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The Pink Purloiner
Season №: 4
Episode №: 79a
Airdate: February 19, 2007
Previous: "Best Frenemies"
Next: "Squid Wood"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Pink Purloiner" from season four, which aired on February 19, 2007.

  • SpongeBob: You know, Patrick, the Jellyfish migration is my favorite time of year! For three whole days, jellyfish from around the globe gather on one spot to trade jelly secrets. [gasps as he sees a blue jellyfish] Patrick, look! It's a blue-crested blaster! I've never seen one before! They're really rare. And a speckled squirter, a two fisted Jumper, and a gold-throated stinger!
  • Gold Throated Singer: La, la, la, la, la, la, la!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, this year's migration is gonna be a big one! [SpongeBob and Patrick are over-shadowed]
  • Patrick: Uhh, SpongeBob? [looks up and sees a bunch of colorful jellyfish above them]
  • SpongeBob: Wow. This looks like a job for Ol' Reliable! [opens his case to a metal net instead of one made of bamboo sticks. He catches many jellyfish while Patrick struggles to catch one. Scene cuts to the bus stop]
  • SpongeBob: Ah, that was the most beautiful day of jellyfishing ever.
  • Patrick: Well, I didn't catch a thing with my dumb old net. [his net breaks]
  • SpongeBob: Lucky for me, I have Ol' Reliable! Carbon fiber handle, titanium alloid netting and form-fitting silicone grips. Yes, sir, Ol' Reliable is the best net in the world.
  • Patrick: Wow! I would kill for a net like that! You know, something small like a carrot. But not spiders, they're icky. [shudders. Scene cuts to the bus dropping off Patrick and SpongeBob on their street]
  • SpongeBob: Good night, Patrick.
  • Patrick: Good night, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: [in his bed] Ah, I love jellyfishing. [night breaks into day quickly and the foghorn alarm goes off] Whoo! Time to get ready for day two of the jellyfish migration. And I'll start with my trusty jellyfishing net, Ol' Reliable. [realizes he doesn't have it] Ol' Reliable? [gasps] It's gone! [runs out the door in his underwear]
  • Gary: Meow?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, right. Pants.
  • Narrator: One pair of pants later...
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, Ol' Reliable has been stolen! [both scream. Scene cuts to them stapling posters saying "STOLEN! OL' RELIABLE"]
  • SpongeBob: Put one over there, Patrick.
  • Patrick: I'm all done.
  • SpongeBob: Maybe we should spread out a little. [newspaper ad of the "Bikini Bottom Gazette" reads "STOLEN OL' RELIABLE" on the front page]
  • Johnny: Flash. The jellyfish migration enters it second day of fantastic jellyfishing. We now go live to our reporter on the scene.
  • Perch Perkins: [in Jellyfish Fields] This year's migration is the largest in a century! I feel truly sorry for the poor saps that will miss even one minute of this remarkable event. [SpongeBob takes Perch's microphone]
  • SpongeBob: Attention, Bikini Bottom, my jellyfishing net has been stolen. I am prepared to offer a large reward for its safe return. [Mr. Krabs sees this on TV at home and runs to Jellyfish Fields then appears on TV instantly]
  • Mr. Krabs: Reward? How much we talkin' about?
  • SpongeBob: 12 dollars and... [counts the coins] ...38 cents.
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm on the case. [takes SpongeBob's money and runs off screen while Perch takes back his microphone]
  • Perch Perkins: Guys, I know it's a slow news day, but come on. [scene cuts to SpongeBob sitting in his chair by the phone when it rings. He picks it up]
  • SpongeBob: Oh! Hello? Hello?
  • Patrick: SpongeBob, did you get your net back?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, get off the line, Patrick. Someone might be trying to call about Ol' Reliable!
  • Patrick: Oh, sorry. [hangs up. The phone rings again] Did you get your net yet?
  • SpongeBob: No, Patrick. Don't call unless you found my net. [hangs up. The phone rings again]
  • SpongeBob: Hello?
  • Patrick: SpongeBob, I found your net!
  • SpongeBob: What! Really?
  • Patrick: Uhh, oh, not really. I just got lonely.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, I'll never get my net back. I'll just have to accept that Ol' Reliable is gone forever. [looks out his window and notices Patrick running around with a jellyfish net]
  • SpongeBob: [sighs] Patrick's lucky. He gets to practice in the middle of the night with his jellyfish net. [gets in bed] Funny thing is, Patrick's net disintegrated yesterday. [his eyes widen. Scene cuts to morning. Patrick walks up to SpongeBob's pineapple]
  • Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, did you get Ol' Reliable back yet?
  • SpongeBob: [sighs] No, not yet. Hey, Patrick, wouldn't it be the funniest thing if you had taken my jellyfish net? [Patrick laughs then stops]
  • Patrick: No. [SpongeBob laughs]
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, that would be silly. Oh, that reminds me. I got you a present.
  • Patrick: A present? What is it?
  • SpongeBob: [pulls out a bear with a microphone in its hand] It's a Confess-A-Bear. He's a special friend you tell all your secrets to.
  • Patrick: Wow, thanks, SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: I'll just leave you two alone to get acquainted.
  • [quickly dashes off to speak for the bear]
  • Confess-A-Bear: Hi! My name is Confess-A-Bear! Tell me all your secrets.
  • Patrick: Um, I did something recently I'm not very proud of. I didn't mean to do it. It just sort of happened.
  • Confess-A-Bear: Hmmm, maybe you should talk about it.
  • Patrick: Well, it involves my best friend SpongeBob. I don't think he knows what happened, but it would really upset him if he found out.
  • Confess-A-Bear: Tell Confess-A-Bear!
  • Patrick: I've said too much already.
  • Confess-a-Bear: Tell Confess-A-Bear now! Now!
  • Patrick: Ahh! I accidentally knocked SpongeBob's toothbrush in the toilet and put it back on the counter without washing it! Confess-A-Bear? [SpongeBob runs around in the background wiping his tongue off and screaming] You're mad at me, aren't you, Confess-A-Bear? [scene cuts to SpongeBob walking up to Patrick's rock]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, we need to talk.
  • Patrick: Uh, don't come in! I'm not decent! The house is a mess! There's a radiation leak!
  • SpongeBob: Hmmm... [walks down some stairs into Patrick's rock] Patrick, where are you? Why are the lights off?
  • Patrick: I'm in here. Be out in a second. [Patrick's shadow reveals himself holding a jellyfishing net]
  • SpongeBob: Ol' Reliable! Ah...ha.
  • Patrick: [Standing with his hands behind his back] Hello.
  • SpongeBob: What's in your hand, Patrick?
  • Patrick: [shows his left hand] Nothing.
  • SpongeBob: What's in your other hand?
  • Patrick: [grows another arm through his chest] Nothing in my other hand.
  • SpongeBob: Well, I gotta go.
  • Patrick: Ok, bye.
  • SpongeBob: Patrick wouldn't steal Ol' Reliable. Would he? [imagines Patrick from earlier]
  • Patrick: I would kill for a net like that! [takes out a carrot, breaks it in half, and laughs maniacally]
  • SpongeBob: [screams] Have I been best friends with a master thief? I must know for sure. [scene cuts to the next day] Good morning, Patrick.
  • Patrick: Good morning, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: What are you going to do today, buddy?
  • Patrick: Eh, nothing.
  • SpongeBob: [puts on his Krusty Krab hat] Well, I'm off to work. See ya later, Patrick.
  • Patrick: Bye. [SpongeBob walks off then sneaks into a bush in the background]
  • SpongeBob: Now, we'll just see what sort of nothing you're really up to, Sneaky McSneakyPants. [looks through binoculars]
  • Narrator: 8 hours later...
  • SpongeBob: [still looking through binoculars] Oh, he is good. You never really know a guy until you stare at him for eight hours through high-powered binoculars. Hey, where'd he go? [Patrick is behind him]
  • Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob. What are you doing?
  • SpongeBob: Uh, you... what the...? What are you doing?
  • Patrick: Nothing. I just finished. [takes out his to-do list and crosses out 'Nothing'] Oh, hey, look. You can see where I was just standing from here. Boy, if you wanted to, you could have spied on me all day from right here. [shudder] Creepy, huh? Anyway, what are you doing with those binoculars?
  • SpongeBob: [yells and throws away the binoculars] I don't have any binoculars, see?
  • Patrick: You're acting weird.
  • SpongeBob: I'm not acting weird! [runs off panting] You're acting weird! You're... acting... weird!
  • Patrick: OK, bye! [later, SpongeBob knocks on Patrick's rock] Hello! Who are you?
  • SpongeBob: [wearing a mustache] Greetings, young fellow! I am willing to pay top dollar for jellyfishing items with sentimental value, if you know what I mean.
  • Patrick: Oh. No.
  • SpongeBob: Word on the street is that you know where to get quality jellyfishing supplies.
  • Patrick: What street said that? Was it this one? [points at the street] Mind your own business!
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Star, I know that you are in possession of a rare jellyfishing net. I will pay one billion dollars for that net. [shows a fake $1,000,000,000 bill that is colored on with crayon]
  • Patrick: I don't know who you are, but I'm not giving you this jellyfishing net. [holds the jellyfishing case out] I wouldn't sell it for a million dollars, not for a hundred dollars, I wouldn't even sell it for a dollar.
  • SpongeBob: Oh really?
  • Patrick: You can't have it for any price.
  • SpongeBob: And why not?
  • Patrick: This means more to me than money. It's my friend SpongeBob's.
  • SpongeBob: [rips off the mustache] A-ha!
  • Patrick: SpongeBob! Oh, thank goodness you're here. There was this scary guy with a mustache asking a lot of weird questions.
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm the scary mustache guy!
  • Patrick: [screams] Why, SpongeBob, why? Why would you wear such a scary mustache?
  • SpongeBob: Why would you steal my jellyfishing net?
  • Patrick: What?! I'm your best friend!
  • SpongeBob: You were my best friend, you no-good jellyfish net thief!
  • Patrick: How could you think that?
  • SpongeBob: Because you said it. You said that it was your friend SpongeBob's!
  • Patrick: Gift.
  • SpongeBob: What?
  • Patrick: It's my friend SpongeBob's gift. [opens the case up to reveal a new jellyfishing net] I made you a new net.
  • SpongeBob: [reads inscription] For SpongeBob. You made me a new jellyfishing net? That is so thoughtful of you. Patrick? [a bunch of stuff is on the ground]
  • [Patrick puts the T.V. in the pile.]
  • SpongeBob: What'cha doing, best friend?
  • Patrick: I'm not your best friend. I'm just a no-good jelly netting thief fish!
  • SpongeBob: Where are you going?
  • Patrick: I'm leaving Bikini Bottom while I still have my dignity.
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, no! [bus stops in front of them] So, this is it?
  • Patrick: Barring the unforeseen hand of fate, I'm afraid it is.
  • SpongeBob: [hands onto Patrick's left foot] Patrick, don't go. I'm sorry I accused you. It's bad enough I lost my net. I don't want to lose my friend, too. Please forgive me.
  • Nathaniel: What's the holdup? Oh, it's you two. [shows SpongeBob his net] Look, you left your net on the bus again.
  • SpongeBob: Ol' Reliable? I left you on the bus?
  • Nathaniel: You do it every week. Now can we get going?
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I want you to take this to remember me by.
  • Patrick: You're giving me Ol' Reliable? [cries loudly] I accept your apology!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, come here, you big lug! [both hug and cry loudly]
  • All: Aww...
  • Nathaniel: They do this all the time. I'm serious. I--ugh, never mind.
  • Patrick: I'm staying in Bikini Bottom!
  • Passengers: Hooray! [bus drives off]
  • Patrick: You want to go jellyfishing? I just got a new net. [holds up Ol' Reliable]
  • SpongeBob: So did I. [holds up the one Patrick made for him] My best friend made it for me.
  • SpongeBob & Patrick: Whee! [both laugh and run into Jellyfish Fields, where the exotic jellyfish are still there]

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