This article is a
" Squidward in Clarinetland"
, which aired on
[a beautiful day in Bikini Bottom. car leaves and pieces of asphalt fly into Squidward's face]
Squidward: Ahh.. What a day!
[Squidward singing and enters the Krusty Krab and SpongeBob accidentally hits Squidward with the door]
SpongeBob: Good morning Krusty Krab! [notices Squidward] Oh.. Sorry Squidward! Didn't see ya there!
Squidward: [Still smiling] Not a problem SpongeBob, not a problem at all!
Mr. Krabs: Specials? We don't have specials! [Scratches the slateboard while people can't stand the screeching sound except Squidward]
Squidward: Good morning sir! Welcome to the Krusty Krab.
Thaddeus: Uh... I'll think I'll have a Krabby Patty.
[His bad breath punches Squidward, plugs his nose, and he is still happy]
Squidward: 1 Krabby Patty coming up!
Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, you're in a chipper mood this morning, did you get an order of fancy decorative soaps in the mail or somethin'?
Squidward: Even better, I have a clarinet recital immediately after work today! So ain't nothing gonna ruin my day.
[Nazz's baby accidentally squirts her milk from his bottle onto Squidward's clarinet box]
Nazz: Oh, terribly sorry, sir.
Squidward: No need! See? Not a drop!
[Nazz's baby drools onto Squidward's clarinet]
Squidward: [Finally snaps] Grr.. I can't take this any more!
Mr. Krabs: I told you, there's no early-bird special, now stop calling me here-- Mother!
Squidward: This is unacceptable!
Mr. Krabs: What?
Squidward: This! [points to his clarinet]
Mr. Krabs: Nice to have ya back Squidward.
Squidward: This is an outrage! I no longer tolerate my personal items being soiled by the ravels that crawls in this restaurant! I demand a place to put my stuff!
Mr. Krabs: Hmm.. Okay, uhhh. I suppose you could put it with the nacho cheese, no one's got near that in years.
Squidward: You ever read this? [Hands out a book]
Mr. Krabs: Bikini Bottom Labor Regulations? Eewww! Gross! [grows hives] Get that thing away from me! It's giving me hives!
Squidward: It specifically states that all employers must provide his or her employees with a secure, clean place to store personal property.
Mr. Krabs: Gahh! Blast you Squidward! You drive a hard bargain. I guess I could rustle something up for ya.
SpongeBob: Yeah... Sizzle those juices.
[Krabs brings a rusty locker]
Mr. Krabs: Oh! Here we go! Found it!
SpongeBob: Wow, what is it?
[Spiders eat away SpongeBob's arm]
Mr. Krabs: It's me old navy locker. Good as new! [opens and shows bones of Corporal Sterling]
SpongeBob: Who is that Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: [as he empties the locker] uuhh.. Appears to be Corporal Sterling, lad. Heh...forgot all about that prank. [he empties the locker] Squidward! Your locker is ready!
SpongeBob: Ooh! Do we share our lockers like we share hairnets?
Squidward: Not at a whale's age.
Mr. Krabs: Now not so fast, Mr. Squidward, the law requires that all employees have a secure place for personal items. So you are required by law, to share.
Squidward: Ohh, I suppose I can share but only since it requires by law. Hey! This thing is filthy! You don't expect me to clean it?!
SpongeBob: [with a bucket of water and duster] No he doesn't! And I don't either!
[dusts the locker, Squidward and Krabs cough due to dust, opens door, absorbs the water and blasts it onto the locker, the locker looks good as new]
Mr. Krabs: Blimey! She hasn't sparkled like this since boot camp! Carry on boys.
Squidward: Impressive indeed. Just keep your grubby little hands to your side.
SpongeBob: You got it, Squidward. Finally I have a clean place to store my toothbrush.
Squidward: Just don't touch my clarinet!
SpongeBob: I promise nothing untoward will happen.
[Shuts locker. Rings bell]
Squidward: Order up, SpongeBob! [walk towards SpongeBob]
Squidward: SpongeBob! What do you think you're doing? You're supposed to be fry cooking. I told you not to touch my stuff!
SpongeBob: I didn't! I wore protective gloves! And besides, don't you like how classy it look now?
SpongeBob: Now I'd like to stand by and idly chat with you, Squidward, But I must attend to my Krusty Krab duties! In the future, please keep your interruptions to a minimum sir, please!
[SpongeBob comes in with a load of appliances]
Squidward: And here's your change, mam.
Squidward: What is that idiot doing now?! [throws change on ground]
Customer: Loose change! [People starts collect as Mr. Krabs bursts out and yells like a gorilla to scare them away]
Squidward: I hope you're not trying to shove the boxes into that locker!
SpongeBob: Too late! it's already done.
Squidward: If you smashed my clarinet-- so help me, Neptune-- I will [opens locker]
SpongeBob: Don't worry Squidward there's plenty of room!
[Squidward walks inside the locker room]
SpongeBob: I... expanded a bit.
Squidward: Well it's all fine and dandy, but where's my clarinet?
SpongeBob: Well, that's simple
SpongeBob: We just simply consult the card catalog and find.. Squidward's Clarinet drawer 36●8-B [opens cabinet and reveals Squidward's clarinet]
Squidward: Fine. but remember, It's vitally important that nothing happens to it
SpongeBob: Don't worry buddy! [slams drawer shut]
SpongeBob: You're in good hands.
[Squidward places order onto Scooter's table when appliance noises come from the locker. Squidward checks the locker]
Squidward: What's he doing?!
Customer 2: May I order please?
Squidward: Alright what do you want? [appliance noise]
Customer 2: I'll Have- [jackhammer running]
Customer 2: Is everything OK back there?
Squidward: Yeah, Just a bit of a... renovation. [saw noises gets louder, locker flips]
Squidward: [freaking out] My clarinet! SpongeBob! [opens locker door and reveals a grand locker room]
Squidward: There. 36●8-B
Squidward : [gasps] a note?!
SpongeBob: Item has temporarily moved during reconstruction. Relocated to shelf 1018●2-E.
Squidward: Another note?!
SpongeBob: Oops! Did I say 1018●2-E? I meant 2019●3-F! Sorry!
Squidward: SpongeBob?! SpongeBob?!
[SpongeBob laughing and running]
Squidward: SpongeBob, Wait!
Squidward: What have you done to my- [ends up in the corner, discovers a small hole and crawls in]
Squidward: SpongeBob I do not play games.
[Opens the curtain. Finding himself in a forest of clarinets]
Squidward: [gasps] Where am I? What is this place?
[A clarinet jumping in front of him and escapes in SpongeBob's hands]
Squidward: Hey, come back! I need my clarinet! Come Back! Where are you? Sponge-
[bumps into an eagle head]
Eagle: I am the keeper of the horned forest, state your business here.
Squidward: uuhh.. I'm.. trying to find my clarinet.
Eagle: Your clarinet?
Squidward: Yes, my clarinet! Which I am the proud owner.
Eagle: A clarinet is not owned. Why don't you tell me why you're really here?
Squidward: You calling me a liar?!
[Eagle grabs Squidward with his tongue]
Eagle: I don't appreciate your tone.
Squidward: I'm sorry I-I-I didn't mean to offend you.
Eagle: This is a sacred place where clarinets live without persecution. You need to learn respect.
Squidward: [Eagle squeezed squidward tightly] I've learned.. [loosely] I've learned respect...
Eagle: I don't believe you.
[Swallows Squidward and Squidward ends up in the stomach, sees SpongeBob]
Squidward: Stand still you idiot!
Squidward: I got you now!
[grabs SpongeBob and falls in a strange room, SpongeBob disappeared]
Squidward: ha ha! Wha the- SpongeBob? SpongeBob?!
[SpongeBob laughs hanging down from a hole, as SpongeBob disappears, it vanishes. The Squidward in the 2 mirrors gets his clarinet and shoves it in the mouth, playing a high pitched note Squidward can't stand.. Chases SpongeBob on a clarinet and falls into a hole and is sent into a pinball machine]
Patrick: I win! I win!
Patrick: Hey.. What are you doing here?
Squidward: You tell me what in the wide world of sports is this place? And how did you get so big?
Patrick: Must be all the pressure.
Squidward: What are talking about?
Patrick: It must be... The pressure.
Patrick: I gotta get outta here!
Squidward: Where are you going you imbecile?!
[Patrick runs and Squidward gets sucked in the vacuum and explodes into space where Squidward chases SpongeBob in space]
Squidward: Almost... Gotcha!
[Crashes, locker opens and Squidward melts]
Mr. Krabs: [laughing] I just sweet talked an old lady out of $20 for a Krabby Patty! [laughs]
SpongeBob: Squidward, are you okay?
Squidward: [Mutters] -Such a nightmare!
SpongeBob: Squidward, what are you trying to say buddy?
Squidward: [coughs] I tried to get my clarinet in there... [sobs] Impossible!
SpongeBob: Clari-- Oh! You mean this! [hands out clarinet]
Squidward: Where did you get that?!
SpongeBob: Well, with all the ruckus you were making over it, I kept it with me, Just to make sure it was safe.
SpongeBob: Call it a friendly gesture!
Squidward: I'll show you a friendly gesture! Do you know the horror I've endured?! [throws SpongeBob into the locker] Let's see how you like it! [locks it, tugs it out and on to a bus going to Far Far Away]
Judge: Are you ready, Mr. Squidward?
Squidward: Yes, yes I am; as a matter of fact, you wouldn't believe what I had to go through to get- [SpongeBob appears]
SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward! You wouldn't believe what I had to go through to get here.
Squidward: [screams] [he runs out]
SpongeBob: Hmm.. I was just going to bring his clarinet.
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