[episode opens with SpongeBob and Patrick playing in Squidward's yard and annoying Squidward]
Squidward: Stop playing... IN MY YARD!
SpongeBob: Oh, we're not playing in your yard, Squidward, we're playing in our yards. We're just using your yard as a walkway.
Patrick: No offense, but your yard gargles tartar sauce.
Squidward: Well, pick one, and leave my yard out of it!
Patrick: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! I'm good at choosing! Hmmmm... let's play innnn... SpongeBob's yard! No! Patrick's! Errrr... SpongeBob! [sobs] I'm terrible at choosing! Squidward! You choose!
Squidward: I choose Patrick... [carries Patrick to his yard] to play in Patrick's yard... [carries SpongeBob to his yard] and SpongeBob in SpongeBob's yard. And nobody... [draws a rectangle around his house]IN HERE![leaves]
Patrick: SpongeBob! [attempts to run around]
SpongeBob: Patrick! [does the same over and over]
SpongeBob: Patrick! [reaches road. He gasps] The road! [attempts to cross road but there's too much traffic] Patrick! What are we gonna do?
Patrick: I'll mail myself to your house! [climbs in the mailbox, mailbox tips over and explodes]
SpongeBob: Sit tight, Patrick! I'm coming to get you! [ties his hands around the mailbox and flings himself to Patrick] Nooo!
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick. [flings back to his house] Patrick! Call me!
Patrick: Okay! [both go back to their houses and Patrick calls]
SpongeBob:[phone rings] SquarePants residence.
Patrick: What are we gonna do?!
SpongeBob: Hmmmm... have we ever dug a tunnel between our two houses?
Patrick: No. [both put on digging gear and start digging tunnels underground, the tunnel says: "Eat at the Krusty Krab." Patrick sticks his head through a hole and reaches SpongeBob] SpongeBob?
Both: We did it!
SpongeBob: Tag! You're it! [Patrick runs through the hole. They both start playing tag]
Patrick: Tag!You're it!
SpongeBob: Tag! YOU'RE IT!
Patrick: Tag! YOU'RE IT!
Squidward:[sleeping on his couch]
SpongeBob: Peek-a-boo! I see you!
Squidward:[fluffs pillow and falls back asleep]
SpongeBob: You're it!
Patrick: You're it! [both laugh]
Squidward:[rips pillow with his head and gets some Jello] Must... block... out... noise! [puts jello on his head and sits down]
Patrick: Knock, knock!
SpongeBob: Who's there?
Patrick: I don't know! [both laugh]
Squidward:[jello melts off head. He goes outside] I thought I told you two to stay off my... [the yard is empty] yard. [hears a laugh coming from Patrick's rock] Patrick! [opens the rock] Patrick, would you shut...? [finds the rock empty] Where is he? [hears a laugh from SpongeBob's house] SpongeBob. [opens door] SpongeBob! [hears another laugh] SpongeBob, I am trying to... [opens the kitchen door] sleep? [hears another laugh. Heads upstairs. He opens the bathroom door. He opens SpongeBob's bedroom door. He opens the roof door]AHA![sees Gary] Hey, Gary.
Squidward: Where are those two morons? [flowers giggle and uproots them. hears more laughter and becomes scared out of his wits. stomps on the ground] WHERE ARE THEY?!
SpongeBob:[laughing] Ohh... Patrick, check out these roots!
Patrick: They're dancing!
SpongeBob: Do like the roots do, and do the Dirt Dance Davey! [does a dance that causes the ground to shake, Squidward's house sinks]
Patrick: Squidward's house wants to play too!
Squidward: My house! [climbs through the roof hatch and out the door]
SpongeBob: Awww. Squidward's house looks like it has an upset tummy.
Patrick: Must've been something it ate. [Squidward comes out door]
SpongeBob: It ate Squidward!
Patrick:[mumbles] That'll do it
Squidward:[Sigh] I knew you two reprobates were behind this.
SpongeBob: Yeah! We're reprobates!
Squidward: That was an insult.
Patrick: And we're insulted!
Squidward: Why were you digging under my yard?
SpongeBob: You told us not to walk on your yard, so, we walked under it.
Squidward: But you buried my house!
Patrick: No need to thank us.
Squidward: THANK YOU?!?
Patrick: You're welcome.
Squidward:[screams and attempts to get Patrick but he runs away]
SpongeBob: Somebody wants to play Tag!
Patrick: Tag! You're it! [runs]
SpongeBob: Not it!
Squidward: RRRRRRRR! [chases them]
SpongeBob:[Squidward grabs them and drags them back] Squidward wins!
Squidward: Now, you're gonna play a new game called, "Digging Out my House!"
SpongeBob: Oh boy! [SpongeBob and Patrick grab some gear]
Squidward: And I'm gonna play "Sit and Relax" until you're finished. [closes door] Barnacle Brains. [sits down. Patrick breaks window and throws dirt. SpongeBob knocks on the roof and it collapses and blocks Squidward's door] SpongeBob! [opens the door]
SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward [dirt comes rushing through the house and the window]
SpongeBob: Yuh oh!
Squidward: I'm warning you: If you don't put my house back where it belongs by the count of th-ree- [raises hand but only raises two so he uses his nose] Three. I am going to grind you into Chum! One!
Patrick:[screams] HE'S COUNTING, ANYTHING BUT COUNTING! Quick, SpongeBob! Dig for your life!
Patrick: He's already at Number Two! Who knows how many numbers we have until he reaches three?
Patrick:[Gasp. SpongeBob and Patrick start digging very fast while Squidward is chasing them. Many buildings above ground collapse because of the digging. Scene cuts to the Krusty Krab being sunk]
Plankton: Yes! Now the Chum Bucket is the only restaurant in town! [the Chum Bucket sinks underground] Nuts.
SpongeBob:[Scene cuts to the chase. SpongeBob and Patrick are stopped because of a rock in the way] Must Dig! Ohhh! The rock's too hard! [Squidward comes towards them as they scream]
Squidward:[Gasping and breathing] You... two... morons... SUNK MY HOUSE!
SpongeBob & Patrick: We're sorry!
Squidward: I'M GONNA- [rumble noise] Uh, oh. [the ground shakes and whole city falls underground]
SpongeBob:[cuts to next day] Ahhhh. [Whole town digging] Good Morning Squidward! Another Beautiful Day under Bikini Bottom!