Trenchbillies/transcript

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Trenchbillies
General
Season №:	7
Episode №:	142a
U.S. viewers (millions):	6.55
Airdate:	January 29, 2011
Chronology
Previous	"The Main Drain"
Next	"Sponge-Cano!"

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Trenchbillies" from season 7, which aired on January 29, 2011.

(SpongeBob and Patrick are watching jellyfish)

• Patrick: (whispering) What's he doing?
• SpongeBob: Um, just kinda sitting there.
• Patrick: How about now?
• SpongeBob: Still just like kinda sitting there, same thing.
• Patrick: How long have we been watching?
• SpongeBob: What time is it now?
• Patrick: 2:30 days
• SpongeBob: (counts fingers) 4 days or months or weeks.
• SpongeBob: Patrick, it's moving!
• Patrick: Ready to go for it?
• SpongeBob: Like Mr. Krabs says, it's now or never!
• Patrick: When does he say that?
• SpongeBob: Usually on his way to the Men's room...BANZAI!
• Patrick: Hey, that's usually what I say! a New Sponge CD.

(SpongeBob and Patrick begin chasing the jellyfish)

• SpongeBob: Patrick, he's taking evasive action. its Now on DVD!
• Patrick: We better fake him. Its Aslo On VHS And Bluray
• SpongeBob: I'll fake left, you go right!
• Patrick: Roger that! (runs left)
• SpongeBob: Other right, Patrick!
• SpongeBob and Patrick: (in slow motion) (jumping to catch the jellyfish) NONOYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES- (the two collide in mid-air)
• SpongeBob: Ow, I think p ruptured a spleen...
• Patrick: I think I shattered my abacus.
• SpongeBob: Your what?
• Patrick: My abacus. (takes out his abacus) Nope. Seems okay...

(The jellyfish flies by)

• SpongeBob: Patrick! There it goes! Now Its Ready To Fly GO!!!!!! (The two begin chasing it again)
• SpongeBob: Don't stop now Patrick, we're gaining on him! I Know How To DO THAT!!!!

(SpongeBob and Patrick laugh and they fall off a cliff)

• SpongeBob and Patrick: AAAAAAAHHH!!! We Better GET OUT of The Center Wait! GET A POOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

(Cuts to a small village inside a trench)

• Cletus: (heading into outhouse) Well, it's now or never.(SpongeBob and Patrick fall onto the outhouse as Cletus walks into it)
• SpongeBob: Ehhh.
• Trenchbillie: You boys are mighty colorful, a smidget too colorful, if ya' ask me.
• Cletus: (climbs out of hole) And too darn heavy.
• SpongeBob: Well, actually Patrick has been trying to shed a few-(The trenchbillies capture them with a rope and they scream)
• Cletus: Tell it to Ma Angler...(The trenchbillies carry them on a pole to Ma Angler's house)
• Trenchbillies: (all talking)(Cuts to Ma Angler's house)
• Ma Angler: Now tell me now, what was it ya'lls was doin' down yonder at the outhouse in the first place.
• Cletus: I dun told ya' Ma, there I was doin' my duty, just like any other Sunday...(flashback)
• Cletus: (heading into outhouse) Well, it's now or never.(flashback stops) When not so much as a warning shout, these here varmints dun dropped. Right out of the wild, black yonder, smack-dab onto my noggin!
• SpongeBob: We're really sorry about interrupting your-
• Jordan Klein: Y'all hush up!
• Ma Angler: Now Cletus, is this another one of your tall tales, you tend to tell?
• Cletus: I-I-I swears I ain't fibbin' Ma!
• Ma Angler: Cletus.
• Cletus: Just ask Uncle Belcher. He'll tell you the whole story.
• Uncle Belcher: (belches)
• Cletus: See.
• Ma Angler: Well, I must admit one thing, they is awfully pretty...Nevertheless, as leader of this here clan, which I is, I must subject these two pretty folk, to clan initiation rights to deem their worthy.
• SpongeBob: Umm...
• Patrick: Worthy of what?
• SpongeBob: ...specifically.
• Ma Angler: livin'...(SpongeBob and Patrick gulp) Theether! Go on and get your fiddle.
• SpongeBob: Look, Patrick! He's gonna play us a little song.(He plays a short tune)
• SpongeBob: Short song.
• Patrick: SpongeBob, I think this is meant to be a-a musical challenge.
• SpongeBob: Challenge?(The trenchbillie plays another short tune) Patrick, we don't even have an instrument to play.(He plays yet another song, a bit longer this time)
• Patrick: Yeah, and soon we won't have anything to play it with...
• SpongeBob: Huh! Patrick! Hang on... (SpongeBob whispers to a trenchbillie)(The trenchbillie takes off his suspenders and gives them to SpongeBob)
• Patrick: SpongeBob, don't leave me!
• SpongeBob: Wouldn't dream of it, Patrick.
• Patrick: Alright!(The trenchbillie continues to play his fiddle) (Patrick begins playing a tune, using SpongeBob's body, Patrick and the Trenchbillie play back and forth, very fast)(The trenchbillie eventually explodes and Patrick wins, stars fall from the sky)
• SpongeBob: Well, Patrick even though you won, it looks like he was the real star. hahaha (Patrick smiles)
• Ma Angler: Betsy!
• Betsy: Yes ma'am?
• Ma Angler: It's time for a hootin' and hollarin' contest.
• Betsy: (clears throat) (begins yodeling)
• SpongeBob: Patrick, it's a singing competition, what are we gonna do?
• Patrick: I don't know. But I am a sure thirsty after that fiddlin' (drinks soda)
• SpongeBob: Hey, give me some of that! (begins drinking the soda)(Both SpongeBob and Patrick burp VERY loudly and long)
• Trenchbillies: Yee-haww!!
• SpongeBob: Looks like we're on a roll, ay, Patrick?(Cuts to outside, where a wrestling match is taking place)
• Ma Angler: I just love me some wrestlin' and tusslin'(One of the wrestlers in thrown through Ma Angler's roof)(SpongeBob and Patrick clap and SpongeBob whistles)
• Patrick: Let me see more. *SpongeBob: My compliments to the chef.
• Cletus: (pokes SpongeBob with a pitchfork) Your turn.
• SpongeBob: Hah! Well, actually, my friend and I, we don't like to wrestle.
• Ma Angler: Huh? You don't like to wrestle?
• SpongeBob: No, we're not the wrestling sort.
• Ma Angler: Well then, what in tarnation do you pretty-folk like to do for fun?
• SpongeBob: Well, uh-uh we like to go jellyfishing!
• Ma Angler: Jellyfishin'. What kinda tomfoolery is jellyfishin'?
• SpongeBob: Well, it goes something like this:(SpongeBob and Patrick pull out their nets and start running around and dancing)
• Cletus: What-the?
• Ma Angler: That's disgustin'
• SpongeBob: Now, Patrick! (they both jump into the air and collide in slow motion once again) Well, something like that anyway...
• Patrick: Nice knowing you buddy...
• Ma Angler: Well, I haven't seen anybody cut up like that 'round these parts, since we potty-trained Junior. (laughs) He was near about 13! (The trenchbillies all laugh)
• Cletus: Them boys is dumber than my box a' rotten teeth!(Cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick walking through a crowd of trenchbillies, with confetti)
• Cletus: Go get em' tiger!
• Jordan Klein: (crying) They grow up so fast.
• Ma Angler: As leader of this here clan, I heareby debut: Sponge-Joe-Bob and Derald, honorary trenchbillies. (hands them novelty teeth)(SpongeBob and Patrick both put in the teeth)
• Cletus: Speech! Speech!
• SpongeBob: Well, I guess if I were to say one thing, and I think I'm speaking for Patrick and myself here, is that y'all are a bunch a' real kind folks and it's been a real hoot gettin' to know y'all!(SpongeBob and Patrick walk away waving) Farewall, friendly trenchbillies. See ya' 'round
• Patrick: Toodles.
• Cletus: (stops them with a pitchfork) And where in square do you folk think you're goin'?
• SpongeBob: Over to home.
• Cletus: Well, you're one of our kind now, so this is your home, and as such, you've been givin' the great honor of takin' care a' Ma, for the rest of your natural-born lives...
• Patrick: Takin' care a' Ma?
• SpongeBob: For the rest of our natural-born lives?!
• Cletus: You know, carry her purse, give her cat massages, read her the Billy Shakespeare till' she falls asleep at night. Ah, Ma just loves this contaminer!
• SpongeBob: Well, that all sounds like a lot of fun, but I-I have responsibilities back home at Bikini Bottom. I have a pet snail to feed, and can't be late for work at the Krusty Krab!
• Patrick: Yeah and, it gives me a headache! (starts crying)
• Cletus: (swings pitchfork) You folks ain't goin' nowhere.
• SpongeBob: Oh please, Mr. Trenchbillie where can we-
• Patrick: Oh hey, your shoe's untied.
• Cletus: What? But I ain't even wearin'-(SpongeBob and Patrick are suddenly gone) Darn it.

(Cuts to Krusty Krab)

• Mr. Krabs: Well, what was I supposed to tell them, Squidward?
• Squidward: You could have told him that he could have his money back.
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, no I couldn't.
• Squidward: Why?
• Mr. Krabs: Because, I already put it in the register!

(SpongeBob and Patrick burst through the door)

• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! We just escaped from an angry mob of deep sea bunkins!
• Patrick: It was horrible! They were gonna stay forever and massage their gramma.
• Mr. Krabs: So. Why ya' telling me?
• SpongeBob: Because they followed us here.(The trenchbillies show up at the door)

(SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs all scream)(The trenchbillies storm in and begin destroying the Krusty Krab's possessions)

• Cletus: Come on out! We know you're in there!
• Mr. Krabs: (nervous) Welcome to the Krusty Krab. May I take your order?
• Cletus: Umm, sure. I'll have me a large Krabby Patty with aah, a cola! and A' Lemon-lime!(Shows the trenchbillies all eating)
• Mr. Krabs: Keep them coming, SpongeBob! This is the most business in a long time!
• SpongeBob: Ay, Ay, Captain! I'm gonna get some more buns. Coming UP!
• Ma Angler: More! More! More! More! (a trenchbillie shoves Krabby Patties into her mouth using a shovel)
• Mr. Krabs: Oh yeah, that's what I like to see. She's gonna make customer of the week.
• Cletus: (pokes Mr. Krabs with his pitchfork) We catch anyone makin' goo-goo eyes like that at out Ma, it can only mean one thing: He's gonna get hitched!
• Mr. Krabs: (gulps)No!(Shows Mr. Krabs and Ma Angler in a car riding away) Noooooo!!!! NO! NO!

(Ma Angler kisses Mr. Krabs)

(Spongebob, Patrick and others waving hands, the heart animation appears when the crowds says loud: spongebob! spongebob! when the episode ends)