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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "The Cent of Money" from season seven, which aired on July 7, 2010.
  • SpongeBob: [sings to himself, then addresses Gary] I'm sorry, Gary. I thought you were done.... [SpongeBob is pushed down] Wow. This town is sure going downhill. [bumps into Mr Krabs's parked boat] Uhh, Mr. Krabs. What are you doing out here?
  • Mr. Krabs: Well...you know...unwinding. Enjoying the free parking. [The "P" falls off the sign that reads "free parking."] [Gary's eyes start wiggling] What's happening to your little critter here?
  • SpongeBob: I don't know, but when he does that he usually finds change.
  • Mr. Krabs: Change? As in legal tender?
  • SpongeBob: Yeah. Watch. [A penny flies onto Gary's shell]
  • Mr. Krabs: Wow. Shiver me shell wax. You're like a little money detecting... Uh... You know... A sneagle.
  • SpongeBob: You mean snail.
  • Mr. Krabs: Thank you, SpongeBob. How about you bring your sneagle into work with ye?
  • SpongeBob: You said pets were not nothing but disease-carrying vermins that should never be brought to the workplace.
  • Mr. Krabs: But that was before I knew that they had such an amazing talent.
  • SpongeBob: But the whole process causes Gary big discomfort. I could never do it to him.
  • Mr. Krabs: I could.
  • [Scene skips to the Krusty Krab. Money flies from the floor onto Gary's shell and Mr. Krabs takes it.]
  • Mr. Krabs: There you go. Bring in that change.[money comes from the order boat and then from a piece of gum] I've been working on that one for months. Arr, arr, arr, arr, arr, arr, arr!
  • SpongeBob: What's so funny, Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: Uhh...SpongeBob. Shouldn't you be out back scrubbing the dumpster?
  • SpongeBob: Done and done!
  • Mr. Krabs: Then get back there and scrub the poop deck so to speak.
  • SpongeBob: Yes sir!
  • Gary: [gets the coins on his shell]
  • Nat: Hey! What are you doing with my change?!
  • Mr. Krabs: Anything on the floor gains. [Gary gets change from two people.]
  • Sun Breathe Nazz: Hey! [Money goes into Mr. Krab's pockets. The back of Mr Krabs' pants falls off and a lot of money comes out]
  • Mr. Krabs: Arr, arr, arr, arr, arr. Looks like I need pockets for me pockets! [A whole group of customers walks out of the Krusty Krab, muttering angrily.] Ahh. Fine! With my new money finder... Who needs ya?! [slams the door] Ahh. I was about to close up shop anyways.
  • SpongeBob: Close up! Come on, Gar. You're coming with me.
  • Mr. Krabs: You aren't taking him anywhere yet. You haven't greased the fryer yet. [slams a brush in SpongeBob's mouth] Don't worry about Jerry. I'll make sure he gets his nightly craw.
  • SpongeBob: Gary.
  • [scene skips to Goo Lagoon]
  • Mr. Krabs: [Uses Gary like a detector. Money comes from the ground and then a sunbather.]Heh, heh. Excuse me mam.
  • [scene skips to the middle of Bikini Bottom]
  • Mr. Krabs: [still using Gary like a detector. Money comes from a sewer.] Dirty money spends just like the clean. [bumps into SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: I've finished greasing the fryer. [barfs up money]
  • Mr. Krabs: You sure make easy work.
  • SpongeBob: Try telling that to my frizzled hands. [hands disintegrate]
  • Mr. Krabs: Yeah, but you still have work to do.
  • SpongeBob: I do?
  • Mr. Krabs: Yeah. How about you rearrange the wall rivets from smallest to largest?
  • SpongeBob: But aren't they the same size.
  • Mr. Krabs: That's what they want you to know. Now take a long look.
  • SpongeBob: Will do, captain.
  • Mr. Krabs: Now back to our treasure hunt. Eh, boy.
  • Gary: Meow. [eyes wiggle]
  • Mr. Krabs: You okay, boy? [money comes out of parking meters]
  • Gary: Meow. [hides in his shell]
  • Mr. Krabs: That a boy.
  • [scene skips to the Krusty Krab]
  • SpongeBob: [uses a magnifying glass] Mr. Krabs is right. Some of these rivets are off by as much as five nanometers. Well, I better get to work.
  • [scene skips to Mr. Krabs and Gary]
  • Gary: [falls asleep]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. There's no stopping. There's a laundromat that needs to be cleaned out. Arr, arr, arr, arr, arr, arr, arr. Cleaned out. Get it. Ahh. Never mind. MUSH!
  • Gary: Meow.
  • Mr. Krabs: If you don't get moving I'm gonna'...
  • SpongeBob: You're gonna' do what sir?
  • Mr. Krabs: I'm gonna' give him a snaily treat. [stuffs a treat in Gary's mouth]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Ohh, okay. The rivets are all rearranged.
  • Mr. Krabs: What!? How is that possible? Uhh, now I want you to paint the Krusty Krab.
  • SpongeBob: Okay. That's easy.
  • Mr. Krabs: Uh, uh, uh, but I want you to do it with this toothbrush. [gives SpongeBob a toothbrush]
  • SpongeBob: Okay. Bye old pal.
  • Gary: Meow.
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, no, no, no. Don't worry about Terry. He's in good claws.
  • SpongeBob: I'm sure he is. Bye.
  • Mr. Krabs: Now little sneagle. Ready to do some laundry? Arr, arr, arr, arr, arr, arr.
  • [scene skips to the laundromat]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee, hee.
  • Tough guy: Hey, where's my change? [Mr. Krabs runs out with Gary and the coins]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hee, hee, hee, hee.
  • Tough guy: Well, that stinks.
  • [scene to Mr. Krabs and Gary]
  • Mr. Krabs: Arr, arr, arr. I guess he didn't see that coming. [bumps into a building] Hey, what's the big ide-er? We've just found a pot at the end of the rainbow. Aieeeee! [goes in]
  • Old Man Jenkins: [coins fly from the machine] What the?
  • Mr. Krabs: It's like taking candy from a baby!
  • Old Man Jenkins: And that old whip shhhhooo the coins just flew from the machine!
  • Security guard: Ahh, don't worry. We'll get to the bottom of this.
  • Mr. Krabs: Uh oh. Pronto. Time for plan B! [Mr. Krabs grabs a dress]
  • [scene skips to the Krusty Krab]
  • SpongeBob: Ah ha! That should do it! [SpongeBob climbs down a ladder] Ahh. Time to check in with Mr. Krabs to see if he needs me to do anymore impossible jobs.
  • Tough guy: I'm never gonna' hear the end of this one when I get home.
  • SpongeBob: Pardon me sir. You haven't seen a crab walking around with a snail, have you?
  • Tough guy: Neptune jerks. One's a criminal used a snail to swipe the coins from me. Those steamin' crustation used his sneagle to swipe coins from me.
  • SpongeBob: His sneagle?
  • Tough Guy: Thats right. What's the steaming might to show. Just walk right past him.
  • Mr. Krabs: Arr, arr, arr, arr.
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs. What have you done to my Gary? So this is what a hotbed of sin looks like...
  • [scene skips to the bathroom]
  • Mr. Krabs: Arr, arr, arr, arr. How's it going boyo? Are you feeling the coin vibes?
  • Gary: Pu, pu, pow.
  • Mr. Krabs: What do you mean you don't feel so good?
  • Gary: Meoow. [sweats]
  • Mr. Krabs: You look fine to me. Now stop being such a baby and make me some money. Excuse me, pregnant lady coming through! [walks into the security guard] Uh, he he. Hoo boy. It--it's sure hard being preggers!
  • Security guard: Uh...yeah. [Mr. Krabs walks on, then notices all the buckets full of coins sitting at the games.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [gasps, then squeals as he looks at more buckets] Ooh! [pants] [People are carrying buckets and are putting their hands into them. Mr. Krabs gets nervous]
  • Mr. Krabs: [to Gary] Get ready for it now, boy me boy! [to everyone] Ladies and gentlemen! [Everyone looks at Mr. Krabs.] Thank you for your money! [Lifts up Gary. Nothing happens.] Come on Harry! Let's go. Come on you! [Shakes Gary]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! For shame!
  • Mr. Krabs: What do you mean? I'm just showing Rory off.
  • SpongeBob: Don't you lie to me! I know all about you using Gary to steal money!
  • Mr. Krabs: I got nothing of the soul. [Gary's eyes wiggle] I would never steal. You have to quit making up stories, boy-yo.
  • SpongeBob: I'm not making up anything! I know all about your little scheme! You're the one making up stories!
  • Mr. Krabs: Don't you have work you should be doing?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, that's rich!
  • Mr. Krabs: No, if I was rich I wouldn't have to hire the likes of you!
  • SpongeBob: That's hurtful, Mr. Krabs, and you know it!
  • Mr. Krabs: Why you little yellow... Well, I never...
  • SpongeBob: You never what? Learned to use decent language? [People scream and run.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Who do you think you are! [throws Gary] Jackpot! Money, money, money, money. Come to papa. [stops] Oh boy.
  • [Scene skips to the Hospital]
  • Purple doctorfish: Yeah he's in pretty bad shape with the impact of all that metal but he'll pull through.
  • SpongeBob: Doctor? How does this sort of thing happen?
  • Purple Doctorfish: I think this has something to do with it. [gives SpongeBob a magnet]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, my Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy fridge magnet!
  • Purple Doctorfish: It seems to be your pet swallowed it. It has a very strong magnetic pull. [holds a coin and it flies onto the magnet]
  • SpongeBob: Cause' it's a magnet! That's it, Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: Arr, arr, arr, arr. Well, what do ya' know?
  • Purple Doctorfish: Well, there's still the matter of the bill. [gives Mr. Krabs the bill]
  • Mr. Krabs: What? Oh, I can't afford this.
  • Purple Doctorfish: Actually, you have just enough change to cover it. [Mr. Krabs watches a nurse walk away with all the money]
  • Mr. Krabs: Noooooooooooooooo!