Patrick: I'm it! [SpongeBob trips over a rock and falls over a cliff, screaming] SpongeBob! [SpongeBob falls into a hole covered with wood] Hang on, buddy, I'm coming! AHHHH! [He jumps into the hole and falls on SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Whoa, what is this place?
SpongeBob and Patrick:[are on a pirate's ship]
Patrick: Look at all these cool stuff! [runs over to the wheel where a skeleton wearing a hat is. Pushes the skeleton out of the way] I'm the captain! [rolls the wheel] Yo, ho, ho, ya mateys! Arr! [climbs a net with SpongeBob, who has now have captain's clothes on and so does Patrick. They are fighting with swords] Got ya! En garde! [gets to the top with SpongeBob and walks with him while they hit each other's sword with their swords and Patrick almost falls off the edge but SpongeBob pulls him back] Thanks, SpongeBob. I guess we better be more careful.
SpongeBob: Let's go back to the main deck.
Patrick: Okay. [walks right and SpongeBob walks left and Patrick screams]
SpongeBob: Patrick! [sees a hole and slides down a pole] I'm coming, buddy! Patrick? [goes into the hole] Patrick!
Patrick:[in a treasure box full of gold coins and there are coins everywhere] Ooh, shiny and smooth. [flicks a coin at SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Wow, what's this? [reads the coin] Mauna Loa. [watch beeps] Oh, I'm late! Gotta get to work! [drops the coin. Patrick pulls his pants and the coin comes into his pants. scene cuts to the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob: ♪Mauna Loa, how I love ya, oh, my secret lovin' hideaway! My Mauna Loa bay-a bay!♪
Squidward: SpongeBob... SpongeBob... SpongeBob... SpongeBob! What are you doing? I've been saying I needed a Krabby Patty about a bajillion times! And you w— What the...? Ha, ha, ha! Nice patty, Michelangelo! Ha! [sees a mini copy of the Mauna Loa but made with the patty] I hope you're not expecting an award anytime soon. Ha, ha, ha, ha!
SpongeBob: Oh, that's just my secret— [covers his mouth and puts the ship in the garbage. He makes a patty quick] Here you go.
Squidward: Forest freak.
SpongeBob: Whew, that was a close one!
Patrick:[Patrick opens the door] Hey, SpongeBob, check out the new t-shirt I just made! [shirt says, "Follow Me to the Mauna Loa"] Secret hideout, secret hideout, secret hideout, secret hideout, secret hideout, secret hide—
SpongeBob:[covers Patrick's mouth] Patrick, please! What are you trying to do?! Give away our secret hideout?! Give me that!
Mr. Krabs: What's all the racket?!
SpongeBob: Uh, sorry, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Patrick, if you're going to distract me fry cook, the least you can do is buy some grub!
Patrick: You got it, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Back to work, boy.
SpongeBob: Sure thing. [flips a patty on the grill and a bell gongs. He imagines himself in a pirate costume] Arr! Oh, looks like the work day's over. See you tomorrow, sir! [throws his hat on a hook]
Mr. Krabs: That's odd. [Patrick is searching his pocket for money]
Patrick: Hmm, well, let's see.
SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick. We've got to get back to our playground.
Patrick: Keep the change, my good man!
Squidward:[looks at the change] Hmm, a gum wrapper and a coin that says "Mauna Loa".
Mr. Krabs: Mauna Loa?! As in the shipwreck Mauna Loa? Legend has it that the largest unfound pirate booty lies in a truance. I have been searching for this treasure during me entire adult life. Lookin' over every nook, every cranny, every denture. Once I get me claws on it, I'll be the richest crustacean in the world!
Squidward: Well, I guess that explains this. [pulls out the ship from the garbage]
Mr. Krabs: Hmm, looks like him and Patrick are trying to haul the loot for themselves. Come on, Squidward. We got to let those two dingalees lead us straight to the Mauna Loa!
Squidward: Actually, I have a hot date with my toenail clippers tonight, but I thought of that.
[bubble transition changes the scene]
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, do you think we gave away too much about our secret hideout?
Patrick: Oh, jeez, SpongeBob, who cares if everyone knows about our secret hideout?
SpongeBob: Doesn't that make the secret hideout a little less secrety?
Patrick: No. It's just a secret that everybody knows about. [seaweed is moving] What's wrong, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Just as I thought. We're being followed. That's it! [goes to the seaweed, opens it, but no one's there] Heh, looks like no one was following us to the secret hideout after all!
Mr. Krabs: Found it!
SpongeBob: Hey, were you following us?
Mr. Krabs: No. I just saw the sign.
[Patrick paints the words "SpongeBob and Patrick's Secret Hideout." SpongeBob sighs. Bubble transition changes the scene]
Mr. Krabs: So you thought you could hide the treasure from old Mr. Krabs, did ya?
SpongeBob: I'm not aware of any treasure. But I suppose since you're such a nice boss, you can hang out at the hideout. Just as long as you keep it a secret.
Mr. Krabs:[mimicking SpongeBob] Yeah, yeah, nobody's treasure. You're such a nice boss. You expect me to believe this malarkey?! [SpongeBob and Patrick nod] You're a stonewall, eh? We'll see about that! [shines a flashlight into SpongeBob and Patrick's eyes] Where'd you two blunders find the gold coin?
SpongeBob: If my eyes weren't burning like they were full of lava, I could show you.
Mr. Krabs:[turns off the flashlight] Heh, jokers.
[Bubble transition changes the scene]
Mr. Krabs:[laughs] I knew I'd find it! Check it out, fellas, cool, hard doubloons!
SpongeBob: Uh, you might want to take a closer look at your coinage.
Mr. Krabs: Eh? What's this? "Token Has No Monetary Value?" Tokens?! This must be a decoy. [smashes two barrels on the ground]
SpongeBob: Ahoy, Mr. Krabs! Maybe they hid the loot off ship in that shed!
Mr. Krabs:[zooms to the shed and jumps inside] Whee-hee! What the barnacle? Well, it's just full of tickets!
SpongeBob: Well, you usually find tickets in a ticket booth.
Mr. Krabs: Ticket booth?!
SpongeBob: And why are there height restrictions on the cruit?
Mr. Krabs: "Must Be This Tall To Ride?"
Patrick: Well, maybe they had something against short people. I like their little clothes.
[Bubble transition changes the scene]
SpongeBob: Captain's Quarters. There must be some treasure here, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs:[pushes SpongeBob out of the way] Out of me way, boy. [sees a treasure box] I knew it. The lost treasure of the Mauna Loa is finally mine! I can practically taste them jewels. [carries the treasure box but falls and the box breaks] It's a little lighter than I thought. Huh? It's empty. [throws the box on the ground] No good. Ha, ha, very clever, captain. Throw in Krabs, the old ringer, eh? You must have a treasure map or something. Where you keeping it? In your pocket? [taps the skeleton] Plastic? Hang on a minute. A plastic captain... a ticket booth... tokens? It's not the Wreck of the Mauna Loa, It's "The Wreck of the Mauna Loa" amusement park ride! [SpongeBob and Patrick gasp]
Patrick: No wonder we were so amused!
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'm not!
SpongeBob: Remember, you're always welcome back at the secret hideout.
Mr. Krabs: This place ain't got no treasure! Keep your worthless hunk of junk!
SpongeBob: Okay, but, would you mind keeping this worthless hunk of junk a secret? Wouldn't be much of a secret if we had a million people showing up!
Mr. Krabs: Oh-ho-ho, don't flatten yourself. People want to see the real thing! It's not like a million people just show up to an old amusement park ride for fun. [turns away but stops] Wait a minute. That's exactly what they do. Oh-ho-ho, brace yourself, fellas. Your hideaway's about to become the worst kept secret in the sea!
[Bubble transition changes the scene]
Squidward:[dressed as a pirate] Welcome to The Wreck of the Mauna Loa. Arr. How may I help you?
Dennis: I'll take 10 tokens, please.
Mr. Krabs:[into the megaphone] Step right up, don't be shy! Experience the amusement and terror of The Wreck of the Mauna Loa!
[Shows fish are on the boat that is swaying back and forth. A bell from the boat tolls]
Mr. Krabs:[again into the megaphone] That's right, folks! We spare no expect to restore this plastic ship to its former glory!
Nazz-Mimi: Sorry, honey, but you'll have to come back when you're a big boy.
Mr. Krabs: Oh-ho-ho, I disagree. I'd say the little [pushes the height restrictions into the ground] fella is just right. [laughs]
Patrick: And alas, even the joyous shrieks of children cannot lift my sunken heart!
SpongeBob: How 'bout another ride to cheer you up?
Patrick: Let's do this!
[SpongeBob, Patrick, and some fishes are on the boat, which is swinging back and forth]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoo-hoo! Ha, ha! Whoo-hoo! [Dale, Scooter and Abigail-Marge fall of the boat and they run away. Pieces fall from the boat, hitting the lever, moving it from slow to fast to beyond fast to beyond comprehension. The boat moves back and forth then it goes really fast causing it to go round and round in a circle. People fly out of the boat then the leg on the ground breaks and then the boat flies by itself then it crashes to the ground, causing it to break to pieces] Whoo-hoo! [whoop and laugh]
SpongeBob: That was awesome!
Patrick: Yeah! Totally realistic!
Tyler: Realistic? That realism nearly cost us our lives!
Sally: Mr. Krabs put all our lives in danger with this killest contraption!
Nazz-Mimi: What were you thinking? Our little boy could've been hurt on your disaster of a ride!
Mr. Krabs: Okay, people, let's not do anything we might regret!
Fish Cop: Too late for that, Krabs. [handcuffs Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: What—what—what are you talking about? You can't take me to the pokey! I—
Fish Cop: For operating a danger to public safety, I can and I will. Honestly, I think he'll be safer in prison.
[Bubble transition changes the scene. The sign says 'Condemned' on top of the sign that Patrick painted]
SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, I guess we really lost our secret hideout this time.
Patrick: And just when everyone was staring to find out about it, too.
SpongeBob: Oh, who knows, Patrick? The next fun, fun place might be just around the corner, huh?
Patrick: Well, I doubt it.
[SpongeBob and Patrick scream as they sink to the sand, slamming onto a floorboard. SpongeBob sees a sign]
SpongeBob: "The Real Mauna Loa?" Ooh, Patrick, do you want to keep a secret?