Squidward in Clarinetland/transcript

(a Beautiful day in bikini bottom)

• Car leaves and pieces of asphalt flying in squidward's face

Squidward: Ahh.. What a day!

• Squidward singing and enters the Krusty Krab and SpongeBob accidentaly hit Squidward with the door

SpongeBob: Good morning Krusty Krab!

SpongeBob: Oh.. Sorry Squidward! Didin't see ya there!

Squidward: Not a problem SpongeBob, not a problem at all!

Krabs: Specials? We don't have specials! (Scratches the slateboard while prople cant stand the screeching sound execpt Squidward)

Squidward: Good morning sir! Welcome to the Krusty Krab

Thaddeus: Uh... I'll Think i'll have a Krabby patty

• his bad breath punches Squidward, plugs his nose and still happy

Squidward: 1 Krabby Patty coming up!

Krabs: Mr. Squidward, you're in a chipper mood this morning, did u get an order of fancy decorative soaps in the mail or somethin?

Squidward: Even better, I have a clairinet recital immediately after work today! So ain't nothing gonna ruin my day

• Nazz's baby accidently squirts her milk from his bottle onto Squidward's clarinet box

Nazz: Oh terribly sorry sir.

Squidward: No need! See? Not a drop!

• Nazz's baby drools onto Squidward's clarinet

Squidward: Grr.. I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY MORE!!!

Krabs: I told you, there's no early-bird specials, now stop calling me here. Mother

Squidward: This is unacceptable!

Krabs: What?

Squidward: THIS!!

• points a clarinet

Krabs: Nice to have ya back Squidward.

Squidward: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!! I no longer tolerate my personal items being soiled by the ravels that crawls in this resturaunt! I demand a place to put my stuff!

Krabs: Hmm.. Okay, uhhh. I suppose you could put it with the nacho cheese, no one's got near that in years.

Squidward: You ever read this?

• Hands out a book

Krabs: Bikini Bottom Labor Regulations? EEEWW! GROSS! (grows hives) GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME! IT'S GIVING ME HIVES!

Squidward: It specifically states that all employers must provide his or her employees with a secure, clean place to store personal property.

Krabs: Gahh! Blast you Squidward! You drive a hard bargin. I guess i could rustle somthing up for ya.

• patties sizziling

SpongeBob: Yeah... Sizzle those juices.

• Krabs brings a rusty locker

Krabs: Oh! Here we go! Found it!

SpongeBob: WOW, What is it?

• spiders eats away SpongeBobs arm

Krabs: it's me old navy locker. good as new!

• opens and shows bones of Corperal Sterling

SpongeBob: Who is that Mr. Krabs?

Krabs *as he empties the locker*: uuhh.. Appears to be corperal Sterling, lad, heh forgot all about that prank.(he empties the locker) Squidward! Your locker is ready!

SpongeBob: ooh! Do we share our lockers like we share hairnets?

Squidward: Not in a whale's age.

Krabs: naw not so fast Mr. Squidward, the law requieres that all' employees have a secure place for personel items. So you are requiered by law, to share.

Squidward: ohh I suppose i can share but only says if requiered by law. Hey! this thing is filthy! YOu dont expect me to clean it!?

SpongeBob *with a bucket of water and duster*: No he dosen't! i dont eather!

• dusts the locker, Squidward and Krabs coughs due to dust

• opens door, absorbs the water and blasts it onto the locker, Locker looked good as new.

Krabs: Blimey! She hasn't sparkled like this since boot camp! Carry on boys.

Squidward: Impressive indeed. Just keep your grubby little hands to your side.

SpongeBob: You got it Squidward. Finally I have a clean place to store my toothbrush

Squidward: Just dont touch my clarinet!

SpongeBob: I promise nothing untoward will happen.

• Shuts locker

---

• Rings bell

Squidward: Order up SpongeBob!

• walk towards SpongeBob

Squidward: What do you think your doing? Youre supposed to be fry cooking. I told you not to touch my stuff!

SpongeBob: I didin't! I wore protective gloves! And besides, don't you like how classy it look now?

Squidward: Valvet..

SpongeBob: Now i like to stand by and idlely chat with you Squidward, But i must attend to my Krusty Krab duties! in the future Pleast keep your interruptions to a minimum sir, please!

---

• SpongeBob comes in with a load of appliences.

Squidward: And here's your change mam.

Squidward: WHAT IS THAT IDIOT DOING NOW?

• throws change on ground

Customer: LOOSE CHANGE!!!

• People starts collect as Mr. Krabs bursts out and yells like a dog to scare them away

Squidward: I hope your not trying to shove the boxes into that locker!

SpongeBob: Too late! it's already done.

Squidward: IF YOU SMASH MY CLARINET SO HELP ME NEPTUNE I WILL-

• opens locker

SpongeBob: Dont worry Squidward theres plenty of room!

• walks inside the locker room

SpongeBob: I... Expanded a bit.

Squidward: well its all fine and dandy but where's my clarinet?

SpongeBob: Well that's simple

SpongeBob: We just simply consult the card catalog and find.. Squidward's Clarinet drawer 36●8-B

• opens cabinet and reveals squidward's clarinet.

SpongeBob: See?

Squidward: Fine. but remember, It's vitally important that nothing happens to it

SpongeBob: Don't worry buddy!

• slams drawer shut

SpongeBob: your in good hands.

---

• Places order onto Scooter's table

• applience noises coming from the locker. Squidward checks the locker

Squidward: What's he doing!?

Customer 2: May i order please?

Squidward: Alright what do you want?

• applience noise

Customer 2: I'll Have-

• Jackhammer running

Customer 2: is everything OK back there?

Squidward: Yeah, Just a bit of a... renovation.

• Saw noises gets louder, locker flips.

Squidward *Freaking out*: MY CLARINET! SpongeBob!

• Opens locker door and reveals a grand locker room

Squidward: SpongeBob?

Squidward: There. 36●8-B

Squidward : *gasps* a note?!

SpongeBob: Item has temporarly moved during reconstruction. Relocated to shelf 1018●2-E.

Squidward: SpongeBob!?

Squidward: 1018●2-E

Squidward: Another note!?

SpongeBob: OOPS! DID I SAY 1018●2-E? I MEANT 2019●3-F! Sorry!

Squidward: SpongeBob!? SpongeBob!?

• SpongeBob laughing and running

Squidward: SpongeBob, Wait!

Squidward: What have you done to my-

• Ends up in the corner

• discovers a small hole. Crawls in

Squidward: SpongeBob i do not play games.

• opens the curtain. Finding himself in a forest of clarinets.

Squidward:(gasps) Where am I? What is this place?

• A Clarinet jumping in front of him, Escapes in SpongeBob's hands

Squidward: Hey Come back! I need my clarinet! Come Back! Where are you? Spogne-

• Bumps into an eagle head

Eagle: I am the keeper of the horned forest, state your buisness here.

Squidward: uuhh.. Im.. Trying to find my clarinet.

Eagle: Your Clarinet?

Squidward: Yes, my clarinet! Which i am the proud owner

• Eagle Laughs

Eagle: A Clarinet is not owned. Why dont you tell me why your really here.

Squidward: YOu calling me a liar!?

• Eagle grabs squidward with his tounge

Eagle: I dont appreciate your tone.

Squidward: Im sorry I-i-i didint mean to offend you.

Eagle: This is a secret place where clarinets live without persecution. You need to learn respect.

Squidward: IVE LEARNED.. Ive learned respect

Eagle: I dont belive you.

• Swallows Squidward and ends up in the stomach, sees SpongeBob

Squidward: Stand still you idiot!

Squidward: I got you now!

• grabs SpongeBob and falls in a strange room, SpongeBob dissappeared.

Squidward: ha ha! Wha the- SpongeBob? SpongeBob!?

• SpongeBob laughs hanging down from a hole, as SpongeBob dissappears, it vanishes

• The Squidward in the 2 mirrors gets his clarinet and shoves it in the mouth, playing a high pitched note Squidward cant stand.

• Chases SpongeBob on a clarinet and falls into a hole and is sent into a pinball machine.

Patrick: I win! I win!

• Grabs Squidward.

Patrick: Hey.. What are you doing here?

Squidward: You tell me what in the wide world of sports is this place? And how did you get so big?

Patrick: Must be all the pressure

Squidward: What are talking about?

Patrick: It must be...... The pressure.

• Ground shakes

Partick: I gotta get outta here!

Squidward: Where are you going you imbacile!?

• Patrick runs

• Squidward gets sucked in the vaccume and explodes into space

• Squidward chases SpongeBob in space

Squidward: Almost... Gotcha!

• Crashes

• Locker opens and Squidward melts

• Krabs laughing

Krabs: I just sweet talked an old lady out of $20 for a Krabby Patty! (laughs)

SpongeBob: Squidward, are you ok?

Squidward:(Mutters) -Such a nightmare!

SpongeBob: Squidward, what are you trying to say buddy?

Squidward: I tried to get my clarinet in there... Impossible!

SpongeBob: Clari- Oh! You mean this!

• hands out clarinet

Squidward: Where did you get that?!

SpongeBob: Well, with all the ruckus you were making over it, I kept it with me, Just to make sure it was safe.

Squidward: GRRR.......

SpongeBob: Call it a friendly gesture!

Squidward: I'LL SHOW YOU A FRIENDLY GESTURE!!!! DO YOU KNOW, THE HORROR I'VE ENDEURED!!??

• Squidward throws SpongeBob into the locker

Squidward: LET'S SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT!!!!!!!

• locks it, tugs it out and on to a bus going to Far Far Away.

Squidward: ahh!

---

(Clarinet Auditions)

Judge: Are you ready Mr. Squidward?

Squidward: Yes, yes I am, as a matter of fact, you wouldn't belive what i have to go through to get-

• SpongeBob appears

SpongeBob: Hi Squidward! You Wouldn't Belive what I have to go through to get here.

• Squidward runs out

SpongeBob Hmm.. I was just going to bring his clarinet.