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+ | {{EpisodeTr/173a}} |
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− | {{ITranscript}}{{BTranscript |
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+ | {{L|''[episode starts in a field with the clams flying. Squidward is shown to have two clouds with a rainbow over his head, bordered by many jellyfish]''}} |
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− | |prev = Glove World R.I.P. |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|My, what a beautiful day it is outside. ''[scene switches to Krusty Krab]'' Too bad I'm cooped up here in the Krusty Krab.}} |
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− | |title = Squiditis |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Who are you talking to Squidward?}} |
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− | |next = Demolition Doofus |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Just as I'm seem to be on a nice sunny day!}} |
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− | |season = 8 |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Look at it this way Squidward: Things could always be worse.}} |
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− | |episode = 173a |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Worse? How?}} |
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− | |airdate = April 11, 2012 |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Well, uh...}} |
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− | |seasonname = eight|titlecard = Sbsquiditis.PNG}} |
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+ | {{L|''[fish walks by and sneezes all over a Krabby Patty]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Uh...you could be sick.}} |
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− | (The episode starts in a field with the clams floating) |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Sick? Is that really a "worse"?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[gasps]'' Being sick is awful! The aches, the running nose, and the fever are bad enough. That's not even the worst part.}} |
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− | (Squidward is shown to have two clouds with a rainbow over his head, bordered by many jellyfish) |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Oh, really.}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|SpongeBob|No. The worst part is missing a glorious shift here at the Krusty Krab.}} |
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+ | {{L|''[the words "Krusty Krab" ring in Squidward's head]''}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|SpongeBob|Squidward. Squidward. Squidward!}} |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Huh? Oh, SpongeBob. I'm suddenly not feeling very well. ''[inadequately coughs]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|What's the matter?}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Just as I'm seem to be on a nice sunny day! |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Uh, well. Let's see. Uh. I got a scratchy throat and, uh, ''[sticks out tongue]'' dry mouth, and my, uh, eyes are itchy.}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|SpongeBob|Squidward, what could it be?}} |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|I'm not sure. But I feel I might be coming down with a dreaded illness.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Ah! What is the name of this horrible illness?}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Worse? How? |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Name? Oh, uh. Per, swees, swer, square, uh, squid's disease.}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|SpongeBob|What?}} |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Squid's disease.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|What?}} |
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− | (fish walks by and sneezes all over a Krabby Patty) |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Squid's disease!!!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Uh, Squidward. I think the disease is affecting your temper.}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': Uh...you could be sick. |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|SpongeBob? SpongeBob. ''[camera pans to find SpongeBob hiding behind three pillows]'' What are you doing back there?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Squidward, but I think the best thing for someone in your condition would be to ''[gulps]'' go home and not come back until you're fully recovered.}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Sick? Is that really a "worse"? |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Well, SpongeBob. I think you're probably right.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[sniffles]'' I'm so sorry, Squidward.}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': (gasps) Being sick is awful! The aches, the running nose, and the fever are bad enough. That's not even the worst part. |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Well, I, I better go break the news to Mr. Krabs. ''[inadequately coughs again]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|You're sick?!}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Oh, really. |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|''[inadequately coughs]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Well, you don't look any sicker than you usually do. You know what. I'm better give you the old navy whatsoover just to be sure.}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': No. The worst part is missing a glorious shift here at the Krusty Krab. |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|The what?}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|''[Mr. Krabs lifts Squidward's nose]''}} |
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+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Now open wide.}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|''[Squidward opens mouth]''}} |
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+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|''[pulls out tongue]'' Tongue looks fine. ''[open left eyelid]'' Eyes. Check. ''[knocks on Squidward's forehead]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Squidward|Ow!}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Huh? Oh, SpongeBob. I'm suddenly not feeling very well. (inadequately coughs) |
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+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Forehead feels normal. ''[lifts two of Squidward's legs]'' Now let's see those kneecaps. ''[hits kneecaps, causing Squidward's legs to bend upward and then back downward]'' Reflexes a little slow. But I'd expect that from you.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Squidward|Wonderful.}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': What's the matter? |
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+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Well, Mr. Squidward, in my expert opinion, you look fit as a feather.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Squidward|But Mr. Krabs...}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Uh, well. Let's see. Uh. I got a scratchy throat and, uh, (sticks out tongue) dry mouth, and my, uh, eyes are itchy. |
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+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|''[slams fist on desk]'' Mr. Krabs nothing.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Squidward|But I...}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': Squidward, what could it be? |
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+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|''[slams fist on desk again]'' Mr. Krabs nothing.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Squidward|But...}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': I'm not sure. But I feel I might be coming down with a dreaded illness. |
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+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|''[slams fist on desk again]'' Mr. Krabs nothing. Just go ahead. I'm gonna keep sayin' it.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Squidward|But the customers. You don't want them to get sick, do you?}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': Ah! What is the name of this horrible illness? |
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+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|No. And I don't want them to get hungry either. ''[pushes Squidward out of office]'' Now step to it, Mr. Squidward. Oh yeah, and get well soon. ''[laughs and shuts door]''}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|Squidward|''[sighs. fish speak among each other in cash register line]''}} |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|''[takes bill from fish]'' SpongeBob, would you get that order to table 3, please.}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|SpongeBob|Right away, Squidward.}} |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|SpongeBob. ''[SpongeBob halts]'' Turn around, please.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[turns around and appears to be wearing a gas mask]'' Yes.}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Squid's disease. |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|And just what is that supposed to be?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Oh this. It's a number 2: Krabby Patty with cheese, medium drink...}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': What? |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Not that. The thing on your face.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[points to gas mask]'' Oh this.}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Squid's disease!!! |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Yes.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Oh, this is a precautionary measure should anyone in the workplace should fall ill, which in this case you have, then I wear it to protect my body from the spread of germs and bacterias.}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': Uh, Squidward. I think the disease is affecting your temper. |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|''[appears in front of SpongeBob. lets out breath]'' Hiiii, SpoooongeBooooob.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Hello, Squidward.}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': SpongeBob? SpongeBob. (camera pans to find SpongeBob hiding behind three pillows) What are you doing back there? |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Could I see that?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Um, actually no.}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Squidward, but I think the best thing for someone in your condition would be to (gulps) go home and not come back until you're fully recovered. |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Because I find this all so very inte... ''[sneezes into nose of mask]'' ...resting.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob takes off mask, screams, and runs into Mr. Krabs' office]''}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Well, SpongeBob. I think you're probably right. |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Mr. Krabs!!!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Neptune Knee-highs, lad! How many times do I have to remind you to knock?!}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': (sniffles) I'm so sorry, Squidward. |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[knocks on door while speaking]'' Mr. Krabs.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|That's better. Now what can I do you for?}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Well, I, I better go break the news to Mr. Krabs. (inadequately coughs again) |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|It's Squidward. He's sick.}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|Mr. Krabs|That's funny. You're the second person today whose told me that.}} |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Who was the first?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Squidward. But I checked out that slimy green cashier personally, and if he's sick, then I'm the next mayor of Marmalleague Mountain, which doesn't sound like a bad gig actually.}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': (inadequately coughs) |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|But Mr. Krabs, you have to believe me. Squidward's got a horrible disease called Squid's Disease! Scratchy throat, itchy eyes, dry mouth, big fever, and boils, and missed workdays!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Fish|One Krabby Patty, please.}} |
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− | : '''Mr. Krabs''': Well, you don't look any sicker than you usually do. You know what. I'm better give you the old navy whatsoover just to be sure. |
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+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Squidward, got a minute?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Squidward|Oh, of course. It's not like I'm busy working or anything.}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': The what? |
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+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|''[leans in]'' We've got a situation with the kid. Something's got him spooked.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob is shown holding his nose and mouth tightly]''}} |
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− | (Mr. Krabs lifts Squidward's nose) |
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+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|He can't cook in this condition. No cook, no patties. No patties, no money.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Squidward|And you're telling me this, why?}} |
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− | : '''Mr. Krabs''': Now open wide. |
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+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|I need you to make yourself scarce for a while.}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|Squidward|So, you're telling me to go home?}} |
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+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Well, I don't care where you go, just as long as you get outta here!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Squidward|Yipee!!! Thank you, Mr. Krabs! I mean ''[inadequately coughs]''}} |
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− | : '''Mr. Krabs''': (pulls out tongue) Tongue looks fine. (open left eyelid) Eyes. Check. (knocks on Squidward's forehead) |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Poor Squidward.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[in the kitchen]''}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Ow! |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|My favorite thing about Krabby Patties is ''[scratches eyes]''. My favorite thing about Krabby Patties is ''[scratches eyes once again]''. That's funny. My eyes feel itchy. ''[coughs]'' And my throat feels scratchy, too. ''[laughs. drops spatula in worriness]'' Itchy eyes, scratchy throat ''[rubs tongue only for smoke to come off]'', ''[gasps]'' and my mouth feels dry. I've contracted Squid's Disease! ''[yells]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|''[barges into kitchen]'' SpongeBob, everything all right in here?}} |
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− | : '''Mr. Krabs''': Forehead feels normal. (lifts two of Squidward's legs) Now let's see those kneecaps. (hits kneecaps, causing Squidward's legs to bend upward and then back downward) Reflexes a little slow. But I'd expect that from you. |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Everything's fine, captain. Just a little howl for pleasure.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Well how about a little less pleasure and a little more work. ''[shuts door]''}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Wonderful. |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[to self]'' If Mr. Krabs finds out I have the Squid's Disease, he'll send me home, just like Squidward. Wait a second! That's it! Why go home when I have Grandma's down home folk remedies right here. ''[fills pot with water]'' Grandma always said: If you might be coming down with an illness, just stick your feet in hot water. ''[places feet into water]'' Or was it cold water? ''[places feet into ice. shivers]'' Something tells me it wwwasssnn't thhaat either. Of course. It wasn't hot water or cold water! It was boiling oil. ''[places feet into fry boiler]'' Uh huh. I can definitely feel the medicinal qualities. ''[takes feet out and they appear to be fried]'' Oh no!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|SpongeBob! You sure everything's alright?}} |
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− | : '''Mr. Krabs''': Well, Mr. Squidward, in my expert opinion, you look fit as a feather. |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[places feet and legs back into boiling oil]'' Yes, everything's fine in here. ''[Mr. Krabs shuts door]'' Just dandy. ''[takes feet and legs back out]'' I better conceal these unslightly blemishes or Mr. Krabs will get suspicious. ''[smears liquid onto right leg]'' This super hot spicy yellow mustard should do the trick. No, actually that burns real bad. ''[worriedly]'' Stick on. Just need to cool it off. Cucumber! Cucumber will cool it off! We'll just need to find some. ''[holds up pickle jar]'' Pickles, they're like cucumbers. Sweetness, here I come. ''[pours all the juice and the pickles onto legs. sigh of relief turns into loud screams of pain]'' Sweet finicker, it burns! It burns! It burns! ''[crashes into trash bin and mop. rolls into more trash bins. customers listen to racket]''}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': But Mr. Krabs... |
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+ | {{L|Frankie Billy|You guys hear what's going on?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Harold|Yes, and I'm very puzzled.}} |
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− | : '''Mr. Krabs''': (slams fist on desk) Mr. Krabs nothing. |
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+ | {{L|Nat Peterson|So am I, in fact, I might be a little concerned.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Harold|Well, I don't know I'd go that far.}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': But I... |
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+ | {{L|''[SpongeBob comes out of kitchen with trash covering him; crawls in front of Frankie Billy, Harold, and Nat Peterson and then lies on side]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Sorry, I think I might be coming down with something.}} |
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− | : '''Mr. Krabs''': (slams fist on desk again) Mr. Krabs nothing. |
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+ | {{L|Harold|Coming down with something?}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': But... |
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+ | {{L|Nat|I refused to be served by a sick fry cook.}} |
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− | : '''Mr. Krabs''': (slams fist on desk again) Mr. Krabs nothing. Just go ahead. I'm gonna keep sayin' it. |
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+ | {{L|Harold|Me too. Let's get outta here!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Frankie Billy|Good idea!}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': But the customers. You don't want them to get sick, do you? |
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+ | {{L|''[fish banter while two other fish march out of restaurant]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs ''[gasps]'' Me customers! ''[looks at SpongeBob lying on back now and gasps]'' You look terrible.}} |
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− | : '''Mr. Krabs''': No. And I don't want them to get hungry either. (pushes Squidward out of office) Now step to it, Mr. Squidward. Oh yeah, and get well soon. (laughs and shuts door) |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Thank you, Mr. Krabs. ''[coughs]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Well, I can't just stand by while me restaurant becomes a breeding ground for infection. SpongeBob, go home. That's an order!}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': (sighs) |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|But who's going to run the restaurant?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|''[chuckles]'' Who's gonna run it? I can run this place blindfolded and one claw tied behind me back. I'll show ya.}} |
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− | : (fish speak among each other in cash register line) |
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+ | {{L|''[scene cuts to Squidward's house]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Squidward|''[appears to be resting on a chair with the radio on. sighs]'' Who knew that having an illness could feel so good? ''[drinks beverage]''}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': (takes bill from fish) SpongeBob, would you get that order to table 3, please. |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Hi, Squidward. ''[Squidward spits out drinks]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Squidward|Oh, no. What happened to you?}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': Right away, Squidward. |
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+ | {{L|SpongeBob|I...fell ill. Mr. Krabs won't let me work again until I'm better. Well, at least we can spend the day recovering together. After all, misery loves company. Right Squidward. ''[coughs. Squidward appears to have disappeared]'' Squidward?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[inside Squidward's house]''}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': SpongeBob. (SpongeBob halts) Turn around, please. |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Well, so much for enjoying the great outdoors. But at least I can relax and enjoy ''[sighs]'' some afternoon tea.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|That seems like a great idea, Squidward.}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': (turns around and appears to be wearing a gas mask) Yes. |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|''[drops tea and screams]'' SpongeBob, what have I told you about coming into my house?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|I figured I can't make you well, Squidward, but I can at least make you comfortable. I brought hot compresses, tissues, the good kind with snail butter, and even a romantic comedy for us to watch. I know they're supposed to funny, but they always make me cry.}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': And just what is that supposed to be? |
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+ | {{L|''[in the Krusty Krab, the customers are in a riot]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|25 Krabby Patties! ''[leaps into kitchen and sprints out with Krabby Patties. throws food randomly]'' Order up! Order up!}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': Oh this. It's a number 2: Krabby Patty with cheese, medium drink... |
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+ | {{L|Henry|Hey, I didn't order a table patty. ''[Krabby Patty appears to be splattered on table]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Fish 2|Yeah, and a window patty.}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Not that. The thing on your face. |
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+ | {{L|Fish 3|Or a face patty! I want a refund!}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|''[fish start riot yelling refund. in Squidward's house]''}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': (points to gas mask) Oh this. |
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+ | {{L|Television|Female: I love you. Male: I know. ''[both engage in laughing]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|''[seen crying and blows into tissue]'' Wasn't that great, Squidward?}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Yes. |
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+ | {{L|Squidward|Oh yeah howdy. That's too bad it had to end. Finally.}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Oh, don't worry. We have all 99 sequels to watch next.}} |
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− | : '''SpongeBob''': Oh, this is a precautionary measure should anyone in the workplace should fall ill, which in this case you have, then I wear it to protect my body from the spread of germs and bacterias. |
||
+ | {{L|Squidward|Oh would you look at that. I'm suddenly feeling much better. I think I'm going back to work now, bye. ''[rushes out house back to work being followed by SpongeBob]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Squidward, Squidward wait. Squidward, you're not well enough to return to work. I can't let you.}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': (appears in front of SpongeBob) (lets out breath) Hiiii, SpoooongeBooooob. |
||
+ | {{L|Squidward|Please just stop. Stop following me.}} |
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− | |||
− | + | {{L|SpongeBob|Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!}} |
|
+ | {{L|SpongeBob and Squidward|''[both gasps]'' Mr. Krabs?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|''[appears to be lying on ground with mustard and buns covering him]'' I told you. I could run this place all by myself. Blindfolded with one claw tied behind me back.}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Could I see that? |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|But Mr. Krabs, what are you doing here lying on the floor?}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Well, SpongeBob, funny you should ask. Because in me expert medicial opinion, I think I may be coming down with a nasty case of Squid's Disease.}} |
||
− | : '''SpongeBob''': Um, actually no. |
||
+ | {{L|SpongeBob|Squid's Disease? I know just the cure! ''[holds up romantic comedy disk]''}} |
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− | |||
+ | {{L|Mr. Krabs|Romantic Comedy, The Movie? No! ''[crawls away]'' Ah! Get that thing away from me!}} |
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− | : '''Squidward''': Because I find this all so very inte... (sneezes into nose of mask)...resting. |
||
− | |||
− | : (SpongeBob takes off mask, screams, and runs into Mr. Krabs' office) |
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− | |||
− | : '''SpongeBob''': Mr. Krabs!!! |
||
− | |||
− | : '''Mr. Krabs''': Neptune Knee-highs, lad! How many times do I have to remind you to knock?! |
||
− | |||
− | : '''SpongeBob''': (knocks on door while speaking) Mr. Krabs. |
||
− | |||
− | : '''Mr. Krabs''': That's better. Now what can I do you for? |
||
− | |||
− | : '''SpongeBob''': It's Squidward. He's sick. |
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− | |||
− | : '''Mr. Krabs''': That's funny. You're the second person today whose told me that. |
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− | |||
− | : '''SpongeBob''': Who was the first? |
||
− | |||
− | : '''Mr. Krabs''': Squidward. But I checked out that slimy green cashier personally, and if he's sick, then I'm the next mayor of Marmalleague Mountain, which doesn't sound like a bad gig actually. |
||
− | |||
− | : '''SpongeBob''': But Mr. Krabs, you have to believe me. Squidward's got a horrible disease called Squid's Disease! Scratchy throat, itchy eyes, dry mouth, big fever, and boils, and missed workdays! |
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− | [[Category:2012 transcripts]] |
Revision as of 04:54, 24 July 2015
Template:EpisodeTr/173a
- [episode starts in a field with the clams flying. Squidward is shown to have two clouds with a rainbow over his head, bordered by many jellyfish]
- Squidward: My, what a beautiful day it is outside. [scene switches to Krusty Krab] Too bad I'm cooped up here in the Krusty Krab.
- SpongeBob: Who are you talking to Squidward?
- Squidward: Just as I'm seem to be on a nice sunny day!
- SpongeBob: Look at it this way Squidward: Things could always be worse.
- Squidward: Worse? How?
- SpongeBob: Well, uh...
- [fish walks by and sneezes all over a Krabby Patty]
- SpongeBob: Uh...you could be sick.
- Squidward: Sick? Is that really a "worse"?
- SpongeBob: [gasps] Being sick is awful! The aches, the running nose, and the fever are bad enough. That's not even the worst part.
- Squidward: Oh, really.
- SpongeBob: No. The worst part is missing a glorious shift here at the Krusty Krab.
- [the words "Krusty Krab" ring in Squidward's head]
- SpongeBob: Squidward. Squidward. Squidward!
- Squidward: Huh? Oh, SpongeBob. I'm suddenly not feeling very well. [inadequately coughs]
- SpongeBob: What's the matter?
- Squidward: Uh, well. Let's see. Uh. I got a scratchy throat and, uh, [sticks out tongue] dry mouth, and my, uh, eyes are itchy.
- SpongeBob: Squidward, what could it be?
- Squidward: I'm not sure. But I feel I might be coming down with a dreaded illness.
- SpongeBob: Ah! What is the name of this horrible illness?
- Squidward: Name? Oh, uh. Per, swees, swer, square, uh, squid's disease.
- SpongeBob: What?
- Squidward: Squid's disease.
- SpongeBob: What?
- Squidward: Squid's disease!!!
- SpongeBob: Uh, Squidward. I think the disease is affecting your temper.
- Squidward: SpongeBob? SpongeBob. [camera pans to find SpongeBob hiding behind three pillows] What are you doing back there?
- SpongeBob: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, Squidward, but I think the best thing for someone in your condition would be to [gulps] go home and not come back until you're fully recovered.
- Squidward: Well, SpongeBob. I think you're probably right.
- SpongeBob: [sniffles] I'm so sorry, Squidward.
- Squidward: Well, I, I better go break the news to Mr. Krabs. [inadequately coughs again]
- Mr. Krabs: You're sick?!
- Squidward: [inadequately coughs]
- Mr. Krabs: Well, you don't look any sicker than you usually do. You know what. I'm better give you the old navy whatsoover just to be sure.
- Squidward: The what?
- [Mr. Krabs lifts Squidward's nose]
- Mr. Krabs: Now open wide.
- [Squidward opens mouth]
- Mr. Krabs: [pulls out tongue] Tongue looks fine. [open left eyelid] Eyes. Check. [knocks on Squidward's forehead]
- Squidward: Ow!
- Mr. Krabs: Forehead feels normal. [lifts two of Squidward's legs] Now let's see those kneecaps. [hits kneecaps, causing Squidward's legs to bend upward and then back downward] Reflexes a little slow. But I'd expect that from you.
- Squidward: Wonderful.
- Mr. Krabs: Well, Mr. Squidward, in my expert opinion, you look fit as a feather.
- Squidward: But Mr. Krabs...
- Mr. Krabs: [slams fist on desk] Mr. Krabs nothing.
- Squidward: But I...
- Mr. Krabs: [slams fist on desk again] Mr. Krabs nothing.
- Squidward: But...
- Mr. Krabs: [slams fist on desk again] Mr. Krabs nothing. Just go ahead. I'm gonna keep sayin' it.
- Squidward: But the customers. You don't want them to get sick, do you?
- Mr. Krabs: No. And I don't want them to get hungry either. [pushes Squidward out of office] Now step to it, Mr. Squidward. Oh yeah, and get well soon. [laughs and shuts door]
- Squidward: [sighs. fish speak among each other in cash register line]
- Squidward: [takes bill from fish] SpongeBob, would you get that order to table 3, please.
- SpongeBob: Right away, Squidward.
- Squidward: SpongeBob. [SpongeBob halts] Turn around, please.
- SpongeBob: [turns around and appears to be wearing a gas mask] Yes.
- Squidward: And just what is that supposed to be?
- SpongeBob: Oh this. It's a number 2: Krabby Patty with cheese, medium drink...
- Squidward: Not that. The thing on your face.
- SpongeBob: [points to gas mask] Oh this.
- Squidward: Yes.
- SpongeBob: Oh, this is a precautionary measure should anyone in the workplace should fall ill, which in this case you have, then I wear it to protect my body from the spread of germs and bacterias.
- Squidward: [appears in front of SpongeBob. lets out breath] Hiiii, SpoooongeBooooob.
- SpongeBob: Hello, Squidward.
- Squidward: Could I see that?
- SpongeBob: Um, actually no.
- Squidward: Because I find this all so very inte... [sneezes into nose of mask] ...resting.
- [SpongeBob takes off mask, screams, and runs into Mr. Krabs' office]
- SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!!!
- Mr. Krabs: Neptune Knee-highs, lad! How many times do I have to remind you to knock?!
- SpongeBob: [knocks on door while speaking] Mr. Krabs.
- Mr. Krabs: That's better. Now what can I do you for?
- SpongeBob: It's Squidward. He's sick.
- Mr. Krabs: That's funny. You're the second person today whose told me that.
- SpongeBob: Who was the first?
- Mr. Krabs: Squidward. But I checked out that slimy green cashier personally, and if he's sick, then I'm the next mayor of Marmalleague Mountain, which doesn't sound like a bad gig actually.
- SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, you have to believe me. Squidward's got a horrible disease called Squid's Disease! Scratchy throat, itchy eyes, dry mouth, big fever, and boils, and missed workdays!
- Fish: One Krabby Patty, please.
- Mr. Krabs: Squidward, got a minute?
- Squidward: Oh, of course. It's not like I'm busy working or anything.
- Mr. Krabs: [leans in] We've got a situation with the kid. Something's got him spooked.
- [SpongeBob is shown holding his nose and mouth tightly]
- Mr. Krabs: He can't cook in this condition. No cook, no patties. No patties, no money.
- Squidward: And you're telling me this, why?
- Mr. Krabs: I need you to make yourself scarce for a while.
- Squidward: So, you're telling me to go home?
- Mr. Krabs: Well, I don't care where you go, just as long as you get outta here!
- Squidward: Yipee!!! Thank you, Mr. Krabs! I mean [inadequately coughs]
- SpongeBob: Poor Squidward.
- [in the kitchen]
- SpongeBob: My favorite thing about Krabby Patties is [scratches eyes]. My favorite thing about Krabby Patties is [scratches eyes once again]. That's funny. My eyes feel itchy. [coughs] And my throat feels scratchy, too. [laughs. drops spatula in worriness] Itchy eyes, scratchy throat [rubs tongue only for smoke to come off], [gasps] and my mouth feels dry. I've contracted Squid's Disease! [yells]
- Mr. Krabs: [barges into kitchen] SpongeBob, everything all right in here?
- SpongeBob: Everything's fine, captain. Just a little howl for pleasure.
- Mr. Krabs: Well how about a little less pleasure and a little more work. [shuts door]
- SpongeBob: [to self] If Mr. Krabs finds out I have the Squid's Disease, he'll send me home, just like Squidward. Wait a second! That's it! Why go home when I have Grandma's down home folk remedies right here. [fills pot with water] Grandma always said: If you might be coming down with an illness, just stick your feet in hot water. [places feet into water] Or was it cold water? [places feet into ice. shivers] Something tells me it wwwasssnn't thhaat either. Of course. It wasn't hot water or cold water! It was boiling oil. [places feet into fry boiler] Uh huh. I can definitely feel the medicinal qualities. [takes feet out and they appear to be fried] Oh no!
- Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! You sure everything's alright?
- SpongeBob: [places feet and legs back into boiling oil] Yes, everything's fine in here. [Mr. Krabs shuts door] Just dandy. [takes feet and legs back out] I better conceal these unslightly blemishes or Mr. Krabs will get suspicious. [smears liquid onto right leg] This super hot spicy yellow mustard should do the trick. No, actually that burns real bad. [worriedly] Stick on. Just need to cool it off. Cucumber! Cucumber will cool it off! We'll just need to find some. [holds up pickle jar] Pickles, they're like cucumbers. Sweetness, here I come. [pours all the juice and the pickles onto legs. sigh of relief turns into loud screams of pain] Sweet finicker, it burns! It burns! It burns! [crashes into trash bin and mop. rolls into more trash bins. customers listen to racket]
- Frankie Billy: You guys hear what's going on?
- Harold: Yes, and I'm very puzzled.
- Nat Peterson: So am I, in fact, I might be a little concerned.
- Harold: Well, I don't know I'd go that far.
- [SpongeBob comes out of kitchen with trash covering him; crawls in front of Frankie Billy, Harold, and Nat Peterson and then lies on side]
- SpongeBob: Sorry, I think I might be coming down with something.
- Harold: Coming down with something?
- Nat: I refused to be served by a sick fry cook.
- Harold: Me too. Let's get outta here!
- Frankie Billy: Good idea!
- [fish banter while two other fish march out of restaurant]
- Mr. Krabs [gasps] Me customers! [looks at SpongeBob lying on back now and gasps] You look terrible.
- SpongeBob: Thank you, Mr. Krabs. [coughs]
- Mr. Krabs: Well, I can't just stand by while me restaurant becomes a breeding ground for infection. SpongeBob, go home. That's an order!
- SpongeBob: But who's going to run the restaurant?
- Mr. Krabs: [chuckles] Who's gonna run it? I can run this place blindfolded and one claw tied behind me back. I'll show ya.
- [scene cuts to Squidward's house]
- Squidward: [appears to be resting on a chair with the radio on. sighs] Who knew that having an illness could feel so good? [drinks beverage]
- SpongeBob: Hi, Squidward. [Squidward spits out drinks]
- Squidward: Oh, no. What happened to you?
- SpongeBob: I...fell ill. Mr. Krabs won't let me work again until I'm better. Well, at least we can spend the day recovering together. After all, misery loves company. Right Squidward. [coughs. Squidward appears to have disappeared] Squidward?
- [inside Squidward's house]
- Squidward: Well, so much for enjoying the great outdoors. But at least I can relax and enjoy [sighs] some afternoon tea.
- SpongeBob: That seems like a great idea, Squidward.
- Squidward: [drops tea and screams] SpongeBob, what have I told you about coming into my house?
- SpongeBob: I figured I can't make you well, Squidward, but I can at least make you comfortable. I brought hot compresses, tissues, the good kind with snail butter, and even a romantic comedy for us to watch. I know they're supposed to funny, but they always make me cry.
- [in the Krusty Krab, the customers are in a riot]
- Mr. Krabs: 25 Krabby Patties! [leaps into kitchen and sprints out with Krabby Patties. throws food randomly] Order up! Order up!
- Henry: Hey, I didn't order a table patty. [Krabby Patty appears to be splattered on table]
- Fish 2: Yeah, and a window patty.
- Fish 3: Or a face patty! I want a refund!
- [fish start riot yelling refund. in Squidward's house]
- Television: Female: I love you. Male: I know. [both engage in laughing]
- SpongeBob: [seen crying and blows into tissue] Wasn't that great, Squidward?
- Squidward: Oh yeah howdy. That's too bad it had to end. Finally.
- SpongeBob: Oh, don't worry. We have all 99 sequels to watch next.
- Squidward: Oh would you look at that. I'm suddenly feeling much better. I think I'm going back to work now, bye. [rushes out house back to work being followed by SpongeBob]
- SpongeBob: Squidward, Squidward wait. Squidward, you're not well enough to return to work. I can't let you.
- Squidward: Please just stop. Stop following me.
- SpongeBob: Squidward! Squidward! Squidward!
- SpongeBob and Squidward: [both gasps] Mr. Krabs?
- Mr. Krabs: [appears to be lying on ground with mustard and buns covering him] I told you. I could run this place all by myself. Blindfolded with one claw tied behind me back.
- SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, what are you doing here lying on the floor?
- Mr. Krabs: Well, SpongeBob, funny you should ask. Because in me expert medicial opinion, I think I may be coming down with a nasty case of Squid's Disease.
- SpongeBob: Squid's Disease? I know just the cure! [holds up romantic comedy disk]
- Mr. Krabs: Romantic Comedy, The Movie? No! [crawls away] Ah! Get that thing away from me!