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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Clam Whisperer" from season eleven, which aired on September 23, 2017.
  • [The episode begins with the clam migration.]
  • French Narrator: Ah, behold the migration of the majestic clams. To search for warmer climates, and plentiful food.
  • [The clams begin to signal each other in different formations.]
  • French Narrator: The clams have begun to signal each other. A hospitable location has been found. The grace they exhibit is truly—[a submarine comes in and the clams form a stop sign] Zut alors! Dive! Dive!
  • [The submarine dives down and the clams form a go sign. Meanwhile, on the ground, SpongeBob is surveying the clam migration with his binoculars.]
  • SpongeBob: Wow!
  • Patrick: [sneaks up behind SpongeBob] What are you doing, SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: [screams in surprise] I'm just checking out the beautiful clams. Did you know it's migration season?
  • Patrick: Yeah, I know. [starts bawling] I don't know! I lied to you! [whimpers and sobs]
  • [Patrick sprays his tears at SpongeBob.]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, it's okay!
  • Patrick: [whimpers] Okay.
  • SpongeBob: Do you need to blow your nose?
  • [Patrick grabs SpongeBob and blows his nose on him. Then he wipes the tear puddle off the ground.]
  • Patrick: You're a good friend. [sets SpongeBob down and SpongeBob giggles] So can I see the clams?
  • SpongeBob: Sure! Here, use these. [hands Patrick the binoculars]
  • Patrick: Thanks!
  • [Patrick goes to try out the binoculars but is tangled up by the strap.]
  • Patrick: Hey! [struggles with the binocular strap] The binoculars are attacking! [gets choked on by the strap]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick!
  • [SpongeBob jumps on Patrick and removes the binoculars off of him.]
  • Both: Phew!
  • SpongeBob: Maybe we better just use our eyes.
  • Patrick: Good idea.
  • [Patrick and SpongeBob punch their eyes up to look at the clam migration. A clam flies up above them.]
  • Patrick: Ooh! Clams are so pretty!
  • SpongeBob: Just look at all those majestic species! There's the Soft Shell Clam.
  • [Frankie Billy walks up, yawns and falls asleep on the Soft Shell Clam.]
  • SpongeBob: The Hard Shell Clam.
  • [An anchor drops on the Hard Shell Clam and it breaks into pieces.]
  • SpongeBob: The Giant Clam.
  • [A driver in a car drives up to the Giant Clam.]
  • Paco: Come on! Get out of the way! [gets swallowed by the Giant Clam]
  • SpongeBob: Even a Razor Clam.
  • Bearded Fish: Just clean me up, as usual.
  • [The Razor Clam nods and shaves his entire beard. The Razor Clam then lifts up a mirror for the fish to see.]
  • Bearded Fish: [bewildered laughter] I'm beautiful!
  • SpongeBob: Aw, I wish the clams were closer to us so we can get a better look.
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick shake themselves.]
  • SpongeBob: Wait! I know! They're always hungry when they migrate!
  • [Patrick stomach rumbles. The scene changes to SpongeBob taking chunks of a Krabby Patty and puts them on the ground around his house. Patrick follows but eats the Krabby Patty chunks. SpongeBob stops and sees what Patrick is doing.]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, the patties are for the clams!
  • Patrick: I'm sorry, SpongeBob. [eats the Krabby Patty]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick!
  • Patrick: What? I'm not perfect. [wipes his mouth with a napkin] But I am full. Nap time! [falls asleep on the ground]
  • SpongeBob: Aw. [chuckles and puts a blanket on Patrick]
  • [SpongeBob tip-toes away. The scene changes to SpongeBob continuing to drop chunks of Krabby Patties on the ground in front of his house and Squidward's house. Soon, the flock of clams arrive and start eating the Krabby Patties.]
  • SpongeBob: It's working! [gasps] Huh? [sees the clams swimming in Patrick's drool pool] Isn't that beautiful?
  • [Inside Squidward's house, Squidward is reciting a poem that he has been working on.]
  • Squidward: What is in a Squidward? A Squidward by any other name would— [squawking sounds are heard; Squidward groans] Uh. Where was I? Ah, yes! A Squidward, dancing fast, moving like grace it— [squawking sounds are heard again] Oh, that is it! Will you clams clam up?! [looks up and sees the clams pooping on the roof of his house] Oh, look at what the clams are doing to my beautiful home! SpongeBob, will you stop feeding those clams?
  • SpongeBob: Why, Squidward?
  • Squidward: Because they're making a me— [looks up and sees angry clams glaring at him] Agh! Stop!
  • [The clams poop on Squidward.]
  • SpongeBob: Maybe I have been feeding these clams too much.
  • [Squidward closes the window and goes into the bathtub to clam the poop off him.]
  • Squidward: [sobs] I'll never be clean again!
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob walking to the Krusty Krab.]
  • SpongeBob: ♪Walking to work ain't too shabby! 'Cause I'll be whipping up a Krabby Patty!♪ [stops and hears cawing] Huh?
  • [SpongeBob turns around and sees the clams resting on a coral tree. He continues walking but realizes that the clams are following him.]
  • SpongeBob: Go on home, you clams! I have to go to work now. Go on. Go home. I don't have any more Krabby Patties for you. You need to find your own food. [silence] Okay then. I'll just— [turns around and runs while the clams follow him; SpongeBob stops and giggles] Oh! Follow the leader!
  • [SpongeBob and the clams move around in different directions like playing follow the leader. The played for a bit until they roll on over to the Krusty Krab.]
  • SpongeBob: [giggles] Bye! I'll see you crazy clams later.
  • [A clam swims up and steals Archie's patty.]
  • Archie: Hey, that's mine!
  • [The clam growls at Archie and he screams, leaving his pants on the ground.]
  • SpongeBob: What are you doing? You know it's not nice to steal other people's food!
  • [The clam whimpers.]
  • SpongeBob: Aw, don't worry. I see that we understand each other completely now.
  • [SpongeBob then notices that the clams are attacking everyone and stealing people's food. SpongeBob grabs a clam and tries to retrieve a Krabby Patty. He pulls the sandwich out of the clam's mouth.]
  • SpongeBob: No! Bad clam! Sorry, sir!
  • Customer: Blagh. [throws away the patty]
  • SpongeBob: What am I going to do? I can't leave the clams alone. They'll just have to go to work with me. Come on, you clams!
  • [The clams follow SpongeBob in the Krusty Krab. Squidward wakes up from his nap and freaks out when he sees the clams.]
  • Squidward: [screams] No! Not again! I just got clean!
  • [Squidward screams in panic, grabs an umbrella and runs out.]
  • SpongeBob: Remember, no stealing food.
  • [The clams nod in agreement and rest on the cashier boat.]
  • SpongeBob: Perch here and be good clams while I work.
  • [SpongeBob goes into the kitchen and prepares his shift. However, the clams fly out and start attacking the customers by stealing their food. Mr. Krabs peeks out from his office and begins to take notice of what's going on. He grabs the cashier boat and hides underneath it with SpongeBob.]
  • Mr. Krabs: What the barnacle is going on here? How did all these clams get inside?
  • SpongeBob: I couldn't leave them outside. They were stealing people's Krabby Patties.
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, what do you think they're doing in here?
  • SpongeBob: Uh, stealing people's Krabby Patties?
  • Mr. Krabs: And costing me money! [shows an empty cash register] Now get them out of here, boy! [a clam spits a pearl at Mr. Krabs] Ow!
  • SpongeBob: Bad clam! Don't spit pearls at nice Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: Pearls? [picks up the pearl and looks at it with his microscope] Ooh! [chuckles as he sees a dollar sign on the pearl]
  • SpongeBob: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. I'll get all these clams out of here right now.
  • [A clam spits another pearl and Mr. Krabs catches it.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Not so fast, SpongeBob. [puts the pearl in a bag] What's your hurry? [chuckles]
  • SpongeBob: Didn't you just tell me to get the clams out of here 'cause they're stealing food from your customers?
  • [The clams continue to attack the customers. A clam spits another pearl at Mr. Krabs.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Ow! Forget the customers. If these clams keep spitting pearls at me, I'll be rich! Good clams. Good clams! Tee-hee-hee. Oh. [groans as the clams smother him; he pushes the clams away] Bad clams! Stupid clams! Smelly clams! [the clams spit pearls at Mr. Krabs] Ow! Ow! Ooh! Ah! Ow! Ow! [pops up as if he is wearing a king's clothing made out of pearls; he chuckles]
  • SpongeBob: I've gotta get these clams out of here! [opens the door] Follow me, clams.
  • [The clams follow SpongeBob out of the restaurant.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Wait! SpongeBob! Come back with those crummy clams! [the clams turn around and spit more pearls at Mr. Krabs] Whoa! [slips and falls on his face]
  • SpongeBob: I figured if I tired them out, maybe they'll behave better.
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob walking the clams down the street next to the Coffee Bowl.]
  • SpongeBob: Let's go, clams. Good boys!
  • [SpongeBob and the clams cross the street. One clam spits a pearl at Francis and eats his bread. An unnamed woman walks up to the table.]
  • Unnamed woman: Are you Steven?
  • [The clam nods in response.]
  • Unnamed woman: Oh, thank goodness! I'm so new to this online dating thing. I'm always afraid the guy won't show up!
  • [The clam gives a friendly growl.]
  • Unnamed woman: Oh! You silver-tongued devil, you!
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] There you are! No dawdling, now, come on.
  • [The clam leaves with SpongeBob.]
  • Unnamed woman: Call me!
  • [The scene changes to Poseidon Elementary School where kids are having lunch time at the playground. One clam eats a little boy's sandwich, apple, and banana. Another clam eats another little boy's sandwich, but lifts him up and drops him, sending another little boy flying. The third little boy's slice of pizza falls on a little girl's head. The clams eat the pizza and the little girl's hair, leaving her bald. The children ran away from the playground to avoid the clams.]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, there you are.
  • [A clam pushes another clam off the swing.]
  • SpongeBob: No, no pushing! We share the swing. Like this. Just watch. [swings back and forth] Whee! [swings really fast] Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo! [giggles and falls off the swing, landing in front of Squidward, Mr. Krabs, and the townsfolk]
  • Squidward: There you are!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, hey, Squidward.
  • Squidward: Don't, "Oh, hey, Squidward" me! Not after you lured these monsters into town! [picks up SpongeBob and waves the clams away] They are a menace to society and we want them out!
  • [The townsfolk chatter in agreement.]
  • SpongeBob: I'm sorry the clams messed things up, but you must remember, they're wild animals.
  • [The clams give a menacing growl.]
  • Squidward: Exactly! And wild animals don't belong in a civilized town!
  • [The townsfolk chatter in agreement again.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, maybe you're right. If you really want the clams gone, then I'll lead them out of town.
  • Mr. Krabs: In that case, let me just say this from the heart. Give me more pearls, you stupid, smelly clams! [the clams spit up a really huge pearl on Mr. Krabs, crushing him underneath] I'm good.
  • SpongeBob: Well, then, I guess this is good-bye.
  • [SpongeBob solemnly leaves Bikini Bottom with the clams while a violin player among the townsfolk plays a sad song on the violin. The scene changes to SpongeBob swinging on a vine and giving out a Tarzan-like yell. He sits on a branch of a coral tree and calls forth the clams. He morphs into a clam so he can imitate them. Then he flies in the sky with them. Lary the Snail, Rex, and Mystery are drinking water by the stream with sand-like straws. They see SpongeBob and the clams flying towards them and run off. SpongeBob and the clams sip the water, until three sea bears came and chased them away. SpongeBob and the clams sit on a power line, but SpongeBob gets electrocuted and falls to the ground.]
  • French Narrator: One Season Later...
  • [SpongeBob and the clams land on the ground to rest.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, the life of a clam is the best! [laughs and feels a cold breeze of wind] Brr! Getting cold out. Must be fall. I hate to say it, little clams, but it's time for you all to fly home to warmer climates. [the clams hover SpongeBob] Don't be sad. We'll see each other next year. I promise. Now go on. [the clams fly away; SpongeBob sighs and sheds a tear] The circle of life. Whelp, guess I should migrate home, too.
  • [The scene changes to Squidward cleaning the clam poop off his house.]
  • Squidward: Well, it took me a whole season, but it's finally clean. [sees SpongeBob walking home while in the form of a clam] The clams! They're back! [screams as he falls off the roof and lands in Patrick's drool pool]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, wait, Squidward. It's just me!
  • Squidward: [sees that he's covered in Patrick's drool; he gasps in panic] Drool pool! [screams]
  • Patrick: [wakes up from his long nap and has grown a beard] What'd I miss? [screams]
  • [Patrick and Squidward run around, screaming. SpongeBob returns to his normal form.]
  • SpongeBob: Okay, have fun, you two. [enters his house]
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob in his bird nest-like bed with Gary.]
  • SpongeBob: It sure is nice to be home. [sighs and spits a pearl to turn off the light]

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