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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Trident Trouble" from season ten, which aired on March 25, 2017.
  • The Greek Chorus: Behold! We are the Greek Chorus! We narrate this epic tale of stupidity!
  • [Title card music plays, and soon the opening credits appear. The episode starts afterwards.]
  • The Greek Chorus: [all clear throats together] Behold Neptune, god of the sea, [Neptune arrives] with his mighty trident, a weapon so powerful, [King Neptune picks his teeth, then flicks off the food gunk.] nothing is beyond its user's reach! Behold the Kraken! [Big squid-like monster appears. It makes a roaring scream and sprays saliva over The Greek Chorus] Gross monster.
  • [The Kraken continues roaring. King Neptune fights against the monster with his trident. He creates a lightning fist and punches the Kraken to make it go very far away.]
  • The Greek Chorus: Behold Neptune triumphant! [King Neptune combs his hair with his trident] What an awesome dude! [King Neptune goes on his golden smartphone. SpongeBob walking with his spatula in his pocket and reading a comic book as he walks] Behold this idiot and beware, for trident trouble comes!
  • [SpongeBob accidentally knocks into King Neptune, who happens to be still on his smartphone.]
  • SpongeBob: Sorry. [picks up King Neptune's trident by mistake. Both walk off, all not knowing the change.]
  • The Greek Chorus: See?
  • [SpongeBob walks to the Krusty Krab, still reading his comic book as he walks. Mayhem in the Krusty Krab where every fish acts psychopathic.]
  • Customers: [repetitively chanting] Food! Food! Food! Food! Food! Food!
  • Fred: Food! Food! Ah. [takes SpongeBob's comic book. He eats it.]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, I was still reading that! [force-opens Fred's mouth and reads the last few pages of the comic]
  • Squidward: Forget the stupid comic! We've got a situation here! We don't have any Krabby Patties, and these animals are trying to eat us instead! [a customer eats Squidward's arm. Squidward is stunned, then looks at his eaten arm.] Hey, who's responsible for this? [revealed an old lady ate his arm, then she slurps it up, and then picks her teeth with a toothpick.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [sounding scared] Get to flipping those patties fast, boy-o! Before we all become the lunch special!
  • SpongeBob: I'm on it, Mr. Krabs!
  • [Mr. Krabs throws SpongeBob into the kitchen through the kitchen window hole, smacking through the "bowling pins" of ketchup and mustard bottles. "Order here" sign now reads "Strike!." Fred chomps off a piece of the sign.]
  • [SpongeBob takes some patties from his Krusty Krab employee hat, pushes them into him, then blows them out through the top of his head, onto the grill. SpongeBob swings Neptune's trident like a baton.]
  • SpongeBob: [suddenly notices masses of unchopped tomatoes and lettuces] Oh, the toppings haven't been prepped! I wish this lettuce and tomato would just cut themselves up! [trident magically turns the tomatoes and lettuce alive.]
  • Tomato #1: [with a knife and a cleaver] Let's do this!
  • Lettuce: Yeah! Cut me up good, girlfriend! [clicks fingers]
  • [Tomatoes and lettuce chop each other up]
  • SpongeBob: Huh. I guess I did chop the toppings up after all.
  • Squidward: 37 Krabby Patties! Fast! [Customers grab Squidward and eat his hat]
  • SpongeBob: 37 patties? How am I gonna flip 37 patties? [pauses] Huh, has my spatula always had three heads? [attempts to use trident as a spatula]
  • The Greek Chorus: [comes out of the cupboard] No! And it is not a spatula.
  • Mr. Krabs: Get them patties out here fast SpongeBob! [customers grab Mr. Krabs by the eye, leaving his clothes] Arrgh!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, I wish these Krabby Patties would just serve themselves so I could keep cooking. [trident magically assembles Krabby Patties into friendly living characters]
  • Krabby Patty #1: Hey! [starts clapping his hands above his head]
  • Krabby Patty #2: Yay! [also starts clapping his hands above his head]
  • Krabby Patty #3: Yeah! [once again also starts clapping his hands above his head]
  • Krabby Patties: [all start clapping his hands above their heads. Happily walking out of the kitchen] Woo! Woo! Woo!
  • SpongeBob: Whoa, my spatula never did that before.
  • Krabby Patties: [all start calling out in high-pitched voices] Krabby Patty! Krabby Patty!
  • [customers stop trying to eat Mr. Krabs and Squidward and instead enjoy watching the Krabby Patties dance around.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Huh? [Mr. Krabs rockets out money, literally rising with joy.] I don't know how you're doing this, boy-o, but keep it up! Folks will pay every cent they have to watch Krabby Patties dance! Look at how cute they are!
  • [Shows Krabby Patties jumping into a fish's mouth]
  • Mr. Krabs: [surprised] We're running out of these dancing patties! Faster, boy-o! Faster!
  • [SpongeBob races to the kitchen in attempt to make more of the dancing patties with his trident.]
  • SpongeBob: [keeps making prodding motions with the trident] Dance! Come on, dance! I'm trying, Mr. Krabs! [taps against a trident prong] I'm trying! [shakes trident] Come on, you, work!
  • Neptune's Trident: [grunts and moans]
  • The Greek Chorus: [opens the kitchen cupboard again. Gasps] The sponge has angered the trident. [covers their faces] Trouble comes. [instantly closes the cupboard doors]
  • [SpongeBob finally gets the trident to work. However, instead of making dancing Krabby Patties like before, the patties become wild and carnivorous. The monstrous Krabby Patties jump out of the kitchen and attack the customers. The customers run out of the restaurant.]
  • Mr. Krabs: No! This is gonna cost me money!
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I wish you wouldn't worry about money at a time like this!
  • [The trident zaps Mr. Krabs.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Right you are, boy-o! [give SpongeBob money and then gives everyone else money with his wheel barrel] Here, take this! Here you go! I can't stop! [runs off while continuously giving away money] There you go! What's happening to me?!
  • SpongeBob: What is going on around here?
  • Neptune's Trident: Ahem. [points to switch]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, what's this? [flips switch and makes the trident bigger] Whoa! My spatula is magic!
  • The Greek Chorus: Magic, magic, magic.
  • SpongeBob: This is awesome! I will use this magic spatula to help everyone.
  • [SpongeBob runs off to test the trident. The scene changes to SpongeBob walking down the street with the trident.]
  • Ivy: I'll have two, please.
  • [The baby loses his pacifier and cries. SpongeBob takes notice of the baby's dilemma.]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] I'll help you, baby! Boing!
  • [He shoots some of the trident's power and walks off. The trident's magic makes the pacifier into a monster. The monster pacifier grabs and eats the baby. SpongeBob takes notice of a man trying to grow his grass.]
  • Harold: What's wrong, grass? Why won't you grow? Talk to me. [hovers the ground]
  • [SpongeBob shoots some of the trident's power at the ground and grows grass. SpongeBob turns and leaves. However, unbeknownst to him, the grass grew larger and come alive.]
  • Grass: We'll do more than just talk to yous! Let's see how you like getting mowed!
  • [The magic grass chase Harold with the lawn mower. SpongeBob climbs onto a rock.]
  • SpongeBob: There is no problem I cannot solve, for I am SpongeBob, Emperor of the Sea! [trident magically turns SpongeBob into a God] Hey, get outta here, you pesky jellyfish!
  • The Greek Chorus: Whoa, slow your roll! Only Neptune, true ruler of the sea, can control the trident.
  • Neptune's Trident: [laughs]
  • [Meanwhile, King Neptune is having a chat with his wife, Queen Amphitrite.]
  • King Neptune: So I say, "Look, Zeus, either you come up with more money or Neptune walks."
  • [Queen Amphitrite laughs. However, she becomes scared and hides in the sand.]
  • Baby Kraken: There he is, ma! That's the man who hit me! [sobs]
  • Mother Kraken: Don't cry, baby. Mother will handle this. [snarls]
  • King Neptune: Let us battle! [takes out SpongeBob's spatula] Take that! [splatters grease on the mother Kraken's dress]
  • Mother Kraken: Huh? This is dry-clean only, you monster!
  • King Neptune: [looks at spatula] "Property of SpongeBob?"
  • [The mother Kraken roars.]
  • King Neptune: Uh-oh.
  • [The mother Kraken punches King Neptune far out into the distance. The scene changes to Patrick eating an ice cream cone just as SpongeBob arrives.]
  • Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob. You look so sparkly today.
  • SpongeBob: Of course I do, for I am SpongeBob, Emperor of the Sea. [light shines down on SpongeBob]
  • Patrick: Oh. [Patrick's ice cream melts] No! My ice cream! Ooh, why is the world so full of pain? [sobs and eats the cone]
  • SpongeBob: Fear not, bestest of friends. You shall have all the ice cream you could ever eat!
  • The Greek Chorus: No, you'll only make it worse!
  • [SpongeBob uses the trident's power to bring an ice cream truck to Patrick. However, the trident drops the truck and makes it flat, making dozens of ice cream fall out.]
  • Patrick: Ahhh! Best day ever! [grabs some ice cream]
  • Ice Cream Man: No, worse day ever. [slips] Oh, my back.
  • The Greek Chorus: See?
  • SpongeBob: I can fix this!
  • [SpongeBob uses the trident's power to repair the truck and put all of the ice cream back.]
  • Ice Cream Man: Hooray! [rides away]
  • Patrick: Boo!
  • SpongeBob: I think I know a way to make you both happy.
  • The Greek Chorus: You really don't. How do you not get that by now?
  • [SpongeBob climbs on top of Patrick's head and uses the trident's power form a geyser that spews ice cream from the ground.]
  • Patrick: An ice cream geyser!
  • [Patrick plugs his mouth through the opening of the geyser and eats a vast amount of ice cream. In doing so, he ends up getting stuck at the very top of the geyser and gets brain-freeze.]
  • Patrick: Brain freeze! I can't eat it all! Ah, I've never been more disappointed in myself.
  • [The geyser sends a torrent of ice cream and floods most of Bikini Bottom. People are running for their lives to escape the flood.]
  • Medley Fishbowl: Ooh, I like choc...[gets caught in the torrent]
  • Fred: [floats on a cherry] Oh, the creamy delicious horror.
  • Patrick: Save us, SpongeBob! Save us! No wait. [eats some more ice cream] Okay, now save us!
  • SpongeBob: Stop, ice cream! Stop! Stop!
  • [SpongeBob uses the trident's power to stop the geyser. Patrick lands safely on the ground. However, the geyser erupts ice cream again.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, I just made it worse! Patrick, I've ruined everything.
  • Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob, I wouldn't say that.
  • Shubie: Our baby!
  • Harold: I'll never mow you again!
  • Mr. Krabs: Take me money!
  • Patrick: [gets hit by a coin] Ow! Okay, SpongeBob, you ruined everything.
  • SpongeBob: No sponge should have this much power.
  • The Greek Chorus: We told you so.
  • SpongeBob: Not helping!
  • King Neptune: Well, maybe I can help. I believe I have something of yours. [holds up spatula]
  • SpongeBob: My spatula! Then what's this?
  • King Neptune: That is my trident!
  • SpongeBob: Well, take your trident. I don't want it anymore.
  • [The trident zaps King Neptune.]
  • SpongeBob: Whoa! Stop! That wasn't me.
  • The Greek Chorus: Too long away from its true master, the trident has run wild.
  • Male Greek Singer: What a jerk.
  • Neptune's Trident: [laughs and shoots bolts]
  • SpongeBob: Sorry! Pardon me! It's stuck!
  • [King Neptune fights off the trident's power with SpongeBob's spatula.]
  • SpongeBob: Ahh! Make it stop!
  • [King Neptune continues to fight until he manages to snatch the trident from SpongeBob's hands.]
  • King Neptune: You have been one naughty trident!
  • Neptune's Trident: [whimpers]
  • King Neptune: Oh, I can't stay mad at you.
  • [The trident affectionately licks King Neptune.]
  • King Neptune: Now let's see if we can fix all of this.
  • [King Neptune uses the trident's power to stop the geyser and reverse the damage SpongeBob did with it.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Give me back me money!
  • [Shubie carries her baby. Harold mows the lawn.]
  • Grass: Mow us good! [gets mowed]
  • King Neptune: You know, SpongeBob, your spatula is just as powerful as my trident.
  • SpongeBob: Really?
  • King Neptune: Ha! Not even close! [laughs] But it's still pretty great.
  • SpongeBob: Thanks for bailing me out, Neptune. If there's any way I can ever help you, just let me know.
  • King Neptune: Well, there is one way.
  • [The scene changes to King Neptune and SpongeBob riding on what appears to be a monstrous Krabby Patty.]
  • King Neptune: There they are!
  • [The two Krakens gasp.]
  • SpongeBob: Let's get 'em!
  • [SpongeBob and King Neptune chase the two Kraken with the monstrous Krabby Patty.]

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