[episode starts at goo lagoon. Patrick is running there wearing SpongeBob as a swim suit, and both are laughing. When they get there, he takes him off, then puts on his swim suit]
SpongeBob: I thought you left your swim suit at home.
Patrick: No, I just didn't want to get it all wrinkled up. Last one in is a rotten egg! [runs over to the lagoon laughing]
SpongeBob: Rotten eggs? [he then runs over to Patrick laughing. Cuts to scene of alot of people tanning. Nat Peterson takes out some tan accelerator]
Shubie: You're not using that tan accelerator again, are you?
Nat: Oh, don't pretend you don't love it. [pours the entire thing on him, and he turns into a strip of bacon]
Craig: Good work, man... [Shubie gasps] ...I see you've read my book? [subtitles uses like this Man: Good work, man... [female fish gasping] I see you've read my book?]
Nat: Craig Mamalton?
Shubie: The tannest man on TV?
Craig:[laughs] None other. [winks, then a large crowd surrounds him]
Sadie: Oh, look at those gorgeous wrinkles.
Craig: What, these? [shows off his wrinkles, then everyone cheers]
Nancy: Oh, and his skin, it's so leathery.
Craig: Well, I don't mean to brag, but uh... [pulls of some of the skin on his feet, revealing leather, and everyone cheers again]
SpongeBob: Who's Craig Mammalton?
Sandals: You don't know who Craig Mammalton is? He's like, so tan. Legend has it that his tan is so deep, that even his bones are a rich carmel brown!
SpongeBob & Patrick: Wow!
Patrick: His mother must be so proud.
Craig: Please, people, please. They'll be plenty of time to admire my body this weekend, at my annual summer shindig. [everyone cheers, then lines up to receive invitations]
SpongeBob: Wow Patrick, an invitation to our first summer shindig! And here it is! [Craig won't let go]
Craig: Can I help you, little fella?
SpongeBob: It seems to be stuck.
Craig: Yeah, I don't think this is your type of party. I don't want to embarass you guys... Hey everyone, check this out! [everyone comes back] ...but this party is for the pig-mentally gifted. [shows them the invitation]
SpongeBob: Must be this tan to enter.
Craig: And your skin is as light and smooth as a, well as a baby's bottom. [everyone laughs]
SpongeBob: Why thank you.
Patrick: We did put on a few extra coats of sun screen today.
SpongeBob: In fact, [SpongeBob gets alot of sun screen] it's time for another coat. [SpongeBob shapes it into a coat, and puts it on. Patrick also has a coat of sunscreen]
Patrick: We've gotta look our best.
Sandals:[hides it with a cough] Losers. [everyone laughs]
Craig: You're not coming to my party, without a tan. [their coats then fall off. Scene then cuts to Patrick's rock. It then opens, revealing tanning lights]
SpongeBob: There, now that we've turned your rock into a tanning bed, we're sure to get tan enough for the party! Let's just test it out first to be sure. [SpongeBob places an apple in the tanning bed. He then presses a button on the outside which turns it on. He then looks at his watch, then turns it off. The apple is all dried out]
Both: Hooray! [both run around laughing]
Patrick: Me first! Me first! [rips off his pants, revealing tanning shorts, then jumps on the bed. SpongeBob then turns it on, then off. Patrick has a really good tan. He then walks out]
SpongeBob: Ooh, Patrick, how do you feel?
Patrick: Like one of those hip young old folks on a soda commercial. [scene cuts to real live old man in a soda commercial]
Old Man: It's radical! [drinks it] Radical! [drinks it again] Drink it! [scene then cuts back to SpongeBob and Patrick]
SpongeBob: My turn! [SpongeBob jumps in, and his pants and shirts vanish, revealing tanning shorts] Remember Patrick, 15 seconds exactly.
Patrick: Got 'ya, 15 seconds, it'll take a few minutes.
SpongeBob: No, no, Patrick, 15 seconds exactly! It's really important... [Patrick turns the tanning bed on. Scene then reveals SpongeBob tanning] It's working. [SpongeBob gets a good tan also] Okay Patrick, I'm done. [no answer] Patrick? Patrick, you there? [Patrick is listening to music outside SpongeBob's house] Patrick?
Patrick: What? Did somebody say something? [a car with Shubie, Nazz, Evelyn, Sally, and Millie in it drive up to him]
Ladies: Hey, there!
Sally: Is that tan for us?
Patrick: What? [they bring him into the boat and they drive off]
SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick, it's time for me to get out. [begins to dry out]
Narrator: Two hours later. [The boat then drives back up to Patrick's house]
Millie: Do you really have to go Patrick?
Patrick: Afraid so. Bye girls.
Ladies: Bye Pat.
Nazz: Huh, he's so leathery. [Patrick turns off the tanning bed, then SpongeBob comes out, and he's "Sun Bleached"]
SpongeBob:[in dried out voice] Well Patrick, how do I look?
Patrick:[screams] Oh, it's you. You don't look too good.
SpongeBob: What, what, what do you mean?
Patrick: See for yourself. [pulls out a mirror, and SpongeBob screams]
SpongeBob: I must have been under the tanning machine too long. [cries, then Patrick pulls of some of his skin]
Patrick: Ew, what are you gonna do?
SpongeBob: I'll ask Squidward, he's always so helpful. He'll know what to do. [cuts to them walking up to Squidward] Hi Squidward.
Squidward: What is it now Sponge... [sees him and screams] Ghost? I'm sorry I was so mean to you while you were alive, please don't haunt me.
SpongeBob: Oh, I'm not a ghost Squidward. [laughs] I used Patrick's tanning booth, and I stayed under too long.
Squidward:[laughs] Oh this is too precious! You're sun bleached! Looks like you won't be at the party. [walks into his house, then opens his top window] Sun Bleached!
SpongeBob: Huh, now I'll never get into that party.
Patrick: Hey, that's quitter talk Mr.! You're going to that party tonight! What you need, is a makeover! [cuts to SpongeBob on a rock next to Patrick. Patrick uses a hose to make mud, while whistling, then put's SpongeBob in it. He then wipes the mud out of his eyes, then takes out a bag of Kelp Jerkey] A little Kelp Jerky? Open wide. [Patrick puts 2 strips of Kelp Jerky on SpongeBob's teeth. Patrick then pulls out his arm pit hair, screams, then puts it on SpongeBob's head. He then gives him a mirror] What do you think?
SpongeBob:[screams, then talks in his normal voice] I look... AMAZING. Time to go to the party! [cuts to them walking down the street. SpongeBob pats a baby in a stroller] Oh what a cute "wittle" baby. Cootchie-cootchie-coo.
Sadie: Monster! [runs away, running over SpongeBob, then comes back and stomps on him then walks off screen]
Patrick: Well, hey buddy, look like you could use an ice cream. [cuts to them in an ice cream palace. SpongeBob is eating a shake, then uses an anteater's tongue to eat the cherry]
SpongeBob: Oh yeah, that hit the spot.
Patrick:[talking to cashier] One caramel sundae please. [cashier gives him one, then he goes back to the table]
SpongeBob: Oh, I think you'll have to go to the party without me Patrick. There's just no way I can get that golden brown in time. But that's no reason you shouldn't go. [Patrick throws some caramel on SpongeBob] Patrick, why did you...
Patrick: Can't talk, working.
SpongeBob: No, really Patrick, what are you... [Patrick smoothes out the caramel, then puts a cherry on it] Uh, I fell sticky.
Patrick: Take a look. [SpongeBob looks at him self in a mirror]
SpongeBob: Wooh! [hugs Patrick] Thanks Patrick. [tries to let go, but he can't] Uh, I'm stuck. [Scene cuts to the Party. There is a long line, and Craig is judging the peoples tans. He lets Gus in, then Evelyn comes up]
Craig: Nice job Ma'am. Join the party! Ahem, but the baby's going to have to wait outside.
Evelyn: But he's the perfect shade of tropical toddler.
Craig: Yes, but... [takes off his shorts, revealing that it's un-tan]
Evelyn:[gasps] Tyler, how could you?
Craig: Now don't worry Ma'am, he can wait out here, with the other rejects. [throws him in a trash can, next do a dumpster filled with people]
Fish: Oh, no tears son, we'll get in next year.
Craig: Next. [SpongeBob and Patrick walk up] Hey! Hey! Hey! Looks like you two took my advice! Nice job gentlemen. Come on in! [scene cuts to the party, where alot of people are dancing] All right, party people. It's time to roll out the portables. [some fish bring some tanning lights. Craig then sets the setting on the remote to "Golden". The tanning lights are making SpongeBob's caramel harden]
SpongeBob: Oh no! Caramel, hardening! Gotta get out of here. [tries to walk out, but the caramel hardens] Patrick? Patrick?
SpongeBob: Can I get a little help here?
Patrick: Oh, sure thing pal. Hey everybody make some room! The floor's all yours. Knock 'em dead kid.
SpongeBob: No, Patrick I... [notices the people staring at him. He laughs nervously, then the caramel cracks, which reveals some light. All gasp, then the caramel breaks]
Fred: Nice job! [instead the captions read Fish: Nice Job!]
Harold: You're hideously white skin just ruined the party. I mean look at you... do you hug your mother with that skin? [everyone complains. it uses like this Australian Accent Fish: You're hideously white sking just ruined the party. I mean look at you... do you hug your mother with that skin?!. all complaining at once]
Tina: Can you believe this guy crashed your pary? Craig? [Craig walks up to him]
Craig: I have seen this only one other time. It's the ultimate tan! He's... [pulls a strip from the invitation, revealing the color skin that SpongeBob has] ...Sun Bleached! [all gasp, then Frankie puts his eyes back in his head, then gasps]
Frankie: Sun Bleached?
Craig: This young man... This young, hero, should be praised for his dedication to "tan-liness". [all cheer] If you guys are feeling it, we should all follow in his foot steps. [all cheer again] Frankie, crank it up. [Frankie uses the remote to put the lights on "Bleached". Everyone dances, then the scene goes up]
Narrator: Two hours later again. [pans back down, revealing that everyone is dust]
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, do you think that maybe too much sun is a bad thing? [the wind blows the dust away, so now only their eyes are there]