Tentacle-Vision/transcript

Tentacle-Vision
General
Season №:	7
Episode №:	127a
U.S. viewers (millions):	5.17
Airdate:	July 19, 2009
Chronology
Previous	"The Clash of Triton"
Next	"I ♥ Dancing"

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Tentacle-Vision" from season 7, which aired on July 19, 2009.

• [shows a night view of Bikini Bottom, and then shows Conch Street, where in Squidward's house lit the light, Squidward sits on his couch and watching TV]
• Squidward: All of the most intelligent programming starts before 5 AM. [clicks remote]
• Announcer: Our programming will begin shortly.
• Squidward: No, no. Take your time. It's worth the wait.
• Announcer: Bikini Bottom Public access presents: [Squidward claps his hands] "Fab and Fancy", your source for the latest in exotic pets, collectible jewel-encrusted mittens, [doorbell rings] and classical doorbell chimes...
• Squidward: How sophisticating! [drinks coffee]
• Announcer: ...has been canceled!
• Squidward: [spits out steam] Oh yeah, I haven't made the coffee yet. [he makes the coffee and drinks it for real] Why in the world would they cancel "Fab and Fancy"? What could possibly be more enriching? [guitar music screeches, Squidward spits out coffee] What the...??!! [a man plays a guitar on TV and a title card comes up saying "The Guitar Lord"]
• Zeus: Hi. I'm Zeus the Guitar Lord. I don't have a guitar yet. But if I did, I have a killer one like this! [pulls out a paper, where showing a red guitar]
• Squidward: [angered] Heh! Obviously he doesn't know the first thing about music! This is an outrage!
• Zeus: [shows his phone number] So here is my number if you want to talk about... [phone rings] ...hello?
• Squidward: [angry] Where is my "Fab and Fancy"?!
• Zeus: Your... what?
• Squidward: I bet you wouldn't know the first thing about culture if it hit you on a guitar!
• Zeus: I don't have a guitar...
• Squidward: Do they just give shows to just anyone over there?
• Zeus: Pretty much. My mom gave me this one for my birthday.
• Squidward: [surprised] Really?
• Zeus: I wanted a guitar or a starting guide...but you know, whatever. I guess a TV show is cool...
• Squidward: It's that easy? [hangs up phone and dials a number] Hello? Bikini Bottom Public Access? [excitedly] Give me a TV show! Give me a TV show I want a show! [cut to the Krusty Krab later] Come on! In a few minutes, Squiddy. It's your turn to bask in the limelight... [laughs]
• SpongeBob: Ohhh yeah! Limelight basking! Oh yeah! [laughs] Oh, good times. Good times. [turns to Squidward] So where will said basking take place?
• Squidward: [angrily] Like, I would tell you! Humph... [thinks] Although, I have waited my whole life to have enough warrior to rub it in someone's face. Everyone's face. [sees SpongeBob wink] Not that face. Okay! I'll tell you, but the last thing I would want you to do is to show up so plug your ears! [shoves Krabby Patties in SpongeBob's ears] Well I don't want to toot my own whistle, but, oh wait! That is exactly what I mean to do! [SpongeBob just hears mumbling. Clock rings] Oh! [rushes off]
• SpongeBob: Say it again, Squidward? [Squidward laughs as he runs to his home]
• Announcer: Bikini Bottom Public Access presents: "Squidward Chat"! With your host: Squidward Tentacles.
• Squidward: [in his home] Greetings. I am Squidward Tentacles, your host of "Squidward Chat". [Gary is seen watching TV, and clicks remote] Today on Squidward Chat we will be discussing something near and dear to my heart, underappreciated artists like myself. [SpongeBob sees Squidward on TV]
• SpongeBob: Squidward's on TV? Eey! [rushes to Squidward's house] Squidward! Squidward! [rushes into house, but goes back out, knocks and goes inside.] Squidward, you're on TV! [Squidward frowns] No, really Squidward, come look!
• Squidward: I know, I am on TV! See the camera? You're on TV too! [SpongeBob smiles]
• SpongeBob: TV? [leaves happily]
• Squidward: Moron! As I was saying... today, on Squidward Chat we will be discussing...
• Patrick: Wow! [SpongeBob enters with Patrick]
• SpongeBob: So I went to tell Squidward that he was on TV and he told me I was on TV and now you're on TV!
• Patrick: I'm on TV? [rushes back to his house and turns on the TV]
• Squidward: This isn't happening!!!
• Patrick: I'm not on TV! [rushes back into Squidward's house] SpongeBob! I went home and turned on my TV, but wasn't on the TV. Why did you lie to me SpongeBob? Why?
• Squidward: [annoyingly] Patrick, just how dumb are you?
• Patrick: It varies...
• Squidward: [slaps head] If you want to be on TV, you have to be in front of the camera!
• Patrick: Ohhh. I get it! [rushes to camera] Hi, TV people! [shows mouth in camera] Hey, my mouth! It's on TV! [a live action mouth is seen on a television set]
• Grandma: This is disgusting!
• Patrick: [licks camera and bites it] Hey, SpongeBob! You gotta try this! [they play with the camera]
• Squidward: Patrick, SpongeBob, get off my camera! [takes them off camera, but Patrick falls onto Squidward. Patrick gets off of him] Would you two get out of here?
• Patrick: Doubt it! [Squidward slaps his head]
• Squidward: If you like the camera so much, why don't you be the cameraman?
• Patrick: Cameraman?
• Squidward: That means you take all the pretty pictures.
• Patrick: Okay!
• SpongeBob: Oh! Oh! Give me a job too, please!
• Squidward: Fine. You can be the soundman. [hands SpongeBob a boom]
• SpongeBob: [amazed] Soundman...
• Squidward: Imbeciles! [clears throat] Today, we will be talking about... Why isn't the camera on me? [Patrick moves it around] No! I'm the one talking! [growls. Goes in front of camera] I'm right here! Today on Squidward Chat... we will be discussing the under appreciated arts. Patrick I'm down here! [Patrick lowers camera] As I was saying...Today we will be... [Patrick lifts the camera up and down] Today... [growls]
• Patrick: Upsy-daisy! Downsy-wounsy! Upsy-daisy! Downsy-wounsy! [Squidward growls, and rushes up and ties Patrick to the camera]
• Squidward: Now, then I was going to tell you about my fabulous... [SpongeBob lowers boom into scene and places it in Squidward's mouth] Sponge...! [Boom hits Squidward, Squidward growls]
• SpongeBob: It's heavy! [Squidward grabs it and places it in SpongeBob] Thanks! But it itches. [Cut to Mr. Krabs seeing Squidward on TV]
• Patrick: [off-screen] I gotta go potty!
• Mr. Krabs: Squidward has his own TV show?
• Squidward: Well you'll just have to hold it Patrick! Now if there are no more interruptions... [Mr. Krabs holds a sign "Eat at the Krusty Krab" in front of camera]
• Mr. Krabs: Eat at the Krusty Krab, home to the original Krabby Patty and remember: we change our grease monthly!
• Squidward: Out! [pushes Mr. Krabs out and comes back sighing in relief]
• Mr. Krabs: [dances with sign, singing] Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! We don't want just you! We want your money too! [cut to Sandy seeing the show]
• Sandy: Whee doggy! I can line-dance better than that! [goes in front of camera and dances] Yee-haw!
• Pearl: Daddy! I'm borrowing your wallet! [sees TV] Line dancing? Eww! That is so lame. What they need is my cheer routine...[Pearl falls onto Squidward's desk, cut to Plankton at the Chum Bucket] Give me a K...
• Plankton: Oh, please. I can cause more and more collateral damage than that! Karen, where did you put my death ray?
• Pearl: Go, team, go! Go, team, go! [Plankton laughs evilly and cocks his death ray and fires around the house]
• Patrick: [laughs] My shorts are wet!
• Pearl: Fight, team, fight! Fight, team, fight! [Plankton fires at Mr. Krabs]
• Plankton: Eat at the Chum Bucket or perish! [evil laughs, Mr. Krabs kicks him away]
• Mr. Krabs: The Krusty Krab! The Krusty Krab! Eat at the Krusty Krab!
• Squidward: [sadly] Nooo!!! My show! [sniffles and sobs]
• SpongeBob: [rubs his back] You seem tense! [Squidward growls]
• Squidward: That's it! Everyone, out! What do you think this is, huh? Some kind of housewarming?
• Larry the Lobster: Did somebody say housewarming? Hey, everybody! It's a housewarming! [citizens come into Squidward's house and cheering]
• Squidward: Get off of my set! This is not working!!! [a limousine pulls up and a man comes in]
• Man: Actually I say the show is doing just fine. Well according to our latest ratings. [pulls out a bag of money. Laughs. Coughs. Clears throat] This is actually a lot by public access standings. Everyone is working out except for you... [points to a lady] ...you... [points to a boy] ...you... [points to a man] ...and you! [points to Squidward]
• Squidward: Me? [Squidward is kicked and booted out]
• [cut to night]
• Announcer: And now, Bikini Bottom's top public access show for the past twenty weeks: "Squidward's House Party"! With your host: Zeus the Guitar Lord.
• Zeus: Hey, hey, hey, Bikini Bottom. Are you ready to party; Squidward style? [crowd cheering and applauds and screaming and whistling and roaring while Squidward frowns] Thank you... for making us number one, because I was finally able to get a new guitar! Thanks, Squidward! [Squidward growls] LET'S PAAAAAAARRRRRRTTTTTYYYYY!!!
• [Zeus plays guitar and audience cheering and applauds and screaming and whistling and roaring and celebrating and begin making music so very loud, it can hear all around the world, curtain opens as it reveals the band and Plankton shoots his death ray, Mr. Krabs swings with his sign, and Sandy line-dancing and Pearl cheer-leading, Squidward is shocked, crowd is offscreen]
• Squidward: [bangs his broom on floor] Keep it down, I'm trying to sleep! AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!
• [people keep partying around Squidward's house]