[the episode begins with SpongeBob coming into Mrs. Puffs Boating School]
SpongeBob:[Singing and running] ♪Going on down to Boating School! Boating School! Boating School! Going on down to Boating School! Rea de de la Mrs. Puff!♪ [Stops and notices a crowd cheering] For me? Well on behalf on yours truly, I would like to thank each of you for such a wonderful and warm welcome. [Walks over and shakes a female fish's fin] Thank you. [Walks over to Sandals and shakes his fin] Thank you sir.
Sandals: What I do?
SpongeBob:[Bumps into Mrs. Puff] Mrs. Puff, thank you most of all! [About to kiss Mrs. Puff's fin but she pulls it away]
Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob, that warm welcome wasn't for you.
SpongeBob: It wasn't?
Mrs. Puff: No!
SpongeBob: Then, who was it for?
Shubie: It's for him!
[The crowd cheers as a green raceboat with the number 1 pulls up in front of the Driving School. A pit crew quickly changes it's tires and smokes from the engines fog up then clear up revealing a fish with sunglasses, a hat, and a mustache]
SpongeBob: Gasp! It's Tony Fast! The famous race boat driver! [Camera points down to a smaller fish beside Tony Fast] And his first born son Tony Fast Jr!
Mable-Monica: I can't believe it's him! Oohhhhh... [Falls onto a random fish's arms]
SpongeBob: I can't believe that I'm in the presence of such big celebrities.
Tony Fast:[Pats Tony Jr's shoulder] Good luck on your first day of school son!
Tony Jr: Yeah, whatever.
Tony Fast: Don't show off too much! [chuckles] Show off and just enough!
[Tony Fast drives away on his raceboat causing smoke to fill the air to which the crowd coughs but then cheers and gathers around Tony Jr.]
Harold: Hey! Tony Jr, [Takes out a lunch box] wanna sign my lunch box?
Sandles:[Takes out a steering wheel] You wanna sign my steering wheel?
Shubie: Wanna sign my...
Harold: HEY! I was here first!
Shubie: No you weren't! I was!
Mrs. Puff:[Blows on whistle panting and sweating and taking a deep breath then coughs] Ahem! While Tony Jr. is a student here, he will receive NO special attention! He will be treated just like the rest of us! No exceptions! Now Tony, report to the obstacle course where I will access your abilties!
Tony Jr: Sure thing Teach! [Walks over]
Mrs. Puff: Hold it! [Takes out a lunch box] Not until you've signed my lunchbox! [Laughs]
Crowd:[cuts to next scene] GO TONY JR. GO! GO TONY JR. GO! [Tony Jr. drives by them] YAAAAYYY!
Tony Jr:[Driving] Looks like it's my turn! [Turns though a zig-zag like road] What goes around comes around! [Drives around a giant anchor] Over and out! [Drives up a hill-like road then back down and to the finish]
Mrs. Puff:[thinking] He is good... GASP! If he's really that good, maybe there's a chance, just a chance, some of that good could rub off my incorrigible student SpongeBob SquarePants! [Chuckles and out of thoughts] YES!
SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff?
Mrs. Puff: Yes SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: What does "Incorrigible" mean?
[cuts to Tony Jr. in the boat with SpongeBob]
Tony Jr: So you just want me to ride around with this dude for awhile?
Mrs. Puff: That's it.
Tony Jr: Whatever... Let's roll!
SpongeBob: IT'S NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU TONY FAST JR! [Pants happily]
Tony Jr: I said LET'S ROLL!
SpongeBob:[Sweating frantically] Ok! Uh roll!? Roll!? Roll!? Is there a button for that!? [Starts pushing randomly on the front of the boat] I know I know this! It's around here somewhere! I-
Tony Jr: Just drive!
SpongeBob: JUST DRIVING! [Slams down on the gas pedal driving fast which both SpongeBob and Tony Jr. scream as SpongeBob tries to drive the boat] W-w-w-what do these dotted lines mean!?
Tony Jr: Relax man. You gotta relax.
SpongeBob: Relax... RELAX!? Mrs. Puff hasn't taught us that yet!
Tony Jr: No, I mean just relax man...
SpongeBob: Ok... just relaxing... and... relaxing! Relaxing! So hard! [Eye lids shatter] RAW! I CAN'T RELAX!
Tony Jr: No, no, no. Not like that. You just gotta let go.
SpongeBob: LET GO?!?
Tony Jr: Be... cool...
SpongeBob: Be cool?
Tony Jr: Be... cool...
SpongeBob: Be... cooool... [Softly has foot on gas pedal as drives perfectly around the corner and around the anchor] Cooool...[Drives up and down the road hill and finishes the course]
Tony Jr: Not bad dude, not bad.
Suzy: Gasp! It's a miracle!
Harold:[On knees] Neptune be praised!
Mrs. Puff: That went better than expected! Oh! If Tony Jr. can keep this up, then SpongeBob might even graduate and I'll be rid of him forever! Forever! [Laughs] FOREVER!
Tony Jr: Ok Bro-Jangles! Catch you... [Jumps and flips off the boat landing perfectly on the ground] ...on the flipside! [Snaps then get's picked up by Mrs. Puff] What the!? [Mrs. Puff kisses him on the cheek]
[Cuts back to Tony Jr. walking on the boardwalk]
Tony Jr:[Stops walking and notices SpongeBob] Yeah, what is it? Can't you see I'm walking here!?
SpongeBob: I can see that! And I'm eager to learn more from you!
Tony Jr: Eager?
Tony Jr: I can't teach you anything more at this square school, no offense SquarePants.
SpongeBob: None taken!
Tony Jr: Well if you're really wanna learn more, you can come by my house laters![Walks off]
SpongeBob: Oh! I'll be delighted to!
[Cuts to SpongeBob outside the gates of Tony Fast and Tony Jr's house]
SpongeBob:[Presses the button on the speaker]
Tony Jr: Who is it?
SpongeBob: It's SpongeBob SquarePants!
Tony Jr: Who?
SpongeBob: SpoonggeeeBoooobb, Squuuaarrreee Paaannnttts! [The gates open and Tony Jr. appears on a unicycle] Tony Fast Jr!
Tony Jr: Guy From School! Come on in!
SpongeBob:[Inside the house] Nice place you got here Tony Jr!
Tony Jr: Thanks! Lived here all my life! My mom and dad are out.
SpongeBob: Oohh! Uh, what does that mean?
Tony Jr: It means... you wanna see my dad's vintage speedboat collection?
SpongeBob: OH WOULD I!?!?
[cuts to Tony Fast's gararge showing a bunch of speedboats]
Tony Jr: And he took first place in this beauty surpassing speed records held by both Francis Baconskin Jr. and Smitty Tailpipe Rockama!
SpongeBob: Wow! They're so shiny!
Tony Jr: Pick your favorite!
SpongeBob: My favorite!? Oh I couldn't!
Tony Jr: Why sure you can! What the big-
SpongeBob:[Points to a red speedboat with flames on the front and with the number 8 on it] This one!
Tony Jr: Huh? The Batonia Classic! Excellent choice! [Grabs the keys to the Batonia Classic] Want to take her for a spin?
SpongeBob: A spin? But we don't even have boating licenses!
Tony Jr:[In the speedboat] You don't need a boating license for a raceboat SquarePants!
[Bubble transition to SpongeBob driving the Batonia Classic]
SpongeBob: Wow Tony Jr! She handles like a dream! It's like I'm floating air!
Tony Jr:[On a hanglider flying as a rope is keeping him tied to the speedboat] You're telling me!
SpongeBob: Are you sure you're comfortable with me driving, though? I admit I'm feeling a little nervous...
Tony Jr: I wouldn't if I were you! Remember it was you're nerves that made us almost crash before!
SpongeBob: Hah... my nerves! I almost forgot about... MY NERVES! [Starts driving nervously almost running over a fish] Sorry sir!
Tony Jr: Just let go! [Lets go of the hanglider but grabs back onto it] Phew...
SpongeBob: Let go... got it! [Lets go of the steering wheel and drives around a curve] Whee!
Tony Jr: Go faster SpongeBob!
Tony Jr: Just let go! Of the brakes!
SpongeBob: Eh... if you say so! [Sticks up his foot high letting go of the brake and going even faster around some more curves] Whee! [Goes down the street] Whee! [Goes over a loop] Whee!
Tony Jr: Now you're getting it!
SpongeBob: Whee... RED LIGHT! [Notices the light turn red]
Tony Jr: AHHH!
SpongeBob:[Instantly stops the boat]
Tony Jr: Real cool SquarePants... [Now beside SpongeBob in the boat]
SpongeBob: Thanks TFJ...[Notices three fish in another speedboat beside them]
Street Racer: That's quite a fancy speed boat you got right there! For a couple of squares!
Female Passenger: What he said! [All three laugh]
SpongeBob: Thank you! And may I say how lovely your speed boat is, too! For a bunch of circles! And by circles, I mean well-rounded individuals! Ah ha ha ha!
Street Racer: Well wise guy eh? Well then, how about you wise up to an unfriendly competition? Right here, right now!
Female Passenger: Yeah! What he said!
SpongeBob: Right here, right now? A little short notice... [Takes out a little book] let me check my availability. [Looks in the book] Let's see... Right now... Looks like I don't have anything scheduled for right now. Therefore, I would like to accept your challenge!
Tony Jr: Yes!
SpongeBob: However! Certain safety concerns prevent me from doing so! Therefore, I must decline!
Tony Jr: SquarePants! I can't believe what I'm hearing here!
SpongeBob:[Tries to listen for something] I don't hear anything...
Tony Jr:[Face-palm] Ah... Look kid! Being cool includes accepting this challenge! Anything less would be an embarrassment!
SpongeBob: I would never want to embarrass you Tony Jr. Therefore, I accept your challenge!
Street Racer: Oh it's on!
Female Passenger: What he said!
Street Racer: Do you mind!?
[Both racers get ready as the red light changes to green and they both take off through town. They pass by people which they rip off their clothes and onto another. SpongeBob starts to get the lead.]
Street Racer: Huh!? [Speeds up past SpongeBob and Tony Jr]Hah hah!
Female Passenger: WHAT HE SAID!
SpongeBob: Grrr... GRRR! [Presses down hard on the gas pedal starting to catch in flames as he speeds past Larry the Lobster burning him]
Larry: Sweet! Instant tannage!
[SpongeBob catches up to the Male Race Driver as they continue to drive beside each other]
Street Racer:[Laughs until the Female Passenger points out something to him, his eyes literally go through his glasses because there is a sign saying "Click It or Ticket" with police. He slows down]
SpongeBob: We're winning! We're winning!
[SpongeBob and Tony Jr. laugh as they speed past the police car]
Policeman 1: Whoa! Did you see that!?
Policeman 2: That guy wasn't just going fast...
Both: ...HE WAS GOING TONY FAST!
SpongeBob:[Notices the police car] Huh? Oh no! The cops are after us! What are we going to do!?
Tony Jr: What? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over that siren.
[A police copter now follows them]
SpongeBob: Now there's a helicopter after us!
Tony Jr: What's that? I couldn't hear you over that helicopter!
[Tony Fast is in his speedboat listening to the news on his radio]
Newsman: And in other news, son of racing legend, Tony Fast is currently involved in a high speed chase, it is rumored that the...
[SpongeBob and Tony Jr. drive past Tony Fast with the police car and police copter still following them]
Tony Fast: What the!?
SpongeBob: What're we going to do!? [Notices Tony Fast in the mirror chasing them]
Tony Fast: Tony Jr! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna-
SpongeBob: Now your dad is after us!
Tony Jr: Sorry I couldn't hear you, my... my... MY DAD IS AFTER US!? What're we gonna do!?
SpongeBob: How should I know!? He's YOUR dad!
Tony Jr: Well just remember my advice, okay? All you got to do is let go... be cool... let go... be cool...
SpongeBob:[Annoyed]DO YOU SEE WHERE LETTING GO HAS GOTTEN US SO FAR!?!? HUH TONY JR!?!?[Pants heavily]
Tony Jr: No, but I see where it's getting us next!
SpongeBob:[Notices something] AHHHHHH! [Drives through the sign of Mrs. Puff's Boating School and ends up on Mrs. Puff as she inflates]
[Cuts to the classroom]
Mrs. Puff: Well class, I regret to inform you that Tony Jr. is no longer with us...
Mrs. Puff: He was transferred to another school. However, I would think that Tony Jr. taught us all a valuable lesson...
SpongeBob:[On a hospital bed] Oh! Oh! Oh! Never argue and drive?
Mrs. Puff: Close...the lesson is: Never let YOU drive!