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Changes: Tentacle-Vision/transcript

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{{EpisodeTr/127a}}
  
{{EpisodeTr/127a}}
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{{L|''[shows a night view of Squidward's house, with his light on. Squidward sits on his couch]}}
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{{L|''[Episode starts at the night view of Bikini Bottom with a scallop on the sign, then a view of Squidward's house, with a light now turned on. Squidward picks up a remote and sits on his couch]}}
 
{{L|Squidward|All of the most intelligent programming starts before 5 AM. ''[clicks remote]''}}
  
{{L|Squidward|All of the most intelligent programming starts before 5 AM. ''[clicks remote]''}}
 
{{L|Announcer|Our programming will begin shortly.}}
  
{{L|Announcer|Our programming will begin shortly.}}
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{{L|Squidward|No, no. Take your time. It's worth the wait.}}
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{{L|Squidward|No, no, no. Take your time. It's worth the wait.}}
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{{L|Announcer|Bikini Bottom Public access presents: ''[Squidward claps his hands]'' "Fab and Fancy", your source for the latest in exotic pets, collectible jewel-encrusted mittens, ''[doorbell rings]'' and classical doorbell chimes...}}
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{{L|Announcer|Bikini Bottom Public Access presents: ''[Squidward claps his hands]'' "Fab and Fancy", your source for the latest in exotic pets, collectible jewel-encrusted mittens, ''[doorbell rings]'' and classical doorbell chimes...}}
 
{{L|Squidward|How sophisticating! ''[drinks coffee]''}}
  
{{L|Squidward|How sophisticating! ''[drinks coffee]''}}
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{{L|Announcer|...has been canceled! (buzzer sounds)}}
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{{L|Announcer|...has been cancelled! ''[buzzer sounds]''}}
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{{L|Squidward|''[spits out steam]'' Oh yeah, I haven't made the coffee yet. ''[cuts to coffee maker as he makes the coffee]'' Why in the world would they cancel "Fab and Fancy"? What could possibly be more enriching? ''[guitar music screeches, house starts shaking and Squidward spits out coffee]'' What??!! ''[a man plays a guitar on TV and a title card comes up saying "The Guitar Lord"]''}}
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{{L|Squidward|''[spits out steam]'' Oh, yeah, I haven't made the coffee yet. ''[cuts to coffee maker as he makes the coffee]'' Why in the world would they cancel "Fab and Fancy"? What could possibly be more enriching? ''[as he drinks his coffee, guitar music starts playing, the house starts shaking and Squidward spits out coffee]'' What??!! ''[a man continues to play the guitar on TV. He's then lit on fire, and then explodes and a title card comes up saying "The Guitar Lord".]''}}
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{{L|Zeus|Hi. I'm Zeus the Guitar Lord. I don't have a guitar yet. But if I did, I have a killer one like this! ''[pulls out a paper, showing a red guitar]''}}
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{{L|Zeus|Hey. I'm Zeus the Guitar Lord. I don't have a guitar yet. But if I did, I would want a really killer one like this! ''[pulls out a paper, showing a red guitar]''}}
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{{L|Squidward|''[angered]'' Heh! Obviously he doesn't know the first thing about music! This is an outrage!}}
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{{L|Squidward|''[He scoffs. In an angered tone]'' He obviously doesn't know the first thing about music! This is an outrage!}}
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{{L|Zeus|''[shows his phone number]'' So here is my number if you want to talk about... ''[phone rings]'' ...hello?}}
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{{L|Zeus|''[shows his phone number: "1-32G-LORD"]'' So, here's my number if you want to talk about... ''[phone rings]'' Hello?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|''[angrily]'' Where is my "Fab and Fancy"?!}}
  
{{L|Squidward|''[angrily]'' Where is my "Fab and Fancy"?!}}
 
{{L|Zeus|Your... what?}}
  
{{L|Zeus|Your... what?}}
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{{L|Squidward|I bet you wouldn't know the first thing about culture if it bit you on the guitar!}}
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{{L|Squidward|I'm quite certain you wouldn't know culture if it bit you on the guitar!}}
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{{L|Zeus|I don't have a guitar...}}
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{{L|Zeus|Uh... hummm... I don't have a guitar.}}
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{{L|Squidward|Do they just give shows to just anyone over there?}}
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{{L|Squidward|Do they just give a show to just anybody over there?}}
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{{L|Zeus|Yeah, pretty much. My mom gave me this one for my birthday.}}
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{{L|Zeus|Pretty much. My mom gave me this one for my birthday.}}
 
{{L|Squidward|''[surprised]'' Really?}}
  
{{L|Squidward|''[surprised]'' Really?}}
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{{L|Zeus|Yeah. I wanted a guitar or a starting guide... but you know, whatever. I guess a TV show is cool.}}
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{{L|Zeus|Yeah. I wanted a guitar or a star named after me... but you know, whatever. I guess a TV show is cool.}}
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{{L|Squidward|It's that easy? ''[hangs up phone and dials a number]'' Hello? Bikini Bottom Public Access? ''[excitedly]'' Give me a TV show! Give me a TV show! I want a show! ''[cut to the Krusty Krab later]'' Come on! In just a few minutes, Squiddy, it will be your turn to bask in the limelight! ''[laughs]''}}
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{{L|Squidward|It's that easy? ''[hangs up phone and dials a number]'' Hello? Bikini Bottom Public Access? ''[excitedly]'' Give me a TV show! Give me a TV show! I want a show! ''[cut to the Krusty Krab later]'' Come on! Just a few more minutes, Squiddie, and it will be your turn to bask in the limelight! ''[laughs]''}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Ohhh yeah! Limelight basking! Oh yeah! ''[laughs]'' Oh, good times. Good times. ''[turns to Squidward]'' So where will said basking take place?}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Ohhh, yeah! Oh, limelight basking! Baskin' in the limelight! ''[laughs]'' Oh, good times. Good times. ''[turns to Squidward]'' So where will said basking take place?}}
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{{L|Squidward|''[angrily]'' Like, I would tell you! Humph... ''[thinks]'' Although, I have waited my whole life to have enough warrior to rub it in someone's face. Everyone's face. ''[sees SpongeBob wink]'' Even that face. Okay! I'll tell you, but the last thing I would want you to do is to show up so plug your ears! ''[shoves Krabby Patties in SpongeBob's ears]'' Well, I don't want to toot my own whistle, but, oh wait! That is exactly what I mean to do! ''[SpongeBob just hears Squidward mumbling. Bell rings]'' Oh! ''[rushes off]''}}
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{{L|Squidward|''[angrily]'' Like, I would tell you! Hmph... ''[thinking]'' Although, I've waited my whole life to have enough glory to rub it in someone's face. Anyone's face. ''[turns to SpongeBob who winks. He shivers.]'' Even that face. Okay! I'll tell you, but the last thing I would want is for you to show up so plug your ears! ''[shoves Krabby Patties in SpongeBob's ears]'' Well, I don't want to toot my own whistle, but... Wait, no! That's exactly what I mean to do! ''[SpongeBob just hears Squidward mumbling. Clock ticks to 5:00PM and a bell rings]'' Oh! ''[rushes off]''}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Say it again, Squidward? ''[Squidward laughs as he runs to his home]''}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Say again, Squidward? ''[Squidward laughs as he runs home]''}}
 
{{L|Announcer|Bikini Bottom Public Access presents: "Squidward Chat"! With your host: Squidward Tentacles.}}
  
{{L|Announcer|Bikini Bottom Public Access presents: "Squidward Chat"! With your host: Squidward Tentacles.}}
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{{L|Squidward|''[in his home]'' Greetings. I am Squidward Tentacles, your host of "Squidward Chat". ''[Gary is seen watching TV, and clicks remote]'' Today on Squidward Chat, we'll be discussing something near and dear to my heart, under-appreciated artists like myself. ''[SpongeBob sees Squidward on TV]''}}
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{{L|Squidward|''[in his home]'' Greetings. I'm Squidward Tentacles, your host of "Squidward Chat". ''[Gary is seen watching TV, and clicks remote with his eye]'' Today, on Squidward Chat, we'll be discussing something near and dear to my heart, under-appreciated artists like myself. ''[SpongeBob sees Squidward on TV]''}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Squidward's on TV? Eey! ''[rushes to Squidward's house]'' Squidward! Squidward! ''[rushes into house, but goes back out, knocks and goes inside.]'' Squidward, you're on TV! ''[Squidward frowns]'' No, really Squidward, come look!}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Squidward's on TV? ''[screams and rushes to Squidward's house]'' Squidward! Squidward! ''[he pants and then rushes into the house, but goes back out, knocks and then goes inside. He pants as he approaches Squidward]'' Squidward, you're on TV! ''[Squidward frowns]'' No, really, Squidward, come look!}}
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{{L|Squidward|I know I'm on TV! See the camera? ''[They both look at a camera]'' You're on TV too! ''[SpongeBob smiles]''}}
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{{L|Squidward|I know I'm on TV! See the camera? ''[They both look at a camera]'' You're on TV too! ''[SpongeBob stares at the camera]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|TV? ''[leaves happily]''}}
  
{{L|SpongeBob|TV? ''[leaves happily]''}}
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{{L|Squidward|Moron! As I was saying... today, on Squidward Chat, we'll be discussing...}}
 +
{{L|Squidward|Moron. As I was saying, today, on Squidward Chat, we'll be discussing...}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Wow! ''[SpongeBob enters with Patrick]''}}
  
{{L|Patrick|Wow! ''[SpongeBob enters with Patrick]''}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|So I went to tell Squidward that he was on TV and he told me that I was on TV and now you're on TV!}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|So I ran to tell Squidward that he was on TV and he told me that I was on TV and now you're on TV!}}
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{{L|Patrick|I'm on TV? ''[rushes back to his house and turns on the TV]''}}
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{{L|Patrick|I'm on TV?! ''[rushes back to his house and turns on the TV]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|This isn't happening!!!}}
  
{{L|Squidward|This isn't happening!!!}}
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{{L|Patrick|I'm not on TV! ''[rushes back into Squidward's house]'' SpongeBob! I went home and turned on my TV, but I wasn't on the TV. Why did you lie to me SpongeBob? Why?}}
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{{L|Patrick|I'm not on TV! ''[rushes back into Squidward's house]'' SpongeBob! I went home and turned on my TV, but... I wasn't on the TV. Why did you lie to me, SpongeBob? Why?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|''[annoyingly]'' Patrick, just how dumb are you?}}
  
{{L|Squidward|''[annoyingly]'' Patrick, just how dumb are you?}}
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{{L|Patrick|It varies...}}
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{{L|Patrick|It varies.}}
 
{{L|Squidward|If you want to be on TV, you have to be in front of the camera!}}
  
{{L|Squidward|If you want to be on TV, you have to be in front of the camera!}}
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{{L|Patrick|Ohhh. I get it! ''[rushes to camera, giggling]'' Hi, TV people! ''[puts his face on the lens, then shows his mouth on the camera]'' And my mouth is on TV! ''[a live action mouth is seen on a television set]''}}
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{{L|Patrick|Ohhh. I get it! ''[rushes to camera, giggling]'' Hi, TV people! ''[puts his face on the lens, then shows his mouth]'' And my mouth is on TV! ''[a live action shot of the inside of a person's mouth is shown on a television set]''}}
 
{{L|Grandma|This is disgusting!}}
  
{{L|Grandma|This is disgusting!}}
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{{L|Patrick|''[licks camera and bites the lens]'' Hey, SpongeBob! You gotta try this! ''[they play with the camera]''}}
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{{L|Patrick|''[licks and bites the lens]'' SpongeBob! You gotta try this! ''[they both play with the camera]''}}
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{{L|Squidward|Patrick, SpongeBob, get off my camera! ''[takes them off camera, but Patrick falls onto Squidward. Patrick gets off of him]'' Would you two get out of here?}}
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{{L|Squidward|Patrick, SpongeBob, get off my camera! ''[gets Patrick off the camera, but Patrick falls onto Squidward. Squidward growls and pushes Patrick off of him]'' Would you get out of here?}}
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{{L|Patrick|Doubt it! ''[Squidward slaps his head]''}}
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{{L|Patrick|''[scratching his head]'' Doubt it. ''[Squidward slaps his head and sighs]''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|If you like the camera so much, why don't you be the cameraman?}}
  
{{L|Squidward|If you like the camera so much, why don't you be the cameraman?}}
 
{{L|Patrick|Cameraman?}}
  
{{L|Patrick|Cameraman?}}
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{{L|Squidward|That means you take all the pretty pictures.}}
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{{L|Squidward|That means you take all the pretty pictures. ''[makes air quotes]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|All right!}}
  
{{L|Patrick|All right!}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|Oh! Oh! I wanna do something too, please?!}}
 +
{{L|SpongeBob|Ooh ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Let me do something too, please?!}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Fine. You can be the soundman. ''[hands SpongeBob a boom microphone]''}}
  
{{L|Squidward|Fine. You can be the soundman. ''[hands SpongeBob a boom microphone]''}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|''[amazed]'' Soundman...}}
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{{L|SpongeBob|''[amazed as an angelic choir sings]'' Soundman...}}
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{{L|Squidward|Imbeciles! ''[clears throat]'' Today, we gonna be talking about... ''[camera is aimed at a still painting of Squidward]'' Why isn't the camera on me?'' [Patrick moves it to another painting]'' No! I'm the one talking! ''[Patrick moves it around, Squidward growls and jumps in front of camera]'' I'm right here! Ahem! Today on Squidward Chat... we'll be discussing the under appreciated arts. ''[Squidward sits down]'' Patrick, I'm down here! ''[Patrick lowers camera]'' As I was saying... Today we'll be... ''[Patrick lifts the camera up and down]'' Today... ''[Patrick repeatedly moves the camera up and down and Squidward growls]''}}
 +
{{L|Squidward|Imbeciles! ''[clears throat]'' Today, we're going to be talking about... ''[camera is aimed at a still painting of Squidward]'' Why isn't the camera on me?'' [Patrick moves it to another painting]'' No! I'm the one talking! ''[Patrick moves the camera around, Squidward growls and jumps in front of the camera]'' I'm right here! Ahem! Today on Squidward Chat... we'll be discussing the under-appreciated arts. ''[Squidward sits down]'' Patrick, I'm down here! ''[Patrick lowers camera]'' As I was saying, today, we'll be... ''[Patrick moves the camera up and down once]'' Today... ''[Patrick moves the camera up and down repeatedly and Squidward growls]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[as he moves the camera up and down]'' Upsy-daisy! Downsy-wounsy! Upsy-daisy! Downsy-wounsy! ''[Squidward growls, gets up, walks up to Patrick, and ties him to the camera]''}}
  
{{L|Patrick|''[as he moves the camera up and down]'' Upsy-daisy! Downsy-wounsy! Upsy-daisy! Downsy-wounsy! ''[Squidward growls, gets up, walks up to Patrick, and ties him to the camera]''}}
−
{{L|Squidward|''[sits back down]'' Now then, I was going to tell you about my fabulous... ''[SpongeBob lowers boom microphone into scene, hits it on his head and puts it in Squidward's mouth]'' Sponge...! ''[Microphone hits Squidward in the chin and he growls]''}}
 +
{{L|Squidward|''[sits back down]'' Now then, I was going to tell you about my fabulous... ''[SpongeBob lowers boom microphone into the scene, hits it on Squidward's head and puts it in his mouth]'' Sponge...! ''[Microphone hits Squidward in the face and he growls]''}}
 
{{L|SpongeBob|It's heavy! ''[Squidward grabs it and places it in SpongeBob]'' Thanks! But it itches. ''[Cut to Mr. Krabs seeing Squidward on TV]''}}
  
{{L|SpongeBob|It's heavy! ''[Squidward grabs it and places it in SpongeBob]'' Thanks! But it itches. ''[Cut to Mr. Krabs seeing Squidward on TV]''}}
 
{{L|Patrick|''[off-screen]'' I gotta go potty!}}
  
{{L|Patrick|''[off-screen]'' I gotta go potty!}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Squidward has his own TV show?}}
  
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Squidward has his own TV show?}}
 
{{L|Squidward|Well, you'll just have to hold it, Patrick! Now, if there are no more interruptions... ''[Mr. Krabs holds a sign that says "Eat at the Krusty Krab" in front of the camera]''}}
  
{{L|Squidward|Well, you'll just have to hold it, Patrick! Now, if there are no more interruptions... ''[Mr. Krabs holds a sign that says "Eat at the Krusty Krab" in front of the camera]''}}
−
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Eat at the Krusty Krab, home of the original Krabby Patty! ''[Squidward gets up]'' And remember; we change our grease monthly!}}
 +
{{L|Mr. Krabs|Eat at the Krusty Krab, home of the original Krabby Patty! ''[Squidward gets up]'' And remember, we change our grease monthly!}}
−
{{L|Squidward|Out! ''[pushes Mr. Krabs out and comes back sighing in relief]''}}
 +
{{L|Squidward|Out! ''[pushes Mr. Krabs out and comes back, groans and sighs in relief]''}}
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{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[dances with sign, singing]'' Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! We don't want just you! We want your money too! ''[cut to Sandy seeing the show]''}}
 +
{{L|Mr. Krabs|''[comes back in, dances with sign and sings]'' Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! We don't want just you! We want your money too! ''[cut to Sandy seeing the show]''}}
−
{{L|Sandy|Whee doggy! I can line-dance better than that! ''[goes in front of camera and dances]'' Yee-haw!}}
 +
{{L|Sandy|Whee, doggy! I can line-dance better than that! ''[goes in front of the camera and dances]'' Yee-haw!}}
−
{{L|Pearl|Daddy! I'm borrowing your wallet! ''[sees Mr. Krabs and Sandy dancing on TV]'' Line dancing? Eww! That is so lame. What they need is my way cool cheer routine. ''[Pearl falls onto Squidward's desk, breaking it in half]'' Give me a T! ''[cuts to Plankton at the Chum Bucket watching the show]''}}
 +
{{L|Pearl|Daddy! I'm borrowing your wallet! ''[sees Mr. Krabs and Sandy dancing on TV]'' Line dancing? Eww! That is so lame. What they need is my way cool cheer routine. ''[Pearl falls onto Squidward's desk, breaking it in half]'' Give me a K! ''[cuts to Plankton at the Chum Bucket watching the show]''}}
 
{{L|Plankton|Oh, please. I can cause far more collateral damage than that! ''[walks off]'' Karen, where'd you put my death ray?}}
  
{{L|Plankton|Oh, please. I can cause far more collateral damage than that! ''[walks off]'' Karen, where'd you put my death ray?}}
−
{{L|Pearl|Go, team, go! Go, team, go! ''[Plankton appears on camera, laughs evilly and starts firing around the house, breaking a painting]''}}
 +
{{L|Pearl|Go, team, go! Go, team, go! Go, team, go! ''[Plankton appears on camera, laughs evilly and starts firing lasers around the house, breaking two paintings in the process]''}}
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{{L|Patrick|''[laughs as he rocks the camera up and down]'' My shorts are wet! ''[lasers continue firing]''}}
 +
{{L|Patrick|''[laughs as he rocks the camera up and down]'' My shorts are wet! ''[lasers fly by him]''}}
 
{{L|Pearl|''[as camera pans at Sandy, then at Pearl, and then at Mr. Krabs]'' Fight, team, fight! Fight, team, fight! Fight, team, fight! ''[Plankton then fires at Mr. Krabs]''}}
  
{{L|Pearl|''[as camera pans at Sandy, then at Pearl, and then at Mr. Krabs]'' Fight, team, fight! Fight, team, fight! Fight, team, fight! ''[Plankton then fires at Mr. Krabs]''}}
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{{L|Plankton|And eat at the Chum Bucket or perish! ''[evil laughs, Mr. Krabs kicks him away]''}}
 +
{{L|Plankton|And eat at the Chum Bucket or perish! ''[he laughs evilly and then Mr. Krabs kicks him away]''}}
 
{{L|Mr. Krabs|The Krusty Krab! The Krusty Krab! Eat at the Krusty Krab!''}}
  
{{L|Mr. Krabs|The Krusty Krab! The Krusty Krab! Eat at the Krusty Krab!''}}
 
{{L|Squidward|''[sadly]'' Nooo!!! My show! ''[sniffles and sobs]''}}
  
{{L|Squidward|''[sadly]'' Nooo!!! My show! ''[sniffles and sobs]''}}
−
{{L|SpongeBob|''[rubs Squidward's back]'' You seem tense. ''[Squidward growls]''}}
 +
{{L|SpongeBob|''[rises from behind the desk along with his arms and then rubs Squidward's back]'' You seem tense. ''[Squidward growls]''}}
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{{L|Squidward|''[pushes SpongeBob away]'' Cut that out! ''[Squidward gets angry and veins throb in his forehead]'' That's it! Everyone, out!!! ''[everybody stops what they're doing]'' What do you think this is, huh? Some kind of housewarming?!!}}
 +
{{L|Squidward|''[groans and pushes SpongeBob away]'' Cut that out! ''[Squidward gets angry and veins throb in his forehead]'' That's it! Everyone, out!!! ''[everybody stops what they're doing]'' What do you think this is, huh? Some kind of housewarming?!!}}
 
{{L|Larry the Lobster|''[as Squidward frowns]'' Did somebody say housewarming? Hey, everyone! It's a housewarming! ''[citizens come into Squidward's house cheering as the house's cheeks start puffing up. Squidward notices everyone talking as a limousine pulls up and a man comes out]''}}
  
{{L|Larry the Lobster|''[as Squidward frowns]'' Did somebody say housewarming? Hey, everyone! It's a housewarming! ''[citizens come into Squidward's house cheering as the house's cheeks start puffing up. Squidward notices everyone talking as a limousine pulls up and a man comes out]''}}
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{{L|Squidward|Get off of my set! This is not working!!! ''[the man comes in]''}}
 +
{{L|Squidward|Get off my set! This is not working!!! ''[the man comes in]''}}
−
{{L|Man|Actually, I say the show is doing just fine. At least according to our latest ratings. ''[pulls out a bag of money, big at first, but then zooms to show that the bag is tiny. He then laughs, coughs and clears throat]'' This is actually a lot by public access standards. Everyone's working out except for you... ''[points to a lady]'' ...you... ''[points to a boy]'' ...you... ''[points to a man]'' ...and you! ''[points to Squidward]''}}
 +
{{L|Man|Actually, I'd say the show is doing just fine. ''[he approaches Squidward]'' At least according to our latest ratings. ''[pulls out a bag of money, big at first, but then zooms out to show that the bag is tiny. He then laughs, coughs and clears his throat]'' This is actually a lot by public access standards. Everyone is working out except for you... ''[points to a lady]'' ...you... ''[points to a boy]'' ...you... ''[points to a man]'' ...and you! ''[points to Squidward]''}}
  +
{{L|Squidward|Me? ''[Squidward is kicked out of his house. Cuts to Squidward in the bed frowning with a remote in his hand]''}} {{L|Announcer|And now, Bikini Bottom's top public access show for the last 20 weeks: ''[as horn toots]'' "Squidward's House Party"! With your host, Zeus the Guitar Lord.}} {{L|Zeus|Hey, hey, hey, Bikini Bottom. Are you ready to party Squidward style? ''[crowd cheers, applauds. Cuts to Squidward in his bed frowning]'' Thank you for making us number one because I was finally able to get... ''[shows his guitar on camera]'' ...a new guitar! Thanks, Squidward! ''[Squidward growls]'' LET'S PAARRTTYY!!! ''[As a curtain reveals Zeus, he begins to play guitar as audience cheers and applauds. The scene zooms out to show Sandy line-dancing, SpongeBob playing the keyboard, Patrick playing the drums and Pearl doing her cheer. Mr. Krabs swings on a rope holding the sign that says "Eat at the Krusty Krab" as Plankton is pressing buttons, which fire lasers. Cuts to TV, then to Squidward, who is shocked]''}} {{L|Squidward|''[as he stomps on the floor while holding a broom]'' Keep it down! I'm trying to sleep! ''[screams as the camera pans down on Zeus, rocks start falling from the ceiling. People continue to party around Squidward's house. Fades to black, ending the episode.]''}}
−
{{L|Squidward|Me? ''[Squidward is kicked out of his house]''}}
  
−
{{L|''[cuts to Squidward in the bed frowning with a remote in his hand]''}}
  
−
{{L|Announcer|And now, Bikini Bottom's top public access show for the last 20 weeks: ''[as horn toots]'' "Squidward's House Party"! With your host: Zeus the Guitar Lord.}}
  
−
{{L|Zeus|Hey, hey, hey, Bikini Bottom. Are you ready to party; Squidward style? ''[crowd cheers, applauds, screams, whistles and roars. Cuts to Squidward in his bed frowning]'' Thank you... for making us number one, because I was finally able to get... ''[shows his guitar on camera]'' ...a new guitar! Thanks, Squidward! ''[Squidward growls]'' LET'S PAARRTTYY!!!}}
  
−
{{L|''[As a curtain reveals Zeus, he begins to play guitar as audience cheers and applauds. The camera zooms out to show Sandy line-dancing, SpongeBob playing the keyboard, Pearl doing her cheer and Patrick playing the drums. Mr. Krabs swings on a rope holding his sign as Plankton shoots his death ray. Cuts to TV, then to Squidward who is shocked]''}}
  
−
{{L|Squidward|''[bangs his broom and stomps on the floor]'' Keep it down! I'm trying to sleep! AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!}}
  
−
{{L|''[As the camera pans down on Zeus, rocks start falling from the ceiling. People continue to partying around Squidward's house as it shakes]''}}
  
−
[[Category:Transcripts]]
  

Revision as of 00:48, 26 July 2015

Template:EpisodeTr/127a

  • [Episode starts at the night view of Bikini Bottom with a scallop on the sign, then a view of Squidward's house, with a light now turned on. Squidward picks up a remote and sits on his couch]
  • Squidward: All of the most intelligent programming starts before 5 AM. [clicks remote]
  • Announcer: Our programming will begin shortly.
  • Squidward: No, no, no. Take your time. It's worth the wait.
  • Announcer: Bikini Bottom Public Access presents: [Squidward claps his hands] "Fab and Fancy", your source for the latest in exotic pets, collectible jewel-encrusted mittens, [doorbell rings] and classical doorbell chimes...
  • Squidward: How sophisticating! [drinks coffee]
  • Announcer: ...has been cancelled! [buzzer sounds]
  • Squidward: [spits out steam] Oh, yeah, I haven't made the coffee yet. [cuts to coffee maker as he makes the coffee] Why in the world would they cancel "Fab and Fancy"? What could possibly be more enriching? [as he drinks his coffee, guitar music starts playing, the house starts shaking and Squidward spits out coffee] What??!! [a man continues to play the guitar on TV. He's then lit on fire, and then explodes and a title card comes up saying "The Guitar Lord".]
  • Zeus: Hey. I'm Zeus the Guitar Lord. I don't have a guitar yet. But if I did, I would want a really killer one like this! [pulls out a paper, showing a red guitar]
  • Squidward: [He scoffs. In an angered tone] He obviously doesn't know the first thing about music! This is an outrage!
  • Zeus: [shows his phone number: "1-32G-LORD"] So, here's my number if you want to talk about... [phone rings] Hello?
  • Squidward: [angrily] Where is my "Fab and Fancy"?!
  • Zeus: Your... what?
  • Squidward: I'm quite certain you wouldn't know culture if it bit you on the guitar!
  • Zeus: Uh... hummm... I don't have a guitar.
  • Squidward: Do they just give a show to just anybody over there?
  • Zeus: Pretty much. My mom gave me this one for my birthday.
  • Squidward: [surprised] Really?
  • Zeus: Yeah. I wanted a guitar or a star named after me... but you know, whatever. I guess a TV show is cool.
  • Squidward: It's that easy? [hangs up phone and dials a number] Hello? Bikini Bottom Public Access? [excitedly] Give me a TV show! Give me a TV show! I want a show! [cut to the Krusty Krab later] Come on! Just a few more minutes, Squiddie, and it will be your turn to bask in the limelight! [laughs]
  • SpongeBob: Ohhh, yeah! Oh, limelight basking! Baskin' in the limelight! [laughs] Oh, good times. Good times. [turns to Squidward] So where will said basking take place?
  • Squidward: [angrily] Like, I would tell you! Hmph... [thinking] Although, I've waited my whole life to have enough glory to rub it in someone's face. Anyone's face. [turns to SpongeBob who winks. He shivers.] Even that face. Okay! I'll tell you, but the last thing I would want is for you to show up so plug your ears! [shoves Krabby Patties in SpongeBob's ears] Well, I don't want to toot my own whistle, but... Wait, no! That's exactly what I mean to do! [SpongeBob just hears Squidward mumbling. Clock ticks to 5:00PM and a bell rings] Oh! [rushes off]
  • SpongeBob: Say again, Squidward? [Squidward laughs as he runs home]
  • Announcer: Bikini Bottom Public Access presents: "Squidward Chat"! With your host: Squidward Tentacles.
  • Squidward: [in his home] Greetings. I'm Squidward Tentacles, your host of "Squidward Chat". [Gary is seen watching TV, and clicks remote with his eye] Today, on Squidward Chat, we'll be discussing something near and dear to my heart, under-appreciated artists like myself. [SpongeBob sees Squidward on TV]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward's on TV? [screams and rushes to Squidward's house] Squidward! Squidward! [he pants and then rushes into the house, but goes back out, knocks and then goes inside. He pants as he approaches Squidward] Squidward, you're on TV! [Squidward frowns] No, really, Squidward, come look!
  • Squidward: I know I'm on TV! See the camera? [They both look at a camera] You're on TV too! [SpongeBob stares at the camera]
  • SpongeBob: TV? [leaves happily]
  • Squidward: Moron. As I was saying, today, on Squidward Chat, we'll be discussing...
  • Patrick: Wow! [SpongeBob enters with Patrick]
  • SpongeBob: So I ran to tell Squidward that he was on TV and he told me that I was on TV and now you're on TV!
  • Patrick: I'm on TV?! [rushes back to his house and turns on the TV]
  • Squidward: This isn't happening!!!
  • Patrick: I'm not on TV! [rushes back into Squidward's house] SpongeBob! I went home and turned on my TV, but... I wasn't on the TV. Why did you lie to me, SpongeBob? Why?
  • Squidward: [annoyingly] Patrick, just how dumb are you?
  • Patrick: It varies.
  • Squidward: If you want to be on TV, you have to be in front of the camera!
  • Patrick: Ohhh. I get it! [rushes to camera, giggling] Hi, TV people! [puts his face on the lens, then shows his mouth] And my mouth is on TV! [a live action shot of the inside of a person's mouth is shown on a television set]
  • Grandma: This is disgusting!
  • Patrick: [licks and bites the lens] SpongeBob! You gotta try this! [they both play with the camera]
  • Squidward: Patrick, SpongeBob, get off my camera! [gets Patrick off the camera, but Patrick falls onto Squidward. Squidward growls and pushes Patrick off of him] Would you get out of here?
  • Patrick: [scratching his head] Doubt it. [Squidward slaps his head and sighs]
  • Squidward: If you like the camera so much, why don't you be the cameraman?
  • Patrick: Cameraman?
  • Squidward: That means you take all the pretty pictures. [makes air quotes]
  • Patrick: All right!
  • SpongeBob: Ooh ooh! Whoo! Whoo! Let me do something too, please?!
  • Squidward: Fine. You can be the soundman. [hands SpongeBob a boom microphone]
  • SpongeBob: [amazed as an angelic choir sings] Soundman...
  • Squidward: Imbeciles! [clears throat] Today, we're going to be talking about... [camera is aimed at a still painting of Squidward] Why isn't the camera on me? [Patrick moves it to another painting] No! I'm the one talking! [Patrick moves the camera around, Squidward growls and jumps in front of the camera] I'm right here! Ahem! Today on Squidward Chat... we'll be discussing the under-appreciated arts. [Squidward sits down] Patrick, I'm down here! [Patrick lowers camera] As I was saying, today, we'll be... [Patrick moves the camera up and down once] Today... [Patrick moves the camera up and down repeatedly and Squidward growls]
  • Patrick: [as he moves the camera up and down] Upsy-daisy! Downsy-wounsy! Upsy-daisy! Downsy-wounsy! [Squidward growls, gets up, walks up to Patrick, and ties him to the camera]
  • Squidward: [sits back down] Now then, I was going to tell you about my fabulous... [SpongeBob lowers boom microphone into the scene, hits it on Squidward's head and puts it in his mouth] Sponge...! [Microphone hits Squidward in the face and he growls]
  • SpongeBob: It's heavy! [Squidward grabs it and places it in SpongeBob] Thanks! But it itches. [Cut to Mr. Krabs seeing Squidward on TV]
  • Patrick: [off-screen] I gotta go potty!
  • Mr. Krabs: Squidward has his own TV show?
  • Squidward: Well, you'll just have to hold it, Patrick! Now, if there are no more interruptions... [Mr. Krabs holds a sign that says "Eat at the Krusty Krab" in front of the camera]
  • Mr. Krabs: Eat at the Krusty Krab, home of the original Krabby Patty! [Squidward gets up] And remember, we change our grease monthly!
  • Squidward: Out! [pushes Mr. Krabs out and comes back, groans and sighs in relief]
  • Mr. Krabs: [comes back in, dances with sign and sings] Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! We don't want just you! We want your money too! [cut to Sandy seeing the show]
  • Sandy: Whee, doggy! I can line-dance better than that! [goes in front of the camera and dances] Yee-haw!
  • Pearl: Daddy! I'm borrowing your wallet! [sees Mr. Krabs and Sandy dancing on TV] Line dancing? Eww! That is so lame. What they need is my way cool cheer routine. [Pearl falls onto Squidward's desk, breaking it in half] Give me a K! [cuts to Plankton at the Chum Bucket watching the show]
  • Plankton: Oh, please. I can cause far more collateral damage than that! [walks off] Karen, where'd you put my death ray?
  • Pearl: Go, team, go! Go, team, go! Go, team, go! [Plankton appears on camera, laughs evilly and starts firing lasers around the house, breaking two paintings in the process]
  • Patrick: [laughs as he rocks the camera up and down] My shorts are wet! [lasers fly by him]
  • Pearl: [as camera pans at Sandy, then at Pearl, and then at Mr. Krabs] Fight, team, fight! Fight, team, fight! Fight, team, fight! [Plankton then fires at Mr. Krabs]
  • Plankton: And eat at the Chum Bucket or perish! [he laughs evilly and then Mr. Krabs kicks him away]
  • Mr. Krabs: The Krusty Krab! The Krusty Krab! Eat at the Krusty Krab!
  • Squidward: [sadly] Nooo!!! My show! [sniffles and sobs]
  • SpongeBob: [rises from behind the desk along with his arms and then rubs Squidward's back] You seem tense. [Squidward growls]
  • Squidward: [groans and pushes SpongeBob away] Cut that out! [Squidward gets angry and veins throb in his forehead] That's it! Everyone, out!!! [everybody stops what they're doing] What do you think this is, huh? Some kind of housewarming?!!
  • Larry the Lobster: [as Squidward frowns] Did somebody say housewarming? Hey, everyone! It's a housewarming! [citizens come into Squidward's house cheering as the house's cheeks start puffing up. Squidward notices everyone talking as a limousine pulls up and a man comes out]
  • Squidward: Get off my set! This is not working!!! [the man comes in]
  • Man: Actually, I'd say the show is doing just fine. [he approaches Squidward] At least according to our latest ratings. [pulls out a bag of money, big at first, but then zooms out to show that the bag is tiny. He then laughs, coughs and clears his throat] This is actually a lot by public access standards. Everyone is working out except for you... [points to a lady] ...you... [points to a boy] ...you... [points to a man] ...and you! [points to Squidward]
  • Squidward: Me? [Squidward is kicked out of his house. Cuts to Squidward in the bed frowning with a remote in his hand] 
  • Announcer: And now, Bikini Bottom's top public access show for the last 20 weeks: [as horn toots] "Squidward's House Party"! With your host, Zeus the Guitar Lord.
  • Zeus: Hey, hey, hey, Bikini Bottom. Are you ready to party Squidward style? [crowd cheers, applauds. Cuts to Squidward in his bed frowning] Thank you for making us number one because I was finally able to get... [shows his guitar on camera] ...a new guitar! Thanks, Squidward! [Squidward growls] LET'S PAARRTTYY!!! [As a curtain reveals Zeus, he begins to play guitar as audience cheers and applauds. The scene zooms out to show Sandy line-dancing, SpongeBob playing the keyboard, Patrick playing the drums and Pearl doing her cheer. Mr. Krabs swings on a rope holding the sign that says "Eat at the Krusty Krab" as Plankton is pressing buttons, which fire lasers. Cuts to TV, then to Squidward, who is shocked]
  • Squidward: [as he stomps on the floor while holding a broom] Keep it down! I'm trying to sleep! [screams as the camera pans down on Zeus, rocks start falling from the ceiling. People continue to party around Squidward's house. Fades to black, ending the episode.]
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