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To Save a Squirrel (transcript)

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Transcript Information
To Save a Squirrel
General
Season №: 5
Episode №: 95b
Airdate: November 23, 2007
Chronology
Previous: The Inmates of Summer
Next: Pest of the West
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "To Save a Squirrel" from season five, which aired on November 23, 2007.

  • [SpongeBob and Patrick are screaming]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Sandy! Sandy! Sandy! Sandy!
  • Sandy: What the? [SpongeBob and Patrick get inside Sandy's air suit. Sandy takes them out and SpongeBob and Patrick are in a muttering worry] Whoa there! Calm down! Tell me what happened.
  • Patrick: SpongeBob and I are being chased by the Sandwich Beast!
  • SpongeBob: And he's going to eat us!!!!!!
  • Sandy: Oh no he ain't!
  • [The little cricket in a air helmet shows up]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [both scream] There it is!
  • Sandy: [laughs] This little guy? Why, it's just a little cricket, he's a land creature just like me! The poor thing must have gotten lost. Oh, he's not going to hurt ya. See? [SpongeBob and Patrick faint when Sandy shows them the "Sandwich Beast"]
  • Sandy: Aahh, let's get you back home you little fella! [blows a bubble to the grasshopper] There you go!
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick cry]
  • Sandy: [sighs] I don't have time for this, I'm late for my survival training camp.
  • SpongeBob: Survival training camp??!! Patrick and I love camping!
  • Patrick: Can we come???!!
  • Sandy: This is ain't 'ordinary camping trip, I go out into the wild armed only with my bare hands, my quick wits, this harpoon, and 65 pounds of dynamite [shows the dynamite]. Out in the wild, it's eat or be eaten. You have to be willing to do anything when you're alone in the wild. You two wouldn't last a single day!
  • SpongeBob: Hey!
  • Patrick: What so?
  • SpongeBob: We'll have you know that just the other day Squidward commented at our survival skills! [edit] The Other Day
  • Squidward: You two are harder to get rid of than cockroaches!
  • SpongeBob: Thank you Squidward!
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick walk away]
  • Squidward: Grr! Grr! Agrr!! Grrr! [mutters while pinning on the SpongeBob and Patrick voodoo dolls] Why aren't these things working?! [edit] Out of the Daydream
  • Sandy: No way guys! This is a serious trip for hard-working survivalists only!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: But Sandy!!!
  • Sandy: No!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [scream as Sandy drives on her jeep, but SpongeBob and Patrick are already on it. They laugh]
  • SpongeBob: Sshhh!! We'll show Sandy we're tough as she is! [SpongeBob and Patrick have a rough shaking] I guess the road smoothed out. [The mountain Sandy is driving on is upside down, and SpongeBob and Patrick are screaming, fall from the truck, but drop in] That was a close one Patrick! Almost left in the wilderness... without Sandy! Nobody would know where to find us!
  • Patrick: Weird. There's a door back here too?
  • SpongeBob: No Patrick! No! [SpongeBob and Patrick scream and are drop with Food Box, water bottle, and tent after Patrick opens the door] Sandy wait! Sandy!!!!!!!Sandy!!!! Well, at least we have food, shelter, and water. I'll fix the tent while you start the campfire. Then when we're all done, I'll cook us some grub. Okay Patrick, we're almost done. We have fresh water, a rug gage tent for shelter...
  • Patrick: And a nice fire to keep us warm.
  • SpongeBob: Say, where did you get the firewood? [SpongeBob looks at the food box] You burnt our food supply??!!!! Oh-no! Quick! Quick! Cover it over something! [screams while Patrick puts the tent over the fire] Hey Patrick, nice job. [The fire burns the tent and SpongeBob] [SpongeBob puts the water over the water bottle and their supplies are wasted]
  • SpongeBob: Whew! Uh-oh, well, we burnt our food, ruined our tent, and lost all our water. Patrick, we're going to need to use our razor-sharp quick wits if we're going to make it out of here alive!
  • Patrick: Gotcha.
  • SpongeBob: Okay. Here's the plan..
  • Patrick: Oh-no! No! No! Whoah! Whoah! You made the last decision! My turn.
  • SpongeBob: Sure Patrick, what do you think we should do??
  • Patrick: Um...maybe,...uh...
  • SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick?
  • Patrick: Oh for crying out loud SpongeBob, I didn't rush you when it was your turn!
  • SpongeBob: Sorry, sorry, take your time. [months pass, many nights have gone, winter come, and they become old]
  • Patrick: Uhhh.. [rain and thunderbolts come] Oh shoot! I forgot what I was going to say!
  • SpongeBob: No hurry Patrick.
  • Patrick: Do you wanna go play hide and go-seek?
  • SpongeBob: Sure. Let's go play in that cave over there.
  • [They go to the cave]
  • SpongeBob: I like it here. It's rooooooomy, and best of all, we have this cave all to ourselves.
  • Strange Voice: Ahh, hoo-heeheeheeheeheehee.
  • SpongeBob: Huh? Mice. We'll have the night here, and head home tomorrow.
  • Old Cave Fish: Home? This is your new home. You'll be here forever just like me! [laughs. Patrick joins his laughing. ]
  • Patrick: Aahh, good times.
  • SpongeBob: What do you mean we'll be here forever? How long have you been here?
  • Fish: 40 years I've been here. There's ain't no way out of this valley. You're stuck in here' with me for the rest of your lives!
  • SpongeBob: We'll be here forever? We're doomed!'
  • Patrick: Are you kidding? That old coot's been here for years! Look at him: he's in great shape! Look at his muscular arms, his rock-hard abs, and a great complexion, why, he's glowing with health.
  • SpongeBob: You're right Patrick, but what are we going to eat, where will we sleep?
  • Patrick: I don't know about you, but I've got all the comforts of home right here. [goes inside his rock home]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick's right. If I'm stuck here, I should make enough of it. I should build myself a new home. [builds sand home that looks like his Pineapple Home only made out of sand and has some texture and details, but it is connected to the ground] There, just like my pineapple in Bikini Bottom...only, smaller, [grunts because he sits on the top of the sharp leaves of the sand pineapple home] comfy, safe and sound in my own little home.
  • Cave Fish: Safe? You're never safe out here in the wild! If I were you, I'd keep an eye on that big fella.
  • SpongeBob: Patrick? Do'h! Patrick is my best friend! He wouldn't hurt me.
  • Cave Fish: He's a big boy! Wait until when he gets hungry! It's eat or be eaten! [Patrick chews on his arm]
  • SpongeBob: [screams] He's got the taste of flesh!
  • SpongeBob: Hey Patrick.
  • Patrick: Hey SpongeBob. [his stomach growls]
  • SpongeBob: Sounds like you're hungry.
  • Patrick: Oh, boy am I! I'm ssoooooo hungry, I could eat anything! I could eat an entire sponge..
  • SpongeBob: [screams and runs away]
  • Patrick: ...cake. I was just going to share my golden sponge cake with him. It has delicious cream filling too! [eats the cake]
  • SpongeBob: It's all true! Patrick is going to eat me! What should I do?
  • Cave Fish: You've got to protect yourself! What you need is a fort!
  • SpongeBob: This fort replica of the Krusty Krab should protect me from that fiend: Patrick! [screams] He's onto me! Must hide! [hides in the sand replica of the Krusty Krab]. Ha,ha, I'm safe, Patrick can't get me in here, [laughs], I don't need to go outside, I have everything I need right here! [makes tools out of sand] Spatula. [makes a sand patty] Now I just need some buns. [makes sand buns, takes a bite] Oh, crunchy. [spits the patty out] I can't take it! [blows up the sand replica of the Krusty Krab] I need some real food!
  • Cave Fish: Remember kid, it's eat or be eaten.
  • SpongeBob: Yyyess! Yyeess! I shall eat Patrick before he eats meee! [SpongeBob fries Patrick's arm on a pan while Patrick is sleeping. Patrick smells the tasty aroma of his hand frying in smoke by SpongeBob's frying pan]
  • Patrick: Something smells good. What are you cooking SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: I'm cooking you, I'm gonna eat ya!
  • Patrick: [screams] Why do you want to eat me?
  • SpongeBob: I know what you're doing, you're playing dumb, but it won't work, because I'm going to eat you before you eat me!
  • Patrick: Well not if I eat you first!
  • SpongeBob: Oh no you don't! [hurries to get Patrick] Where'd he go? Come on out, Patrick. You can't hide forever! What's this? [realizes he's in a warm boiling pot of water] ,warm water?
  • Patrick: You seem kinda tense, so I made you a hot tub of water.
  • SpongeBob: Ah thanks Patrick! I did get a trifle unhinged, didn't I?
  • Patrick: Oops, I forgot the bathbeads!
  • SpongeBob: Thanks Patrick! You're a real pal! Funny looking bathbeads. They almost look like carrots. CARROTS?! You're making soup out of me!
  • Patrick: No it's not! It was supposed to stew!! [runs, then becomes tired] Whew! I'm getting tired.
  • SpongeBob: Why don't you take a nap on this nice, soft bed? [it's a white wheat bread], there, that's it. There, a nice soft blanket [it's another white wheat bread with a toothpick and olive], and what's a little blanket without a little ketchup?
  • Patrick: This isn't a bed!
  • SpongeBob: Wait! Come back! You're not completely seasoned! [Patrick grabs the ketchup bottle and sprays ketchup all over SpongeBob] [screams and runs away from Patrick. SpongeBob grabs back the ketchup bottle]
  • Patrick: Give me that ketchup back!
  • SpongeBob: No!
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick fight over the ketchup bottle, and cover each other with ketchup]
  • SpongeBob: Gotcha! [tries to bite Patrick]
  • Patrick: No, got you! [tries to bite SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: I got you! [tries to bite Patrick. The Cave Fish claps his hands]
  • Cave Fish: Congratulations! You did it!
  • SpongeBob: Did what?
  • Patrick: What?
  • Cave Fish: Earned your survivalist medals, of course! Only a hard course would break down and eat his best pal!
  • Patrick: Why do you care if we're survivalists?
  • Cave Fish: Cause I'm not just some old hermit.
  • Sandy: I'm [rips her costume out] Sandy Cheeks! Survivalist extraordinaire!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Sandy?
  • Sandy: It was no accident that you fell out of truck, I was just testing your survival skills.
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: You planned this?
  • Sandy: Yup. And I'm happy to say that you both passed! Here's your survivalist medals! [gives them their medals. SpongeBob and Patrick cheer]
  • SpongeBob: Wow! It's great to have our medals, but I'm still hungry. [picks up his ketchup bottle]
  • Patrick: Me too. [SpongeBob and Patrick plan to eat ketchup squirrel]
  • Sandy: Guys? What'd ya doing? Aah, fellas?
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Eat or be eaten!!
  • Sandy: Uh-oh! Next time I'll bring more granola! [runs away from the cave]

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