Toy Store of Doom/transcript

This program is rated TV-PG-L. Infrequent Coarse Language Template:BTranscript SpongeBob and Patrick are relaxing on Squidward's couch.

SpongeBob: Huh...Patrick

Patrick: Yeah?

SpongeBob: Whaddya wanna do today?

Patrick: I don't know.

SpongeBob: Well, I guess we could play something. How about a yo-yo?

Patrick: No.

SpongeBob: Buried Treasure Board Game?

Patrick: Nah.

SpongeBob: Dollies?

Patrick: Hm.....nope. No. Nope. Nope. Uh-uh. No. Nah. SpongeBob: How about this?

Old Man Jenkins: Hello.

Patrick: Uh-uh.

SpongeBob: Hey, we could play with our Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy action figures! Ew. Barnacle Boy's all chewed up. And slimy.

Patrick: (chewing a Mermaid Man action figure) Yeah, that'll happen.

SpongeBob: Ugh, there is just nothing to play with.

Patrick: Well, there's gotta be somethng we can do.

Squidward: (walks out of the shower) Ladda-de ladd-dum ladda-do... Hey! What are you doing in my house?

SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward. Can you think of anything fun we can do?

Squidward: GET OUT!!!

Patrick: We hadn't thought of that one.

Squidward: (pushes SpongeBob, Patrick, and a pile of toys out the door) I believe this pile of (bleep) belongs to you. (throws Old Man Jenkins out the door)

Old Man Jenkins: Where we goin' now, boys?

Patrick: I'm so (bleep) bored. There's gotta be something we can do! (A helicopter drops a billboard, they follow the billboards)

SpongeBob and Patrick: (reading) It's Coming! (not reading) Oh, boy! (singing) It's coming! It's coming! It's coming!

Patrick: (reading another billboard) Almost there!

SpongeBob and Patrick: We're almost there!

Patrick: (reading another biilboard) Here it is!

SpongeBob: (reading another billboard) Welcome to Bikini Bottom's newest... (reading another billboard) Toy store! (not reading) Ahhhhh!

Patrick: Ohhhhh!

SpongeBob: Oh yeah!

SpongeBob and Patrick: Yeah! Whoooo!

SpongeBob: Well, we're here.

Patrick: But where's the toy store?

SpongeBob: Well, I guess it's not open yet.

Patrick: Not...open?

(Starts to cry. SpongeBob starts crying too. They hug. A crane drops the new toy store onto the ground. A construction worker comes out of the crane)

Construction worker: What are you cryin' about? (grabs the top of Patrick's head)

Patrick: We wanted to go to the toy store but it's not open yet.

Construction worker: Well, it's open now. Look! See? Feel better now?

Patrick: Mm-hm.

Construction woker: Then quit yer cryin' and get the hell in there! (throws Patrick into the toy store)

SpongeBob: I got this. (throws himself into the toy store) Patrick! Patrick, get up...

Patrick: Uh, no thanks. I'm good down here.

SpongeBob: Look. Wow! (gasp!) Patrick, look at that. (points at a cashier)

Patrick: Wow.

Steve the Cashier: Can I help you?

SpongeBob: That depends. Tell me. Do you like to sing?!

Steve: Oh, no.

SpongeBob: Ahem! (puts some spray in his mouth then plays a harmonica then begins to sing)

Narrator: Several song-filled hours later...

SpongeBob: (singing) Toys! Glorious toys! La, la, la! Toys! Yeah! (not singing) Hey, Patrick.

Patrick: (winding a wind-up toy) Hey, SpongeBob. Dude, what with the tutu?

SpongeBob: It's not a tutu! It's a man-tu! You can tell because it has (manly voice) extra support. (normal voice) I got the last one.

Patrick: Uh-huh. (grunts then lets go of the wind-up toy. It rams into a fish.)

Fish: Aaahhhhhhhhh!

SpongeBob: What a great day! I hope it never ends!

Patrick: Never!

Voice on loudspeaker: Attention, shoppers, the store is now closed. Please exit immediately.

Baby: (cries) I don't wanna go!

Timmy: (is being dragged by his daddy) Dad! I want it! (runs back onto the scene but then his dad takes him back) No! (grunts) Ah!

SpongeBob: Aw, (bleep). The store's closing. We'll have to leave now.

Patrick: What part of "never" do you not understand?

SpongeBob: Patrick, we have to leave.

Patrick: Huh! I'm not moving.

SpongeBob: But they'll just come and kick us out!

Patrick: Not if we hide.

SpongeBob: Hide? Isn't that kinda sneaky?

Patrick: Oh, it's sneaky alright. Very sneaky. C'mon, haven't you always wanted to have a toy store all to yourself?

SpongeBob: No. But I do now. What do we do first?!

Patrick: We need to find a hiding spot where they'll never find us. And I know just the place.

Spongebob: A strip club?

Patrick: What? (bleep) that! I was sort of thinking of something more claustrophobic.

Guard worm: (barks and sniffs a doll house)

Security guard: Come on, boy. Let's go. The store is empty, so go ahead and lock 'er up, Frank.

Steve: My name is Steve.

Security guard: Whatever craps your pants, Frank.

Patrick: The coast is clear.

(Tries to get out of the doll house)

Patrick: Push, SpongeBob! Push! Push, man, push! (squeezes out of the doll house) Okay, SpongeBob gimmie your hand. That's my boy. Brace yourself.

(Pulls SpongeBob out of the doll house and pounds in the chest)

SpongeBob: Thanks, pal. Well, we did it. Yay! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

Patrick: Yay! Oh, this is so awesome.

SpongeBob: Nothing can ruin it!

(The lights turn off. SpongeBob and Patrick run through the store while screaming. They eventually crash into each other.)

SpongeBob: Patrick, is that you?

Patrick: What?

SpongeBob: I said, "Is that you?"

Patrick: I can't hear you! It's too dark in here! Don't worry. I'll just use my Night Vision.

SpongeBob: You have Night Vision?

Patrick: (turns on his Night Vision) Yeah.

SpongeBob: How long have you had that?

Patrick: Remember that flashlight I shoved up my head?

SpongeBob: Oh, yeah.

Patrick: Well, I guess it worked its way up into my brain. (The flashlight burns out.) (bleep) The batteries are dead! It's dark... and scary!

SpongeBob: Calm down, buddy. We just need to find a light switch. But ya have to put me down first.

Patrick: Yeah. Right, SpongeBob. I let you down, we find the light switch, and everything turns up peachy.

SpongeBob: Yes.

Patrick: Look around you, SpongeBob! We're surrounded!

SpongeBob: By... toys?

Patrick: That...want...to...get us.

SpongeBob: Gah!!! Eeeeeeee!!!

SpongeBob and Patrick: Aaahhhhhh!!!! (They see a shadow of a moving figure). Aaahhhh!

(SpongeBob and Patrick continue screaming, but they get onto some skates while they run. Then they bump into balls. The shadow continues to chase them, so they hide in a gumball machine).

Patrick: Are we gonna hide in here for the rest of our lives?

SpongeBob: No.

Patrick: Are we going to the ladies's room again?

SpongeBob: No. We're going to fight back and we are going to win!

SpongeBob and Patrick: (grab cans of bubbles, licorice ropes, and paint. They gear up and try to look like The A-Team).

Patrick: That was fun! Now let's dress up like fairy princesses! (The shadow appears and is revealed to be the toy that Patrick had wound up earlier).

SpongeBob: Ready, Patrick?

Patrick: Let's get some!

SpongeBob and Patrick: (blow bubbles at the wind-up toy. It keeps going) Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! Nothing can stop it!

SpongeBob: It was nice knowin' ya, pal.

Patrick: I know. I'm an interesting guy.

(SpongeBob and Patrick hug and cry. The toy stops. Patrick winds it up again)

SpongeBob: Patrick, don't!

Patrick: What?

SpongeBob and Patrick: Aaahhhhhhhh!

Steve: (opens the store again) The Toy Barrel is now open for business. Prepare for more fun than you've ever had.

Kids: (cheering)

SpongeBob and Patrick: (run out of the store)

SpongeBob: My eyes!!

Patrick: (carries a boy) With Neptune as my witness, may you never experience the terrors that are inside that store. Hey, they're open! (runs to the store and laughs) I love toys!