This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Inside Job" from season 7, which aired on July 19, 2009.
- [The screen displays a hamster running in the exercise wheel with carnival music playing on the screen.]
- Plankton: Eh, that's the life.
- Karen: [screen changes to herself] Plankton!
- Plankton: Hey, I was watching that!
- Karen: And I'm tired of watching you sit around all day. Admit it, the Chum Bucket is a total failure.
- Plankton: It is not! Business is just slow.
- Karen: Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah. If you'd take my advice, the Krabby Patty recipe would be yours.
- Plankton: [laughs] You? You're just a computer. I'm the evil genius around here.
- Man: [door bangs open] This is it, son, the Chum Bucket.
- Plankton: Looks like this failure has a customer. Hello. Are you lost?
- Man: No, we're not lost. I promised my boy I'd take him to the Chum Bucket today.
- Plankton: Really?
- Man: Wow, look at that order window! It's completely covered in grime and filth.
- Kid: Cool!
- Man: [he smells it] Smell that air!
- Kid: It makes me want to hurl!
- Man: I think the Chum Bucket is the high point of our tour.
- Plankton: Your tour?
- Man: That's right. We're visiting the most disgusting places in Bikini Bottom. And so far, you're number one. Farewell, you filthy little fella. [the two leave]
- Man: What do ya say we try the city dump next?
- Kid: Oh, boy!
- Plankton: Groan.
- Karen: So, how'd it go?
- Plankton: You're right. I'm such a failure.
- Karen: So, do you give up?
- Plankton: Yes.
- Karen: You'll do what I tell you now?
- Plankton: Yes.
- Karen: Here's all you have to do. You want the patty recipe, then go to the man who wrote it, Eugene Krabs.
- Plankton: Right. Why didn't I think of that before?
- Karen: With my mind connector, you'll be able to read Krabs' mind, transferring the recipe directly into your teeny, tiny, little brain.
- Plankton: Wow, that's a pretty good idea. Whoa! Um, Karen? Whoa!
- Karen: Hold still.
- Plankton: Mmph!
- Karen: You'll need this. [puts a smaller tool with plungers attached at the end]
- Plankton: And just how am I supposed to attach it to Krabs' brain?
- Karen: Leave that to me, hon.
- [Doors burst open.]
- Karen: Prepare for launch. Target in range. Launch sequence initiated.
- Plankton: No! Wait!
- Plankton: There he is! [launches him to Mr. Krabs, but Squidward is carrying a garbage bag] Get out of the way! This is it! [Patrick walks at outside] Move it! Ha, ha! You're mine!
- [It is SpongeBob that was holding a cardboard cutout of Mr. Krabs.]
- SpongeBob: Hey, where do you want this life-size cutout of you, Mr. Krabs?
- Plankton: No! [gets inside SpongeBob and screams]
- Mr. Krabs: [offscreen] I told ya to stop playing with that thing and get back to work!
- Plankton: Ugh, great.
- Karen: [antenna comes out] Plankton, what happened?
- Plankton: Thanks to your brilliant aim, honey, I'm stuck inside that fool of a fry cook.
- Karen: Well, honey, you'll just have to change plans. Plug into his eyes to see what's going on outside.
- [Plankton unplugs SpongeBob's eye plugs]
- SpongeBob: Huh? [his eyes go completely black as a bulb] Hey, Squidward, we blew a fuse!
- Squidward: I'm gonna blow a fuse if you don't get that order up.
- Plankton: [plugs himself with SpongeBob's eye plugs, his eye glows in the dark] It works! I can see everything SpongeBob sees.
- SpongeBob: Hey, can somebody hit the lights?
- Squidward: SpongeBob, where's the Krabby Patty for order 17?
- SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, is that you? Oh, it's so dark in here. I can't see a thing.
- Squidward: Can you just get the Krabby Patty?
- SpongeBob: Sure thing, Squidward. One Krabby Patty coming up!
- Plankton: He's gonna make a Krabby Patty right in front of me!
- SpongeBob: [makes a different Krabby Patty, he uses the two pink sponges, aluminum] Oh, no, where are those patties? Oh, nuh-uh. Nuh, no. Ah, there you are, patty! Add one fluffy bun like so and a squirt of special sauce. [uses the soap into the "Krabby Patty"]
- Plankton: Heh, heh, special sauce. Wait, soap is the special sauce?
- SpongeBob: Then you grab yourself some lettuce. [takes out strings from the mop] And voilà! One perfect Krabby Patty! I only wish I could see how beautiful it looks. Number 17, your patty is ready. Whoa. Watch your step, Squidward. It is pitch black out here.
- Squidward: Don't know, don't want to.
- [he pulls a customer's face and then searches in his mouth]
- SpongeBob: Order number 17. Order number 17? Order 17? Order 17? Your Krabby Patty, ma'am.
- Plankton: That's it! I'm going somewhere else. [plugs back SpongeBob's eye plugs] Where are those eardrums? [SpongeBob's eyes turn back on]
- SpongeBob: Hey, the lights are back on. [screams as he saw the "Krabby Patty" that he just made] Mr. Krabs! Help me, Mr. Krabs. I've forgotten how to make Krabby Patties. Please tell me the secret recipe again.
- [Plankton walks up to SpongeBob's eardrums.]
- Plankton: Finally, the eardrum. Whew. Now, I'll just unplug this thing. [struggles]
- Mr. Krabs: Need a little refresher, eh? Okay, boy. I'll run through the Krabby Patty formula one more time. First...
- [Plankton unplugs the ear plugs, turning it to silent.]
- Plankton: Let me see what I can tune in here. Hmm.
- Mr. Krabs: The secret of the Krabby Patty formula is...
- Plankton: Jackpot!
- SpongeBob: Huh?
- Mr. Krabs: I said, the secret to the Krabby Patty formula is...
- SpongeBob: Could you speak a little louder, please?
- Mr. Krabs: The secret to the Krabby Patty formula is...
- SpongeBob: What?!
- Mr. Krabs: Hold on.
- Plankton: Here it comes.
- Mr. Krabs: [into a megaphone, shouting] The secret to the Krabby Patty formula is...!
- Plankton: [screams as two drums come out, making Plankton becoming deaf. Plankton quickly unplugs the ear drums] Ow! I hate my life!
- Mr. Krabs: Is this thing loud enough?
- SpongeBob: Oh, sure, I can hear you fine now.
- Mr. Krabs: What was the question again?
- SpongeBob: Oh, it, uh-- you know, I don't remember.
- Mr. Krabs: Me neither. So we good?
- SpongeBob: Yeah.
- Mr. Krabs: Get out!
- SpongeBob: Okay!
- Plankton: Enough with these petty carnal senses. If I'm going to get the Krabby Patty recipe, I'm gonna have to go to command central. [laughs evilly] The brain! [plugs into the brain, laughs evilly] Ugh! [acts like SpongeBob] Hi, friend. Why am I making idiotic comments? [gasps as he saw "Superficial Greetings" on the brain] Superficial Greetings? What kind of idiot-- [sees the parts of the brain] Personal Opinions? Knock-knock Jokes? No, no, no, no! This is all useless! I'm gonna have to go in deeper. [he gets inside the brain house] Ugh. [he was in the brain version of the living room] Where am I?
- Brain Gary: Meow, meow, meow! [it slides around it]
- Plankton: Ew. That's disgusting. Now, where do morons keep all their secrets? [he finds in the brain closet, searching in the squarepants, but not found] Nope. [then he finds under the brain bed in the brain bedroom] Doesn't this kid have any secrets? [opens door] Aha! The library, where he keeps records of his every thought. All of his deepest, juiciest secrets. [opens the file drawer] [grunting] In convenient alphabetical order. Look at that. Q, R, S! [grabs a gooey file] "Sounds that make Squidward upset"?
- [he opens the file and hears SpongeBob's laughs.]
- Plankton: "Patrick's favorite places to be scratched"?
- Squidward: What are you doing? [SpongeBob is scratching Squidward's back]
- SpongeBob: Uh, uh, scratching!
- Plankton: Aagh, all of these secrets are lame! Wait a minute. What's this? [picks up a pink paper that says "Krabby Patty Recipe"] The secret recipe isn't in the brain? It's located in the heart. How cheesy.
- [Plankton slides down SpongeBob's spine and he lands to the heart]
- Plankton: [Plugs to the heart. He starts groaning] The Krabby Patty recipe. Yes, yes, yes! Here it is! [his lips are licking] My mouth is watering. My taste buds are tingling! [cut to Plankton's tongue sparkling] Mm, mm. Oh, yeah! It feels so good! I can feel it all the way to my finger...stumps. All of the ingredients coming together in perfect harmony. And it's all mine! [he laughs evilly, then his laugh suddenly starts sounding like SpongeBob. He quickly covers his mouth] Okay, that was weird. Like I was saying, the Krabby Patty recipe is... the delicious sole property of the Krusty Krab! [covers his mouth again] Who said that?! [strains] What's happening... [groans] to me?! [he gasps] It's so warm and... fuzzy! It's-- [Plankton's body is transforming, sponge emerges out on him] It's… [He grows eyelashes, his eye rolled to SpongeBob, and his teeth shatters, grows buckteeth.] It's...beautiful! [he laughs] All of the delicious ingredients living in perfect harmony.
- Karen: You got the recipe?
- Plankton: I sure did!
- Karen: Well, what are you waiting for? Bring it back to the Chum Bucket.
- Plankton: Karen, wouldn't that be stealing?
- Karen: Stealing?
- Plankton: The Krabby Patty recipe is the delicious sole property of the Krusty Krab.
- Karen: Oh, brother. [she presses a button, Plankton is emerging out of SpongeBob's nostril]
- Patrick: Hey, everybody! Wait, that's not what I wanted to say. Now, what was it?
- Plankton: [Plankton lands on Patrick's forehead, begins to transform, the camera shows Plankton's brain as it shrinks and pops, Plankton signs] Huh? [his hand changes to a starfish, eyelashes fall, his eye roll to Patrick buckteeth shatters and grows a tooth, he sighs as Plankton's body turn pink]
- Patrick: Oh, well. Never mind. [Karen's hand opens the door, and removes Plankton from Patrick]
- Karen: Well, where's the recipe?
- Plankton: The what?
- Karen: I knew you'd louse this up.
- Plankton: Louse what up?