • Squidward: Isn't that just the Krusty Krab?
  • Mr. Krabs: No, it's a holographic projection of the Krusty Krab. I want you two to watch all the entrances.
  • Squidward: You mean the front and the back door?
  • Mr. Krabs: Those are just the ones on the surface. (pushes a button to reveal tunnels under the Krusty Krab) There's an entire network of tunnels and air ducts underground. And I want all eyes on the lookout!
  • SpongeBob: Aye, aye Mr. Krabs. (eyes start appearing on SpongeBob's holes)
  • Mr. Krabs: Right. Study this map. Stay extra vigilant. Don't fall asleep on the job. That means you, Squidward. What? I have never fallen asleep on duty.
  • Mr. Krabs: Don't make me have a flashback. (flashbacks of Squidward sleeping everywhere in the Krusty Krab)
  • Squidward: All right, point taken. (Mr. Krabs turns off projector)
  • Mr. Krabs: And to help watch out for Plankton, I've hired some extra security. (Patrick comes into the light and smacks his fist)
  • Squidward: You hired Patrick?
  • Mr. Krabs: What, you expect me to spend money on a real security guard? You're my first line of defense, Patrick. So look out for any suspicirous characters.
  • Patrick: Yes, sir. (looks around and pushes Squidward against a wall)
  • Patrick: Who are you? And who are you working for?!
  • Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Plankton doesn't have a chance. (cut to the Chum Bucket)
  • Plankton: It's a conspiracy, I tell you! 1003 times I've almost had that recipe, and 1003 times I've been launched by that Krabs! He celebrates eleventy-seven years of success, and I'm left with four score and forty fortnights of failure! I give up, Karen. Krabs has won!
  • Karen: Well, you'll never get the formula with that attitude. Maybe 1004 will be your lucky number.
  • Plankton: Oh, yeah? You try getting launched!
  • Karen: Oh, right, the launchings, I've got them all on my hard-drive. (Karen plays multiple clips of Mr. Krabs throwing, tossing, hitting Plankton on the front of the Chum Bucket. One where Mr. Krabs sets Plankton on the ground)
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm tired today, Plankton. You're just gonna have to launch yourself.
  • Plankton: (walks up to the Chum Bucket doors) Splat. (sobs. End of clips. Karen is laughing) Karen?!
  • Karen: I'm sorry. That last part always makes me laugh.
  • Plankton: It's just no use!
  • Karen: Today is the perfect day to steal the recipe. Krabs will be completely distracted by all the festivities. You can do this.
  • Plankton: You really think so?
  • Karen: Of course, I do! Now, who's my big man?
  • Plankton: Oh, Karen...
  • Karen: Come on, come on. Who's my big, strong man?
  • Plankton: I am.
  • Karen: That's right, now get out there and steal that recipe.
  • Plankton: Yes ma'am!
  • ---Patchy Segment---
  • (outside the Krusty Krab)
  • Crowd: (chanting) We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
  • Mr. Krabs: Now to add some special anniversary deals to the menu. (adds a zero to the end of the prices)
  • Mr. Krabs: Krabby Patty... 20 bucks. 39 bucks. 30. (cackles) Oh, number zero, how I love you so. SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Yes, sir?
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm putting you in charge of decorations.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, but Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: Yes, boy?
  • SpongeBob: I thought you said I would be in charge of decorations.
  • Mr. Krabs: What? But you are.
  • SpongeBob: I am? Yay! Yeah! Yeah!
  • Mr. Krabs: Squidward, I had chores for you but you won't do 'em anyway.
  • Squidward: It only took you eleventy-seven years to figure that out?
  • Mr. Krabs: Here's your budget, boy. (hands SpongeBob two quarters) Decorate it anyway you want.
  • SpongeBob: Wow! 50 cents!
  • Squidward: You're letting SpongeBob decorate? Remember all the other times SpongeBob decorated?
  • SpongeBob, Squidward, & Mr Krabs: Hmm... (flashback)
  • SpongeBob: (western theme) Yee-haw! (braying laugh. Now 70s disco theme) Do you come here often? (laughs. Now space theme. The kitchen window sucks everything in. End flashback)
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, you want to do it then?
  • Squidward: No.
  • Mr. Krabs: Then shut your porthole.
  • Squidward: Battening down the word hatches, sir. (SpongeBob begins to decorate the Krusty Krab with pink toilet paper, ketchup and mustard, and Krabby Patty balloons)
  • SpongeBob: Your change, sir.
  • Mr. Krabs: Good work, boy. What, that's it? Decorations, check. Security? (Patrick takes Squidward and pushes him against the wall again) Check.
  • Crowd: We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
  • Mr. Krabs: Okay, open your ears. These people have come from miles around because they love my patties. I want every employee on their best behavior.
  • Squidward: Are you getting any of this, SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: Every word, Squidward, every word.
  • Mr. Krabs: So let's get out there and sell some Krabby Patties!
  • SpongeBob: Yes! Yeah! Ooh, I almost forgot! Mr. Krabs, wait! There's one more decoration!
  • (Group walks to freezer)
  • SpongeBob: I present to you... (tries to open door but can't. Tries again) I present to you... (breaks off the handle which knocks out Squidward. Door opens and Mr. Krabs and Squidward gasp)
  • SpongeBob: ...my ode to the Krabby Patty made entirely out of ice. (ice sculpture of a Krabby Patty is shown)
  • Mr. Krabs: Geez, boy. This thing's enormous.
  • Squidward: And cold. (shivers)
  • Mr. Krabs: Alright, let's get this thing out of here. Me customers are waiting.
  • SpongeBob: Ready? Set?
  • (SpongeBob slips, flies out of the freezer, back into the freezer, shutting the door and locking it. Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and Patrick scream)
  • SpongeBob: Guys, I'm okay. No need to scream.
  • (Squidward and Krabs run over SpongeBob and Patrick to get to door. They pound with the door locked on them while no one hears)
  • SpongeBob: Oh no, Patrick, stand up! We're locked in! This is going to spoil the eleventy seventh anniversary!
  • Crowd: (chanting) We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! (Squidward and Mr. Krabs are banging on the freezer door)
  • Squidward: Somebody! Anybody! I don't care who!
  • SpongeBob: How are we going to get out?
  • Mr. Krabs: Everyone calm down. I've spent a lifetime working in this restaurant and I know there's only one way out of here.
  • Patrick: A high school diploma?
  • Mr. Krabs: No, the air duct. (everyone climbs up the Krabby Patty ice sculpture and into the air vent) This way, boys. All we got to is crawl through this duct. (multiple ways out)
  • Squidward: Which one? There must be a least 20 ways to go.
  • SpongeBob: Not to worry, Squidward. I have the entire map memorized. (shows a map on his back)
  • Mr. Krabs: Uh, hmm, uh...
  • SpongeBob: Hurry up, guys, this kinda hurts.
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, according to the map, we just go straight, take a right between these three moldy tree stumps. Then towards that kidney bean-shaped puddle of gravy.
  • Squidward: That's not the map, you old barnacle. Those are three moles and a birthmark!
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh. Alright, then let's try this one. (goes through an air duct and into a tiny pipe)
  • Squidward: It's this way.
  • Patrick: Here it is. (everyone crashes into a dead end)
  • Mr. Krabs: Hey, what's this? (picks up an old Krabby Patty wrapper) It's a old Krabby Patty wrapper. Ahh, that takes me back to the good old days. (flashback with a Krusty Krab commercial)
  • --Start Krabby Patty Commercial--
  • (baby SpongeBob watching TV)
  • 50's Announcer: And now a word from our sponsor.
  • Singers: K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y! Krabby Patty give em' a try!
  • Mr. Krabs: Come on down and buy, buy, buy!
  • Singers: Not just one or two or three, but enough for the whole family.
  • 50's Announcer: Yes, folks! nine out of ten doctors recommend eating at least one Krabby Patty a day to maintain a healthy lifestyle and youthful, positive attitude.
  • Mr. Krabs (in a doctor outfit): I'm a doctor, as far as you know, and I believe Krabby Patties add years to your life. So what are you waiting for? Go out a get yourself a Krabby Patty. Or buy a sack full of patties. Or better yet, go out and get yourself a case of the Krabbies. For your health.
  • Singers: K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y! Krabby Patty! (baby SpongeBob walks into the Krusty Krab and eats a Krabby Patty that young Squidward gives him. He's in love with it)
  • --End Krabby Patty Commercial--
  • Mr. Krabs: (sighs) Back then, a Krabby Patty only cost a dime. (crumples up the wrapper) It was a dark and evil time. I still have nightmares.
  • Squidward: (sobs) We'll never get out of here!
  • SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward, we'll find our way out. And then we'll have the best eleventy-seventh anniversary ever. All we have to do stick together.
  • (crawling through a new air duct, Patrick is breathing heavily on Squidward)
  • Squidward: Stop breathing on my neck. Yuck.
  • (Patrick holds his breath then let's it out and spits all over Squidward's face)
  • Mr. Krabs: Hey, I think I see the exit.
  • Mr. Krabs: Ahh, barnacles. It's just the surveillance room.
  • (SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward walk in)
  • SpongeBob: Oh! My house is on TV.
  • Squidward: All of our houses are on TV. (Mr. Krabs sneaks off)
  • Gary: (jumping on SpongeBob's bed) Meow! Meow! Meow!
  • SpongeBob: Gary the Snail, you get down from that bed this instant.
  • Patrick: Hey, there's my house. (his TV is still on)
  • Squidward: You left your TV on.
  • Patrick: Well, duh! I don't want to miss my shows.
  • SpongeBob: Look, it's Sandy! (she's brushing her teeth)
  • Squidward: Mr. Krabs, why do you have cameras watching us?
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, uh... uh... uh... I just want to make sure you all floss after every meal.
  • SpongeBob: Thank you Mr. Krabs. Dental hygiene is very, very important.
  • Patrick: (pointing to a TV) Hey, who are those guys?
  • (TV shows backs of SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs)
  • SpongeBob: I think it's us Patrick. (turns around and points to a camera crew) But who are they? (the two cameramen escape through the air duct)
  • Crowd on TV: (chanting) We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
  • Mr. Krabs: Me customers are getting antsy!
  • Crowd: We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! (Plankton enters the Krusty Krab through a vent but falls through a hole inside)
  • Mr. Krabs: We're getting warm. I can feel it.
  • SpongeBob: That might just be my hand, Mr. Krabs.
  • (Group sees crossroads)
  • Mr. Krabs: Hmm, a crossroads. I'll go this way and SpongeBob, you lead them down that way. (Then Mr. Krabs follows the path on the right.)
  • SpongeBob: Lead them? I can finally use my leader hat and my lederhosen!
  • Patrick: Nice.
  • Squidward: Those are just sock garters, you idiot.
  • SpongeBob: Follow me.
  • Squidward: This is not happening, it's just not happening. (Mr. Krabs takes the right path and the others take the left)
  • SpongeBob: Guys, it's a dead-end. (push through the end of the vent and fall, screaming)
  • ---Patchy Segment---
  • (Plankton falls into a large vent)
  • Plankton: Thank Neptune that's over. (SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward fall on top of Plankton) SpongeBob! Why must you always ruin my plans?
  • SpongeBob: Plankton! You're trying to steal the Krabby Patty recipe again.
  • Plankton: Uh, I didn't... uh... Okay, fine. You caught me. You happy now?
  • SpongeBob: You know, this reminds me of the time Mr. Krabs confided in me the Krabby Patty recipe. Oh, I don't want to bore you with my silly old stories.
  • Plankton: Oh, you couldn't possibly bore me.
  • SpongeBob: Well, okay. Mr. Krabs called me into his office. (start flashback)
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you've been working here a while now. So I think I can trust you. It's time I told you.
  • SpongeBob: (screams and gasps) You mean?
  • Mr. Krabs: Yes, the Krabby Patty formula. Follow me, son We need to go where no one else will ever hear us. (they go out of Bikini Bottom, across a forest, desert, in a storm, across a bridge, up a mountain, and into some open area before they are tired) Ugh, we finally made it. Quick, into me office before anyone sees us! (stop flashback)
  • Plankton: What? You just went in a circle. Why didn't you just stay at the Krusty Krab?
  • SpongeBob: We wanted to make sure we weren't followed. Then Mr. Krabs leaned close and whispered the recipe.
  • Plankton: Yes? Go on. (start flashback again)
  • Mr. Krabs: Now remember, you can never tell another living soul.
  • Plankton: Wait, wait. Hold on!
  • Mr. Krabs: (in thought bubble) Why's that?
  • Plankton: My pen is out of ink! (works again) Okay, okay, go ahead.
  • Mr. Krabs: (in thought bubble) Plankton. (grabs him) You'll never get me formula. Not even in a flashback. (laughs as he sends Plankton through a vent. Plankton screams)
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, if you had never come to Bikini Bottom, this wouldn't be happening.
  • Mr. Krabs: Squidward, what's with the creepy smile?
  • Squidward: I was just... remembering the world before SpongeBob. (start flashback. Squidward gets out of bed happily and waters the ground. Pink flowers pop up)
  • Flowers: Morning, Squidward. (Squidward goes into the Krusty Krab and looks through the kitchen window at the cook)
  • Squidward: Good morning, not SpongeBob. (kisses the cook. Flashback ends)
  • SpongeBob: (braying laugh) But, Squidward, you're glad I moved in. Remember that day? (start flashback where SpongeBob and a real estate agent is looking at different houses. A pineapple from a boat, above shore, falls into the ocean)
  • Janice: Well, okay, that's every available house in Bikini Bottom. (Squidward is working on his garden)
  • Squidward: My secret garden is finally done. (the giant pineapple falls on Squidward. He cuts out a door)
  • Janice: Oh, yeah, I forgot about that one.
  • SpongeBob: It's beautiful. I'll take it! (walks up to Squidward) Hi, neighbor! I'm SpongeBob SquarePants. (hugs Squidward) And we're going to be bestest friends. (Patrick walks up) Hey, Patrick. Guess who just moved in right next door?
  • Patrick: Neighbor hug! (group hug)
  • Crowd: (in the distance chanting) We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
  • Mr. Krabs: (gasps) What's that sound? (looks through a little hole in the building) Customers.
  • Crowd: (chanting) We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties! We want to spend money.
  • Fish #2: (using megaphone) What do we want?
  • Crowd: Krabby Patties!
  • Fish #2: (using megaphone) What do we welcome?
  • Crowd: To spend money!
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, no. All that loose change out there. (talks out wallet) It's driving me wallet mad with money lust. (his wallet barks and pants) Poor little guy's starving. (puts wallet through the hole) There you go, boy. You're free. Go towards the money, boy. Towards the money!
  • Wallet Fish: (picks up wallet) Hey, a wallet! And there's fifty bucks in it! All right!
  • Mr. Krabs: Hey! Oh, no! (crying) What am I gonna do? We gotta get out of here. Now!
  • SpongeBob: Oh. If only Sandy was here. She could help us.
  • Patrick: Oh! Maybe we could use this. (takes out walkie-talkie) I borrowed it from Sandy's treedome. It might be our way out of here. Shh! Everybody quiet! (yells) Hey, Sandy, I got your radio! If you want it back, come and get it! She'll come.
  • Squidward: Oh, give me that. (takes walkie-talkie) Sandy, come in, Sandy.
  • Sandy: Sandy Cheeks here. So it was you who stole my other radio, Squidward.
  • Squidward: What? No, I'm just--
  • Patrick: (screams) Sandy's trapped in that box! (destroys radio. Squidward growls)
  • SpongeBob: (sighs) Remember the day Sandy and I got married? (everyone gasps)
  • Mr. Krabs: What?
  • Squidward: No.
  • Patrick: I'm freaking out!
  • SpongeBob: Mm-hmm. (start flashback. Mrs. Puff is playing the wedding march on the organ. Sandy marches down the aisle in her wedding dress)
  • Priest: Friends, we have gathered here today these two hearts in the bonds of love. SpongeBob, do you take Sandy as your lawfully wedded wife?
  • SpongeBob: I do.
  • Priest: And, Sandy, do you take SpongeBob as your lawfully wedded husband?
  • Sandy: And how!
  • Priest: Well, then, I now pronounce you sponge and squirrel. You may kiss the bride. (tries to but a light falls from above)
  • Theater Fish #1: Boo! You stink!
  • Mr. Krabs: Worst play I've ever seen. (opens exit doors) And a total rip-off!
  • Theater Fish #2: What has happened to the theater? (everyone exits)
  • Priest: I didn't know this was a play.
  • ---Patchy Segment---
  • Crowd: (chanting) We want Krabby Patties! We want Krabby Patties!
  • SpongeBob: And we didn't even get to celebrate the Krusty Krab's eleventy-seventh anniversary. We missed what could've been the greatest party ever.
  • Patrick: Hmm. You guys ready to give up?
  • Mr. Krabs: Yes.
  • Squidward: Yes.
  • Patrick: And I'll just write down myself down here for giving up, too... Uh, SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: No, Patrick, I don't want to give up.
  • Patrick: Ooh, I know! Let's just say our tearful farewells and solemn last words.
  • Mr. Krabs: I didn't make any money. (sobs)
  • Squidward: I never made anyone sick with envy. (cries)
  • Patrick: I didn't get to sleep in this morning. (sobs)
  • SpongeBob: Guys, we can't give up now. We got into this mess together, and we'll get out of it the same way.
  • Patrick: Through the freezer?
  • SpongeBob: No, by using our heads.
  • Mr. Krabs: To concoct an elaborate escape plan?
  • SpongeBob: (gasps) No. (snaps fingers) As a battering ram. (rips off some of the metal and puts it around the other three and tries a few times to rip through an air duct) Okay, this is the one. Feel very god about this. Okay, ready? (they tear through the air duct and into the main part of the Krusty Krab)
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, boy, we made it out! Woo-hoo! Money! Money! Money! Money! (opens the doors) Come on in, folks. No need to shove. Plenty of room for all your money. Ay-yi... (no one is there) Where are all me customers? They left...with all their money?! (sobs)
  • Squidward: We went through all of that for nothing?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, it wasn't for nothing, Squidward. I spent the whole day with my best friends. You, Squidward. And you, Patrick.
  • Patrick: What now?
  • SpongeBob: And let's not forget the man who made it all possible--Mr. Krabs. What could be better?
  • Mr. Krabs: Money!
  • SpongeBob: (sings) Oh!
  • Squidward: Oh, no. He's not going to sing.
  • ------------------------------------------------
  • (in the tune of "Oh, Christmas Tree")
  • Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab,
  • Oh, how I love you, Krusty Krab.
  • Your Krabby Patties from the grill
  • The smell of grease gives me a thrill
  • Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab
  • Oh, how I love you, Krusty Krab.
  • With prices high and portions small,
  • There are stains of mustard on the wall
  • Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab
  • Oh, how I love you, Krusty Krab.
  • (chorus humming)
  • Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab
  • Oh, how I love ya, Krusty Krab.
  • Oh, Krusty Krab, oh, Krusty Krab
  • Oh, how I love you, Krusty Krab.
  • ------------------------------------------------
  • Squidward: Mr. Krabs, look.
  • Mr. Krabs: Me customers? SpongeBob's dopey little song is bringing them back.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, Krusty Krab, you've always been there for me. When I'm tired and hungry, I just reach out my hand and there you are with a Krabby Patty that's all so hot and juicy. Are you with me people?!
  • All: Yeah!
  • SpongeBob: I said, are you with me people?!
  • All: Yeah!
  • SpongeBob: In that case, let's get some Krabby Patties!
  • Plankton: (inside) There's no one here. The Krusty Krab is empty. I've won! The Krabby formula is mine! (runs towards the door with the formula) It took eleventy-seven years, but I got it! (notices the crowd coming) Oh, no. No! (gets kicked a lot) Oh, nuts.
  • SpongeBob: Did somebody order a Krabby...whoa! (balances on the Krusty Krab formula bottle) Oh, look out! Oh! Oh, oh. Coming through. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. (sets tray on table)
  • Customers: Yay!
  • Mr. Krabs: Ah...'tis a beautiful sight. It warms me heart. (gasps as the formula bottle rolls up) Me Krabby Patty recipe! What's it doing out here? Whoa-ho! Should have known. Plankton.
  • Plankton: Hey, Krabs. Uh, happy eleventy-seven? (Mr. Krabs peels him off the bottle)
  • Mr. Krabs: It's launching time.
  • Plankton: Please, Krabs, no! I can't take it anymore! No more launching, please?!
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, all right. Since I'm in such a good mood, I'll go easy on you this time. (blows up Plankton like a balloon and lets him go) There. Happy landings, Plankton!
  • Plankton: You know, this isn't so bad. Everyone looks like little ants from up here. (laughs) Wait. Help.
  • Mr. Krabs: Stay away from the high tension wires. (customer walks up. Mr. Krabs opens up the door) Allow me to open the door for a valued customer.
  • Wallet Fish: Thanks, Mister. Today must be my lucky day. I found a wallet with fifty bucks in it.
  • Mr. Krabs: Wow, that's some coincidence 'cause I lost one earlier today with fifty bu...! Hey! Wait a minute. Come back with me wallet, you thievin' bilge rat.
  • SpongeBob: (flipping patties) Happy anniversary, Krusty Krab. (laughs)