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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy VI The Motion Picture 123
"Cut! No, Mermaid Man, it's 'stolen Krabby Patties.'"

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Squirrel Record" from season 9, which aired on July 21, 2012.

  • [The episode starts with the Krusty Krab at nighttime. The scene cuts to the interior, where we see Squidward sleeping at the counter with a magazine on his face, then an alarm clock rings, Squidward wakes up and stops it. The scene then cuts to SpongeBob about to flip a Krabby Patty and then Squidward pokes his head through the window.]
  • Squidward: It's quitting time, SpongeBob. Go home. [SpongeBob continues to flip the patty] Quitting time! [SpongeBob sniffs the patty, Squidward takes out a megaphone and shouts in it] Go home! [SpongeBob continues to ignore Squidward and flips the patty, he then looks at his watch]
  • SpongeBob: Oh my. It's time to go home. Squidward, what are you still doing here?
  • [Squidward gets frustrated, screams, and runs out of the Krusty Krab.]
  • SpongeBob: [picking up the patty] What am I gonna do with you? I can't throw you away. [snaps his finger, laughs, and puts the patty inside his wallet, then a smelly odor flies in and SpongeBob sniffs it] Bleh! [the scene cuts to the garbage can where we can see the smelly odor is coming from] But I do have to throw away the trash.
  • [The scene cuts to the back of the Krusty Krab, the door opens and a big smelly smoke comes out followed by SpongeBob who is wearing a gas mask while holding the trash can, he walks over to the dumpster and dumps all the trash into it, then a book covered with trash comes up from the dumpster.]
  • SpongeBob: [takes off his gas mask and picks up a book] What's this? Someone threw away a book. You shouldn't throw away books. [suddenly a big green slimy monster emerges from the dumpster. SpongeBob screams at the sight of it.] "Trash monster!" (On TV, there is a bit of a malfunction, which leads to SpongeBob only mouthing it when he backs away from the dumpster, and it heads for him) [He then throws the book at it, causing it to fall over. The slime dissolves to reveal that it was actually Sandy] Ooh, Sandy, you're a trash monster?
  • Sandy: Heck no. I was breaking a record for rooting around in a trash bin. It's all right here in The Guinness O' Ripley Enormous Book Of Curiosities, Oddities, and World Records. [turns the page] Look-e here, SpongeBob. Staring Record. 5 days. Most fries up nose. Holding your breath.
  • SpongeBob: Wow!
  • Sandy: Yes siree! I swear by the power of Texas, I'm gonna break all the records in this here book!
  • [The scene cuts to the treedome.]
  • Sandy: What's the next challenge?
  • SpongeBob: Let's see. Ooh. World's longest tongue.
  • Sandy: Well, that's easy. [scene cuts to Sandy's tongue, SpongeBob is pulling Sandy's tongue] 106, 107...
  • SpongeBob: Hold tight, Sandy.
  • Sandy: ...108, 109, 110!
  • SpongeBob: That's it, Sandy! You did it!
  • Sandy: Yeehaw! [crashes into SpongeBob]
  • [The scene cuts to SpongeBob reading The Guinness O' Ripley Enormous Book of Curiosities, Oddities, and World Records.]
  • SpongeBob: Let's see... Yikes! Sweet mother of Pearl!
  • Sandy: Is it dangerous?
  • SpongeBob: Yeah, you could say that. You have to eat as much chum as you can.
  • Sandy: Chum, huh? That's not too bad.
  • SpongeBob: Raw!
  • Sandy: [sputters] Raw?! [gulps]
  • [The scene cuts to the Chum Bucket.]
  • Plankton: You want what?
  • SpongeBob: One order of chum, please.
  • Sandy: Raw.
  • Plankton: Look, I know I'm an evil, heartless mastermind, but no one can ingest raw chum and survive!
  • SpongeBob: Oh yeah? Well, Charlie Mackerel, the current record holder did.
  • Plankton: Really?
  • SpongeBob: For 30 seconds.
  • Plankton: Well, it's your funeral.
  • [The scene cuts back at the treedome. SpongeBob is in a toxic-proof suit. He grabs a spoon of chum and walks to Sandy who is cuffed.]
  • SpongeBob: Ok, Sandy, eat up.
  • Sandy: Uh, SpongeBob, I changed my mummh... [SpongeBob shoves the chum in her mouth. She screams breaking free] Must! Make! World! Record!
  • SpongeBob: Sandy, you did it! You survived! [chicken clucks, SpongeBob sees Sandy lying on the floor] Uh, oh. Hold on, Sandy! [takes off helmet] I know just what you need! [SpongeBob gasps and reaches into his wallet to grab a Krabby Patty] A Krabby Patty! [SpongeBob puts the Krabby Patty in her mouth and helps her chew and she rises up like as a rooster crows, Sandy coughs and gasps]
  • Sandy: I did it! I'm alive! I can't wait to show them experts the pictures of my record breaking feats.
  • SpongeBob: Oh no! I forgot my camera!
  • Sandy: What?! SpongeBob! I need photographic proof of my amazing deeds!
  • SpongeBob: I'll go get the camera.
  • Sandy: Well, hurry up! I got record breaking to do!
  • [Cuts to later on.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh my. [sees robots]
  • Sandy: Got your camera?
  • SpongeBob: You bet ya! [camera gets shown]
  • Sandy: Great! Take a picture of me chucking this last woodchuck to break the woodchuck chuckin' world record. Ready Cousin Earl?
  • Cousin Earl: Let er' rip darlin'! [Sandy chucks Cousin Earl and SpongeBob takes a picture]
  • Record Robot: 100 woodchucks chucked. Record broken!
  • Sandy: Thanks for all your help, cousins! [cousins cheer] See you all next Christmas! Bye! [the woodchucks were sucked and spirited up]
  • SpongeBob: Wow, Sandy! What is all this?
  • Sandy: I've decided to go about this scientifically. I feel with careful planning an precise dedication of appropriate tasks, I can manage the successful completion of the maximum number of records broken in the least amount of time! Book! Picture!
  • SpongeBob: [hands the picture] Here you go.
  • Sandy: Thank you. [places the picture. She giggles] So, what's next? Oh yeah, longest tooth. So how's the calcium fusion going?
  • Robot: It is ready, Ms. Cheeks.
  • Sandy: Outstanding! Here, hold this. [robot holds the book as Sandy administers the shot and the tooth grows. It continues to grow until she hits her head on the ceiling of the treedome] How'd I do?
  • Record Robot: Please hold this end. [SpongeBob holds the end of the ruler as the robot stretches high] 35 feet. Record broken! [SpongeBob flies up to the ceiling, crashes making him fit in his helmet]
  • SpongeBob: Ouch!
  • Record Robot: Take a picture.
  • SpongeBob: Say "cheese"!
  • Sandy: Cheese! [saws a giant part of the tooth off of her top tooth and slides down] Picture!
  • SpongeBob: Here you go.
  • Sandy: Thank you. Next, spiciest chili gargle. [gargles on chili as SpongeBob takes a picture]
  • SpongeBob: Got it! You OK? [Sandy breathes fire, SpongeBob sniffs] Do you smell soup?
  • Sandy: What's next?
  • Record Robot: Largest rubber band ball. [SpongeBob takes a picture, as Sandy lets go of the rubber band ball, SpongeBob gets crushed]
  • Sandy: Woohoo! What's next?
  • Record Robot: Most cobras milked. [Sandy milks cobras]
  • SpongeBob: [laughs] Say "cheese"!
  • Sandy: Cheese! [SpongeBob takes a picture]
  • SpongeBob: [nervous laugh] Nice snakes. [gets squeezed]
  • Sandy: Next!
  • Record Robot: Most walnuts in mouth. [Sandy gets a lot of walnuts in her mouth]
  • Sandy: Just! One! More! Oh no! [spits out walnuts at SpongeBob] Next!
  • Record Robot: Most chainsaws juggled.
  • Sandy: Ok, shoot!
  • SpongeBob: [takes a picture] Got it! So uh how do you stop?
  • Sandy: What?
  • SpongeBob: I said "How do you stop?"
  • Sandy: What?
  • SpongeBob: How do you stop?
  • Sandy: Why that's easy I just stop and run like heck! [SpongeBob and Sandy run] Not that way! [walks over to SpongeBob who is cut apart from the chain saws] Come on, SpongeBob! Pull yourself together! We still got a ton of records to break! Oh yeah! You're gonna love this one!
  • SpongeBob: [putting himself together] I don't know, Sandy. It is getting kinda dangerous.
  • Sandy: Come on, you don't need your helmet. This one's outside! Follow me.
  • SpongeBob: Oh my.
  • Sandy: There it is, the world's largest house of cards!
  • SpongeBob: That's amazing! Get in front so I can take a picture.
  • Sandy: Nah, let's get a shot from the top!
  • Patrick: What the...? Oh hey, it's Solitaire! I love this game! I take a touchdown! [Patrick ruins the world's largest house cards as SpongeBob and Sandy scream when they fall from the top]
  • Sandy: What's next?
  • SpongeBob: Um, I think I smell Gary's sandbox better go clean it. Now! [the scene cuts at SpongeBob's house where SpongeBob goes to clean Gary's litter box] I think you broke a record today, Gary. World's Stinkiest Litter box! Eww! [SpongeBob almost vomited] I'm worried about Sandy. She's got record-breaking fever!
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: You're right. She does need my help. I must stop this madness! It's all that book's fault! The book is evil! The book must be destroyed!
  • [SpongeBob walks into the treedome and kills the robot to disguise.]
  • SpongeBob: [robot voice] Why don't you take 5? I will hold the book.
  • Robot: Thank Neptune's gears. My wheels are killing me.
  • [SpongeBob put the book in his disguise but Sandy doesn't recognize him.]
  • Sandy: Hey! Where do you think you're going? Get back in line. I need every available robot for this one. Most Robots built and destroyed in a day.
  • Record Robot: 656, 657... Oh, the artificial humanity.
  • Robot: [SpongeBob tries sneaking out of the line] Oh no, you don't! We're all in this together! [SpongeBob screams] [SpongeBob and robot get crushed together and are sent though a carver belt]
  • Record Robot: 679. Record broken!
  • Sandy: OK, shut her down!
  • Robot: Oh, my...
  • Sandy: What's wrong with you?
  • Robot: My stomach feels funny...
  • Sandy: Well, let's have a look. SpongeBob?
  • SpongeBob: Oh hey, Sandy. [robot groans]
  • Sandy: SpongeBob, what are you doing?
  • SpongeBob: I came to save you from, from this book. I'm going to destroy it before someone gets killed! I don't wanna lose you, Sandy! [crying] I don't wanna lose you!
  • Sandy: Oh, don't be silly, SpongeBob. I'm done with that book. I've beat every record in here. In fact, I've been finding the author who verified my evidence.
  • Author: Thank you. [looking through the book] Yes... Oh my... well then... I'm afraid you've broken no records.
  • SpongeBob and Sandy: Huh?!
  • Author: This book is 30 years old. These records were broken ages ago. You however have set a brand new record: Most injuries sustained while helping a friend.
  • Sandy: Good for you, SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: [cracks] Um, hurray!
  • Author: Say "cheese"! [takes a picture as the episode ends]
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