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Truth or Square (transcript)

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Transcript Information
Truth or Square
General
Season №: 6
Episode №: 123-124
Airdate: November 6, 2009
Chronology
Previous: "Single Cell Anniversary"
Next: "Pineapple Fever"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Truth or Square" from season six, which aired on November 6, 2009.

  • [The episode begins with a stop-motion intro. More information can be found here: SpongeBob SquarePants Theme Song#SpongeBob Truth or Square version.]
  • [The real episode begins with a clip of Patchy entering his house after being shot out of a cannon from Shanghaied. It is surrounded by a picture frame that it surrounded by a red background.]
  • Ricky Gervais: [As a voice over] Ten years ago, an unknown [The clip is replaced by a clip of Patchy laughing in "Party Pooper Pants".] pirate from Encino began a [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy removing the SpongeBob items off his bed from "The Sponge Who Could Fly".] decade long obsession [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy in his one man band from "Party Pooper Pants".] with TV's most beloved [The clip is replaced by a clip of Patchy putting the SpongeBob cookie ornament on his Christmas tree from "Christmas Who?".] an absorbent sponge. And today, [The clip is replace by a clip of Patchy being spun on the playground roundabout from "The Sponge Who Could Fly".] a mere ten years later, obviously, [The clip is replaced by a clip of Patchy in a barrel and female parrots trying to kiss him from "Party Pooper Pants".] ten years ago, I said that, [The clip is replaced by a clip of Patchy in a cannon and then being shot out of it from "Shanghied".] he has traveled all the way to a far off land known as, "Burbank". [The clip is replaced by a clip of Patchy going down a slide from "The Sponge Who Could Fly".] To find Nicktoons Animation Studio [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy ripping his underwear off from "The Sponge Who Could Fly".] and meet his idol [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy being chewed on by a T-Rex from Ugh.] face to face for the first time [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy getting angry in "The Sponge Who Could Fly".] in [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy rolling around in the lost episode's film strip from "The Sponge Who Could Fly".] ten years...it's ten years ago. [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy holding up a SpongeBob cookie when he was talking about if Squidward was right about Christmas in "Christmas Who?".] It's ten years ago. [The clip is replaced with a clip of Patchy seeing the stick of dynamite and it going off from "Party Pooper Pants".] Let's see what happens, yeah.
  • The screen fades to black. The scene opens up to the front of Nickelodeon Animation Studios, where Patchy's Mom's car is pulling up. The scene changes to show the left of the car. Patchy gets out.]
  • Patchy the Pirate: Oh. Bye Mom. Thanks for the lift. [Patchy's mom drives off, leaving smoke behind. Patchy coughs.] Hey, kids. Isn't this exiting? I'm here at Nickelodeon, home of SpongeBob SquarePants. And I'm gonna ask him if he'll be my guest of honor on my tenth anniversary TV special. [Patchy Chuckles. An image of the special's title appears. It reads, "Patchy the Pirate's SpongeBob SquarePants Fan Club Big Time Celebratory Television Extravaganza!" On the left, there is an image of Patchy. Next to him is the word, "Starring" and below him is his name. On the right, there is an image of Potty. Next to him is the word, "Starring" and below him is his name. The scene returns to Patchy.] Come on. [Patchy waves indicating to come that way. He walks to the gate. The scene shifts to show a speaker communicator. Patchy's hook is show pressing it] Ahoy.
  • [The scene shifts to show patchy hunched over next to the speaker.]
  • Security Guard: [through the speaker] Sir, may I help you?
  • Patchy: Yes. This is Patchy the Pirate for SpongeBob SquarePants. I believe he's expecting me. I sent him over 400 letters...this week.
  • Security Guard: Uh, yes. SpongeBob is not here right now, sir.
  • Patchy: That's okay. I can wait. [Patchy takes out a lawn chair and sits down. The down to the gate opens and this startles Patchy.] SpongeBob?!
  • Security Guard: Sir, please step away from the gate.
  • Patchy: Awe, poopdeck. I was hoping I could ask SpongeBob to phone up some of his famous friends so he could ask them to be guests on my show.
  • Security Guard: Uh huh. [The security guard starts to leave, but then realizes who Patchy is.] Oh. You're here for the Casting Department.
  • Patchy: Yeah.
  • Security Guard: In that case, please step right inside sir.
  • [Patchy thrusts his arm and mouths the word, "yes". Patchy follows the security guard inside. Inside, Patchy and the security guard walk down a hallway. Patchy jumps up in the air and laughs. He returns to the ground.]
  • Patchy: Woo! Oh hey, when'll SpongeBob be here? Whe're's he? At lunch? [The Security Guard shakes his head to indicate, "No".] At an important meeting?
  • Security Guard: I'm not sure, sir.
  • Patchy: Getting his boat waxed?
  • Security Guard: [Pointing ahead] This way, sir.
  • [The two continue to walk]
  • Patchy: What's he really like?
  • Security Guard: [Pointing ahead] This way, sir.
  • Patchy: Does he come in everyday?
  • Security Guard: [Pointing ahead] This way, sir.
  • Patchy: Does he die his hair?
  • Security Guard: [Pointing ahead] Walk this way, sir.
  • Patchy: Huh?
  • [The scene shifts to show a room. It has a couch, a TV, a poster for The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, and an animation cell of SpongeBob at the Krusty Krab. The Security Guard opens the door. Patchy walks in.]
  • Security Guard: Here you are, sir. Please wait here while you wait. [Patchy sits down on the couch.] Can I get you anything, sir?
  • Yeah. A shrimp cocktail. [Patchy air laughs expecting that the security guard cannot get it. The security guard puts his hand out and then back in with a shrimp cocktail. He gives it to Patchy.] Ooh. That's what I call service... [The security guard smiles.] with a smile.
  • [The security guard leaves. The SpongeBob part of the episode begins with the title card. The episode begins showing the three houses of Conch Street at night. The scene transitions to morning. The scene changes to SpongeBob's room, where Gary's shell shaking with a blanket on top of it. Next to the shell is an traditional alarm clock.]
  • Gary: [In his shell] Meow. [The alarm clock goes off.] Meow. [Gary's head pops out of his shell.] Meow.
  • [A long line of alarm clocks go off, which leads from Gary, who is in the front of the bed to SpongeBob's normal alarm clock. It goes off and spits out more alarm clocks. SpongeBob wakes up. SpongeBob gets out of bed and turns the alarm clocks off.]
  • SpongeBob: Good Morning, Gary!
  • Gary: [Angrily] Meow.
  • SpongeBob: A little overboard? And take a chance at being late for the single most greatest day of my career. [The shot widens and a thought bubble appears. It shows The Krusty Krab.] The eleventy-seventh anniversary of the Krusty Krab. [SpongeBob leans near Gary and shakes his head.] Oh, oh, oh, I think not. [He returns to his previous position.] No self-respecting Krusty Krab employee would be late on this day.
  • [The scene changes to show the exterior of SpongeBob's pineapple, where SpongeBob's door open and a line of alarm clocks are leading to the inside of Squidward's house. The scene follows the alarm clocks to Squidward's door and then moves up. Squidward is heard muttering.]
  • Squidward: [Off-Screen] What the?
  • [The scene returns to SpongeBob's Room. He is yelling out of his window.] See you at the Big Event, Squidward! [SpongeBob gets hit with an alarm clock. This causes him to fly and land next to Gary. SpongeBob gets up.] Can you believe that its been eleventy-seven years already?
  • Gary: [Snidely] Meow, Meow, Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, Watch the potty mouth, Gare. Today is a day for gentle reflection. Awe, I remember my first visit to The Krusty Krab.
  • [A flashback begins. It shows the exterior of The Krusty Krab. Harold and Margaret SquarePants are walking to it. The scene shifts to show Harold and Margaret's front.
  • Harold SquarePants: I don't know. This doesn't seem like a family restaurant.
  • Margaret SquarePants: Oh. [The scene widens to reveal that she is pregnant with SpongeBob] Well, what do you think, baby? Should we eat here? [The scene moves to show the inside of Margaret's womb. SpongeBob swims off-screen. The scene returns to show Margaret. She is moves inside to the front of the cash register boat.] Well, Okay, then. [The scene returns to the womb and SpongeBob is next to Margaret's nelly button which looks like a window. Margaret's voice is echoing.] What would you like?
  • [SpongeBob looks out Maragaret's belly button and sees the Galley Grub]
  • SpongeBob: Krabby Patty! [The scene changes to show Margaret and Harold sitting at a table eating Krabby Patties. In the womb, SpongeBob is eating the Krabby Patties through the umbilical cord.] Yummy! [He takes the cord, rips it out, and sucks on the cord. The flashback ends and SpongeBob is shown laying on the ground being held up by his elbows.] Good times. [An alarm clock appears. SpongeBob jumps up and starts running in the air.] Oh, sorry, Gary, we can reminisce later. I gotta get ready.
  • [SpongeBob runs off-screen and Gary hisses at the alarm clock. The alarm clock "runs" away. The scene changes to show SpongeBob with a towel around his waist in the bathroom. He turns on the shower and takes the towel off. The scene shows SpongeBob showering]
  • SpongeBob: [Singing voice-over]
  • [SpongeBob melts through the ice cube. He falls into the soda. He gets sucked up by a straw, which is being sucked up by SpongeBob. SpongeBob then jumps away. The scene fades to the Exterior of Nickelodeon Studios. The scene shows. Patchy at a desk. Next to Patchy there is a Rolodex. Patchy is finishing the shrimp cocktail.]
  • Patchy: Security, more shrimp cocktail in Casting, please. Thank you.
  • [He throws away the end of the last shrimp piece on the tray. A figure that looks like Potty, but with a devil tail and horns appears.]
  • Devil Potty: Look, Patchy, a Rolodex. Why, it's probably full of celebrity phone numbers. You don't need SpongeBob. You can call them yourself. Go on, have a look. Squawk.
  • [Patchy leans into it. Another figure that looks like Potty, but this time with a halo and angel wings appears.]
  • Angel Potty: That's private property, Patchy. If you get caught looking at it, we'll never get to meet SpongeBob.
  • Patchy: Yeah, good point.
  • Devil Potty: Don't listen to him. You want your TV show to have big-name guests, don't you?
  • Patchy: Yeah. No. I mean...
  • Devil Potty: Then do it.
  • Angel Potty: Don't do it, Patchy.
  • Devil Potty: Come on. Do it! Do it!
  • Patchy: I shall. [He takes the Rolodex. The Potties leave.] Let's see, Dawson, Richard. Rosario. Rosario Dawson! She'll bring a little class to the show.
  • [The scene changes to show Rosario Dawson in her home looking at a magazine. She gets a phone call.]
  • Rosario Dawson: Hello?
  • [The scene returns to Patchy. He has bad breath that is showing.]
  • Patchy: Uh, hello, Rosario.
  • [The scene returns to Rosario. Patchy's breath has gone through the phone.]
  • Rosario Dawson: Oh, Goodness.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: It's Patchy the Pirate, president of the SpongeBob
  • [The scene returns to Rosario. She is holding her nose.]
  • Patchy: [through the phone.] Fan Club. I'm throwing a little TV
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: show-tacular, and I need a little celebrity wind in my sail, so to speak.
  • [The scene returns to Rosario.]
  • Rosario Dawson: Okay. You need a little mouthwash is what you need.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: I was wondering if you'd like to be my special guest.
  • [The scene returns to Rosario. She groans.]
  • Rosario Dawson: Are you going to be in the same city?
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Of course, silly. We'll be working closely together all day.
  • [The scene returns to Rosario. She hangs up. She groans. The scene returns to Patchy. Patchy groans. He hangs up the phone.]
  • Patchy: Well, back to the old Rolodex. Uh, Bo Derek. Bo Diddly. Eddie Deezen. Eddie Deezen?
  • [Eddie Deezen walks into the room.]
  • Eddie Deezen: Hey, when do we film?
  • [The scene shows Patchy confused. The scene returns to the door. The security guard comes in.]
  • Security Guard: This way, sir.
  • [The security guard takes Eddie Deezen out of the room. Patchy sighs.]
  • Patchy: Ooh. This will be good.
  • [Patchy picks up the phone. The scene changes to show the house of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. The scene shows him with another dog near the pool. He answers the phone]
  • Triumph the Insulting Comic Dog: Yes?
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Ahoy, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.
  • [The scene returns to Triumph the Insulting Comic Dog.]
  • Triumph: I'm Busy. Hurry up.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: This is Patchy the Pirate.
  • [The scene returns to Triumph the Insulting Comic Dog.]
  • Triumph: Oh. Don't give me that Patchy stuff. Come on, Depp, I know it's you. Drop the pirate thing.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: You know, I do get that a lot, but seriously, it's not Johnny Depp.
  • [The scene returns to Triumph the Insulting Comic Dog.]
  • Triumph: Come on. Who is this? The pirate from the cereal box or the litter box.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: The one from Encino. It's Patchy, president of the SpongeBob SquarePants Fan Club.
  • [The scene returns to Triumph the Insulting Comic Dog.]
  • Triumph: Oh, the president. Well, your mother must be so proud.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy. He looks disgusted.]
  • [The scene returns to Triumph the Insulting Comic Dog.]
  • Triumph: Listen, Scratchy.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: It's Patchy
  • [The scene returns to Triumph the Insulting Comic Dog.]
  • Triumph: You know, Catchy, maybe you should consider wearing two eye patches. That way, you won't be able to see what's become of your life.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: What?
  • [The scene returns to Triumph the Insulting Comic Dog.]
  • Triumph: So, what are you tell me, what are you selling, besides your dignity and self-respect?
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: None of the above. I was wondering if you'd like to be a guest on the big TV special. That I am throwing for SpongeBob.
  • [The scene returns to Triumph the Insulting Comic Dog.]
  • Triumph: Sorry, Poop-Leg Pete. I'm a big star. I don't do basic cable. I'm on a major network. Kind of.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: It would sure mean a lot to be personally if you'd be on my show, Triumph.
  • [The scene returns to Triumph the Insulting Comic Dog.]
  • Triumph: Oh, it would mean a lot. Well, why didn't you say so? That changes everything.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Oh.
  • [The scene returns to Triumph the Insulting Comic Dog.]
  • Triumph: You know, I'd love to be on your show. I'd love it as much as I love pulling ticks off my butt.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Well, fine. Who needs you, you filthy mongrel?
  • [The scene returns to Triumph the Insulting Comic Dog.]
  • Triumph: Okay, Captain Loser. Send me a script.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Great! So, you'll be on my show?
  • [The scene returns to Triumph the Insulting Comic Dog.]
  • Triumph: Sure, of course. I'm sure that it's a great script. Three, two, one. For me to poop on!
  • [Triumph hangs up the phone. The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Oh, yeah, well, I'll have you know, you are not the biggest star to tell me that. Hello? Hello?
  • [Patchy groans and hangs up the phone. The scene changes to show the exterior of SpongeBob's pineapple. He opens the door and starts to jog to the Krusty Krab. A crash is heard off-screen. The scene moves to the origin of the crash. SpongeBob is laying down behind a line of fish.]
  • Harold: Hey, hey. Chill out, buddy. We all want to get into the Krusty Krab as much as you do.
  • [The scene shows that the line goes all of the way to the Krusty Krab. The scene returns to SpongeBob. He looks at his watch.]
  • But I don't have time to wait in line. Sorry, but I can't be late today.
  • [SpongeBob steps on people's head's to get to The Krusty Krab.]
  • Harold: Oh!
  • Mable-Monica: Ah!
  • Isabelle Fish: Ooh!
  • Sadie: What the?
  • Frankie Billy: Hey!
  • Fred: Ah!
  • Tom: Eh!
  • Shubie: Uh!
  • SpongeBob: Sorry, everybody, but Mr. Krabs needs me. [More fish make annoyed noises. Once SpongeBob reaches the end, the scene changes to the interior of The Krusty Krab. The scene shows several fish waiting on the door. SpongeBob Squeezes himself through the cracked between the doors and the ground. He enters The Krusty Krab. He lands in the arms of Mr. Krabs.] Reporting for duty, sir.
  • [SpongeBob solutes Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs puts SpongeBob down in a seat next to Squidward.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Take a seat, boy.
  • SpongeBob: Happy eleventy-seventh, Squidward.
  • Mr. Krabs: [Walking past the table] Today's a big a day for The Krusty Krab. [Mr, Krabs ends up at a button.] So I want yous to listen up. [He pushes the button. It causes a shield to go around The Krusty Krab.] It's a perfect opportunity for Plankton to try and steal the Krabby Patty formuler.
  • [Mr. Krabs pulls a lever that looks like a handle on a table. It causes a panel to open. The table goes down the panel and is replaced by a hologram table. It turns on a hologram of the Krusty Krab.
  • Isn't that just The Krusty Krab?
  • Mr. Krabs: No. It's a holographic projection of The Krusty Krab. I want you two to watch all the entrances.
  • Squidward: You mean the front door and the back door?
  • [Mr. Krabs pushes a button on the hologram table.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Those are just the ones on the surface. [The hologram expands to show the duct work.] There is an entire network of tunnels and air ducts underground and I want all eyes on the look out!
  • SpongeBob: Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs.
  • [Eyes grow on SpongeBob, filling his holes.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Right. Study the map, stay extra vigilant. Don't fall asleep on the job. That means you, Squidward.
  • Squidward: What? I have never fallen asleep on duty.
  • Mr. Krabs: Don't make me have a flashback.
  • [A flashback begins. It shows Squidward sleeping at his station. Fred is on the other side of the Cash register. The scene changes to show SpongeBob opening The Krusty Krab broom closet to find Squidward sleeping. The scene changes to show a close shot of Frankie Billy about to eat a patty at The Krusty Krab. The shot widens to show Squidward sleeping on Frankie Billy's table. It also reveals that Frankie Billy is dining with Nancy. The scene changes to show a close shot of the sink in The Krusty Krab kitchen. Bubbles are coming out of the sink and Squidward's snoring is heard. The shot widens to show Squidward with his head in the sink. The scene changes to show SpongeBob on a Krusty Krab stall and reading a newspaper. Squidward's snores are heard. SpongeBob looks into the stall next to his and sees Squidward holding a newspaper and sleeping. The flashback ends.]
  • Squidward: All right, point taken.
  • [Mr. Krabs turns off the hologram.]
  • Mr. Krabs: And to help watch out for Plankton, I've hired some extra security.
  • [A dark figure is shown in the corner. He walks into the light. It is revealed to be Patrick. He has an angry look on his face. He smacks his fist into his palm.]
  • Squidward: [While Patrick is walking to them] You hired Patrick?
  • Mr. Krabs: What, you expect me to spend money on a real security guard? You are my first line of defense, Patrick. So, look out for any suspiciorous characters.
  • Patrick: [No longer having an angry face. Saluting.] Yes, sir. [Patrick surveys the area. He sees Squidward and pushes him to the wall] Who are you? And Who are you working for?!
  • [Mr. Krabs chuckles]
  • Mr. Krabs: Plankton doesn't stand a chance.
  • [The scene changes to show the exterior of the Chum Bucket. It has a banner on it that reads, "Celebrating 50 years of failure." The scene pans in. As it pans in, the doors open and an image of the dining area is shown and it pans into that. The scene fades to a wide shot of the lab. Karen is show in her computer form and Plankton is show at his desk.]
  • Plankton: [As it is still panning in] It's a conspiracy, I tell you! A thousand and three times I've almost had that recipe, and a thousand and three times I've been launched by that Krabs! He celebrates eleventy-seven years of success, [The scene changes to show a medium shot of Plankton at his desk.] I'm left with four score and forty fortnights of failure! [The scene changes to show a closer shot of Plankton. He tears up.] I give up, Karen. Krabs has won!
  • Karen: [Off-Screen] Well, you'll never get the formula with that attitude. [On-Screen] Maybe a thousand and four will be your lucky number.
  • Plankton: Oh, yeah? You try getting launched.
  • Karen: Oh, right, the launchings. [Her face is replace by a loading bar and the word "accessing" above it.] I've got them all on my hard drive.
  • [The scene shows, on Karen's monitor, Mr. Krabs in a baseball uniform, exiting the Krusty Krab. The scene shifts to show just the scene. Mr. Krabs pushes Plankton into the air. Mr. Krabs does this with a glove that he is wearing. Mr. Krabs spits and then throws Plankton. Plankton hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs' claw putting down a golf tee. He puts Plankton on the tee. He is then shown in a golf outfit, holding a golf club. He then prepares to hit Plankton.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Fore!
  • [Mr. Krabs hits Plankton. Plankton hits the Chum Bucket.]
  • Plankton: Ow!
  • [The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs riding on a seahorse, wearing a polo uniform, and holding a polo stick. Plankton is shown running. away from the polo stick. Mr. Krabs hits Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs holding a slingshot with Plankton on it. Mr. Krabs is holding the slingshot back. Mr. Krabs releases the slingshot. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs in a hockey uniform holding a hockey stick. He is pushing Plankton on some ice that is outside of the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs hits Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs with a Curling stone that has Plankton on it. Mr. Krabs pushes the the Curling stone on the ice. SpongeBob takes a broom and sweeps and walks backwards until he reaches the Chum Bucket. Plankton screams until he hits the Chum Bucket doors. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob in football uniforms. SpongeBob is holding Plankton horizontally in front of Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs runs up and kicks Plankton. Plankton screams and hits the Chum Bucket. There is a goal post painted on the Chum Bucket. SpongeBob pops and puts both his arms horizontally in the air, signally that Mr. Krabs got the point. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs holding Plankton, walking outside the Krusty Krab.]
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm tired today, Plankton. [He drops Plankton.] You're just gonna have to launch yourself.
  • [Mr. Krabs walks back inside. Plankton tears up. He walks to the Chum Bucket and hits his head on the door.]
  • Plankton: Splat.
  • [Plankton begins to cry. Karen's laughing is heard. The scene pans out to show the scene on Karen's monitor. The scene shifts to not-recording Plankton.]
  • Plankton: Karen?!
  • [The footage is removed and replaced with Karen]
  • Karen: I'm sorry. That last part always makes me laugh.
  • [Plankton jumps off his desk.]
  • Plankton: It's just no use!
  • Karen: [Off-Screen] Today's the [On-Screen] perfect day to steal the recipe. Krabs will be completely distracted by all the festivities. You can do this.
  • Plankton: You really think so?
  • Karen: Of course, I do. Now who's my big man?
  • Plankton: Oh, Karen.
  • Karen: Come on. Come on. Who's my big strong man?
  • Plankton: I am.
  • Karen: That's right. Now get out there and steal that recipe.
  • Plankton: [Saluting Karen] Yes, Ma'am!
  • [The scene returns to Nickelodeon Studios where Patchy is flipping through the Rolodex. Patchy is then shown holding the phone.]
  • Patchy: Hey, LeBron, how's the Dribbling?
  • [The scene shows LeBron James at his house.]
  • LeBron James: Hey, Patchy, What's up?
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: How would you, LeBron James, like to be a guest on the fan clubmongorical special for SpongeBob?
  • [The scene returns to LeBron James.]
  • LeBron James: I Love SpongeBob, man, but I can't, man. I've got a game today, man.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Oh, Come on! The season's hardly even started yet.
  • [The scene returns to LeBron James.]
  • LeBron James: Huh?
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Oh, they won't care if you miss one game, will they?
  • [The scene returns to LeBron James.]
  • LeBron James: I have a contract. I have to go.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Oh, contract [The scene returns to LeBron James.] schmontract. [The scene returns to Patchy.] We have party gifts.
  • [The scene returns to LeBron James.]
  • LeBron James: Dude, I gotta go.
  • [LeBron James hangs up on Patchy. The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Oh! [Patchy grunts and hangs up the phone.] This casting business is harder than 40 years of barnacle buildup. [Patchy Grunts. He is shown going through the Rolodex.] Okay, time to get serious.
  • [The scene changes to show Tina Fey in an office. The phone rings. She answers it.]
  • Tina Fey: Hello.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Ahoy, Tina.
  • [The scene returns to Tina Fey.]
  • Tina Fey: Who is this?
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Patchy... the pirate.
  • [The scene returns to Tina Fey.]
  • Tina Fey: Oh, I don't know any pirates anymore. Are you sure you have the right number?
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Hey, listen, us bad soul sistas have to stick [The scene returns to Tina Fey.] together, huh?
  • Tina Fey: Sure.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Great, 'cause I'm throwing a huge telestravaganza for SpongeBob SquarePants and I'd love it if you'd come down and sing a song for us.
  • [The scene returns to Tina Fey.]
  • Tina Fey: I'm not much for singing, but I love SpongeBob. Who else is going to be performing?
  • [The scene returns to Patchy. He chuckles.]
  • Patchy: Aren't you the modest one? Well, SpongeBob, for one, will be on the show.
  • [The scene returns to Tina Fey.]
  • Tina Fey: Oh, Tom Kenny, the voice of SpongeBob?
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Who?
  • [The scene returns to Tina Fey.]
  • Tina Fey: Well, you said SpongeBob is going to be on the show.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: That's right. The little sponge is the guest on honor.
  • [The scene returns to Tina Fey.]
  • Tina Fey: But, he's a cartoon, so you mean the guy who does the voice, right?
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Listen, Miss Turner, you let me handle the guests. You stick to your singing and dancing.
  • [The scene returns to Tina Fey.]
  • Tina Fey: Mrs. Turner? Oh, no, this isn't Tina Turner. This is Tina Fey.
  • [The scene returns to Patchy. He chuckles.]
  • Patchy: Who?
  • [The scene returns to Tina Fey. She hangs up on Patchy.]
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Hello? Hello, Tina? You'd better be good to me.
  • Patchy: [The scene shows Patchy going through the Rolodex. The scene changes to show Will Ferrell stretching in public. He gets a call on his phone and answers it.]
  • Will Ferrell: Yeah, who's calling me?
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Hey, Will, it's Patchy the pirate, [The scene returns to Will Ferrell.] president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club [The scene returns to Patchy.] in Encino, and I'm throwing a little TV special for him.
  • [The scene returns to Will Ferrell.]
  • Will Ferrell: Oh, really? Well, I'm president of the SpongeBob Fan Club, Tarzana chapter, and I'm throwing a TV show, too, [The scene returns to Patchy.] so get in line.
  • Patchy: What?! You can't do that!
  • [The scene returns to Will Ferrell.]
  • Will Ferrell: Can't I? Well, guess what. I'm doing it. You'd better wrap your mind around it because guess what. [The scene returns to Patchy.] My show's also gonna be a lot better.
  • Patchy: Doubt it. Who are your guests?
  • [The scene returns to Will Ferrell.]
  • Will Ferrell: You name it, we've go it: Hollywood stars, musical people, singers, jugglers, a guy who does things with knifes. [The scene returns to Patchy.] Do you have that, [The scene returns to Will Ferrell.] huh? Who do you have?
  • [The scene returns to Patchy.]
  • Patchy: Hang on to your hat. Sir Quentin and Mr. Tinder. Ever heard of 'em?
  • [The scene returns to Will Ferrell.]
  • Will Ferrell: What?! The world's fifth best ventriloquist and his wooden sidekick?
  • [The scene returns to Patchy. He laughs]
  • Patchy: Of course, silly.
  • [The scene returns to Will Ferrell.]
  • Will Ferrell: No way! [He frustratingly grunts. The scene returns to Patchy.] No! [The scene returns to Will Ferrell.] Okay, you win this time, but just you wait for the 20th. 'Cause I will come at you harder and faster.
  • [Will Ferrell ends the call. The scene returns to Patchy the pirate.]
  • Patchy: [As he's hanging the phone up] 20th anniversary...
  • [The scene changes to show fish outside of the Krusty Krab.]
  • Crowd: We want Krabby patties! We want Krabby patties!
  • [The scene changes to show a close up shot of the numbers on the Galley Grub menu.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [Off-Screen] Now to add some special anniversary deals to the menu. [Mr. Krabs' claw holding a pencil appears and he starts adding decimal points after the first zero in the prices and adding an extra zero at the end of the prices as he talks.] Krabby Patty... 20 bucks. 39 bucks. 30. [He chuckles. The scene changes to show Mr. Krabs on a ladder next to the Galley Grub.] Oh, number zero, how I love you so. [Squidward walks into frame and Mr. Krabs starts to walk down the ladder.] SpongeBob!
  • [The scene shifts to show a similar scene as before, but with the frame moved down. SpongeBob runs into the frame.]
  • Y-Yes, Sir?
  • [Mr. Krabs finishes climbing down the ladder.]
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm putting you in charge of decorations.
  • [Mr. Krabs scribbles something on his clipboard.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, but Mr. Krabs.
  • Mr. Krabs: Yes, boy?
  • SpongeBob: I thought you said that I was going to be in charge of decorations.
  • Mr. Krabs: What? But you are.
  • SpongeBob: I am? [SpongeBob flings his arms in the air] Yay! [SpongeBob runs around with his arms in the air.] Yeah! Yeah!
  • Mr. Krabs: Squidward! I had chores for you, but you won't do 'em anyway.
  • Squidward: It only took you eleventy-seven years for you to figure that out?
  • [The scene shows SpongeBob next to Mr. Krabs. Mr. Krabs takes out two quarters.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Here's your budget, boy. [He gives SpongeBob the quarters.] Decorate it any way you want.
  • SpongeBob: Wow! Fifty cents!
  • Squidward: Your letting SpongeBob decorate? Remember all the other times SpongeBob decorated?
  • Squidward, SpongeBob, and Mr. Krabs: Hmm...
  • [A flashback begins. It shows The interior of the Krusty Krab with a western theme. Frankie Billy and Evelyn are shown at a table. On the table is the bone of a cow head. The floor looks like the a desert. It has rocks and cacti on it. The lights have been replaced by a western-style chandelier. The metal wall has been replaced with a gray wood one. The doors have been replaced by saloon doors. The scene pans to show Squidward in the order boat. The boat has wagon wheel next to it. The order window looks like an old style window with red shutters. SpongeBob pops his head out of the window. He is wearing a cowboy hat and holding a tray of food.]
  • SpongeBob: Yee-haw!
  • [SpongeBob laughs. The scene changes to show the interior of the Krusty Krab with a 1970s theme. Frankie Billy and Evelyn are shown at a table. On the table is a lava lamp. The floor is a rug. The window has green wallpaper with a pattern on it. The metal wall has orange and red striped wall paper on it. The lights have been replaced by a disco ball. The boxes that are in the rafters have been pained with a blue pattern. The doors have been replaced by bead entrances. The scene pans to show Squidward in the order boat. The boat has carpet material around it. The order window has been painted to have a blue and red pattern. SpongeBob pops his head out of the window. He is wearing an Afro wig and holding a tray of food.
  • SpongeBob: Do you come here often?
  • [SpongeBob laughs. The scene changes to show the interior of the Krusty Krab with a space theme. Frankie Billy and Evelyn are shown at a table. They are wearing space helmets. The tables have been replaced and the barrels have been replaced with moon craters which goes along with the moon floor. The window has space wallpaper on it. The lights have been replaced by images of Mars, a moon, and Saturn. The doors have been replaced by doors that have two sides and jagged edges and open up, instead of go outward. The scene pans to show Squidward in the order boat. The order boat looks similar to a moon rover. The metal wall has stars and a meteor. The order window looks similar to the doors. Squidward is wearing a space helmet. The order window opens and things and Squidward go through it. The scene then shows Squidward in space. He is screaming. He passes SpongeBob who is wearing his water helmet. He is cooking on his grill. He laughs. The flashback ends.
  • Squidward, SpongeBob, and Mr. Krabs: Hmm...

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