The Great Patty Caper/transcript

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• [SpongeBob walks into the freezer and screams]
• Mr. Krabs: What is it boy?
• SpongeBob: [speaks jibberish]
• Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob? [takes a pump] There, there, kid, what's the big deal?
• SpongeBob: M-M- Mr. Krabs! [points the empty box] We're all out of Krabby Patties, sir!
• Mr. Krabs: That's nothing to fuss over, boy! We'll just whip up a new batch, like we did in the old days.[cuts to Mr.Krabs office with ingredients] I'd know this process by the back of me claw. We always start with flour [pours flour], next we add barnacle shavings. It's like ripen up oats, eh boy?
• SpongeBob: You never forget it, bossman.
• Mr. Krabs: What do you say we do the next one together, eh? Sea salt! [takes out sea salt]
• SpongeBob: Tumeric! [takes out tumeric]
• Mr. Krabs: What do you warn about, boy? The third step's always sea salt!
• SpongeBob: That's funny. I remember tumeric's third. And doesn't the recipe call for land salt?
• Mr. Krabs: It's sea salt and don't you remember S-C-A-B-S?
• SpongeBob: S-C-A-B-S, sir?
• Mr. Krabs: Yeah, S-C-A-B-S you know, Salt Comes After Barnacle Shavings. Or was it L-E-S-I-O-N-S? No, no, that doesn't sound right either..
• SpongeBob: Was it P-A-S-T-U-L-E?
• Mr. Krabs: Heavens, no! That's disgusting. I tell ya' what, why don't I just go fetch the formula and we'll settle this once and for all. [humming while opening the safe to find Plankton inside riding a rocket and has the formula]
• Plankton: Ha ha! No need to wonder about this. I got your formula! [laughs] Yeehaw!
• Mr. Krabs: (grabs a magnet to attract the rocket) Aren't you getting tired of this, Plankton? (shakes to get the formula)
• Plankton: Come on, Krabs. Don't you have any respect for tradition?
• Mr. Krabs: Of course I do. That's why I'm doing this. [lets go of the rocket to send Plankton back to The Chum Bucket]. You need to somehow get Plankton to stop coming after me precious formula.
• SpongeBob: [thinks] I know! To keep Gary out of the biscuit tin, I hide the biscuit tin somewhere far away, like Patrick's house! Unfortunately, Patrick ended up eating the biscuits anyway.
• Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, that's it, you genius! You solved me decade's old dilemma!
• SpongeBob: I'm warning you Mr. Krabs! Patrick will eat anything you give him.
• Realistic Fish Head: Breaking news! Earlier today, Mr. Eugene Krabs, propeitor of the Krusty Krab restaurant, departed his beloved secret formula. We go now to Perch Perkins live on the scene.
• Perch: Thanks, Jonny. Just moments ago, Eugene Krabs sent his famously delicious secret formula packing.
• Mr. Krabs: Take care of yourself, little formula. [watches as the truck carrying the recipe went to a bigger truck named Bikini Bottom Movers which was then the carriage of a train, that was pulled by a helicopter and went to an airplane that flew off]
• SpongeBob: Goodbye, secret recipe!
• Perch: (grunting) We wanted to ask Mr. Eugene Krabs, what compelled him to take such drastic measures?
• Mr. Krabs: Well, it's simple, Perch. It seems keeping me secret formula at hand has proved to be all tempted by a certain, diminuive, one-eyed criminal to society.
• Plankton: [turns the TV off] So, I've got him in full retreat! [evil laugh]
• Mr. Krabs: All right, boy. Let's get back into making them patties.
• SpongeBob: I believe we add tumeric.
• Mr. Krabs: Boy, I thought I told you--
• SpongeBob: Oh no, we forgot to look at the--
• Mr. Krabs: Formula, yeah.
• Spongebob: And that formula is--
• Mr. Krabs: On the opposite side of the ocean, yeah. Now I gotta go [bangs his head to the wall] all... the way... there... to get....it!
• SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I'll do it. Send me to retrieve that formula!
• Mr. Krabs: Ya' think you're up for the challenge?
• SpongeBob: Uh-huh.
• Mr. Krabs: All right then. The formula is now stored in a safety deposit box in the ocean's largest safe bank in Way Far Out Townville.
• SpongeBob: And that's the key to the box, Mr. Krabs?
• Mr. Krabs: It is? No. This is the key to me heart [opens the lock where his heart is stored, then pulls out another key].This is the safe deposit box key.
• SpongeBob: Oh, thank you, Mr.--
• Mr. Krabs: Not so fast, kid. I want you to protect this at all costs. You mustn't let it out of your sight. I now bestowed to you, the key to the future of the Krusty Krab.
• SpongeBob: I humbly accept this key and vow to guard it with my very life. [takes the key] It won't be out of my sight.
• Mr. Krabs: (heard on Plankton's microphone) Good. Let's get you over at the train station.
• Plankton: This is too easy. Karen, I'm off on a business trip. Don't up wait for me, baby [cuts to train station]
• SpongeBob: The Oceanic Express. Wish me luck
• Mr Krabs: Remember what I told ya', boy? Keep your eye on the key.
• Orin J. Ruffy: I can take your luggage for you, sir.
• SpongeBob: Wow, a real-life butler.
• Orin: I am not a butler.
• Train Conductor: All aboard!
• SpongeBob: Bye Mr. Krabs!
• Mr. Krabs: Good luck me boy! Don't let me down!
• [Train goes. Then bus arrives]
• Plankton: [Opens bus door] Wait! Wait for me! (sighs) Barnacles, I knew I should have struck for a taxi! Curse you public transport! Why I outta'... [Train steam pushes Plankton to the road. Plankton tries to get up, but is flattened by bus] Oh now there are times. (shudders) [cuts inside the train]
• Orin: Your sleeping quarter. (Throws Patrick to room) I trust everything is to your liking.
• SpongeBob: Couldn't be better, Butler.
• Orin: Ahem. Perhaps Monsieur did not hear me. I trust everything is to your liking.
• SpongeBob: Oh yes, of course! How silly of me.
• Orin: An honest mistake, monsieur.
• SpongeBob: Thank you my good man. (Gives an empty plastic pack of burritos) I've been hunting for a trash can for at least 10 minutes. Thanks again, french guy! (Orin J. Ruffy shudders angrily)
• Patrick: Peek-a-boo! (Shudders excitedly)
• SpongeBob: Hey Patrick, remember! We're on an important mission here. So keep your eyes open for any suspicious characters.
• Patrick: (Looks on window glass. Patrick's reflection stays in an angry face) SpongeBob. (Looks at reflection at the window glass.) Does that guy look suspicious to you? (Looks at reflection again.) I think he might be spying on us. (Patrick's reflection walks away) Hey, where'd he go!? Oh this suspicious thing is making me hungry.
• SpongeBob: Well then follow me to the Dining Car. (Cut to bus roof)
• Plankton: Looks like it's starting to rule my way for a change..and nothing dares stand in my way! (Plankton jumps) Uh oh. (Plankton crashes to a car and red and white stars head towards the screen.Wiper removes a flattened Plankton out of the glass directly to the rail behind the train) And do I make it ? (cuts to the dining car)
• SpongeBob: Ooh Fancy.
• Patrick : Yeah. And they gave you so much food, you need 2 forks! (Baby # 1 starts crying)
• SpongeBob: Awwww. What a cute little baby! No need to fuss Little Fella.
• Nanny: I just can't get to stop crying the poor dear.
• SpongeBob: (sits down) Hi again Kind Butler!
• Employee: (sighs) So sorry monsieur. The dining car is closed now.
• SpongeBob: (checks watch) But we haven't even heard the specials yet.
• Employee: No the dining car is over for you. You must leave NOW!
• (beautiful lady picks SpongeBob up)
• SpongeBob: Oh! Sorry ma'am!
• Beautiful Lady: That's quite alright handsome!
• (cuts to the train terrace)
• SpongeBob: (sighs) Wealthy lady! Well Patrick, we better find a safe place to store this for the night! (SpongeBob thinking he's holding the key)
• Patrick: What is that?
• SpongeBob: That my dear Patrick is (SpongeBob getting shocked figuring out he's not holding the key) THE KEY! Patrick where is the key?! Oh no I think someone'll...
• Plankton: (gets mad while walking)
• SpongeBob: Plankton! You stole the safety deposit key?!
• Plankton: Oh come on! I just got here! I couldn't have stolen it! (smiles)Yes.
• SpongeBob: Oh Yeah! Well no offense,but I don't believe you.
• Plankton: You callin' me a liar?!
• SpongeBob: Yes. Search him Patrick
• Patrick: (puts on gloves) With pleasure. Prepare for a thermo search,Shorty!
• Plankton: Oh drag!
• Patrick: (picks up bowl) After I scrub this bowl. (scrubs bowl) Alright, Plankton. (picks up nutcracker) Time to squeeze the key out of you!
• Plankton: (gasps)
• Patrick: (uses nutcracker to crack walnut then eats walnut) After my tasty snack!
• Plankton: (runs then screams)
• Patrick: He's clean.(drops Plankton)
• Plankton: Ow! I told you i wasn't lying! Ugh!
• SpongeBob: Well if you didn't steal it then who did? Must've been someone on this train. Patrick! Call the cops!
• Patrick: COPS! I NEED YOU! (cuts to The Krusty Krab)
• Fishes: WE WANT KRABBY PATTIES! (5x)
• Fish #1: Just give me a patty man!
• Squidward: For the last time, we're out of patties! (customers get angry) No need to get excited now!
• Fish #1: We want our patties man! (crushes cash register)
• Squidward: That's Krusty Krab property!
• Fish #2: (roars)
• Squidward: That's a low,vary column (ducks when Fish #2 is about to hit Squidward with column) Hurry SpongeBob!
• (cuts outside the train) SpongeBob: As you know,an unspeakable crime has been comitted here today,and each of you have the means to do it.The question is...who? You there! You're not fooling me with that innocent act.(SpongeBob shows with a paperclip covering his nose from Baby #1's diaper)