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+ | {{EpisodeTr/75b}} |
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− | {{BTranscript |
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− | |prev = Squidtastic Voyage |
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− | |title = That's No Lady |
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− | |next = The Thing |
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⚫ | {{L|Fish|Yes, you. Get outta town! ''[Patrick screams and runs away. The fish scratches his head in confusion, then shrugs his shoulders. He turns to another fish who walks by]'' Get outta town! And take a vacation to beautiful Sunny Seashores Resort. ''[He hands the fish a flyer. Another fish walks up]'' Here ya go, sir. ''[He hands him a flyer. The fish reads it. Scene cuts to Patrick running up to SpongeBob's house and opening the door]''}} |
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− | |titlecard = That's No Lady.jpg |
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− | |season = 4 |
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− | |episode = 75b |
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− | |airdate = [[November 25]], [[2006]] |
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− | |seasonname = four |
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− | }} |
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⚫ | {{L|Fish |
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{{L|SpongeBob|Who did?}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Who did?}} |
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− | {{L|Patrick|Uhh, well, uhh...hmmm, I'm not sure |
+ | {{L|Patrick|Uhh, well, uhh... hmmm, I'm not sure. But he had a briefcase.}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|Ahh, a |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Ahh, a briefcase?! He might be a paid assassin! ''[both start to cry]'' But, Patrick, you can't go. Not like this. Who will go with me to the next jellyfisherman's expo? ''[shows a picture of the two at one of the exposes]''}} |
− | {{L|Patrick|It'll have to be one of your other chums 'cause my mind is set. ''[ |
+ | {{L|Patrick|It'll have to be one of your other chums 'cause my mind is set. ''[sobbing]}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob| |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Unset it, please unset it! ''[They bawl and wail. Patrick walks over to SpongeBob's kitchen counter and sets a suitcase on it to start packing]''}} |
− | {{L|Patrick|I guess I'll pack up my stuff and get ready to go. My clothes.}} |
+ | {{L|Patrick|I guess I'll pack up my stuff and get ready to go. ''[He puts two pairs of SpongeBob's pants into the suitcase]'' My clothes.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Umm, Patrick, those are my clothes.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Umm, Patrick, those are my clothes.}} |
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− | {{L|Patrick|''[packs up a bunch of |
+ | {{L|Patrick|''[packs up a bunch of peanut butter]'' My peanut butter!}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|That's my |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|That's my peanut butter.}} |
− | {{L|Patrick|And my pickles |
+ | {{L|Patrick|And my pickles! ''[He stuffs a bunch of pickles into the suitcase and closes it. He falls on top of it, sobbing]''}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|I can't believe you're leaving, Patrick. ''[cries]'' With all my pickles!}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|I can't believe you're leaving, Patrick. ''[cries]'' With all my pickles!}} |
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− | {{L|Patrick|It's the end of me. Being here.}} |
+ | {{L|Patrick| ''[heading for the door with the suitcase]'' It's the end of me. Being here.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Wait! Stop! What about all our plans? 8:00am - Wake up Patrick, 9:00am - Eat Kelpo with Patrick, 10:00am - Brush Teeth with Patrick, 1:00pm - Stare at Patrick. Who's gonna do all that with me?}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Wait! Stop! What about all our plans? 8:00am - Wake up Patrick, 9:00am - Eat Kelpo with Patrick, 10:00am - Brush Teeth with Patrick, 1:00pm - Stare at Patrick. Who's gonna do all that with me?}} |
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− | {{L|Patrick|I'm sorry, there's no stopping the unstoppable. Patrick Star will live no more, forever...in Bikini Bottom.}} |
+ | {{L|Patrick|I'm sorry, there's no stopping the unstoppable. Patrick Star will live no more, forever... in Bikini Bottom.}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|But...what if you weren't Patrick Star?}} |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|But... what if you weren't Patrick Star?}} |
{{L|Patrick|Oh, no. I'm not Patrick Star?}} |
{{L|Patrick|Oh, no. I'm not Patrick Star?}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|You are Patrick Star, but you won't be for long.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|You are Patrick Star, but you won't be for long.}} |
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− | {{L|Patrick|Huh? ''[scene cuts to SpongeBob putting on a visor over Patrick's eyes]'' There ya go, Patrick. No one will know it's you. ''[Patrick look in a mirror, screams, then runs out of the pineapple through the wall, leaving a star-shaped hole]'' Patrick, you |
+ | {{L|Patrick|Huh? ''[scene cuts to SpongeBob putting on a visor over Patrick's eyes]'' There ya go, Patrick. No one will know it's you. ''[Patrick look in a mirror, screams, then runs out of the pineapple through the wall, leaving a star-shaped hole]'' Patrick, you okay?}} |
{{L|Larry|Hey guys! Yo, Patrick, cool shades.}} |
{{L|Larry|Hey guys! Yo, Patrick, cool shades.}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|Well, Pat, that disguise didn't work. We're gonna have to try harder.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Well, Pat, that disguise didn't work. We're gonna have to try harder.}} |
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{{L|Patrick|Yeah, well, thanks ol' SpongeBob for your help. It was a noble effort but alas, all in vain, it's no use. I must leave. ''[holds out his arms and runs passed SpongeBob to pet a rock]'' Goodbye rock. Goodbye coral. ''[hugs the coral but it sticks to him]'' YOW! Goodbye seaweed.}} |
{{L|Patrick|Yeah, well, thanks ol' SpongeBob for your help. It was a noble effort but alas, all in vain, it's no use. I must leave. ''[holds out his arms and runs passed SpongeBob to pet a rock]'' Goodbye rock. Goodbye coral. ''[hugs the coral but it sticks to him]'' YOW! Goodbye seaweed.}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|Too bad we couldn't come up with a better costume. ''[looks at the seaweed]'' Hmmm...}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Too bad we couldn't come up with a better costume. ''[looks at the seaweed]'' Hmmm...}} |
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− | {{L|Patrick|Goodbye sky. ''[SpongeBob walks up to Patrick and puts some seaweed on his |
+ | {{L|Patrick|Goodbye sky. ''[SpongeBob walks up to Patrick and puts some seaweed on his head]''}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|That's it. With the seaweed on your head, you could be a...}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|That's it. With the seaweed on your head, you could be a...}} |
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− | {{L|Patrick|Oh, I know, I know! I could be |
+ | {{L|Patrick|Oh, I know, I know! I could be Mr. Seaweed Monsterman. And live happily forever after in Bikini Bottom.}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|Patrick, there already is a |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Patrick, there already is a Mr. Seaweed Monsterman. ''[scroll over to a monster with seaweed all over its chest]''}} |
{{L|Seaweed Monsterman|Hey!}} |
{{L|Seaweed Monsterman|Hey!}} |
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− | {{L|Patrick| |
+ | {{L|Patrick|D'oh!}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|It's |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|It's okay, Patrick. So you can't be a monster. But that vegetation on your head gives me an idea of what you cannot be. ''[scene cuts to inside a store]'' You're all set. Come on out, Patrick. ''[Patrick steps forward, looking like a girl. Wearing a blonde wig and yellow-green top and bottom. Scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick walking down the street]''}} |
{{L|Fish #2|Hi, SpongeBob. And hello, lady. ''[tips his hat to Patrick]''}} |
{{L|Fish #2|Hi, SpongeBob. And hello, lady. ''[tips his hat to Patrick]''}} |
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− | {{L|SpongeBob|The disguise is working, Patrick. I mean, Patricia. ''[both giggle]''}} |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|The disguise is working, Patrick... I mean, Patricia. ''[both giggle]''}} |
{{L|Larry|SpongeBob, you never told me you had a girlfriend.}} |
{{L|Larry|SpongeBob, you never told me you had a girlfriend.}} |
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− | {{L|Patrick|Oh, I'm not his girlfriend. I'm Pat.}} |
+ | {{L|Patrick|Oh, I'm not his girlfriend. I'm Pat...}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Pat-ricia. Pat-ricia. Patricia. ''[laughs]''}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Pat-ricia. Pat-ricia. Patricia. ''[laughs]''}} |
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{{L|Larry|Bro, your girlfriend is not ugly.}} |
{{L|Larry|Bro, your girlfriend is not ugly.}} |
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− | {{L|SpongeBob|Actually, Larry, |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Actually, Larry, she's not my girlfriend, she's just a...}} |
{{L|Larry|It's cool, buddy. You don't have to explain your girlfriend to me.}} |
{{L|Larry|It's cool, buddy. You don't have to explain your girlfriend to me.}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|But she's not my girlfriend.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|But she's not my girlfriend.}} |
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Line 59: | Line 50: | ||
{{L|Larry|Congratulations on the new girlfriend, dude.}} |
{{L|Larry|Congratulations on the new girlfriend, dude.}} |
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{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[runs up]'' SpongeBob! This is not the time for Sunday Stroll. It's time for work.}} |
{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[runs up]'' SpongeBob! This is not the time for Sunday Stroll. It's time for work.}} |
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− | {{L|SpongeBob|But, Mr. |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|But, Mr. Krabs, the Krusty Krab doesn't open for another two hours.}} |
− | {{L|Mr. |
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|''[hands SpongeBob a spatula]'' There be no such thing as opening too early, me boy. Excuse us, miss. Huh? ''[notices Patrick as his eyes explode from seeing the beauty]'' SpongeBob, who's your friend?}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Mr. Krabs, this is Patricia.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|Mr. Krabs, this is Patricia.}} |
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{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[eyes inflate back to normal]'' Patricia. The most beautiful sound I've ever seen. SpongeBob, do we need any more help down at the Krusty Krab?}} |
{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[eyes inflate back to normal]'' Patricia. The most beautiful sound I've ever seen. SpongeBob, do we need any more help down at the Krusty Krab?}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|No.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|No.}} |
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{{L|Mr. Krabs|We do? Great, she can start right away. ''[scene cuts to the Krusty Krab where Squidward is reading the newspaper until Patrick comes in]''}} |
{{L|Mr. Krabs|We do? Great, she can start right away. ''[scene cuts to the Krusty Krab where Squidward is reading the newspaper until Patrick comes in]''}} |
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− | {{L|Squidward|And who are you my |
+ | {{L|Squidward|And who are you my rubenesque beauty?}} |
− | {{L|Mr. |
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|That's Patricia, our newest Krusty Krab employee.}} |
{{L|Squidward|Well, she sure is stunning. ''[Patrick is picking his nose]''}} |
{{L|Squidward|Well, she sure is stunning. ''[Patrick is picking his nose]''}} |
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− | {{L|Mr. |
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Just keep your eyes on the customers, Mr. Squidward. ''[walks off. Patrick is cleaning tables until Squidward walks up to her]''}} |
{{L|Squidward|Hi, Patricia. I drew this for you. ''[hands her a piece of paper]'' Likeness is uncanny, if I do say so myself. ''[drawing on the piece of paper is Squidward. A scream is heard off-screen in horror of the picture]''}} |
{{L|Squidward|Hi, Patricia. I drew this for you. ''[hands her a piece of paper]'' Likeness is uncanny, if I do say so myself. ''[drawing on the piece of paper is Squidward. A scream is heard off-screen in horror of the picture]''}} |
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{{L|Patricia|Uhh, thank you, Squidward. ''[Mr. Krabs comes out of the kitchen with two trays of food, one in each hand]''}} |
{{L|Patricia|Uhh, thank you, Squidward. ''[Mr. Krabs comes out of the kitchen with two trays of food, one in each hand]''}} |
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Line 74: | Line 65: | ||
{{L|Patricia|Excuse me, Squidward. ''[eats the drawing, burps then walks off]''}} |
{{L|Patricia|Excuse me, Squidward. ''[eats the drawing, burps then walks off]''}} |
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{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[hands Patrick both trays]'' This order goes to table 7 and remember your manners. ''[Patrick walks up to a table with the number seven on it]''}} |
{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[hands Patrick both trays]'' This order goes to table 7 and remember your manners. ''[Patrick walks up to a table with the number seven on it]''}} |
||
− | {{L|Patricia|Forty...thirty...}} |
+ | {{L|Patricia|Forty... thirty...}} |
− | {{L|Mr. Krabs|That's a 7, |
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|That's a 7, Patricia.}} |
{{L|Patricia|Mr. Krabs, you ordered two Krusty meals?}} |
{{L|Patricia|Mr. Krabs, you ordered two Krusty meals?}} |
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{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[gasps]'' Did I order two meals? Oh, silly me. I can't possibly eat two Krusty meals, myself. ''[spreads a table cloth, with a radio, on the table]'' I guess you'll just have to help me finish all this food.}} |
{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[gasps]'' Did I order two meals? Oh, silly me. I can't possibly eat two Krusty meals, myself. ''[spreads a table cloth, with a radio, on the table]'' I guess you'll just have to help me finish all this food.}} |
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− | {{L|Patricia| |
+ | {{L|Patricia|Okay. ''[sits down. Mr. Krabs pushes a button and some music plays]''}} |
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Patricia, we may have only known each other for a short time, now, but I feel like a special connection has been made.}} |
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Patricia, we may have only known each other for a short time, now, but I feel like a special connection has been made.}} |
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− | {{L|Patricia|''[Eats tablecloth, |
+ | {{L|Patricia|''[Eats tablecloth, Krusty Meals, candle, and radio, then belches loudly]''}} |
− | {{L|SpongeBob|Quite an appetite but |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Quite an appetite, but she's all woman. ''[scene cuts to Patrick walking in the kitchen with two orders. Squidward plays a soothing song on his clarinet. He scoots closer to Patrick and puts his arm around him]''}} |
− | {{L|Squidward|Eh? Ya know, Patricia, they don't call me the ' |
+ | {{L|Squidward|Eh? Ya know, Patricia, they don't call me the 'Sizzle Lips Squid' for nothing. ''[Patrick tries to leave, but Squidward stops him]'' So, are you free this Saturday night?}} |
{{L|Patricia|No, that's the night SpongeBob and I are having a staring contest.}} |
{{L|Patricia|No, that's the night SpongeBob and I are having a staring contest.}} |
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{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob?!}} |
{{L|Squidward|SpongeBob?!}} |
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Line 90: | Line 81: | ||
{{L|Patricia|Persistent bunch. ''[turns on the faucet but Mr. Krabs peeks his head out of the faucet head]''}} |
{{L|Patricia|Persistent bunch. ''[turns on the faucet but Mr. Krabs peeks his head out of the faucet head]''}} |
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{{L|Mr. Krabs|How about Sunday brunch?}} |
{{L|Mr. Krabs|How about Sunday brunch?}} |
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− | {{L|Patricia|No thanks, again! ''[walks over to the toaster where |
+ | {{L|Patricia|No thanks, again! ''[walks over to the toaster where Squidward's head pops up]''}} |
− | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Squidward|But I made reservations for two at...}} |
{{L|Patricia|I said no. ''[scene cuts to Patrick lifting up the fryer, where Mr. Krabs head is]'' No. ''[scene cuts to Patrick using the water hose on the floor when Squidward's head pops out from a hole on the ground]'' No way. ''[scene cuts to Mr. Krabs in a water job]'' No. ''[scene cuts to Squidward in the toilet]'' No. ''[scene cuts to Patrick in the middle of the Krusty Krab]'' NO! ''[Patricia walks into the kitchen]'' What is it about me that makes those two so friendly? It must have something to do with this disguise. I can't wear this any longer.}} |
{{L|Patricia|I said no. ''[scene cuts to Patrick lifting up the fryer, where Mr. Krabs head is]'' No. ''[scene cuts to Patrick using the water hose on the floor when Squidward's head pops out from a hole on the ground]'' No way. ''[scene cuts to Mr. Krabs in a water job]'' No. ''[scene cuts to Squidward in the toilet]'' No. ''[scene cuts to Patrick in the middle of the Krusty Krab]'' NO! ''[Patricia walks into the kitchen]'' What is it about me that makes those two so friendly? It must have something to do with this disguise. I can't wear this any longer.}} |
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{{L|SpongeBob|But if you reveal your secret identity, you'll have to leave your Bikini Bottom! .}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|But if you reveal your secret identity, you'll have to leave your Bikini Bottom! .}} |
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{{L|Patricia|I'm sorry, SpongeBob. I just can't live like this anymore. I'm tired of pretending to be someone that I'm not. ''[opens the door to the dining room of the Krusty Krab. All the customers say poop to her]''}} |
{{L|Patricia|I'm sorry, SpongeBob. I just can't live like this anymore. I'm tired of pretending to be someone that I'm not. ''[opens the door to the dining room of the Krusty Krab. All the customers say poop to her]''}} |
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− | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Fancy Fish|The lovely Patricia has returned to us.}} |
− | {{L|Patricia|I have an announcement to make. The entire day that I've worked here I've wanted to say... ''[notices the |
+ | {{L|Patricia|I have an announcement to make. The entire day that I've worked here I've wanted to say... ''[notices the fish from the beginning, giving out flyers, has entered the Krusty Krab]'' I've wanted to say that, uhh, that I will eat any leftovers on your plate. ''[smiles and walks away]''}} |
{{L|Customers|Huh?}} |
{{L|Customers|Huh?}} |
||
− | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Sunny Seashores Salesfish|Ahoy, waitress, aren't you gonna take my order?}} |
− | {{L|Patricia| |
+ | {{L|Patricia|I'll be right there, sir.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|What's the matter, Patrick?}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|What's the matter, Patrick?}} |
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{{L|Patricia|That's the guy with the briefcase. The guy who's trying to run me out of town.}} |
{{L|Patricia|That's the guy with the briefcase. The guy who's trying to run me out of town.}} |
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− | {{L|SpongeBob|''[gasps]'' The |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[gasps]'' The assassin.}} |
{{L|Patricia|''[walks up to the customer]'' What can I get you, sir?}} |
{{L|Patricia|''[walks up to the customer]'' What can I get you, sir?}} |
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− | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Sunny Seashores Salesfish|Say, don't I know you from somewhere?}} |
{{L|Patricia|NO!}} |
{{L|Patricia|NO!}} |
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− | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Sunny Seashores Salesfish|Hmmm... that's it. Get outta town!}} |
{{L|Patricia|He's on to us.}} |
{{L|Patricia|He's on to us.}} |
||
{{L|SpongeBob|I won't let you do it. You'll have to do something horrible to me before I let you throw Patrick out of town.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|I won't let you do it. You'll have to do something horrible to me before I let you throw Patrick out of town.}} |
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{{L|Squidward & Mr. Krabs|PATRICK?!}} |
{{L|Squidward & Mr. Krabs|PATRICK?!}} |
||
− | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Sunny Seashores Salesfish|You forgot your flyer. ''[hands them one of his flyers]''}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|''[reading flyer]'' Get outta town! To beautiful Sunny Seashores Resort. Look, this guy wasn't trying to run you out of town, he just wanted to sell you a luxury vacation at a modest price.}} |
{{L|SpongeBob|''[reading flyer]'' Get outta town! To beautiful Sunny Seashores Resort. Look, this guy wasn't trying to run you out of town, he just wanted to sell you a luxury vacation at a modest price.}} |
||
{{L|Patricia|Well, I guess I don't need this disguise anymore. ''[rips off his disguise. Everyone gasps while Squidward's eyes shrink in horror]''}} |
{{L|Patricia|Well, I guess I don't need this disguise anymore. ''[rips off his disguise. Everyone gasps while Squidward's eyes shrink in horror]''}} |
||
{{L|Squidward|Umm, I think I need to take a shower.}} |
{{L|Squidward|Umm, I think I need to take a shower.}} |
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− | {{L|Mr. Krabs|So, let me get this straight, you're not a woman?}} |
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|So, let me get this straight, uh, you're not a woman?}} |
{{L|Patrick|No.}} |
{{L|Patrick|No.}} |
||
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Well then, you're fired. Uhh, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my office for, I dunno, the next 20 years or so.}} |
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Well then, you're fired. Uhh, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my office for, I dunno, the next 20 years or so.}} |
||
− | {{L|SpongeBob|Hey, buddy, what do you say we go home and get started on this list? ''[ |
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Hey, buddy, what do you say we go home and get started on this list? ''[Patrick and SpongeBob look at list and gasp at what is on it]''}} |
− | {{L| |
+ | {{L|Patrick and SpongeBob|Yaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhoooooooo!}} |
[[Category:Episode transcripts]] |
[[Category:Episode transcripts]] |
Revision as of 22:17, 30 January 2016
Template:EpisodeTr/75b
- [Scene opens to Patrick running and giggling in the street]
- Fish: [off-screen] Hey! [Patrick stops and looks around] Hey, you there!
- Patrick: Uh, me?
- Fish: Yes, you. Get outta town! [Patrick screams and runs away. The fish scratches his head in confusion, then shrugs his shoulders. He turns to another fish who walks by] Get outta town! And take a vacation to beautiful Sunny Seashores Resort. [He hands the fish a flyer. Another fish walks up] Here ya go, sir. [He hands him a flyer. The fish reads it. Scene cuts to Patrick running up to SpongeBob's house and opening the door]
- Patrick: I gotta get out of town! [SpongeBob hands Patrick a glass of lemonade] Oh, thanks SpongeBob.
- SpongeBob: Sure, Patrick, ya... [Patrick screams]
- Patrick: I gotta get going! He told me to!
- SpongeBob: Who did?
- Patrick: Uhh, well, uhh... hmmm, I'm not sure. But he had a briefcase.
- SpongeBob: Ahh, a briefcase?! He might be a paid assassin! [both start to cry] But, Patrick, you can't go. Not like this. Who will go with me to the next jellyfisherman's expo? [shows a picture of the two at one of the exposes]
- Patrick: It'll have to be one of your other chums 'cause my mind is set. [sobbing]
- SpongeBob: Unset it, please unset it! [They bawl and wail. Patrick walks over to SpongeBob's kitchen counter and sets a suitcase on it to start packing]
- Patrick: I guess I'll pack up my stuff and get ready to go. [He puts two pairs of SpongeBob's pants into the suitcase] My clothes.
- SpongeBob: Umm, Patrick, those are my clothes.
- Patrick: [packs up a bunch of peanut butter] My peanut butter!
- SpongeBob: That's my peanut butter.
- Patrick: And my pickles! [He stuffs a bunch of pickles into the suitcase and closes it. He falls on top of it, sobbing]
- SpongeBob: I can't believe you're leaving, Patrick. [cries] With all my pickles!
- Patrick: [heading for the door with the suitcase] It's the end of me. Being here.
- SpongeBob: Wait! Stop! What about all our plans? 8:00am - Wake up Patrick, 9:00am - Eat Kelpo with Patrick, 10:00am - Brush Teeth with Patrick, 1:00pm - Stare at Patrick. Who's gonna do all that with me?
- Patrick: I'm sorry, there's no stopping the unstoppable. Patrick Star will live no more, forever... in Bikini Bottom.
- SpongeBob: But... what if you weren't Patrick Star?
- Patrick: Oh, no. I'm not Patrick Star?
- SpongeBob: You are Patrick Star, but you won't be for long.
- Patrick: Huh? [scene cuts to SpongeBob putting on a visor over Patrick's eyes] There ya go, Patrick. No one will know it's you. [Patrick look in a mirror, screams, then runs out of the pineapple through the wall, leaving a star-shaped hole] Patrick, you okay?
- Larry: Hey guys! Yo, Patrick, cool shades.
- SpongeBob: Well, Pat, that disguise didn't work. We're gonna have to try harder.
- Patrick: Yeah, well, thanks ol' SpongeBob for your help. It was a noble effort but alas, all in vain, it's no use. I must leave. [holds out his arms and runs passed SpongeBob to pet a rock] Goodbye rock. Goodbye coral. [hugs the coral but it sticks to him] YOW! Goodbye seaweed.
- SpongeBob: Too bad we couldn't come up with a better costume. [looks at the seaweed] Hmmm...
- Patrick: Goodbye sky. [SpongeBob walks up to Patrick and puts some seaweed on his head]
- SpongeBob: That's it. With the seaweed on your head, you could be a...
- Patrick: Oh, I know, I know! I could be Mr. Seaweed Monsterman. And live happily forever after in Bikini Bottom.
- SpongeBob: Patrick, there already is a Mr. Seaweed Monsterman. [scroll over to a monster with seaweed all over its chest]
- Seaweed Monsterman: Hey!
- Patrick: D'oh!
- SpongeBob: It's okay, Patrick. So you can't be a monster. But that vegetation on your head gives me an idea of what you cannot be. [scene cuts to inside a store] You're all set. Come on out, Patrick. [Patrick steps forward, looking like a girl. Wearing a blonde wig and yellow-green top and bottom. Scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick walking down the street]
- Fish #2: Hi, SpongeBob. And hello, lady. [tips his hat to Patrick]
- SpongeBob: The disguise is working, Patrick... I mean, Patricia. [both giggle]
- Larry: SpongeBob, you never told me you had a girlfriend.
- Patrick: Oh, I'm not his girlfriend. I'm Pat...
- SpongeBob: Pat-ricia. Pat-ricia. Patricia. [laughs]
- Larry: Bro, your girlfriend is not ugly.
- SpongeBob: Actually, Larry, she's not my girlfriend, she's just a...
- Larry: It's cool, buddy. You don't have to explain your girlfriend to me.
- SpongeBob: But she's not my girlfriend.
- Larry: I don't know why you're standing here talking to me when you could be talking to your girlfriend.
- SpongeBob: C'mon, Patricia. [grabs his hand and walks off]
- Patricia: Bye.
- Larry: Congratulations on the new girlfriend, dude.
- Mr. Krabs: [runs up] SpongeBob! This is not the time for Sunday Stroll. It's time for work.
- SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, the Krusty Krab doesn't open for another two hours.
- Mr. Krabs: [hands SpongeBob a spatula] There be no such thing as opening too early, me boy. Excuse us, miss. Huh? [notices Patrick as his eyes explode from seeing the beauty] SpongeBob, who's your friend?
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, this is Patricia.
- Mr. Krabs: [eyes inflate back to normal] Patricia. The most beautiful sound I've ever seen. SpongeBob, do we need any more help down at the Krusty Krab?
- SpongeBob: No.
- Mr. Krabs: We do? Great, she can start right away. [scene cuts to the Krusty Krab where Squidward is reading the newspaper until Patrick comes in]
- Squidward: And who are you my rubenesque beauty?
- Mr. Krabs: That's Patricia, our newest Krusty Krab employee.
- Squidward: Well, she sure is stunning. [Patrick is picking his nose]
- Mr. Krabs: Just keep your eyes on the customers, Mr. Squidward. [walks off. Patrick is cleaning tables until Squidward walks up to her]
- Squidward: Hi, Patricia. I drew this for you. [hands her a piece of paper] Likeness is uncanny, if I do say so myself. [drawing on the piece of paper is Squidward. A scream is heard off-screen in horror of the picture]
- Patricia: Uhh, thank you, Squidward. [Mr. Krabs comes out of the kitchen with two trays of food, one in each hand]
- Mr. Krabs: Order up, Miss Patricia.
- Patricia: Excuse me, Squidward. [eats the drawing, burps then walks off]
- Mr. Krabs: [hands Patrick both trays] This order goes to table 7 and remember your manners. [Patrick walks up to a table with the number seven on it]
- Patricia: Forty... thirty...
- Mr. Krabs: That's a 7, Patricia.
- Patricia: Mr. Krabs, you ordered two Krusty meals?
- Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Did I order two meals? Oh, silly me. I can't possibly eat two Krusty meals, myself. [spreads a table cloth, with a radio, on the table] I guess you'll just have to help me finish all this food.
- Patricia: Okay. [sits down. Mr. Krabs pushes a button and some music plays]
- Mr. Krabs: Patricia, we may have only known each other for a short time, now, but I feel like a special connection has been made.
- Patricia: [Eats tablecloth, Krusty Meals, candle, and radio, then belches loudly]
- SpongeBob: Quite an appetite, but she's all woman. [scene cuts to Patrick walking in the kitchen with two orders. Squidward plays a soothing song on his clarinet. He scoots closer to Patrick and puts his arm around him]
- Squidward: Eh? Ya know, Patricia, they don't call me the 'Sizzle Lips Squid' for nothing. [Patrick tries to leave, but Squidward stops him] So, are you free this Saturday night?
- Patricia: No, that's the night SpongeBob and I are having a staring contest.
- Squidward: SpongeBob?!
- Mr. Krabs: [using a broken phone] Get back to work, you gold-bricking freeloader. Hut two, hut two, yah, yah! And don't come back 'til all the patties are krabby. [throws broken phone away] Well, now that we're alone, how would you like to be my date Friday night to a...
- Patricia: Well, I can't. SpongeBob and I will be flying submarines that night. I have to get back to Krusting the Krab. [walks off] Man, why are those two so nice to me? They were never this nice to Patrick. It's weird. [opens the cabinet in front of him and notices Squidward inside the shelf]
- Squidward: Are you sure about Saturday night? [Patrick closes the cabinet]
- Patricia: Persistent bunch. [turns on the faucet but Mr. Krabs peeks his head out of the faucet head]
- Mr. Krabs: How about Sunday brunch?
- Patricia: No thanks, again! [walks over to the toaster where Squidward's head pops up]
- Squidward: But I made reservations for two at...
- Patricia: I said no. [scene cuts to Patrick lifting up the fryer, where Mr. Krabs head is] No. [scene cuts to Patrick using the water hose on the floor when Squidward's head pops out from a hole on the ground] No way. [scene cuts to Mr. Krabs in a water job] No. [scene cuts to Squidward in the toilet] No. [scene cuts to Patrick in the middle of the Krusty Krab] NO! [Patricia walks into the kitchen] What is it about me that makes those two so friendly? It must have something to do with this disguise. I can't wear this any longer.
- SpongeBob: But if you reveal your secret identity, you'll have to leave your Bikini Bottom! .
- Patricia: I'm sorry, SpongeBob. I just can't live like this anymore. I'm tired of pretending to be someone that I'm not. [opens the door to the dining room of the Krusty Krab. All the customers say poop to her]
- Fancy Fish: The lovely Patricia has returned to us.
- Patricia: I have an announcement to make. The entire day that I've worked here I've wanted to say... [notices the fish from the beginning, giving out flyers, has entered the Krusty Krab] I've wanted to say that, uhh, that I will eat any leftovers on your plate. [smiles and walks away]
- Customers: Huh?
- Sunny Seashores Salesfish: Ahoy, waitress, aren't you gonna take my order?
- Patricia: I'll be right there, sir.
- SpongeBob: What's the matter, Patrick?
- Patricia: That's the guy with the briefcase. The guy who's trying to run me out of town.
- SpongeBob: [gasps] The assassin.
- Patricia: [walks up to the customer] What can I get you, sir?
- Sunny Seashores Salesfish: Say, don't I know you from somewhere?
- Patricia: NO!
- Sunny Seashores Salesfish: Hmmm... that's it. Get outta town!
- Patricia: He's on to us.
- SpongeBob: I won't let you do it. You'll have to do something horrible to me before I let you throw Patrick out of town.
- Squidward & Mr. Krabs: PATRICK?!
- Sunny Seashores Salesfish: You forgot your flyer. [hands them one of his flyers]
- SpongeBob: [reading flyer] Get outta town! To beautiful Sunny Seashores Resort. Look, this guy wasn't trying to run you out of town, he just wanted to sell you a luxury vacation at a modest price.
- Patricia: Well, I guess I don't need this disguise anymore. [rips off his disguise. Everyone gasps while Squidward's eyes shrink in horror]
- Squidward: Umm, I think I need to take a shower.
- Mr. Krabs: So, let me get this straight, uh, you're not a woman?
- Patrick: No.
- Mr. Krabs: Well then, you're fired. Uhh, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my office for, I dunno, the next 20 years or so.
- SpongeBob: Hey, buddy, what do you say we go home and get started on this list? [Patrick and SpongeBob look at list and gasp at what is on it]
- Patrick and SpongeBob: Yaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhoooooooo!