SpongeBob SquarePants

The Executive Treatment (transcript)

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The Executive Treatment
Season №: 9
Episode №: 191b
Airdate: September 7, 2015
Previous: "Squid Plus One"
Next: "Company Picnic"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Executive Treatment" from season nine, which aired on September 7, 2015.

  • [The episode begins with Patrick running to the Krusty Krab. He trips and falls on his face. He gets up and walks inside the restaurant until he is grabbed by Mr. Krabs.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Alright, hold on a second there free-loader! What are you doing here?
  • Patrick: I'm here for lunch.
  • Mr. Krabs: Did you bring money this time?
  • Patrick: [Patrick holds out a couple of dollar bills.] Yes! [Mr. Krabs eyes start to bark like dogs.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Let me see that. [Mr. Krabs takes the money and sniffs them. Then he rubs them on his tongue and teeth a few times. Then he licks them, then he eats them, swallows them and spits them out.] Alright. Pay is real. Now get in line!
  • Patrick: [Patrick takes the money.] Yes, sir! [He walks up to the line where business people are waiting. Some of them are executives.]
  • Bill: Hey, how's that new executive treatment sandwich treating you? Cause it's hitting all the quadrants of my hunger markets.
  • Patrick: [Listening to the conversation] Mmm, Quadrants!
  • Bill: You know, it reminds me of something I was thinking about business the other day.
  • Harold: The satisfaction earnings of the fourth quarter of my lunch are off the charts! [The two executives laugh]
  • Bill: And I love the way it tastes! [They continue laughing]
  • Yellow Executive: And business, my friend, is the business I'm talking about.
  • Marv: Well, one can't have business without business right?
  • Yellow Executive: Interesting point, Marv. How's your sandwich?
  • Marv: Absolutely spectacular! This new menu item is the business plan I can really get behind!
  • Executive: I tell you, this is one dynamic little sandwich.
  • Shubie: With levels of proactiveness that are off the charts. Business wise.
  • Executive: It really appeals to my demographic.
  • Shubie: Well, you are an executive in a fast-paced world of business.
  • Executive: Ha, ha! That's for sure!
  • Patrick: [Patrick walks to the register.] These guys talk funny words.
  • Squidward: Oh, yeah. They're a riot. What can I get ya?
  • Patrick: I guess I'll have one of these business sandwiches everybody's talking about.
  • Squidward: Ah, the executive treatment.
  • Patrick: Is that what you call it?
  • Squidward: Well, that's what Mr. Krabs makes me call it. It's really just a Krabby Patty that costs more. And SpongeBob wears a different tie when he makes it.
  • Patrick: Oh, wow! I'll take seven!
  • Squidward: Oh, I'm sorry sir. The executive treatment is available to executives only. I'm not sorry.
  • Patrick: But I never wanted anything so much in my whole life! Since this morning when I wanted a donut-night at the "Donut" and it was great! The donut is gone! [Patrick shakes Squidward.] The donut is gone!
  • Squidward: [Squidward pushes Patrick's hands away.] First of all a lot of that donut, it's still on your face! [Patrick has half a donut on his face and licks it off.]
  • Patrick: Now, where's my executive treatment?
  • Squidward: I told you, it's for executives only! And you aren't even dressed like an executive! I could of course sell you [Squidward pulls out a tie] the official Krusty Krab business tie for only 10 dollars.
  • Patrick: Will the tie let me order the executive treatment?
  • Squidward: Not on its own, no. But you could Krabby-size the tie with and get a pair of [Squidward pulls out some glasses] business glasses for additional 10 dollars.
  • Patrick: [Laughs] Well, I'd be stupid not to!
  • Squidward: Well, you're half right.
  • Patrick: Here's your 20 bucks. [Patrick gives Squidward 20 dollars.]
  • Squidward: Here's your glasses. [Patrick puts on the tie and glasses.]
  • Patrick: Thanks! I'll take one executive treatment my good man. [SpongeBob pops out of the window with the executive treatment sandwich.]
  • SpongeBob: Here's your executive treatment!
  • Squidward: [Squidward takes the sandwich off Spongebob and gives Patrick the sandwich.] Here you go.
  • Patrick: Oh man! [whispers] It looks executively delicious! [As he goes to eat the sandwich, Marv runs up and grabs Patrick.]
  • Marv: Carl, what are you doing standing around at a time like this? We're gonna be late for the big brainstorming meeting! [Executives appear behind Patrick and start to push him out of the restaurant.]
  • Patrick: But! But! [Patrick gets shoved out of the door.] Save my sandwich for me, Squidward! Squidward!
  • Squidward: [snickers] I'll save it alright. I'll just put it here in the circular files. [Opens a trashcan and attempts to throw the sandwich away]
  • Mr. Krabs: [Pops out of the trashcan] What are you doing throwing away a perfectly sellable sandwich?!
  • [The executives continue to push Patrick through the streets of Bikini Bottom until they reach a building called the business industries.]
  • Patrick: No! [The executives push Patrick through the doors which makes him lose his hands. The executives punch in their tickets in the punch in/out clock. Patrick puts his hand in the clock and his hand turns into a ticket. The executives push Patrick into the elevator.] No!!! [The elevator closes and everything is quiet. Patrick is settled as the music is played. The elevator takes them to the 115th floor of the building. The executives push Patrick out of the elevator.] No!!! [They stop at a door to the conference room with the numbers 4-B on it.] Not 4-B!!! NO!!!!!
  • Marv: Wow! You’re very upset about conference room 4-B. And I can’t say I blame you. Because conference room 4-B is the most terrifying conference room in the whole building. More people have been fired in here than all the other conference rooms combined! [Patrick screams] Save it for the big brainstorming meeting! [Marv opens the doors] Right here is where all the biggest business decisions in the business are made. Why if an imposter were to be caught in here, hmm…
  • Patrick: He’d be given a sandwich and sent on his way?
  • Marv: No, he’d be convicted as a corporate spy and sent to jail forever and ever and ever. Hey, where are you going?
  • Patrick: I think I’ve forgot to water my manatee oranges? [Patrick goes to open the doors and leave, but was quickly opened and slammed into by a tall green eel with a business outfit on.]
  • Stockholder Eel: Gentlemen, please. [The doors close and Patrick slides off the wall.]
  • Patrick: [dazed] Where am I?
  • Stockholder Eel: Exactly. I like you, young man. Everybody scoot down and so he can sit next to me. And I won’t intimidate him at all by my terrifyingly long soap opera activity. As this junior executive so eloquently put it, “Where exactly are we?”
  • Marv: Ah, sir, if you take a look at this [Marv shows a line chart on the easel.] I believe you’ll agree that we’re perfectly positioned for our marketing to be number one across the business sector. [The executives murmur in agreement.]
  • Stockholder Eel: I need a straight answer, not a bunch of meaningless charts! What do you give a disappointed stockholder to make him feel better? [The stockholder eel looks at Patrick.]
  • Patrick: A sandwich? [The stockholder eel looks at the executives. The executives laugh.]
  • Harold: Get a load of this guy! A sandwich!
  • Marv: This guy has sandwiches on the brain!
  • Patrick: [Patrick’s head is shaped like a sandwich] No I don’t! [The executives continue to laugh]
  • Tom: That’s just about the silliest piece of idea!
  • Stockholder Eel: Alright, hold it! Now all of you just hold it right there! It’s easy to laugh and judge. Keep a man with scholar when you hear an idea that stands out because it’s so unusual. [The executives mope.] So, everybody, just stop and think for a minute about what your colleague is really trying to say because I want to be the one to tell him. That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard.
  • Patrick: What if I had a meaningless chart?
  • Stockholder Eel: Yes, maybe I was too hasty about that. [Patrick draws a picture of himself holding a sandwich on the easel.] Well, you're definitely giving a new meaning to the word “meaningless”.
  • Patrick: Oh, wait! [Patrick draws a sun with a happy face on the easel. Then he draws a house.] And here’s a little house with smoke coming out of the chimney. See what I mean? [The stockholder eel growls and becomes angry.] I guess he likes my chart, 'cause he’s smiling.
  • Marv: He smiles like that when he’s really angry. [The executives murmur in concern.]
  • Patrick: Do you slap your palms down on the table like that too?
  • Stockholder Eel: [growls] Yes.
  • Patrick: Oh.
  • Stockholder Eel: I don’t know who you are, but you better not be an impostor. Do you know what happens to impostors in conference room 4-B?
  • Patrick: Well, uh, let’s see. Uh, don’t tell me! I-I know it’s not sandwiches. They don’t get sandwiches. Do they?
  • Stockholder Eel: [The stockholder eel slaps his head in disgust. He holds out a drinking straw.] Mister, this is the last straw! [The executives hold out their cups and sign at the fact that they’ve run out of straws.] Now, I’m just going to give you just 18 more chances to prove yourself.
  • Narrator: Montage. [Patrick is seen writing on the board while trying to solve an equation. He draws a picture of a sandwich as an answer. The stockholder eel gets really angry and rips his mustache off his face in frustration. The executives gasps.]
  • Stockholder Eel: Jenkins!
  • Jenkins: Yes, sir?
  • Stockholder Eel: Mustache. [Jenkins rips his mustache off his face.]
  • Jenkins: Here you are sir. [Jenkins sheds a tear as he hands his mustache to the stockholder eel. The stockholder eel takes the mustache and puts it on his face.]
  • [The scene changes to Patrick and Marv stamping don’t signs on different papers. Patrick stamps on Marv’s head and Marv stamps him back. Soon, they ended up stamping each other, much to the stockholder eel’s disgust. Marv stamps “Void” on Patrick’s forehead. Officer John and Officer Rob come in and randomly hit Marv, forcing him to leave the building. The scene changes to Patrick baking a pie in the oven. He puts the pie on a copy machine causing it to splat , he makes a copy with a purple pie chart on it. He shows it to the stockholder eel, but he splatters it on Patrick’s face. The paper slides off and Patrick licks the pie goop off his face while the stockholder eel walks away. The next scene shows Harold filling up a mug with water from the drinking fountain. He puts the mug on the table and gives Patrick a thumbs up and he’s ready to dive. Patrick jumps off the diving board and lands in the mug. The stockholder eel takes the mug off of Patrick’s head and walks away drinking out of it. Patrick sits there with his head shaped like a mug. The scene changes to Patrick and the stockholder eel in conference room 4-B at the top floor of the building.]
  • Patrick: [holding a book containing his official report] And so in conclusion, I would like to submit my official report. [Patrick gives the stockholder eel his official report. As the stockholder eel goes to read it, it turns out that Patrick made paper-dolls out of his report.]
  • Stockholder Eel: You know, kid. We need somebody like you around here.
  • Patrick: You do? [The stockholder eel, finally fed up with Patrick’s stupidity, whacks his official report off the table.]
  • Stockholder Eel: For me to fire!
  • Patrick: Oh, yeah? Well, I’ve got a surprise for you. [Patrick takes off his glasses and tie. The executives gasps.] You can’t fire me! I’m not an executive at all! I’m just a guy who happens to like sandwiches! So, go ahead! Send me away forever as a corporate spy if you want to! But not before I've had my say! [Just as Patrick is about to finish, Officers John and Rob show up and whack him a couple times. The scene changes to Bikini Bottom Jail where Patrick is ironing his heavy chain ball with the other prisoners. Officer Rob comes in.]
  • Officer Rob: You have a visitor. [Officer Rob takes Patrick to the meeting room where SpongeBob is waiting.]
  • Patrick: Who is it?
  • SpongeBob: Hello, Patrick.
  • Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Hey, I heard you’re in charge of the laundry room on Thursdays. That’s nice.
  • Patrick: Yeah. Well, it’s pretty nice I guess.
  • SpongeBob: You know what that makes you?
  • Patrick: Nuh-uh.
  • SpongeBob: [holds out a Krabby Patty] An executive!
  • Patrick: Oh, wait! Oh, is that what I think it is?!
  • SpongeBob: Uh-huh! An executive treatment! [SpongeBob shoves the sandwich through the telephone and Patrick eats it. Patrick and SpongeBob stare at each other for a few moments. Patrick tears off his jail clothes and puts his glasses and tie back on.]
  • Officer Rob: [gasps] What happened to prisoner 665321?! [Rob pushes the alarm button. Patrick leaves the meeting room as officers run all over the place.]
  • Patrick: Let’s go home, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Ok, but who are you? [Patrick and SpongeBob laugh as they both leave Bikini Bottom Jail during the lockdown. They stop at the gate.] No seriously. Who are you?

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