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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Texas" from season one, which aired on March 22, 2000.
  • SpongeBob: Good morning, Bikini Bottom! Ahh, what a beautiful day! [SpongeBob's hand appears from a sand castle pineapple with his face drawn on his hand] I wonder if Patrick's at home.
  • Patrick: Hiya, SpongeBob! [Patrick's hand comes over from a sand castle rock with his face drawn on his hand] Whatcha doin'?
  • SpongeBob: Goin' over to Sandy's place. [both hands walk off together and arrive at a sand-made treedome] Hey, what's this? This doesn't look like Sandy's place.
  • Sandy: Don't lose your barnacles, boys. Hi-yah! [Chops sand castle peak down making a sand image of Texas] There it is!
  • SpongeBob: What is it?
  • Sandy: Can't you see? It's Texas.
  • SpongeBob: Texas? What's a Texas? [a wave covers sand and ruins Sandy's Texas display]
  • Sandy: Ohh, it's nothing but a memory now.
  • SpongeBob: All right then. Let's make one of your treedome.
  • Sandy: You know, all of a sudden, I don't feel like sand castles, SpongeBob. I'll see y'all later. [walks off]
  • SpongeBob: Sandy? Hi-yah!
  • Sandy: Aww, SpongeBob, I'm not feeling up to karate now.
  • SpongeBob: Oh-ho. I get it. Not feeling up to karate, huh? Whatever you say, Sandy. [Turns around] Boy, I hope Sandy doesn't attack me from me from behind. Hi-yah! [grabs Don the Whale from behind and flips him over onto the ground. Don growls like a dog and punches SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: Uhh, Sandy? [surfs in the air] Surf's up, Sandy!
  • Sandy: No, thanks. [enters Jellyfish Fields. Jellyfish are heard buzzing]
  • SpongeBob: [Runs after a jellyfish with a net] Boy, there's nothing like going jellyfishing! [Patrick runs after one while laughing, then falls on his face. He gets up and runs again]
  • SpongeBob: Look, Sandy, we caught one!
  • Sandy: Listen, SpongeBob. Right now, I don't want to build sand castles, play karate, or eat jellyfish.
  • SpongeBob: [laughs] We don't eat 'em! We let 'em go!
  • Patrick: Fly away, little critter!
  • SpongeBob: Go on, go back to where you belong. [the jellyfish flies away as Sandy watches teary-eyed] Run along, back to your family and friends. I know they miss you as much as you miss them. Hurry, before they forget you and leave you behind. Remember: there's no place like home! [Sandy cries filling her helmet with tears. She takes a flusher handle and attaches it to her helmet, then she pulls it down and all the water drains out. Sandy gasps for air and pants] Sandy, what the heck are you crying about?
  • Sandy: I ain't crying! My helmet just sprung a leak!
  • SpongeBob: [suspicious] Sandy...
  • Sandy: [confessing] Oh, I guess I'm just feeling a little homesick.
  • SpongeBob: Homesick, huh? [SpongeBob thinks, and later, Sandy is blindfolded as SpongeBob and Patrick take her somewhere] Almost there.
  • Sandy: Heck gum it, SpongeBob, what is it?
  • SpongeBob: Da-ta-dah. [the three are standing outside the Treedome]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Welcome home, Sandy!
  • [pause. Sandy cries and runs into the treedome]
  • SpongeBob: Sandy?
  • Sandy: Go away. [pulls a lever which brings down a metal covering on the treedome]
  • SpongeBob: I don't get it, Patrick! What's wrong with Sandy?
  • Patrick: Maybe it's just a squirrel thing.. [a hole opens up in the top of the dome and Sandy comes out wearing a cowgirl hat and holding a guitar. Sandy tunes it]
  • Sandy: ♪Wish I was back in Texas. The ocean's no place for a squirrel.♪ [live action Texas scenery appears behind her] ♪Wish I was in Texas, prettiest place in the world oh no. I guess that deep in my heart, I'll always be a Texas girl. I wanna go hooooooooooooooome, home.♪ [some clams howl along. SpongeBob and Patrick hear the music]
  • SpongeBob: [gasps] Patrick, do you hear that? [Patrick has the notes going around him]
  • Patrick: Arrrgh! Get them off me! Get them off me!
  • SpongeBob: Wait, Patrick, listen. It's Sandy.
  • Sandy: ♪I wanna wake up in Texas.♪ [live action scenery is shown] ♪I miss those wide open skies. I miss my twenty acres, barbecues and pecan pies, oh, why? When I'm so far from you Texas, all I can do is cry.♪ [a live-action squirrel sheds a tear. SpongeBob and Patrick start sobbing. At the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs hears the song, too, and starts sobbing also and accidentally gets hit by the cash register.]
  • Fish #1, #2, #3: Please Make It Stop! [Two customers are also sobbing; one dries his eyes with his Krabby Patty and gives it to the next person who blows his nose on it]
  • Sandy: ♪I wanna go hoooommme.♪ [Junior Brown's voice] ♪I wanna go home.♪ [as she sings she goes back into the Treedome. SpongeBob and Patrick continue sobbing and then stop]
  • Patrick: Do you think she knows the Muffin Man song?
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, she sang that song from her heart. She really misses Texas.
  • Patrick: Well, let's get some Texas and bring it down here!
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, we can't...that's it! Patrick, your genius is showing!
  • Patrick: [mishears, and frantically covers himself] Where?
  • [Later, SpongeBob and Patrick have gotten everything ready at the Krusty Krab]
  • SpongeBob: Everything looks perfect. We're going to get Sandy now.
  • Mr. Krabs: [from inside] Well, hurry up, lads! We can't squat like this forever!
  • [at Sandy's house where SpongeBob & Patrick are playing leapfrog while going to her treedome]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! Sandy's surprise is at the Krusty Krab!
  • Patrick: Wait until she sees the...
  • SpongeBob: Shh! Don't spoil the surprise! [SpongeBob knocks, Sandy opens her door]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Hey, Sandy!
  • SpongeBob: You want to come with us to the Krusty Krab?
  • Sandy: [walks out with two suitcases] Hey, SpongeBob. Hey, Patrick.
  • SpongeBob: What are you doing with those bags?
  • Sandy: I'm going back home to Texas.
  • SpongeBob: What?! Now?! You can't! I mean we...
  • Sandy: It's time for this tumbleweed to tumble on home.
  • SpongeBob: Wait, Sandy! You can't! Uhh, we we're gonna...the...the...Krusty Krab...that is not the right direction! Wait, if you don't...if I can't...augh! Sandy! Wait a second! You don't wanna leave without having one last Krabby Patty down at the Krusty Krab?
  • Sandy: I'm tired of fish food, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: But, Sandy, don't you want to say goodbye to all your friends down at the Krusty Krab?
  • Sandy: [gets on a bus] I just can't do that, SpongeBob. It'd be too sad.
  • SpongeBob: No, no! Wait! Sandy! [the bus drives off] I can't believe she's gone.
  • Patrick: Yeah. What's so great about dumb ol' Texas? [the bus suddenly speeds back; the doors open revealing a very angry Sandy]
  • Sandy: What did you say?
  • Patrick: Texas is dumb?
  • Sandy: [the bus drives off again] Don't you dare take the name of Texas in vain!
  • SpongeBob: You mean we can't say anything bad about dumb ol' Texas?
  • Sandy: No, you can't!
  • Patrick: Then can we say people from Texas are dumb?
  • Sandy: No! You can't say nothing about Texas!
  • SpongeBob: [gets an idea] Oh, so you mean we can't say anything bad about... [turns around; grabs his behind and shakes it and rolls eyes] Texas!
  • Sandy: [blushes angrily] I'm warnin' you, SpongeBob!
  • SpongeBob: Look, Patrick, I'm Texas! Duh, howdy, y'all! Howdy y'all!
  • Patrick: I'm Texas, too! Get a dog, little longie! Get a dog!
  • SpongeBob: Howdy y'all!
  • Patrick: Get a dog, little longie! Get a dog!
  • Sandy: Y'all best cut it out!
  • SpongeBob: [while Patrick does armpit farts] The stars at night are dull and dim, whenever they have to be over dumb ol' stupid Texas! [Sandy gets steaming mad. SpongeBob turns into the shape of Texas] Hey, Patrick, what am I now?
  • Patrick: Uhh, stupid?
  • SpongeBob: No, I'm Texas!
  • Patrick: What's the difference?! [SpongeBob and Patrick laugh]
  • Sandy: [drops suitcases] Y'all best apologize, or I'm gonna be on you like ugly on an ape!
  • SpongeBob: You'll have to catch us first! [SpongeBob and Patrick run off] We did it! We got her!
  • Patrick: Krusty Krab, here we come! [turns head around to Sandy] Can we say that plants from Texas are dumb? Can we say that shoes from Texas are dumb?
  • SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick, that's enough.
  • Patrick: Why? You think that old slowpoke Texas is gonna... [...catch up, which she is. And fast. Patrick's eyes bug out and he screams]
  • SpongeBob: Run faster, Patrick! [both of them scream; they go around each side of a huge rock. Sandy crashes right through the rock, obliterating it, and walks with a twirling rope. Her shoe engulfs the screen, Sandy ropes Patrick and brings him into the background]
  • Patrick: [screams] SpongeBob! [Nuclear explosion is heard and a mushroom cloud appears. SpongeBob screams. SpongeBob stops in front of a leaf and shakes as Sandy karate chops the leaf and SpongeBob in half]
  • Sandy: Hi-yah! [SpongeBob jumps with his halves and he gets back together] Y'all gonna take back what ya said!
  • SpongeBob: No! Almost there! [runs toward the Krusty Krab. Sandy's rope turns into the shape of SpongeBob; SpongeBob screams. As he jumps for the Krusty Krab, Sandy throws her rope. SpongeBob hangs onto the door as Sandy pulls him towards her]
  • Sandy: SpongeBob, you've been messing with the bull! Now here come the horns!
  • SpongeBob: Sandy, no! [the front of the Krusty Krab tears off as Sandy has pulled tight enough]
  • Everyone: Howdy, y'all!
  • Sandy: Wha-what's this?
  • SpongeBob: It's a party!
  • Patrick: [hops over with arms and legs tied and covered in bandages] For you!
  • Sandy: For me?!
  • SpongeBob: It's your own little slice of Texas! Check it out, Sandy! We got square dancing... [Flats is holding a square] ...giant Barbecues... [Squidward is holding a sharp, spiky Q]
  • Squidward: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
  • SpongeBob: ...homemade peas-in-a-can pie... [Pearl is holding a pie with a can of peas in it] ...and we got our very own 10 gallon hats! [SpongeBob and Patrick put ten gallon water jugs on their heads] So, what do ya think? Are you gonna stay?
  • [Sandy starts to laugh and tears of laughter spew out and fill her helmet. Everyone frowns as tears start to well up in SpongeBob and Patrick's eyes']
  • SpongeBob: Don't cry anymore, Sandy, I'll go get your bags.
  • Sandy: [takes out the flusher handle, attaches it to her helmet and flushes the water out again] I'm not crying, I'm laughing! I appreciate what y'all are trying to do, SpongeBob, but home isn't about barbecues and pecan pies, home is where you're surrounded by critters that care about ya. [Everyone gathers around Sandy]
  • Sandy: Huh, duh. What am I doing? I was home all along, and it took me until now to realize it.
  • SpongeBob: Does that mean you'll stay?
  • Sandy: I'm staying! [Everyone cheers, except Squidward]
  • SpongeBob: That makes me feel all wiggly.
  • Patrick: Yeah, who needs dumb ol' Texas? [cheering stops; cut back to the Bikini Atoll]
  • Sandy: What did you just say?!
  • Patrick: Should I start running now?