SpongeBob: (Is walking through the city.) Going to work, going to work, I'm going to work! I'm going to work, I'm going to work (spins arms around) I'm going to work! (Twirls) I'm going to work. I'm going to work, going to work, go-going to work. I'm crossing the street! (does so) I'm crossing the street! Cross- whup! (Listens) I'd recognize that sound anywhere! It's the sound of horrible, croaking sobbing! (Runs over to dark alley)
Plankton: Oh, Neptune! Why, oh why?!
Plankton: No, please! I told you I'd get the money! Please, I- (Stops suddenly and realizes SpongeBob is standing right behind him.) Oh, it's you.
SpongeBob: Plankton, what's got you so upset? I can hear you from three blocks away!
Plankton: Oh, that. It's this doomsday device I invented. (Holds up small device) It just doesn't do what it's supposed to do!
SpongeBob: Doomsday device? What's it supposed to do?
Plankton: Well, it's supposed to upset the Earth's axis. Causing a chain reaction with typhoons, earthquakes, etc. etc.
SpongeBob: So, what does it do instead?
Plankton: It just sparks and falls apart.
SpongeBob: Sparks and falls apart?
Plankton: You don't believe me?
SpongeBob: (Frantically) N-no! I believe you! I uh... (Plankton presses button on his device, causing it to spark and smoke and eventually fall apart.) ...believe you.
Plankton: Oh, what's the use?! Everyday the same old thing. Life is an endless succession of failiures and disapointments.
SpongeBob: Well, look on the bright side, Plankton. If all your hopes and dreams finally came true, then you wouldn't have anything left to look foward to.
Plankton: Well, I didn't think I could feel any worse, but at least I know now that anything is possible.
SpongeBob: Plankton wait! (Holds out arms to stop him) Wait! (Long pause) Wait!!
Plankton: I'm waiting!
SpongeBob: Maybe what you need is to join a club or something. Meet new people. You know, make some friends.
Plankton: (Thinking) Hmmm. Yes. Yes. Are you suggesting I form an evil alliance?
SpongeBob: Um, something like that.
Plankton: That is an excellent idea!!! But where would someone like me find new friends?
SpongeBob: Well, usually when I'm trying to find something, I just look it up in the phone book. (Holds up yellow phone book. Then he gives it to Plankton)
Plankton: (Struggles with phone book in his hands) (Sarcastically) Oh, great. Thanks. (Throws book on the ground and climbs on it.) Let's see here. Aha! Here we go. (Reads off of phone book) Evil villain for hire. Call Man Ray. No job too diabolical.
SpongeBob: Man Ray? But he's one of Bikini Bottom's most notorious super villains! Arch nemesis of fame television super heroes Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. (Gets confused) He's in the phone book? (Plankton laughs) Plankton, you were looking under Fiends not Friends.
Plankton: Oh, I know, SpongeBob. I know. (Tries to hold in his laughter, but he can't and starts laughing again. SpongeBob laughs with him. He then stops and gets confused. Bubble transition to Man Ray in the Bargain Mart puttiing stuff into vending machines.) Man Ray! We meet at long last! And who would have thought to find here you here, working a part time job restocking vending machines? That's very clever, Man Ray. Very clever. And now let us join in evil alliance!
Man Ray: Have we met?
Plankton: (Chuckles) Don't you remeber? We spoke on the phone. I, Plankton know of a secret formula. A formula that holds (whispers) THE SECRET. The oh, so precious secret of the Krusty Krab. And he who controls the Krusty Krab controls Bikini Bottom. Once that formula is in out possesion, we- (Is interrupted by Man Ray picking up a box.)
Man Ray: Una! (Looks down at Plankton) I'm listening.
Plankton: Then together we will steal the formula, crush Mr. Krabs and RULE THE WORLD!! MWA HAHAHAHA!! (Bubble transition to the Krusty Krab while Mr. Krabs is whistling.)
Mr. Krabs: (Notices a tape measure at his feet. It wiggles and slides away.) Huh? (Sees plankton holding the tape measure) Plankton!
Plankton: Oh, don't mind me, Krabs. I'm just taking a few measurments. I want to make sure there's enough room to install a hot tub when I assume ownership of this dump. (Mr. Krabs takes him outside, about to fling him away.) But before you toss me out like yesterday's garbage, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Come on out, partner.
Mr. Krabs: Partner? That's the silliest thing you've ever- (Screams as his eyes bulge out. Man Ray runs toward him while flipping over a rock and hitting the ground in front of Mr. Krabs and Plankton.)
Plankton: I want you to say hello to my new partner and your new overlord, Man Ray.
Mr Krabs: (Nervously) Hello. (Runs away while screaming and dropping Plankton.)
Man Ray: Hm, was it something I said?
Mr. Krabs: HANG ON TO YOUR HATS AND GLASSES! DOOM IS UPON US!! (Runs around) And it's dressed in a red leotard!
SpongeBob:(Is holding onto a Krusty Krab cup) Mr. Krabs!! You said to hold onto your glasses! When all I could find were these extra large milkshake cups! Do these count?
Mr. Krabs: Never mind that now! I want you to go up to the roof, and light the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Emergency Search Light.
SpongeBob: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Emergency Search Light? What for?
Mr. Krabs: Because! We're having an EMERGENCY! (Shouts so loud that is shakes the whole Krust Krab.)
SpongeBob: Eye eye, captain! (Runs away leaving the cups floating in midair. Mr. Krabs looks at them suspiciously and they fall.)
Plankton: It looks like Krabs isn't as foolish as I thought. He's boarded-up the front entrance. (He points to a boarded-up entrance to the Krusty Krab.) I think you know what we need to do now.
Man Ray: Right, of course. (Holds up laser gun and shoots the door.)
Mr. Krabs: You can relax now, Squidward. They're not getting in- (boards start to dissolve behind him.) Never mind.
SpongeBob: (Runs through door on the roof) Where is it? Where is it? That search light could be anywhere up here! Oop! There! (points to a huge light that you couldn't possibly miss. He presses an on button and the light turns on.) Yes! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy will be here in no time! (Waits. Nothing happens.) Hmm. I guess this is only good for nighttime emergencies. (Bubble transition to Shady Shoale's Retirement home. Spongebob runs up to the front counter.) HELP!! HELP!! Must-find-Mermaid-Man-Barnacle-Boy! Man-Ray-Krusty-Krab-taking-over! (Two workers look at each other and take Spongebob out of the retirement home.)
Worker #1: Sorry, kid. This is a retirement community, not an insane assylum. (Both workers walk away. Spongebob looks through an open window and sees a bunch of old people sitting in chairs. Finally, he sees Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. Mermaid Man is snoring away while Barnacle Boy looks board. He sips his drink casually.Spongebob gasps and tries knocking on the glass.)
Mermaid Man: (wakes up.) Huh? Do you hear that?
Barnacle Boy: Probably just the old air conditioner acting up.
Mermaid Man:(Stands up tiredly) I'll fix it! (Walks over to the window where SpongeBob is. SpongeBob waves at him. But Mermaid Man starts to punch the air conditioner.) You old piece of junk! (He keeps pounding it until it goes through the window and falls on SpongeBob.) Yep, that must've been it. It's not making that sound anymore. (Sits down on the couch again.)
Plankton: Well, well, well, the Krusty Krab is finally ours! (Mr. Krabs and Squidward put their hands up.) Now we can take the secret formula and rule the world. Hand it over, Eugene.
Mr. Krabs: No way! You'll never know the secret of making Krabby Patties!
Man Ray: Wait a minute, I thought you said this was the secret formula for world domination.
Plankton: There's a direct correlation: Domination in the fast food market place leads to total world control. Maybe you need to taste a Krabby Patty, then you'll understand. You there! Bring us a couple of Krabby Patties ASAP.
Mr. Krabs: Squidward... SQUIDWARD!
Squidward: Huh? I don't get paid enough for this.
(Back at Shady Shoals, an old lady is walking through the front door.This gives SpongeBob an idea)
SpongeBob: Hmm. (He sucks all the air out of himself which makes him look all dried up and old. He walks past the worker working at the front counter.) Good afternoon.
Worker #1: Good afternoon, sir!
(As SpongeBob walks down the hall, he pops back to normal and starts running. He runs right past a "Lady's Choice" dance. He walks back to the door to check it out. He walks through the dance and sees Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy at the snack table.)
SpongeBob: Mermaid Man! Barnacle Boy! (a lady stops him)
Elderly Lady: May I have this dance?
SpongeBob: Of course. (Starts to dance with her, but he notices Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy leaving the snack table.) I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to excuse myself. I-uh...
Old Lady: (Walks up to SpongeBob) Hi, handsome. Do you wanna dance?
SpongeBob: Certainly. (They dance.)
Elderly Lady: Hands off, I saw him first!
Old Lady: That's what you think, sister. (All the ladies in the room start to come toward SpongeBob, fighting to get him.)
Crowd: No, I saw him first! Nuh uh! He's mine!
SpongeBob: Mermaid Man! Barnacle Boy!
Barnacle Boy: I never really liked these things, anyway.
SpongeBob: Ahhh! Mermaid Man!
(Bubble transition to the Krusty Krab while the search light is still on.)
Plankton: (Squidward brings Man Ray a tray of Krabby Patties.) Ah, here we go!
Squidward: Two krabby patties. Enjoy your meal.
Plankton: Oh, we will! We'll enjoy it a lot, slave. (Man Ray picks up his patty and eats it, and afterwards, he burps.) Well! Now that you've experienced a Krabby Patty firsthand, are you ready to assume control of the secret formula and take over the world?
Man Ray: Hmm... it certainly was tasty, but I think I need to try another one before I know for sure. (Picks up other patty.)
Plankton: Hey! That one was mine! (Man Ray burps) Well, are you satisfied? Can we get on with our lives now?
Man Ray: Hmm... satisfied... not quite! I think this will require another helping of "research". Hey, you there! Another platter of your finest Krabby Patties, please. (Plankton sighs)
(Back at Shady Shoals, SpongeBob is running around the halls)
SpongeBob: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Mermaid Man and- (slips on a wet floor) Whoaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! (He slips to the end of the hallway, where he breaks through a door.)
Barnacle Boy: What the?
Mermaid Man: Is nap time over already?
SpongeBob: Come quick! The Krusty Krab is in dire strieghts! Plankton and Man Ray teamed up and blah blah blah blah blah blah!
Mermaid Man: This must be one of the new guys.
Barnacle Boy: No kidding, we'd like to help out, but we can't just yet.
SpongeBob:(Sternly) What do you mean you can't?
Barnacle Boy: We just woke up from our nap.
Mermaid Man: And after naptime is when they usually serve ICE CREAM!
Barnacle Boy: So in the meantime, uh, you're gonna have to be your own hero.
Mermaid Man: Unless you wanna wait for ice cream too? (SpongeBob stands there, awkwardly.)
(Back at the Krusty Krab, Squidward is making Krabby Patties. SpongeBob barges through the kitchen door, panting.)
Squidward: SpongeBob, where have you been? I've been covering for you on the grill for the past 3 hours! My arm feels like it's gonna snap in half!
Man Ray: (Is still eating Krabby Patties.)
Squidward: It's that guy in red. He's a really high maintenance customer.
Plankton: Can we please steal the secret formula now? Pretty please, Man Ray?
Man Ray: I must have more! (Starts to pound on the table) Bring me more Krabby Patties!! Bring more Krabby Patties!! (Shoots roof with laser gun)
SpongeBob: Stand aside, Squidward. I'm gonna be my own hero. (Slides into the kitchen, and runs out to Man Ray with hundreds of Krabby Patties.) Thank you, sir! Enjoy your meal.
Man Ray: At last! (Starts to eat away at the Krabby Patties.)
Plankton: Alright, fine! I'll just steal the secret formula myself! (Grabs Man Ray's laser gun) Oh, and Man Ray, this friendship is over! (Man Ray burps, which causes Plankton to drop the gun.)
Man Ray: (Is very chubby and fat) No... no more...can't... eat... another... (chair breaks, and Man Ray falls on the floor.)
Mermaid Man: (Him and Barnacle Boy walk through the burnt-down door.) There he is! (They cuff Man Ray.) Alright, Man Ray, lunch time's over!
Man Ray: What? How did you know I was here?
Barnacle Boy: A little sponge told us. (They pull Man Ray away)
Man Ray: This wasn't supposed to happen.
Mr. Krabs: (Rolls out bill) Here you go, Plankton.
Plankton: What's this?
Mr. Krabs: It's the bill. For your partner. (He, SpongeBob, and Squidward laugh.)