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- SpongeBob: Patrick! Patrick, Oh Patrick!
- SpongeBob: Are you ready to go jellyfishing?
- [Patrick comes out of his box with a box]
- Patrick: Oh, boy am I!
- SpongeBob: Here's your net. Well come on, Patrick! The jellyfish don't catch themselves.
- Patrick: First I have to put away my secret box.
- SpongeBob: Secret box? You never told me about secret box!
- [SpongeBob tries to peek in the box, but Patrick pulls it away]
- Patrick: Hey, hands off, PeepingBob! This my secret box! Besides, if I'd show you what's inside that won't be a secret anymore. Duh! [opens the box, laughs at it, and shuts it as SpongeBob tries to peek it] Oh, SpongeBob… If only you could see what's inside my secret box, it would change your life!
- SpongeBob: It's okay Patrick, I know all about secrets.
- Patrick: You do?
- SpongeBob: I've got a gazillion secrets!
- Patrick: Like what?
- SpongeBob: Well, it's not a secret that the best thing about a secret is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets. Secretly…
- [Patrick drools]
- SpongeBob: You wanna hear some of my secrets?
- Patrick: Oh, do I!
- SpongeBob: Um… Let's see now… Did you know that… You're my best friend?
- Patrick: No. Way. Oh, let's hear another one!
- SpongeBob: Okay. Um… Secretly I'm a little bit naive.
- Patrick: WOW! I'll never look at you the same way again, SpongeBob. Gosh. [SpongeBob taps on Patrick's box] Tell me some more secrets!
- SpongeBob: Okay. I love my job at the Krusty Krab, I sleep with my shoes on, I like Jelly on both sides of my toast, I've got an overdue library book, I think jellyfishing and bubble-blowing are my hobbies… [transition] …I have a deep overbite, I've never been late for work, i've said the word fancy in conversation, I like to dancing to loading zone announcements, I still don't have my drivers license. I'm a little bit on the short side. And I'm wearing three pairs of underwear right now.
- Patrick: Gasp. I would never have guessed.
- SpongeBob: Now will you show me what's inside your secret box?
- Patrick: No way, SpongeBob! It's for me to know and for you to never find out. You may be an open book SpongeBob, but I'm a bit more complicated than that. The inner macanations of my mind are an enigma.
- [Patrick thinks of a carton of milk spilling itself]
- SpongeBob: Oh, yeah!?! Well, I got plenny a secrets stuffs too. Erm… I've got my secret socks on, and my secret Gary's bowl! [pulls his television] My secret TV! [turns on the TV] And my secret TV channel. [the TV shows an off-air screen] What do you say now, Patrick?
- Patrick: Maybe if you saw what's inside you'd know why it has to be secret. Inside this box is the most secretly secret of all of secretdom and I am its sole witness! It's a heavy burden, SpongeBob, but nobody must know the secret of my box. Nobody! Not even… Squidward's house. [scene zooms out to show Squidward's Tiki Head looking down at SpongeBob and Patrick] It's a full-time job. I'm constantly on the alert. You'll never know when someone's gonna… Huh!?!
- [cut to SpongeBob running with Patrick's secret box, but then he bumps into Patrick]
- Patrick: SpongeBob! What do you think you're doing!?! That's my secret box! Now, hand it over!
- SpongeBob: But, Patrick, I must know the secret!
- Patrick: For the last time, SpongeBob, no!
- SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick, just a peep?
- Patrick: Never! [SpongeBob's arms pop off] So, it's come to this. And to think that we joined the Best Friends Forever Club!
- [the camera zooms in to Patrick's ring]
- Patrick: [grabs SpongeBob's arm and pokes SpongeBob] Listen up, SpongeBob SecretStealerPants! If you ever come close to my secret box again, we won't be friends anymore!
- SpongeBob: But we're supposed to be friends forever [flashback to SpongeBob and Patrick as babies in a crib laughing, then we see them as kids riding on a bike, then as older men on rocking chairs, then we see a shot of two gravestones, we hear SpongeBob and Patrick laughing deadly] I feel so filthy! I've soiled our friendship garden. I just couldn't help myself! I know that it's your secret and I respect that! Please forgive me, Patrick, please.
- Patrick: Well, I guess it's not all your falt. After all, it's one great secret. I mean how can you resist the greatness of secret box. The most amazing, mysterious, powerful secret in all Bikini Bottom.
- SpongeBob: So what do you say, buddy? Friends?
- Patrick: Friends.
- SpongeBob: What can be in that box that Patrick doesn't want me to see? Maybe it's the world's only albino jellyfish! Or maybe Patrick is a master jewel theif and it's full of diamonds. Maybe Patrick's a deranged maniac who keeps his victim's severed heads in the box. Or even worse! Maybe it's the embarrassing snap shot of me in the Christmas party. AHHH!! [jumps into the bedroom window] I've gotta know what's inside that box if it's the last thing I do! [SpongeBob's face pops off and sticks at his back] That's it! How do you look in a secret box? Secretly, of course! I'll just take the box while Patrick is sleeping, look in that box and give it back before Patrick wakes up. Patrick will never notice and I'll have my own secret too. Good idea, hey, Gary?
- Gary: Hmm… No.
- [cut to the outside]
- SpongeBob: Oh, what do you know, you're a snail!
- [SpongeBob sneaks onto Patrick's house, sets a ski mask on him, crawls around the rock with his back, and gets under the rock. SpongeBob hides behind the portrait, and sees Patrick asleep]
- SpongeBob: I don't want to wake up Patrick so I'd better be quiet. [slides down the wall from the portrait and makes a loud noise upon touching the floor]
- Patrick: Who's there?
- [SpongeBob steps on a potato chip and causes a broken glass sound]
- Patrick: HUH? WHO'S THERE?
- [Patrick is back asleep. SpongeBob sweeps his sweats and causes a loud splash sound. SpongeBob steps on the floor and a loud noise is heard every step. SpongeBob lengthens his leg to directly get close to Patrick and a car crash sound is heard. Patrick snatches the box, then SpongeBob slips through another way and holds the box]
- Patrick: Good ol' secret box. Let's see what's inside. [opens SpongeBob's mouth and pulls out his tounge, then laughs] Nighty night, buddy. [puts SpongeBob on the side of the bed]
- SpongeBob gets off the bed and trips on a shoestring, causing him to bounce with the box until his head hits the wall. The box lands onto SpongeBob and makes a loud noise
- SpongeBob: Gee, Patrick is sure a heavy sleeper.
- Patrick: Huh? Who said that who's there!?!
- SpongeBob: Hmmm…
- Patrick: It's the ClamBurglar! And he's stealing my secret box! Hand over the goods, BoxBandit, and prepare for your most unpleasant pillow fight of your life!
- SpongeBob: Wait, wait, wait, Patrick! It's me, SpongeBob.
- Patrick: Nice try, burglar, but SpongeBob is my best friend, and he would never steal from me.
- SpongeBob: No, really, Patrick, look!
- SpongeBob and Patrick BFF Ring: It's the Best Friends Forever, Best Friends Forever Ring!
- Patrick: Our friendship ring! It is you! How could you do this!?!
- SpongeBob: If it makes you feel better, I haven't looked inside.
- Patrick: That's it, SpongeBob! You've crossed the line. This friendship is now over!!!
- SpongeBob: Really?
- Patrick: Nahhh!, you can look inside it if you really want to.
- SpongeBob: Ok! Oh, this is one the most exciting moments of my life! Well, here it goes! Huh?
- Patrick: Well, didn't I tell ya… [shows the string inside the box] …isn't it great?
- SpongeBob: It's just a string.
- Patrick: A secret string!
- SpongeBob: Boy, when you’re right, you’re right! That's a strong secret box you've got there! Yeah! Thanks for showing me that! Well, good night Patrick. See you tomorrow!
- Patrick: Good night, SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: I should've known it was just a string all along! Wait 'till I tell Gary!
- Patrick: Good thing he didn't pull my secret string, opening my secret compartment of my secret box, revealing one embarrassing snapshot of SpongeBob at the Christmas Party!
- [cut to the Bikini Atoll]
- Patrick: Merry Christmas, SpongeBob! Hahaha!