Truth or Square/transcript

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• Announcer: 10 years ago, an unknown pirate from Encino began a decade-long obsession with TV's most beloved and absorbent sponge. And today, a mere 10 years later, obviously, 10 years later, I said that. He has traveled all the way to a far off land known as Burbank. To find NickToons Animation Studios and meet his idol face to face for the first time in 10 years? 10 years, 10 years ago. Let see what happens.
• [cuts to Nickelodeon Studios Gates where a speeding car pulls over and drops Patchy off]
• Patchy: Bye, Mom! Thanks for the lift. [coughs] Hey kids! Isn't this exciting? I'm here at Nickelodeon, home of SpongeBob SquarePants! [presses intercom button] Ahoy!
• Employee: Studio, may I help you?
• Patchy: This is Patchy the Pirate for SpongeBob SquarePants. I believe he's expecting me, I sent him over 400 letters. This week.
• Employee: Uhhh, yeah. SpongeBob is not here right now, sir.
• Patchy: That's okay. I can wait.
• [Pulls out lawn chair and sits in front of the studios gates, the gates opens]
• Patchy: Ohhh, SpongeBob!
• Employee: Sir, please step away from the gate.
• Patchy: Awww, poopdeck. I was hoping I could ask SpongeBob to phone up some of his famous friends so we could ask them to be guests on my show.
• Employee: Uhhhh. Oh, you're here for the casting department.
• Patchy: Yeah!
• Employee: In that case, please step right inside, sir.
• Patchy: Yes!
• [cuts to waiting room]
• Employee: Here you are, sir. Please wait here while you wait.
• [Patchy sits on sofa]
• Employee: Can I get you anything, sir?
• Patchy: Yeah. A shrimp cocktail.
• [Employee gets one from outside]
• Patchy: Oooohhh. Now that's what I call service.
• [Employee smiles]
• Patchy: With a smile!
• [Employee closes door revealing title card: Truth or Square]
• [Cuts to SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward's houses]
• [Gary sleeps until alarm clock starts ringing cause a domino effect of a line of clocks. The line reaches to SpongeBob's fog horn clock making it spew out more alarm clocks]
• [SpongeBob turns off all the clocks]
• SpongeBob: Gooooooood morning, Gary!
• [Gary meows annoyed]
• SpongeBob: A little overboard? And take a chance of being late for single greatest day of my career? The eleventy-seventh anniversary of the Krusty Krab? I think not.No self-respecting employee would be late on this day.
• [Alarm clocks lead into Squidward's house]
• Squidward: What the?
• SpongeBob: See you at the big event, Squidward!
• [Alarm hits SpongeBob in the back]
• SpongeBob: [to Gary] Can you believe it's been eleventy-seven years already?
• Gary: [annoyed]Meoww
• SpongeBob: Huh? Watch the pottymouth, Gar. Today is a day of gentle reflection. [sighs] I remember my first visit to the Krusty Krab.
• [Flashback starts with Mr. and Mrs. SquarePants walking to the Krusty Krab]
• Mr. SquarePants: I don't know. This doesn't look like a family restaurant.
• Mrs. SquarePants: Well what do you think, baby? Would you like to eat here?
• [Baby SpongeBob pushes his mom into the Krusty Krab]
• Mrs. SquarePants: Well ok then. What would you like?
• [Baby SpongeBob looks out her bellybutton and sees the menu]
• Baby SpongeBob: Krabby Patty!
• [Mr. and Mrs. SquarePants eat their Krabby Patties]
• Baby SpongeBob: Mmmmmmmmmmmmm! Yummy!
• [Pulls umbilical cord off and sucks on it. Flashback ends]
• SpongeBob: Good times.
• [Alarm clock goes off]
• SpongeBob: Oh, sorry Gary. We could talk later, but I got to get ready!
• [SpongeBob runs off while Gary hisses at a alarm clock. The following song shows many scenes relating to the lyrics]
• SpongeBob: [singing offscreen] ♪I never thought that I would have a chance like this. What dreams exist as big as this one? If happiness are patties frying on the grill, I'll have my fill upon each fresh bun. Here's a day that couldn't get much better. It is the greatest that's ever been. It's so cool I ought'a wear a sweater, just to hold on to that warm feelin'. A miracle is something that you don't believe, you will receive, and then it happens. This is what I have to call a miracle: My heart is full and toes are tappin', here's a day that couldn't get much better. It is the greatest that's ever been. It's so cool I ought'a wear a sweater, just to hold on to that warm feelin'. Sure, I know it's gonna take a lot of work. But here's the perk, I think I must say: When you're doing something that you really love, and so proud of, then work is like play. Here's a day that couldn't get much better, It is the greatest that's ever been. It's so cool I ought'a wear a sweater, just to hold on to that warm feelin'♪

• [cuts to Nicktoons Studios where Patchy is sitting in a office]
• Patchy: Security, more shrimp cocktail for casting please, thank you.
• [ A Devil Potty appears]
• Devil Potty: Look Patchy, a rolling ads. Why it's probably full of celebrity phone numbers. You don't need SpongeBob, you can call them yourself. Go on. Have a look.
• [Patchy is about to touch it until Angel Potty appears]
• Angel Potty: That's private property, Patchy. If you keep caught looking at it, well never get to meet Spongebob.
• Devil Potty: Don't listen to him. Don't you want your TV show to have big name guest stars?
• Patchy: Yeah.
• Devil Potty: Then do it!
• Angel Potty: Don't do it, Patchy!
• Devil Potty: Come on, do it! Do it!
• Patchy: I shall.
• [Both disappear as he grabs it with his hook]
• Patchy: [mumbles]Dawson, Richard Dawson, Rosario Dawson! She'll bring a little class to the show
• [cuts to her reading a book until her phone rings]
• Rosario: Hello?
• Patchy: Hello, Rosario. [his bad breath travels through the phone]
• Rosario: [smells Patchy's bad breath] Aw, goodness.
• Patchy: It's Patchy the Pirate, president of the SpongeBob fan club.
• Rosario: [plugs her nose]Ahh
• Patchy: I'm throwing a TV Show-tecular and I need a celebrity in a sail, so to speak.
• Rosario: Ok, you need a little mouthwash, that's what you need.
• Patchy: I was wondering if you liked to be my special guest.

SpongeBob

• (SpongeBob starts running to work)

• (crashes into a line-up)

• Random Fish: Hey, hey! Chill out, buddy! We all want to get in to the Krusty Krab as you do.

• (SpongeBob looks at how far the line is)

• SpongeBob: But, I don't have time to get in line. Sorry, but I can't be late today.

• (Starts jumping on the people in the line-up)

• People: Hey!

• SpongeBob: Sorry, everyone. But Mr. Krabs needs me.

• (keeps jumping until he is at the Krusty Krab then slides under the doors and jumps into Mr. Krabs' arms)

• SpongeBob: Reporting for duty, sir.

• Mr. Krabs: Sit down, boys.

• SpongeBob: Happy eleventy seventh, Squidward!

• Mr. Krabs: Today is a big day for the Krusty Krab, so I want you to listen up.

• (presses red button which activates lockout, all windows get shielded by metal which gets Squidward's attention)

• Mr. Krabs: It's the perfect opportunity for Plankton to try to steal the Krabby Patty formula.

• (Pulls on a table which brings up a holographic projector and projects a picture of the Krusty Krab)

• Squidward: Isn't that just a picture of the Krusty Krab?

• Mr. Krabs: No. It's a holographic projection of the Krusty Krab. I want you two to watch all the entrances.

• Squidward: You mean the front and the back door?

• Mr. Krabs: And those are just the ones on the surface.

• (pushes button to show tunnels under the Krusty Krab)

• Mr. Krabs: There's an entire network of tunnels and air ducts underground. And I want all eyes on the little one.

• SpongeBob: Eye, eye Mr. Krabs. (lots of eyes start appearing on SpongeBob)

• Mr. Krabs: Right. Study this map. Stay extra careful. Don't fall asleep on the job! That means you Squidward.

• Squidward: What? I have never fallen asleep on duty!

• Mr. Krabs: Don't make me have a flashback.

• (Flashback starts, clips of Squidward sleeping, flashback ends)

• Squidward: Alright, point taken.

• (Mr. Krabs turns off projector)

• Mr. Krabs: And to help watch out for Plankton, I've hired some extra security.

• (Patrick comes and does a fist clap)

• Squidward: You hired Patrick?

• Mr. Krabs: What? You expect me to spend money on a real security guard? You're my first line of defense, Patrick. So look out for any suspicious character.

• Patrick: Yes, sir.

• (Looks and pushes Squidward against the wall)

• Patrick: Who are you and who are you working for?

• Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Plankton doesn't have a chance!

• (Bubble animation switches to the Chum Bucket)

• Plankton: It's a conspiracy, I tell ya! 1003 times I've almost had that recipe and 1003 times I've been launched by that Krabs! He celebrates eleventy-seven years of success and I'm left with 4 score and 44 nights of failure! I give up, Karen. Krabs has won!

• Karen: Well, you'll never get the formula with that attitude. Maybe 1004 will be your lucky number.

• Plankton: Oh, you try getting launched!

• Karen: Alright, the launchings. I've got them all on my harddrive.

• (Cuts of  Plankton being launched by Krabs in various ways, such as being thrown, hit with a golf club, a slingshot, and being kicked, each one ending into Plankton being squashed on the Chum Bucket's wall. Karen giggles.)

• Plankton: Karen!

• Karen: I'm sorry! That last part always makes me laugh!

• Plankton: It's just no use!

• Karen: Today is the perfect day to steal the recipe! Krabs will be completely distracted by all the festivities! You can do this!

• Plankton: You really think so?

• Karen: Of course, I do! Now, who's my big man?

• Plankton: Awwww, Karen!

• Karen: Come on, come on! Who's my big strong man?

• Plankton: (sighs) I am. (giggles)

• Karen: That's right, now get out there and steal that recipe!

• Plankton: Yes, Ma'am!
• (Fades into Patchy flipping through the address book)

Patchy

• (Patchy flips through address book)

• Patchy: Hey, LeBron! How's the dribbling?

• LeBron James: Hey, Patchy! What's up?

• Patchy: How would you, LeBron James, like to be a guest on the fan club special for SpongeBob?

• LeBron: I love SpongeBob, but I can't. I gotta game today. Sorry.

• Patchy: Oh, come on! The season hardly even started yet!

• LeBron: Huh?

• Patchy: Oh, they won't care if you miss one game; will they?

• LeBron: I got a contract, man. I have to go.

• Patchy: Oh, contract; smontract. We got parting gifts!

• LeBron: Dude, I got to go. (hangs up)

• Patchy: This casting business is harder than 40 years of barnacle build-up!

• (Begins flipping through the address book again)

• Patchy: Ok, time to get serious.

• (Tina Fey picks up the phone in her office)

• Tina: Hello?

• Patchy: Ahoy, Tina!

• Tina: Who is this?

• Patchy: Patchy. The Pirate!

• Tina: I don't know any pirates anymore. Are you sure you have the right number?

• Patchy: Listen, us bad soul sisters gotta stick together, eh?

• Tina: Sure?

• Patchy: Great! Cause I'm throwing a huge extravaganza for SpongeBob SquarePants! And I'd love it if you would come down and sing a song for us!

• Tina: Well, I'm not much of a singer but I love SpongeBob! Who else is going to be performing?

• Patchy: Well, SpongeBob for one will be on the show.

• Tina: Oh, Tom Kenny, the voice of SpongeBob?

• Patchy: Who?

• Tina: Well, you said SpongeBob was going to be on the show.

• Patchy: That's right! The little sponge is our guest of honor!

• Tina: But he's a cartoon, so you mean the guy that does the voice, right?

• Patchy: Listen, Ms. Turner. Let me handle the guests. You stick to your singing and dancing.

• Tina: Ms. Turner? This isn't Tina Turner, this is Tina Fey.

• Patchy: Who?

• (Tina hangs up)

• Patchy: Hello, hello? Hello, Tina? You better be good to me!

• (flips through address book again, Will Ferrell is exercising until his cell phone rings)

• Will: Yeah, who's calling me?

• Patchy: Hey, Will! It's Patchy the Pirate, president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club in Encino and I'm throwing a little TV special for him.

• Will: Oh, really? Cause I'm president of the SpongeBob fan club Tarzana chapter and I'm throwing a TV show too, now get lost!

• Patchy: What? You can't do that!

• Will: Can I? And guess when I'm doing it. I'm gonna wrap your mind around it cause guess what? My show gonna be a lot better.

• Patchy: Doubt it. Who are your guests?

• Will: You name it, we've got it. Hollywood stars, musical people, singers, jugglers, a guy who does things with knifes. Do you have that? Who do you have?

• Patchy: Hang on to your hat. Sir Quatin and Mr. Tinder. Ever heard of that?

• Will: What? The world's fifth best ventriloquist and his wooden sidekick?

• Patchy: Of course, silly.

• Will: No way!

• (Patchy laughs)

• Will: Ok, you win this time. But you just wait for the 20th, cause I will come at you, harder and faster. (Will hangs up)

• Patchy: (mumbles) 20th anniversary. Whatever.

SpongeBob

• (Crowd gathers by the Krusty Krab shouting: " We want Krabby Patties!")

• Mr. Krabs: Now to add some special anniversary deals to the menu!

• (Adds 0 onto the prices)

• Mr. Krabs: Krabby Patty; $20.00 bucks. 39 bucks. 30. (laughs) Oh, number zero. How I love you so. SpongeBob!

• (SpongeBob runs in)

• SpongeBob: Yes, sir?

• Mr. Krabs: I'm putting you in charge of decorations.

• SpongeBob: (sighs) But Mr. Krabs!

• Mr. Krabs: Yes, boy?

• SpongeBob: I thought you said I'd be in charge of decorations!

• Mr. Krabs: What? But you are!

• SpongeBob: I am? Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

• Mr. Krabs: Squidward! Uhh, I had chores for you but you won't do them anyway.

• Squidward: It only took you eleventy-seven years to figure that out.

• (Mr. Krabs pulls out quarters)

• Mr. Krabs: Here's your budget, boy.

• (Gives SpongeBob 50 cents)

• Mr. Krabs: Decorate it anyway you want.

• SpongeBob: Wow! 50 cents!

• Squidward: You're letting SpongeBob decorate? Remember all the other times SpongeBob decorated?

• (Squidward, SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs "hmmmmmmmmmmm" as flashbacks begin shows Krusty Krab in western theme)

• SpongeBob from kitchen: Yeeeehaw! (laughs)

• (Shows Krusty Krab in 70's disco theme)

• SpongeBob from kitchen: Do you come here often? (laughs)

• (Shows Krusty Krab in space theme, kitchen windows suck everything into space. Squidward screams while SpongeBob grills patties in space and laughs.)

• (Flashbacks ends)

• Mr. Krabs: (to Squidward) You want to do it then?

• Squidward: No.

• Mr. Krabs: Then shut your porthole.

• Squidward: Batten down the word hatches, sir. (Walks away)

• (SpongeBob smiles as he begins decorating. Runs in bathroom as he uses pink toilet paper as streamers. Wraps pillars and ribbons tables with it. Bow ties Patrick and Squidward. Also ribbons windows edges with toilet paper. Uses ketchup and mustard for words on banner. Also uses it for decorating doorways and table tops. Uses air pump to inflate Krabby Patties for balloons on the ceiling and tables. Floats down to Mr. Krabs and hands back 50 cents.)

• SpongeBob: Your change, sir.

• Mr. Krabs: Good work, boy. What, that's it? Decorations, check. Security?

• (Patrick attacks Squidward as he comes out of the washroom.)

• Mr. Krabs: Check.

• (Crowd outside chants "We want Krabby Patties!" over and over.)

• Mr. Krabs: (to everyone) Ok, open your ears. These people have come for miles around because they love my patties. I want every employee on their best behavior.

• Squidward: Are you getting any of this, SpongeBob?

• SpongeBob: Every word, Squidward. Every word.

• Mr. Krabs: So let's get out there and sell some Krabby Patties!

• SpongeBob: Yeahhhhhhhh! Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Oh! I almost forgot! Mr. Krabs, wait! There's one more decoration!

• (Group walks to freezer)

• SpongeBob: I present to you........... (tries to open door) (in frustrated tone) I present to you.......... (pulls off handle which knocks out Squidward)

• (Door opens. Krabs and Squidward and gasp)

• SpongeBob: My ode to the Krabby Patty.

• (Shows an ice sculpture of a Krabby Patty)

• SpongeBob: Made entirely out of ice.

• Mr. Krabs: Yeesh, boy.

• (Walks to statue)

• Mr. Krabs: This thing enormous.

• Squidward: And cold. (Shivers)

• Mr. Krabs: Alright. Let's get this thing out of here. Me customers are waiting.

• SpongeBob: Ready, set, (groans as he pulls while Patrick, Krabs and Squidward push on other side.)

• (SpongeBob's hands slip from statue as he launches himself out of the freezer, off the wall and accidentally closing the door with the wind of him flying.)

• Krabs and Squidward: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (Patrick joins in)

• SpongeBob: Guys, I'm okay. No need to scream.

• (Squidward and Krabs run over SpongeBob and Patrick to get to door. They pound with the door locked on them while no one hears)

• SpongeBob: Oh no! Patrick, stand up! We're locked in! this is going to spoil the eleventy seventh anniversary!

• (Switch to black screen)

• (Return to crowd chanting "We want Krabby Patties!" outside. Then to Squidward and Krabs pounding on freezer door)

• SpongeBob: How are we going to get out?

• Mr. Krabs: Everyone calm down! I've spent a lifetime working in this restaurant and I know there's only one way out of here.

• Patrick: A high school diploma?

• Mr. Krabs: No. (points to vent) The air duct.

• (Group climbs up statue to vent and starts to crawl through it.)

• Mr. Krabs: This way, boys!

• (Patrick crushes Squidward on his way in)

• Mr. Krabs: All we got to is crawl through this duct.

• (Points to room with multiple ducts.)

• Squidward: Which one? There must be a least 20 ways to go!

• SpongeBob: Not to worry, Squidward. I have the entire map memorized. (Begins to think real hard as the map starts to show on his back.)

• Mr. Krabs: Uhhhhh, hmmm. Uhhhh.

• SpongeBob: Hurry up, guys. This kinda hurts.

• Mr. Krabs: Well, according to the map, we just go straight, take a right between these 3 moldy tree stumps. Then towards that kidney bean shaped puddle of gravy.

• Squidward: That's not the map, you old barnacle! Those are 3 moles and a birthmark!

• Mr. Krabs: Oh. Alright, then let's try this one. (Points to random duct)

• (Groups falls in small tank)

• Squidward: It's this way!

• Patrick: Here it is!

• Everyone: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

• (Groups squeeze in pipe and fall into dead end)

• (Mr. Krabs groans)

• Mr. Krabs: Hey. What's this?

• (Picks up old Krabby Patty wrapper.)

• Mr. Krabs: It's a old Krabby Patty wrapper. Awwwwwwww. That takes me back to the good old days.

• (Flashback starts with a baby SpongeBob watching TV when a commercial comes on)

• Announcer: And now a word from our sponsor!

• Chorus: K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y! Krabby Patty! Give em' a try! Come on down and buy, buy, buy! Not just one or two or three, but enough for the whole family!

• Announcer: Yes, folks! 9 out of 10 doctors recommend eating at least one Krabby Patty a day to maintain a healthy lifestyle and youthful, positive attitude!

• Mr. Krabs (in a doctor outfit): I'm a doctor. As far as you know, and I believe Krabby Patties add years to your life! So what are you waiting for? Go out a get yourself a Krabby Patty! Or buy a sack full of patties! Or better yet, go out and get yourself a case of the Krabbies! For your health.

• Chorus: K-R-A-B-B-Y P-A-T-T-Y! Krabby Patty!

• (Switch to baby SpongeBob walking down to the Krusty Krab and getting a patty with his Mom and Dad and loving his first bite. "Television turns off" effect returns to the group stuck in the air duct.)

• Mr. Krabs: Ahhhhhh. Back then, a Krabby Patty only cost a dime. (crushes ad) It was a dark and evil time. I still have nightmares.

• Squidward: We'll never get out of here!

• SpongeBob: Don't worry Squidward. We'll find our way out. And then we'll have the best eleventy-seventh anniversary ever! All we have to do stick together!

• (Groups crawls close together in new duct, Patrick breathes heavy behind Squidward)

• Squidward: Stop breathing on my neck! Blah!

• (Patrick starts to hold his breath. Then after a couple seconds then he spits all over Squidward.)

• Mr. Krabs: Hey! I think I see the exit!

• (Mr. Krabs opens door to a security room)

• Mr. Krabs: Ahh, barnacles. It's just the surveillance room.

• (SpongeBob, Patrick and Squiward walk in)

• SpongeBob: Whoa! My house is on TV!

• Squidward: All of our houses are on TV!

• (Mr. Krabs starts to sneak away)

• (One TV shows Gary jumping on SpongeBob's bed)

• Gary: Meow! Meow! Meow!

• SpongeBob: Gary the Snail, you get down from that bed this instance!

• Patrick: Hey, there's my house!

• (TV shows Patrick's living room with his TV still on)

• Squidward: You left your TV on.

• Patrick: Well, duh. I don't want to miss my shows.

• SpongeBob: Look, it's Sandy!

• (TV shows Sandy brushing her teeth)

• Sandy: Ahhhhhh.

• Squidward: Mr. Krabs, why do you have cameras watching us?

• Mr. Krabs: Ohhhh, well, uhhhhhhhhh. I.. just want to make sure floss after every meal.

• SpongeBob: Thank you Mr. Krabs. Dental hygiene is very very important.

• Patrick: Hey! (points to TV) Who are those guys?

• (TV shows backs of SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward and Mr. Krabs)

• SpongeBob: I think it's us Patrick. (SpongeBob turns around and points to camera crew) But who are they?! (The camera crew flees using the vent canal)

• Crowd (on TV): We want Krabby Patties! (2x)

• Mr. Krabs: (Mr. Krabs turns around to see customers chanting) My customers are getting antsy!

• (The camera goes to the live scene where customers are chanting. Then the camera pans to Plankton in the crowd then he goes inside a vent tube in the Krusty Krab's perimeter. When he goes in he walks a little not looking in front of him then he immediately falls down a hole and bumps into a seris of turns and corners. Return back to the group currently still looking for an exit)

• Mr. Krabs: We're getting warm, I can feel it.

• SpongeBob: That might just be my hand Mr. Krabs.

• (Group sees crossroads)

• Mr. Krabs: Hmm, a crossroads. (Mr. Krabs points to the path on the right) I'll go this way and SpongeBob (Mr. Krabs points to the left path) You lead them down that way. (Then Mr. Krabs follows the path on the right.)

• SpongeBob: Lead them? I can finally use my leader hat! (Yodel song plays; SpongeBob points to his hairy leg) And my leader hosen!

• Patrick: Nice.

• Squidward: Those are just sock garters,y ou idiot.

• SpongeBob: Follow me!

• (The two begin to follow SpongeBob)

• Squidward: This is not happening, it's just not happening. (Yodel song ends)

• (Camera shows Mr. Krabs going on the right path then to SpongeBob's group taking the left, SpongeBob's group hits a dead end but continue to push against the barrier)

• SpongeBob: Guys, it's a dead end....
• All: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

• (Barrier breaks as the trio fall out screaming while camera switches to Patchy)

Patchy

• (We see Patchy still looking for other celebrities)

• Patchy: Hey! I went to Blackbeard Polly Technique with this guy! He has to be on my show. According to the pirate's code.

• (Phone rings for Craig Ferguson; Ferguson picks up phone)

• Ferguson: Hello?

• Patchy: (In bad Scottish accent) Is this Cap'n Craig, son of Ferg?

• Ferguson: Oh hey, Patchy the Pirate.

• Patchy: How's me old Blackbeard Collage roommate?

• Ferguson: Listen, it would be great plunging down memory rapids with you, but I'm kinda busy right now.

• (Servant of Ferguson comes in and asks which bagel he likes from the plate. He chosses one, then the servant leaves while Patchy continues talking)

• Patchy: Listen Fergalicious, I was hoping I could get you to appear on my SpongeBob Fan Club 10th year anniversary show tonight.

• Ferguson: Uh no no, that's not gonna work for me.

• Patchy: Oh, you have to. It's in the pirates code.

• Ferguson: Arrr.

• Patchy: Arrr!

• Ferguson: Arrrrr.

• Patchy: Arrrrr!

• Ferguson: Garrrrrrrr!

• Patchy: Mr. Bigshot. Mr. TV. No time for your old pirate school buddies anymore.

• Ferguson: That's right, Patchy. I got my own network TV show now.

• Patchy: Oh great. So who's on your big fancy, schmancy TV show tonight?

• Ferguson: Actually, we've got a real A-lister tonight. Robin Williams is on.

• Patchy: (Stars appear on Patchy's eyes) Robin Williams! (Patchy gasps; Stars disappear) Gotta go Fergo! (Patchy hangs up)

• Ferguson: (Ferguson puts down phone) Where's my bagel? BAGEL!!!

• Patchy: Thanks for the tip Ferguson! (maniacally laughs)
• (Fade to Patchy spying on Robin Williams before he enters the building)
• Patchy: Mr. Williams!
• Robin: Ho-ho, give me one!
• (Both have a hearty laugh)
• Patchy: So are you, ho-ho, here for the show?
• Robin: I am actually.
• Patchy: Right this way.
• (Patchy and Robin go into the garden)
• Robin Williams: Right this, uh, there's not someone dressed up as Popeye, is there?
• Patchy: (laughs) I've never heard of him.
• (Scene cuts to an inside part of the studio)
• Robin: What's your name again?
• Patchy: Er, uh, Pagy.
• Both: Pagy the Pirate.
• Robin: Oh, excuse me just for a second. (Goes to food table to get some snacks)
• Patchy: Oh, Mr. Williams, that's not for you.
• Robin: Oh, ok.
• (Patchy and Robin continue to go to the Green Room)
• Robin: I've never been this way.
• Patchy: Yes, I know the release seating and everything.
• Robin: Um, not yet. But what what, what part of the studio is this?
• Patchy: Oh, it, it's the uh, the part that, we're on our way to the green room. Don't you worry.
• Robin: Oh. I've never been to this part of this studio before.
• Patchy: Right this way Mr. Williams, this is the green room.
• Robin: Yeah, the old green.
• Patchy: Cause it's green. Sit down, I'm gonna get some more celebities okay! Don't try to escape, I mean enjoy your hospitality!
• (closes the door, Robin goes out)
• Patchy: Who else you got Ferguson? Hahahaha!
• (cuts to black, then cuts to the blue curtain)
• Anouncer: It's Patchy the Pirate's SpongeBob SquarePants Fan Club Big Time Impressive Celebrity Television Extravaganza! With celebrity guests like basketball mascot, "The 3 Point Fowl", "The Guy on the Penny", her Majesty the Queen, Musical Guest "P!nk", "Sir Quentin" and his little wooden sidekick "Mr. Tinder", and guest of honor SpongeBob SquarePants. From the Encino, California, the president of the SpongeBob SquarePants Fan Club, Patchy the Pirate!
• (Patchy walks across stage leading to an "x", music starts, Patchy begins to sing, cut to technical room with Potty)
• Potty: Brawk, you're looking at the wrong camera.
• Patchy: Anywho. can you believe it kids? It's been 10 years since I started the SpongeBob SquarePants Fan Club! And he's here, in person! I'm finally going to meet me idol! Let's bring him out now!
• (Camera man shakes his head, points to sign that says "P!NK", Patchy ignores)
• Patchy: Please welcome, SpongeBob SquarePants!
• (Points to empty spot spotlight is shining on)
• Patchy: (weakly laughs, Potty flies up to him and whispers in his ear) What? What do ya mean he's not coming? 10 years I've been president in this fan club, now I throw him a television extravaganza and he can't even be bother to show up? Well, we'll just see about that! (Walks off stage to exit door leading outside, camera men look at each other in confusion, Patchy gets into his boat and leaves, cut to aerial view of Fancy Studios and the green room)
• P!nk: (Talking on phone) I can't believe I gave up my Hawaiian vacation for this. (Looks at Sir Quentin and Mr. Tinder)
• Mr. Tinder: I really love your music.
• P!nk: (Still talking on phone) Remind me to have my agent walk the plank.
• (Potty opens door)
• Potty: Brawk. Can I get you anything?
• P!nk: Passage on the next streamer out of here?
• Potty: Just five more minutes, brawk. (Leaves room; P!nk walks up to band)
• P!nk: (To band) Well, there's no use of sitting around like a bunch of barnacles at the bottom of a dry dock dinghy. Let's do some practicing!
• (P!nk and band leave to perform "We've Got Scurvy"; after song, camera cuts to Patchy on his boat passing a wall with Squidward graffiti and falling down a waterfall to spot the island found in the show's theme song)
• Patchy: There it is! I'm coming for ya, SquarePants!
• (Patchy and his boat are swallowed by a whale before he can reach it)

SpongeBob

• (Bubble animation returns the plot back to the Kursty Krab as we see Plankton falling down pipes in the ventilation system, finally emptying out a vent into a larger duct)

• Plankton: Thank Neptune that's over.
• (SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward's screams fade in and they land on Plankton in the duct, Plankton squeezes out from under the three as he shows a dazed look on his face)
• Plankton: SpongeBob! Ugh! Why must you always ruin my plans!
• SpongeBob: Plankton!  This reminds me of the time Mr. Krabs told me the secret formula...(flashback begins.)
• Mr. Krabs: (in flashback)  SpongeBob, I've decided to tell you the Krabby Patty Secret formuler.  Follow me. (they begin walking through many areas including a desert, mountain, across an old bridge and finally back to the Krusty Krab looking very old and tired)
• Mr. Krabs: (in flashback) Quick, into me office before someone sees us! (they rush inside)
• Plankton: Wait, you just went in a circle.  Why didn't you just stay at the Krusty Krab?
• SpongeBob: We wanted to make sure we weren't followed.
• Krabs: (in flashback) OK boy the secret formula is-
• Planton: Hold on a second!! (he is holding a pen and paper. The ink has dried out so he draws a little and it works again) OK I'm ready!
• Krabs: (in flashback) Nice try Plankton.  You'll never get me formuler, not even in a flashback! (picks up Plankton takes out a straw and launches him through the ducts./\ flashback ends.)
• (cut to Krabs walking through the ducts)

(Transcript to be continued.......)