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The Abrasive Side (transcript)

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Theabrasiveside
General
Season №: 7
Episode №: 146a
Airdate: November 27, 2010
Chronology
Previous: Enchanted Tiki Dreams
Next: Earworm
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode, "The Abrasive Side" from season seven, which aired on November 27, 2010.

  • [It is night time in Bikini Bottom. A scallop crows like a rooster. The sun comes up. A fish walks by and steps on SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: Um, sir, I believe I was in line first. [SpongeBob gets up]. I spent the night! That's how you get the best spot around here! [SpongeBob folds his blanket like a paper airplane and throws it back home. The blanket unfolds and lands on SpongeBob's bed. SpongeBob puts on his tie and pulls it down, revealing his pants] I'm meeting my best friend for an exciting trip to Glove World. [Takes out tickets]. See? 'Glove World'! I promised Patrick we'd be first in line.
  • Fish #1: Well, that's interesting. Say, you wouldn't mind if I cut in front of you?
  • SpongeBob: But, I spent the night and uh... well, okay. [Fish cuts in front of SpongeBob as many more fish start cutting].
  • Other Fish: Excuse me... Pardon me...Move it![Soon enough, SpongeBob is in the back of the line. Bubble transition]
  • Patrick: Hey SpongeBob! Are you ready to... [gasps] SpongeBob, you promised us firsties!
  • SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Patrick. But, we'll still be on the first bus to Glove World!
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Yay! [the bus arrives, and Sandy comes with a bag of groceries]
  • Sandy: Howdy, SpongeBob! I need your help with an experiment!
  • SpongeBob: But, Patrick and I are going to Glove World!
  • Sandy: But this is important! Please, SpongeBob? Pleeaase?!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, okay! Patrick, I'll catch the next bus! See you there! [Bubble transition to SpongeBob running on an exercise wheel]
  • Sandy: Operation acorn smoothie is complete!
  • [Bubble transition to bus stop]
  • Mr. Krabs: [coming out of the shoe store] SpongeBob! I need your help. I need you to tell Pearl "no" about those new shoes!
  • SpongeBob: But, I'm gonna miss the bus to Glove World!
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Okay! [another bus drives away. bubble transition] Um. Pearl? About those shoes? No.
  • Pearl: What?!? [cries loudly and floods the outside, SpongeBob flies out]
  • Grandma SquarePants: SpongeBob, could you walk your granny across the street?
  • SpongeBob: Grandma? Okay, Grandma. [another bus arrives and Patrick gets off, and he's wearing a glove hat and holding a glove balloon]
  • Patrick: [excited] Oh man! That was the best time I've ever had! [looks at SpongeBob suspiciously] Oh, hey SpongeBob. I hope you enjoyed not coming to Glove World with me.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick! How I've tried. But, people keep asking for my help!
  • Patrick: SpongeBob, you've got to learn to say 'no'. Stand up for yourself! You need thicker, tougher skin like me! [rolls up his sleeve, revealing rough skin; he rubs his finger on it, and it burns it off]. Oh, that reminds me. [takes off shirt] Could you scratch my back? [SpongeBob scratches it in disgust. Bubble transition to SpongeBob's house]
  • SpongeBob: [crying] Oh, it's true, Gar-bear! It's true that I can't stand up for myself. I'm too soft! How I wish I had thicker skin! [continues crying]
  • Gary: Meow [looks at magazine and reads an article about janitor supplies. Gary gets the phone, calls, and the doorbell rings].
  • SpongeBob: [opens front door and sees a package] Hey, what's this? [reading] Don't use that too old soft sponge, toughen it with a new abrasive side! [not reading] Ooh! Gary did you order this for me?
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: [puts on abrasive] It fits like a glove! Thanks, Gary! You're always there for me!
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Now, I wonder how this thing works.
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: Why don't ya scram you little freeloader? Hmph! Bottomfeeder!
  • SpongeBob: See ya, Gary!
  • Gary: Meow?
  • [Bubble transition]
  • SpongeBob: ♪I've got an abrasive side! Abrasive side, abrasive side! I've got an abrasive side, and now I can say no! Abrasive side, abrasive side, abrasive side, abrasive side! Now I can say --♪
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: No.
  • Fish #3: Hey, SpongeBob! Could you help me with these groceries?
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: Carry 'em yourself, Fishface!
  • Larry the Lobster: Hey SpongeBob, could rub some sun tan lotion on me?
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: Don't you think you've had enough? All you're missing is a bowl of butter!
  • Larry: Butter? Yipe!
  • Grandma SquarePants: Hi, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Hi, Grandma! I've got an abrasive side, now!
  • Grandma SquarePants: Well, that's nice. SpongeBob, could you walk me across the street?
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: Sorry, Granny, walk yourself across the street!
  • SpongeBob: [soft voice] See ya later Grandma. [Grandma looks both ways and tries to cross, but there's cars coming. Bubble transition]
  • Sandy: Howdy, SpongeBob! You're just in time to test out my new Disappear-Rator! It can make anything disappear, instantly! Now hold still, so I can shave a few inches at the top of your noggin.
  • SpongeBob: Why certainly, Sandy!
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: [knocks the Disappear-Rator out of Sandy's hands] No way, ya Brainless Lab Rat! I have other things to do than to be your test monkey!
  • Sandy: Brainless? [Disappear-Rator lands, and makes Sandy's head disappear. Bubble transition to The Krusty Krab]
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob. I need you to work the seventeen extra hour shift!
  • SpongeBob: Why, sure thing Mr...
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: Sorry, Krabs. I'm busy! Unless you're paying me overtime.
  • Mr. Krabs: Overtime? Over... Overtime... [gets dictionary] Oversold, overspend. Aha! Here it is! Overtime! [reading] More money per hour... [shocked] What a disgusting word!
  • [Bubble transition to Squidward watering his garden as SpongeBob walks by]
  • Squidward: Oh, fine. I suppose you want to play some stupid game. Or follow me around all day and never leave, hmmm? [sprays SpongeBob with hose]
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: [snaps fingers] 'Fraid not, Schnozward! I wouldn't hang out with you for all the money in Mr. Krabs's mattress!
  • Squidward: [hugs Abrasive SpongeBob, cries, and smiles] You don't know how long I've waited to hear those words!
  • [Bubble transition]
  • Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! You're just in time for our playdate!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, boy! How I can't wait...
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: ...to ditch you!
  • SpongeBob: You're my best friend...
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: ...so beat it tubby, I don't care for your company!
  • SpongeBob: So, what do ya say?
  • Patrick: I don't know! [cries and runs home]
  • SpongeBob: [walks in his house and looks in the mirror] That's weird. What could be wrong with Patrick?
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: Don't you remember? We told that pink freak to BEAT IT! In fact, we've already insulted all of your rotton friends, and no one will hang out with you, because you have none left, Mr. LoserBob LonelyPants! [laughs evily]
  • SpongeBob: [screams] I need to get help!
  • [runs over to patrick's house and knocks, Patrick shows his face] SpongeBob: : Patrick, you gotta help me. Will you buddy?
  • Patrick: [shivering] I don't know...are we buddies?
  • SpongeBob: Patrick you know the answer to that is...
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: ...NO, why would should I be friends with a big pink loser like you.
  • Patrick: [Completely shocked, screaming. Hides back under his rock] I'm so confused!!!
  • SpongeBob: [screams and runs away. Bubble transition to The Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is still reading out the dictionary]
  • Mr. Krabs: It unbelieveable. More money to your employees.
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: [sobbing] What do you want, Pottymouth?
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, you know I would never use immoderate language like...
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: OVERTIME!
  • Mr. Krabs: Arrrgh! Out, out, and STAY OUT! And don't you come back until you've swabbed that poop deck you call a mouth! [Bubble transition to Sandy's treedome]
  • SpongeBob: Sandy! You've gotta help me! Gary ordered me this abrasive to help me be more assertive.
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: Hey, Chipmunk!
  • SpongeBob: Oh no, it's taken over!
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: Quiet, you!
  • SpongeBob: I can't take it anymore! It's like a... a virus!
  • Sandy: [speaks inaudibly]
  • SpongeBob: Wait! Hold on! [SpongeBob pull a string and Sandy's head reappears]
  • Sandy: I said, "Why would you do a dangful thing like that?"
  • SpongeBob: Well I just couldn't say...
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: No!
  • SpongeBob: To anybody! So I got it to be more aggresive to everyone.
  • Sandy: Aww, SpongeBob, you can't go on being someone you're not. You are who you are, and who you are is just fine!
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: WHO HE IS JUST STINKS!
  • Sandy: Golly, we need to get this thing off you! Now, turn around... [SpongeBob turns around] and grab something heavy. [SpongeBob grabs Patrick by the pants]
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: No, you don't scare me, Girly!
  • Sandy: This is gonna sting worse than a jellyfish in a bucket of electric eels! [Sandy begins to rip the abrasive side off]
  • Abrasive SpongeBob: Hey, what are you doing you crazy bussy tailed rodent?! No!
  • SpongeBob: Owwwwww! AHHHHHHHHHHH!
  • Sandy: There we go!
  • SpongeBob: Phew. Thanks, Sandy! You too, Patrick!
  • Patrick: No problem! [Patrick has just gotten a massive wedgie, and the Abrasive Side growls]
  • Sandy: I think it's high time we get rid of this thing. [Sandy puts the abrasive in a package, puts a "Return to Sender" sticker on it, and stuffs it in a mailbox]
  • SpongeBob: So long, Abrasivey! [Abrasive Side growls again] Grandma! I've got to apoligize to Grandma! [Bubble transition to Grandma's] Grandma? Grandma, I just wanted to apoligize about earlier. So, what do ya say? Can we discuss this over a cup of your famous hot cocoa?
  • Grandma SquarePants: Oh, sweety I would love to whip one up. Just as soon as you...
  • Abrasive Grandma: MAKE YOUR OWN HOT COCOA! I'M BUSY! "[Thunder]"
  • SpongeBob: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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