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[Movie starts with the 2013 Paramount Pictures logo. Once it appears, the scene cuts to black and then fades to the ocean water]
[The camera swiftly goes over it, including the Nickelodeon Movies logo popping out of the water, then going back in. The camera then looks both ways until we see the Bikini Atoll island as the camera then goes close and inside the island, through its jungle, until we see Burger-Beard the Pirate, pulling his boat, then looks at his map]
Burger-Beard: A-ha! [chuckles evilly, then goes and cuts his way into the island, humming, then grunting, as the opening titles read "Paramount Animation and Nickelodeon Movies present" and "A United Plankton Pictures Production" fading in & out. He then sees a sign saying "Booby Traps".] Eh? Booby traps?! [destroys the sign with his sword and steps on it while heading towards the temple where the book lies. Burger-Beard sighs passionately and then the movie's title screen cues] Oh, there you are, my lovely! [Burger-Beard then goes through series of booby traps that mostly include spikes coming out of stones laying on the ground, escaping them all by dancing and finally arriving to the skeleton holding the book.] Hmm, what's that? Take the book? I don't mind if I do! [pulls the book out of the skeleton's hands and lefts him. Skeleton then loses his head and starts falling on the ground upside-down while Burger-Beard starts admiring the book. Laughs] At last, it is mine! [talks to the book] Finally, you are mine! [skeleton then gets reassembled, rises, fixes up his head and faces him] Alright, let's do this! [skeleton prepares to fight him] Erbacks. Bring it on sketty! You don't scare me! [skeleton then starts punching Burger-Beard who either avoids his attacks or blocks them with the book while laughing. Soon skeleton punches him and he goes flying straight up in the air while screaming. Scene then cuts to seagulls playing cards on the deck of Burger-Beard ship while in the background, Burger-Beard is seen launched from the the Bikini Atoll and heading his ship while still screaming]
Seagull #1: You got any sevens?
Seagull #2: Go fish.
Burger-Beard:[crashes on the ship, scaring the seagulls away, stands up and leans his head towards the Bikini Atoll] Is that all ya got!? Huh? [laughs, kisses the book, puts the book under his left arm, grabs a rope hanging behind him with his right arm, and swings to the cockpit. Scene then cuts to the anchor getting pulled, then cuts to sails getting lowered and the then cuts to cockpit where Burger-Beard is seen leaning back due to the ship suddenly started moving while still holding the ship's wheel. Scene then cuts to show ship's stem breaking the waves and then cuts to Burger Beard standing on the ship's mainmast, just about to jump back to cockpit to press the "auto pirate" button. Once the ship gets set to "auto pirate," he laughs, sits on the cockpit to relax, sighs passionately and then takes the book he stole from the skeleton. Opens the covers to see a library's note with return date long past.] Man, this is way overdue. [opens the first page of the book and starts reading it aloud while camera zooms to a non-colored illustration of Bikini Bottom on the first page of the book] Once upon a time, under the sea, there was a little town called- [illustration soon gets colored and cartoon sequence starts] -Bikini Bottom. In this town, there was a place called- [cuts to the exterior of the Krusty Krab] -the Krusty Krab where folks would come to eat a thing called- [a real-life Krabby Patty covers the screen] -the Krabby Patty. [the scene then cuts to the SpongeBob's grill inside of the Krusty Krab where Krabby Patties are being grilled while steam is lifting in the air] Every greasy spoon has- [cuts french fries getting fired in an oil] -a fry cook and- [cuts to the desk with all Krabby Patty ingredients on it] -the one who worked here- [cuts to spatula that was being lowered from top of the screen to bottom] -was named- [SpongeBob puffs next to the grill while catching the spatula] -SpongeBob SquarePants-. [SpongeBob blinks with his shiny eyes]
[scene cuts to seagulls performing the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song on Burger Beard's ship while he is trying to calm them down. He then gets mad.]
Burger-Beard: Stop! [as they hear this, the seagulls stop before they finish performing the song and are then shown disappointed and Burger Beard then starts speaking while having his finger marking the page where he stopped reading] There's only one thing worse than a talking person, and that would be... SINGING BIRDS!
Seagull: Okay, I promise not to... ♪ sing! ♪ [another seagull covers his throat and points to a skeleton parrot band in a birdcage]
Skeleton Parrot #1: Take it from us.
Skeleton Parrot #2: You really don't mean singing birds.
Kyle:[as another seagull poops] Just keep reading. Please, Mr. Pirate, sir.
Burger-Beard: Come closer. Let me tell you the tale.
Seagull: Okay, start reading.
Burger-Beard: Not that close! [scares the seagull off as a couple more seagulls come in to listen, then turns the page] All right. Here we go. [scene changes to the Krusty Krab with falling Krabby Patties] Now, SpongeBob loved his job as a fry cook more than anything. [SpongeBob laughs as he goes into the Krusty Krab before the scene changes to SpongeBob happily polishing his snow globes before kissing one] And that is saying a lot. Because he loved everything! [scene cuts to SpongeBob hugging Gary in a blue background] He loved his pet snail, Gary. [Gary meows] He loved his best friend, Patrick. [Gary poofs into Patrick before he giggles][scene cuts to SpongeBob making his friends into bubbles] He loved blowing bubbles... [scene changes to SpongeBob catching a jellyfish while falling off a cliff] ...and jellyfishing.
SpongeBob: Whee! [scene cuts to SpongeBob happily making Krabby Patties]
Burger-Beard: He loved making Krabby Patties for the folks in Bikini Bottom.. [many Krabby Patties land on the customers' plates]...just as much as they loved eating them. [scene cuts to the customers' enjoying their Krabby Patties together, including Bubble-Bass, which his seat breaks] "Why," you may ask, "do they love this greasy meal sandwich so much? Why did they eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner... [scene cuts to show a customer eating a Krabby Patty while on a hospital bed and wearing a breathing mask] "...despite the doctor's warnings?"
Dr. Gill Giliam: He'll be gone in a week.
Evelyn: Oh, Harold! [sobs as she sadly bites into a Krabby Patty as the doctor does the same too, happily]
Burger-Beard: It was a secret. [scene cuts to a real-life Krabby Patty with many question marks in the background] No one was sure what was in those patties that made them so delicious. And frankly, no one cared, except for Plankton. [scene cuts to an embarrassed Plankton]
Plankton: Nah. [scene cuts to a crowded Krusty Krab before zooming to an empty Chum Bucket]
Burger-Beard: Plankton owned a restaurant right across the street from the Krusty Krab, where no one ate... [scene cuts to a disgusting chum patty before Plankton appears from behind] ...because the food was really bad!
Plankton: Now, is that really necessary? [the patty deflates a little]
Burger-Beard:[as the scene cuts to Plankton, wearing spy gear, tries to steal the formula] Plankton had made it his life's work to steal the recipe. [after Plankton chuckles evilly, SpongeBob vacuums him up]
Plankton: SpongeBob, please! Let's talk about this. [SpongeBob blows the vacuum thereafter]'
Burger-Beard: But SpongeBob was always there to protect it. But today... [after the camera zooms into the formula, the scene cuts to a small, green airplane heading for the Krusty Krab] ...things would be different.
[scene cuts to SpongeBob throwing out the trash when Patrick comes up to him]
Patrick: Good morning, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Morning, Patrick! Are you here for your pre-lunch Krabby Patty?
Patrick: I'm getting two today. One for me, and one for my friend.
SpongeBob: Oh, have I met this friend?
Patrick:[uses his belly as a talking friend and impersonates his voice] You know me, SpongeBob. [he and SpongeBob laugh, as well as his tummy]
SpongeBob: Enjoy, Patrick's tummy. [as he waves goodbye, he hears the engine from the airplane, which then drops a big jar of tartar sauce close to the Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs:[is seen counting his money outside of the entrance door] 13, 14, 15... [SpongeBob walks out of the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs. I thought we got our tartar sauce delivery on Thursday.
Mr. Krabs: Tartar... [the tartar sauce splashes everywhere on the Krusty Krab, including SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs] ...sauce?
Plankton: Bullseye! [laughs evilly]
Mr. Krabs:[angry] So it's a food fight he wants, eh? [grabs SpongeBob] Listen up, boy! Plankton's been trying to steal me formuler thousands of times, but he's never had a plane before! So protect the secret formuler AT ALL COSTS!
Plankton:[as he approaches the Krusty Krab] Welcome to Air Plankton! Please put your seats and tray tables up as we're now approaching our final destination.
[scene changes to show SpongeBob and Patrick on the Krusty Krab roof wearing army clothes and having a fire weapon]
SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick. Load the potatoes!
Patrick:[gets plates of two different potatoes] Mashed or scalloped, sir?
SpongeBob: No, Patrick: raw.
Patrick: Sir, yes, sir! [throws the plates away and dumps raw potatoes from a bag into the weapon] Locked and loading!
[scene changes to show Mr. Krabs looking at the formula in the safe]
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, little formuler. You'll be safe in this...safe. [closes the safe door and yells through a microphone] FIRE!!
[scene changes to SpongeBob's weapon firing the potatoes toward Plankton's plane]
Plankton: Potatoes?! [dodges the potatoes side-to-side]
SpongeBob: He's loading in!
Patrick:[while looking at the binoculars upside down] I think we have a few minutes before he gets here. [SpongeBob turns the binoculars the other way] Huh? AAH! HE'S RIGHT ON TOP OF US!!
[scene changes to the potatoes getting chopped into fries before flying down towards Sandals]
Sandals: Hey, it's raining fries!
Plankton: It's gonna take a lot more than potatoes to bring this baby down! [more potatoes cover Plankton's plane before destroying it] Or maybe not.
[scene changes to show customers inside the Krusty Krab looking at the explosion from the plane before cheering, then it changes to SpongeBob and Patrick cheering as well]
SpongeBob: Wait a minute, Patrick. Look! He's got a tank!
[as the tank lands from a parachute, Plankton puts a pickle inside a shooter before heading to the controls]
Plankton: Well, Krabs, you're certainly in a pickle now!
[the tank perfectly aims toward SpongeBob and Patrick before they gasp and, in slow-motion, jumping out of the way just in time]
Sandals: Hey, it's raining pickles! [chuckles] Now, it's raining... [the tank lands on Sandals]...tanks.
Plankton: You're welcome. [the tank drives away]
[scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick getting up and noticing pickles coming toward them before SpongeBob dials a telephone]
SpongeBob: Your order, sir.
[scene changes to Sandy looking at a menu at the drive-thru]
Sandy: I'll have two Krabby Patties: extra ketchup, extra mustard, and hold the mayo.
SpongeBob: Wrong channel! [dials the telephone again] Your order, sir!
Mr. Krabs: Extra ketchup, extra mustard, HOLD THE MAYO!!
SpongeBob: Yes, sir! [holds a big ketchup bottle followed by small ketchup and mustard bottles] Extra ketchup, extra mustard.
Patrick:[holds a giant mayonnaise jar while grunting] Hold the mayo!
Mr. Krabs: Unleash the condiments.
SpongeBob: With relish. [screams while squirting the condiments repeatedly toward the tank before they run out, making farting noises] Excuse me! [he and Patrick laugh before SpongeBob gets another set of condiments and does the same thing]
Sandy:[through a window] Hello? Hello?! [from Mr. Krabs' megaphone] Guess ya'll don't want my money.
Mr. Krabs: Money? [quickly snatches Sandy's money and gives her the food] Thank you. Come again. [quickly closes the window]
[scene changes to more destruction from SpongeBob and Plankton before Patrick starts getting tired]
Patrick: I can't hold the mayo any longer! [throws the jar right toward the tank]
Plankton: Mayo?! Well, it's gonna take a lot more than mayo to stop- [the tank crashes into the mayo before it explodes and splashes everything, including SpongeBob and Patrick, then it rumbles]
SpongeBob: Oh, now what? [the tank reassembles itself into a giant robot before Plankton laughs evilly]
Patrick: Uhh... I just remembered! I don't work for Mr. Krabs. [gives his helmet to SpongeBob, then runs off, leaving SpongeBob alone, then SpongeBob drops Patrick's helmet and runs towards the Krusty Krab, as Mr. Krabs notices]
SpongeBob: Robot! Robot! ROBOT! GIANT ROBOT! Robot! Robot! [runs into Mr. Krabs' office] Mr. Krabs! Plankton's here, and he's got a giant robot!
Mr. Krabs: Quick, boy! Bar the door!
SpongeBob:[as he puts a chair, blocking the exit door] Got it! [suddenly, the robot crashes through stomping on SpongeBob before SpongeBob gasps and looks at Plankton laughing evilly]
Plankton: I'll take one secret formula... [Mr. Krabs gasps] ...to go. [as the robot's hand comes directly toward the safe, Mr. Krabs screams before the robot stops and Plankton notices it out of fuel] Oh, barnacles! I'm out of gas? [SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs both laugh] Well, I'm not through yet. I've got something that will make you hand over that formula: something you can't resist. [takes out his wallet before Mr. Krabs gasps]
Mr. Krabs: Money?!
Plankton: Yes. [notices the wallet empty] That's...that's...that's impossible! [gets caught inside the wallet before coming out of it] Well, it was full of money just last week. Then I bought that airplane, flew that tank-
Mr. Krabs: Sounds to me like someone's just a wee bit...broke!
Plankton:[sighs] Well, Krabs, I guess you've won. I've spent every penny I've ever made trying to put you out of business... [takes out a penny from his pocket] ...except this one: my last penny. [starts to cry]