AW10 (Message Wall | contribs) m (Changed protection level for "Squid Defense (transcript)": unprotecting ([edit=autoconfirmed] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite))) |
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| − | {{EpisodeTr |
+ | {{EpisodeTr/183b}} |
| − | |title = Squid Defense |
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| − | |titlecard = S09E05B-Squid-Defense-Titlecard.PNG |
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| − | |seasonnumber = 9 |
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| − | |episodenumber = 183b |
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| − | |airdate = [[January 1]], [[2013]]}} |
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*''[episode starts with Squidward walking out of the bathroom holding a newspaper]'' |
*''[episode starts with Squidward walking out of the bathroom holding a newspaper]'' |
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| − | *'''SpongeBob: '''Hiii...yah! ''[karate chops Squidward in the stomach] ''Squidward! Sorry, buddy, didn't see you. Are you okay? |
+ | *'''SpongeBob: '''Hiii... yah! ''[karate chops Squidward in the stomach] ''Squidward! Sorry, buddy, didn't see you. Are you okay? |
| − | *'''Squidward: |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' ''[holding leg in pain; moans] ''What kind of unforeseen yet completely predictable stupidity have you ruined my day with this time? |
| − | *'''SpongeBob: |
+ | *'''SpongeBob:''' Oh. I'm just practicing my ''[chops with hand] ''karate chops. I'm going to have ''[takes off karate glove]'' an intense karate session with Sandy later. Sandy says you never know what creepy creeper could be creeping creepingly around any creepy corner. |
| − | *'''Squidward: |
+ | *'''Squidward:'''Paranoid much? |
| − | *'''SpongeBob: |
+ | *'''SpongeBob:''' ''[spooked] ''Hiyah! ''[chops Squidward in the torso again] ''Sorry, Squidward! I thought you were one of those creepy creepers. You know, Squidward, you really should know how to protect yourself. Maybe you'd like to join us. |
| − | *'''Squidward:''' Well...no. I have more important things to do. |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' Well... no. I have more important things to do. |
| − | *'''SpongeBob:''' Okey dokey Squidward! Stop on by later if you change your mind about the karate. |
+ | *'''SpongeBob:''' Okey dokey, Squidward! Stop on by later if you change your mind about the karate. |
| − | *'''Squidward:''' ''[pushes SpongeBob]'' I won't. ''[walks out of the Krusty Krab and scene changes to him walking in town with groceries. He then walks down a dark alley then turns around |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' ''[pushes SpongeBob]'' I won't. ''[walks out of the Krusty Krab and scene changes to him walking in town with groceries. He then walks down a dark alley then turns around noticing something]'' Uh... hello? Is somebody there? ''[spots a large figure in the distance]'' Um... hello? It's considered rude not to answer! ''[the figure walks closer to him. He starts to act nervous]'' Hah... whatta ya got? Cotton in your earholes? ''[laughs nervously as the figure gets even closer to him]'' I gotta get outta here! ''[starts to run away, walks face-first into a low ladder, then falls on the ground and drops the groceries. Notices the figure staring at him, gets up and runs to SpongeBob's house]'' SPONGEBOB! ''[starts banging on his door as the scene changes over to SpongeBob and Gary]'' |
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''[watching television with Gary and they both are laughing]'' Oh wait, I don't get it. |
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''[watching television with Gary and they both are laughing]'' Oh wait, I don't get it. |
||
*'''Squidward:''' SpongeBob! SpongeBob! Open up! ''[the door opens and he falls on his face]'' |
*'''Squidward:''' SpongeBob! SpongeBob! Open up! ''[the door opens and he falls on his face]'' |
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| Line 25: | Line 20: | ||
*'''Gary:''' ''[looking at the television]'' Meow meow meow meow meow! |
*'''Gary:''' ''[looking at the television]'' Meow meow meow meow meow! |
||
*'''SpongeBob:''' Hey I should've named you "Scary" eh buddy? |
*'''SpongeBob:''' Hey I should've named you "Scary" eh buddy? |
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| − | *'''Gary:''' |
+ | *'''Gary:''' ''[laughs]'' Meow meow meow meow! ''[crawls away]'' |
*'''Squidward: '''SpongeBob, this is serious! I was just viciously attacked! |
*'''Squidward: '''SpongeBob, this is serious! I was just viciously attacked! |
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| − | *'''SpongeBob:''' |
+ | *'''SpongeBob:''' ''[gasps]'' No! |
| − | *'''Squidward:''' You gotta teach me SpongeBob! Teach me the way! The way of |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' You gotta teach me SpongeBob! Teach me the way! The way of tarake. |
*'''SpongeBob: '''Eh, don't you mean "karate?" |
*'''SpongeBob: '''Eh, don't you mean "karate?" |
||
| − | *'''Squidward:''' Um...sure. Whatever. |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' Um... sure. Whatever. |
*''[bubble transition to Squidward and SpongeBob who is in his karate gear]'' |
*''[bubble transition to Squidward and SpongeBob who is in his karate gear]'' |
||
| − | *'''SpongeBob:''' ''[walking around Squidward]'' Hmm...hmm! Hmm...yes! You show potential young student! ''[grabs Squidward's arm]'' But with |
+ | *'''SpongeBob:''' ''[walking around Squidward]'' Hmm... hmm! Hmm... yes! You show potential young student! ''[grabs Squidward's arm]'' But with the rubbery arms and the doughiness in this area ''[pokes Squidward's belly]'' you obviously have our work cut out for us. |
*'''Squidward:''' Can't we just get on with this SpongeBob? |
*'''Squidward:''' Can't we just get on with this SpongeBob? |
||
*'''SpongeBob:''' See see ba ba! |
*'''SpongeBob:''' See see ba ba! |
||
| − | *'''Squidward:''' Sigh...I mean can't get just get on with this "O |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' Sigh... I mean can't get just get on with this "O Great Sensei?" |
| − | *'''SpongeBob:''' Play close attention and you will |
+ | *'''SpongeBob:''' Play close attention and you will receive the totality of my karate mastery! Handed down from Sensei Cheeks herself. Now watch! Watch and learn. ''[walks over to a piece of wood and karate chops it the force breaks him in half]'' |
*'''Squidward:''' Uh huh. What else you got? |
*'''Squidward:''' Uh huh. What else you got? |
||
*'''SpongeBob:''' That's it. |
*'''SpongeBob:''' That's it. |
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*'''Squidward:''' That's it!? THAT'S the "totality" of your karate mastery? |
*'''Squidward:''' That's it!? THAT'S the "totality" of your karate mastery? |
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| − | *'''SpongeBob Half 1:''' Well, Squidward. I've only been |
+ | *'''SpongeBob Half 1:''' Well, Squidward. I've only been studying a couple of years. But if total karate knowledge is what you seek... |
| − | *'''SpongeBob Half 2:''' ...then you should visit |
+ | *'''SpongeBob Half 2:''' ...then you should visit Sensei Cheeks! |
*'''SpongeBob Half 1: '''Hey! I was just going to say that! |
*'''SpongeBob Half 1: '''Hey! I was just going to say that! |
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*'''SpongeBob Half 2:''' I know! ''[They both laugh]'' |
*'''SpongeBob Half 2:''' I know! ''[They both laugh]'' |
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| Line 50: | Line 45: | ||
*'''Sandy: '''Woah, oh, oh! Karate ain't for revenge. It's a delicate art that helps you protect yourself! |
*'''Sandy: '''Woah, oh, oh! Karate ain't for revenge. It's a delicate art that helps you protect yourself! |
||
*'''Squidward:''' Yeah, fine. |
*'''Squidward:''' Yeah, fine. |
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| − | *'''Sandy:''' Great! Now repeat after me: HIYAH |
+ | *'''Sandy:''' Great! Now repeat after me: HIYAH! ''[karate chops]'' |
| − | *'''SpongeBob:''' HIYAH |
+ | *'''SpongeBob:''' HIYAH! ''[also karate chops]'' |
*'''Squidward:''' Oh...whatever. Hiyah... |
*'''Squidward:''' Oh...whatever. Hiyah... |
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*'''Sandy:''' "I promise not to use karate only for protection and not for revenge." |
*'''Sandy:''' "I promise not to use karate only for protection and not for revenge." |
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*'''Squidward:''' "I promise not to use karate only for protection and not for revenge." Or whatever... |
*'''Squidward:''' "I promise not to use karate only for protection and not for revenge." Or whatever... |
||
*''[karate chop transition to SpongeBob, Sandy, and Squidward near a wooden board]'' |
*''[karate chop transition to SpongeBob, Sandy, and Squidward near a wooden board]'' |
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| − | *'''Sandy:''' |
+ | *'''Sandy:''' Okay then! Let's get started with a little choppin'! Like so. HIYAH! ''[karate chops the board in half, and SpongeBob as well]'' |
| − | *'''SpongeBob:''' |
+ | *'''SpongeBob:''' Whoa! |
| − | *'''Squidward:''' A board? I wasn't attacked by a piece of wood! I was |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' A board? I wasn't attacked by a piece of wood! I was assaulted by a deranged lunatic! |
*'''Sandy:''' The only way to protect yourself is if you know the basics. Now give it a chop! |
*'''Sandy:''' The only way to protect yourself is if you know the basics. Now give it a chop! |
||
| − | *'''Squidward:''' Sigh...whatever you say |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' Sigh...whatever you say Sensei... |
*'''SpongeBob:''' This is a tough one Squidward. Don't feel bad if you can't do it. |
*'''SpongeBob:''' This is a tough one Squidward. Don't feel bad if you can't do it. |
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| − | *'''Squidward:''' I'm sure I can break one little twig! Hiiii-YAH |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' I'm sure I can break one little twig! Hiiii-YAH! ''[karate chops the board but it doesn't break. the force makes him shake and moves back on the treedome wall and he breaks apart on the ground]''. |
*''[karate chop transition to Sandy]'' |
*''[karate chop transition to Sandy]'' |
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| − | *'''Sandy:''' Arms up Squidward! Block! BLOCK! ''[Squidward gets hit |
+ | *'''Sandy:''' Arms up Squidward! Block! BLOCK! ''[Squidward gets hit by acorns thrown by SpongeBob]'' Block! BLOCK! |
*'''Squidward:''' Arg! This is stupid! The only thing this manic threw at me were his big, meaty fists! ''[raises his hands up but SpongeBob continues to throw acorns at him. Then he throws a acorn at SpongeBob]'' |
*'''Squidward:''' Arg! This is stupid! The only thing this manic threw at me were his big, meaty fists! ''[raises his hands up but SpongeBob continues to throw acorns at him. Then he throws a acorn at SpongeBob]'' |
||
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''[blocks the acorn with his elbow]'' BLOCK! |
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''[blocks the acorn with his elbow]'' BLOCK! |
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| Line 71: | Line 66: | ||
*''[karate chop transition to the tree of them near a sandbag]'' |
*''[karate chop transition to the tree of them near a sandbag]'' |
||
*'''SpongeBob:''' Come on Squiddy! Give it the ol' roundhouse! |
*'''SpongeBob:''' Come on Squiddy! Give it the ol' roundhouse! |
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| − | *'''Squidward:''' Alright...''[moves backwards]'' HIYAH |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' Alright... ''[moves backwards]'' HIYAH! ''[kicks the sandbag but gets stuck to it and starts to get smacked over and over and is thrown in front of Sandy]'' This isn't working! ''[walks back toward the sandbag]'' My assailant was twice as tall! And shoulders were twenty times as broad! The burrows of his brow with the size as biceps! |
| − | *'''Sandy: '''Hmm...we're gotta make this more personal for you Squidward. So is to help you bring out your inner dragon! SpongeBob! |
+ | *'''Sandy: '''Hmm... we're gotta make this more personal for you Squidward. So is to help you bring out your inner dragon! SpongeBob! |
*'''SpongeBob''': ''[jumps in wearing a ski mask]'' Hey! Grocery boy! It is me! A big, scary miscreant! Now hand over that sack of groceries before things get ugly! |
*'''SpongeBob''': ''[jumps in wearing a ski mask]'' Hey! Grocery boy! It is me! A big, scary miscreant! Now hand over that sack of groceries before things get ugly! |
||
| − | *'''Squidward:''' Groceries? You'll have to pull my groceries from my cold, wet tentacles bucko! Take this! Hiyah! ''[tries to karate chop SpongeBob but his arm gets stuck to his |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' Groceries? You'll have to pull my groceries from my cold, wet tentacles bucko! Take this! Hiyah! ''[tries to karate chop SpongeBob but his arm gets stuck to his helmet]'' Huh? Think that's going to stop me!? You're not getting me without a fight! HIYAH! ''[tries to kick SpongeBob but his feet retract and get stuck to his helmet as well. He starts moving around on the ground getting more and more tangled]'' Got you... right where...I want you! ''[moves around again becoming fully tangled]'' Vengeance... is... MINE! |
| − | *'''Sandy:''' |
+ | *'''Sandy:''' Vengeance? Squidward Tentacles, I told ya at the beginning that karate ain't for revenge! Sorry Squidward. As of now, I ain't your sensei no more! ''[walks off]'' |
| − | *'''Squidward:''' Sandy! Wait! ''[tries to move]'' I need you to teach...Sigh...this is pointless. I'll never be able to protect myself. I may as well start handing my groceries to criminals. Here! Please Mr. Criminal! Take my unprocessed kelp feed! |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' Sandy! Wait! ''[tries to move]'' I need you to teach... Sigh... this is pointless. I'll never be able to protect myself. I may as well start handing my groceries to criminals. Here! Please Mr. Criminal! Take my unprocessed kelp feed! |
| − | *'''SpongeBob:''' Sandy! Wait! Please! Help him! He just want to keep his organic, blue |
+ | *'''SpongeBob:''' Sandy! Wait! Please! Help him! He just want to keep his organic, blue algae safe. |
*'''Sandy:''' He's going to use my teachings for revenge SpongeBob. |
*'''Sandy:''' He's going to use my teachings for revenge SpongeBob. |
||
*'''Squidward:''' Please Sandy! I'll do anything! |
*'''Squidward:''' Please Sandy! I'll do anything! |
||
| − | *'''Sandy:''' Oh really? Well Squidward, a wise |
+ | *'''Sandy:''' Oh really? Well Squidward, a wise sensei once told me: ''[takes out a mop]'' "One must first know the movements of everyday, to master ka-rah-tay! |
| − | *''[karate chop transition to a short montage with Squidward first mopping in Sandy's house. He then tries to turn on a |
+ | *''[karate chop transition to a short montage with Squidward first mopping in Sandy's house. He then tries to turn on a vacuum but doesn't turn on. He kicks it and it finally turns on and starts to clean up making the place spotless]'' |
*'''Squidward:''' Phew! All finished! |
*'''Squidward:''' Phew! All finished! |
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*'''Sandy:''' Wow! It looks great! |
*'''Sandy:''' Wow! It looks great! |
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| Line 91: | Line 86: | ||
*'''Squidward:''' Phew! ''[grabs the bucket of acorns and pours them into the hole he dug up]'' |
*'''Squidward:''' Phew! ''[grabs the bucket of acorns and pours them into the hole he dug up]'' |
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*'''Sandy:''' Atta boy Squiddy! ''[On a beach chair next to SpongeBob]'' Be sure to twist that torso! |
*'''Sandy:''' Atta boy Squiddy! ''[On a beach chair next to SpongeBob]'' Be sure to twist that torso! |
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| − | *'''SpongeBob:''' Hey Sandy? ''[ |
+ | *'''SpongeBob:''' Hey Sandy? ''[stretches]'' I don't remember this being a part of my training. |
*'''Sandy:''' It wasn't! But today is chore day! So I'd figured why not fry two fish in one skillet! ''[she and SpongeBob laugh]'' |
*'''Sandy:''' It wasn't! But today is chore day! So I'd figured why not fry two fish in one skillet! ''[she and SpongeBob laugh]'' |
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*'''Squidward:''' That's it! I am outta here! This is a no good waste of my time! ''[rams his foot onto a bucket of acorns and they start to fly toward him. He blocks them all away]'' Hey! I'm doing it! I'm blocking the acorns! |
*'''Squidward:''' That's it! I am outta here! This is a no good waste of my time! ''[rams his foot onto a bucket of acorns and they start to fly toward him. He blocks them all away]'' Hey! I'm doing it! I'm blocking the acorns! |
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| − | *'''Sandy:''' Ye-HAAA |
+ | *'''Sandy:''' Ye-HAAA! I told y'all had to do is know the movements of everyday to master karate! |
*'''Squidward:''' Hah hah! I can't believe I did it! |
*'''Squidward:''' Hah hah! I can't believe I did it! |
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*'''SpongeBob:''' ''[holding a wooden board]'' YEAH YEAH! Now try this! |
*'''SpongeBob:''' ''[holding a wooden board]'' YEAH YEAH! Now try this! |
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| − | *'''Squidward:''' |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' Okay! Okay! Hee-YAH! ''[chops the wooden board and SpongeBob in half] ''Hah hah hah! Oh, I did it! ''[starts running then jumps]'' Hee-YAH! ''[kicks the Slug Buddy punching bag destroying it]'' I can protect my groceries now! Hee-YAH! ''[kicks SpongeBob toward the glass wall and breaks him apart. SpongeBob holds a thumbs up]'' I am a karate master! WOO HOO HOO! |
| − | *'''Sandy:''' Well, I wouldn't go that far. But you have proven yourself worthy of...''[takes out a belt]''...the Belt of Basic |
+ | *'''Sandy:''' Well, I wouldn't go that far. But you have proven yourself worthy of... ''[takes out a belt]'' ...the Belt of Basic Competence! |
| − | *'''Squidward:''' Yeah yeah, that's great, thanks. But I have some business to attend to! ''[walks off'' ''and a karate chop transition to him walking down a dark alley]'' Heh heh heh...What's this? Do I find myself on this dark and scary street, yet again? We'll just see what happens! ''[walks down further into the alley]'' This time! |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' Yeah yeah, that's great, thanks. But I have some business to attend to! ''[walks off'' ''and a karate chop transition to him walking down a dark alley]'' Heh heh heh... What's this? Do I find myself on this dark and scary street, yet again? We'll just see what happens! ''[walks down further into the alley]'' This time! |
*'''Man:''' Hey! You! ''[starts walking toward Squidward]'' |
*'''Man:''' Hey! You! ''[starts walking toward Squidward]'' |
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| − | *'''Squidward:''' Let me give him a taste! A mere |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' Let me give him a taste! A mere morsel of what's in store! ''[karate chops]'' Hee-YAH! ''[kicks]'' HEE-YAH! ''[flips]'' Hiyah! That one was called Washing Sandy's Windows! ''[the man walks closer]'' Stay back or you're gonna get it! I am warning you! ''[the man continues to walk closer breathing heavily]'' Okay buddy, I warned ya! ''[near a trash can]'' I like to call this one Taking Out Sandy's Trash! Hee-YAH! ''[kicks the trash can toward the man]'' |
*'''Man:''' What? ''[gets hit on the head by the trash can]'' OW! |
*'''Man:''' What? ''[gets hit on the head by the trash can]'' OW! |
||
| − | *'''Squidward:''' Hah! Hah! How do you like them apples? YAH |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' Hah! Hah! How do you like them apples? YAH! ''[punches a crate at the man]'' |
*'''Man:''' Ow! OW! |
*'''Man:''' Ow! OW! |
||
*'''Squidward:''' ''[holding two wooden planks]'' Hah! Feel my wrath! ''[throws them]'' How's your uncle! |
*'''Squidward:''' ''[holding two wooden planks]'' Hah! Feel my wrath! ''[throws them]'' How's your uncle! |
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*'''Man:''' ''[gets hit on the head by one of the planks]'' Ow! ''[the other hits him on the stomach]'' Ow! |
*'''Man:''' ''[gets hit on the head by one of the planks]'' Ow! ''[the other hits him on the stomach]'' Ow! |
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| − | *'''Squidward:''' My finishing move! I give you Watering Sandy's Lawn! Hee-YAH |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' My finishing move! I give you Watering Sandy's Lawn! Hee-YAH! ''[spin kicks a dumpster at the man. Then pushes it off of him]'' |
*'''Man:''' Oh...hey, man! Wha-wha-what was that for? ''[holding Squidward's groceries]'' I was trying to give you back your groceries you dropped! |
*'''Man:''' Oh...hey, man! Wha-wha-what was that for? ''[holding Squidward's groceries]'' I was trying to give you back your groceries you dropped! |
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| − | *'''Squidward: |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' ''[takes the groceries]'' Uh, oh. |
*'''SpongeBob:''' Sandy! I found him! He's over here! ''[holding the belt]'' You forgot your belt silly! ''[looks at the man and gasps]'' |
*'''SpongeBob:''' Sandy! I found him! He's over here! ''[holding the belt]'' You forgot your belt silly! ''[looks at the man and gasps]'' |
||
*'''Sandy:''' Gosh! What happened to you? |
*'''Sandy:''' Gosh! What happened to you? |
||
| − | *'''SpongeBob:''' This guy's been |
+ | *'''SpongeBob:''' This guy's been... ka-rah-tayed! |
*'''Sandy:''' After all I'd said about never using karate for revenge. |
*'''Sandy:''' After all I'd said about never using karate for revenge. |
||
*'''SpongeBob:''' For shame, Squidward. For shame. |
*'''SpongeBob:''' For shame, Squidward. For shame. |
||
*'''Sandy:''' Looks like he's not worthy of this belt after all. ''[takes the belt]'' Thanks for dishonoring our trust in you Squidward ''[walks off with SpongeBob]''. |
*'''Sandy:''' Looks like he's not worthy of this belt after all. ''[takes the belt]'' Thanks for dishonoring our trust in you Squidward ''[walks off with SpongeBob]''. |
||
*'''Squidward:''' Whatever! I'm still a karate master! |
*'''Squidward:''' Whatever! I'm still a karate master! |
||
| − | *'''Officer John:''' Wow, really? You are? ''[walks Squidward to the |
+ | *'''Officer John:''' Wow, really? You are? ''[walks Squidward to the police car]'' |
*'''Squidward:''' Yes I am! |
*'''Squidward:''' Yes I am! |
||
| − | *'''Officer John:''' Hey watch your head. ''[Squidward gets into the |
+ | *'''Officer John:''' Hey watch your head. ''[Squidward gets into the police car. Then John gets into it]'' Oh, I never guess it. |
| − | *'''Squidward:''' And what |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' And what is that suppose to mean? |
| − | *'''Officer John:''' Oh, uh nothing. Just with the rubbery arms and the |
+ | *'''Officer John:''' Oh, uh nothing. Just with the rubbery arms and the doughiness in the midsection... |
| − | *'''Squidward:''' |
+ | *'''Squidward:''' Okay already! I get it! ''[notices the hand cuffs on him]'' What? Wait a second! Am I under arrest? |
| − | *'''Officer John: |
+ | *'''Officer John:''' You sure are! And you have the right to remain silent! ''[Squidward screams loudly]'' Or not silent... ''[drives off, and the episode ends]'' |
| − | *''[Episode ends].'' |
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| − | [[Category:Transcripts]] |
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Revision as of 00:14, 30 October 2015
Template:EpisodeTr/183b
- [episode starts with Squidward walking out of the bathroom holding a newspaper]
- SpongeBob: Hiii... yah! [karate chops Squidward in the stomach] Squidward! Sorry, buddy, didn't see you. Are you okay?
- Squidward: [holding leg in pain; moans] What kind of unforeseen yet completely predictable stupidity have you ruined my day with this time?
- SpongeBob: Oh. I'm just practicing my [chops with hand] karate chops. I'm going to have [takes off karate glove] an intense karate session with Sandy later. Sandy says you never know what creepy creeper could be creeping creepingly around any creepy corner.
- Squidward:Paranoid much?
- SpongeBob: [spooked] Hiyah! [chops Squidward in the torso again] Sorry, Squidward! I thought you were one of those creepy creepers. You know, Squidward, you really should know how to protect yourself. Maybe you'd like to join us.
- Squidward: Well... no. I have more important things to do.
- SpongeBob: Okey dokey, Squidward! Stop on by later if you change your mind about the karate.
- Squidward: [pushes SpongeBob] I won't. [walks out of the Krusty Krab and scene changes to him walking in town with groceries. He then walks down a dark alley then turns around noticing something] Uh... hello? Is somebody there? [spots a large figure in the distance] Um... hello? It's considered rude not to answer! [the figure walks closer to him. He starts to act nervous] Hah... whatta ya got? Cotton in your earholes? [laughs nervously as the figure gets even closer to him] I gotta get outta here! [starts to run away, walks face-first into a low ladder, then falls on the ground and drops the groceries. Notices the figure staring at him, gets up and runs to SpongeBob's house] SPONGEBOB! [starts banging on his door as the scene changes over to SpongeBob and Gary]
- SpongeBob: [watching television with Gary and they both are laughing] Oh wait, I don't get it.
- Squidward: SpongeBob! SpongeBob! Open up! [the door opens and he falls on his face]
- SpongeBob: Squidward?
- Squidward: Hurry SpongeBob! [pushes SpongeBob inside and closes the door]
- SpongeBob: Squidward? What's wrong?
- Squidward: You were rrrright!
- SpongeBob: I was? About what?
- Squidward: About the danger that lurks around every corner! [Screams as a shadow roars at him]
- SpongeBob: Um, Squidward? [Gary is shown] It's just Gary.
- Gary: [looking at the television] Meow meow meow meow meow!
- SpongeBob: Hey I should've named you "Scary" eh buddy?
- Gary: [laughs] Meow meow meow meow! [crawls away]
- Squidward: SpongeBob, this is serious! I was just viciously attacked!
- SpongeBob: [gasps] No!
- Squidward: You gotta teach me SpongeBob! Teach me the way! The way of tarake.
- SpongeBob: Eh, don't you mean "karate?"
- Squidward: Um... sure. Whatever.
- [bubble transition to Squidward and SpongeBob who is in his karate gear]
- SpongeBob: [walking around Squidward] Hmm... hmm! Hmm... yes! You show potential young student! [grabs Squidward's arm] But with the rubbery arms and the doughiness in this area [pokes Squidward's belly] you obviously have our work cut out for us.
- Squidward: Can't we just get on with this SpongeBob?
- SpongeBob: See see ba ba!
- Squidward: Sigh... I mean can't get just get on with this "O Great Sensei?"
- SpongeBob: Play close attention and you will receive the totality of my karate mastery! Handed down from Sensei Cheeks herself. Now watch! Watch and learn. [walks over to a piece of wood and karate chops it the force breaks him in half]
- Squidward: Uh huh. What else you got?
- SpongeBob: That's it.
- Squidward: That's it!? THAT'S the "totality" of your karate mastery?
- SpongeBob Half 1: Well, Squidward. I've only been studying a couple of years. But if total karate knowledge is what you seek...
- SpongeBob Half 2: ...then you should visit Sensei Cheeks!
- SpongeBob Half 1: Hey! I was just going to say that!
- SpongeBob Half 2: I know! [They both laugh]
- Squidward: Oh boy...
- [karate chop transition to Sandy's Treedome]
- Sandy: I don't know SpongeBob. [grabs Squidward's arm] With the rubbery arms and doeyness in this area [pokes Squidward's belly], we obviously-
- Squidward: -Alright already! We've been through this! Are you going to teach me how to get revenge on my attacker or what!?
- Sandy: Woah, oh, oh! Karate ain't for revenge. It's a delicate art that helps you protect yourself!
- Squidward: Yeah, fine.
- Sandy: Great! Now repeat after me: HIYAH! [karate chops]
- SpongeBob: HIYAH! [also karate chops]
- Squidward: Oh...whatever. Hiyah...
- Sandy: "I promise not to use karate only for protection and not for revenge."
- Squidward: "I promise not to use karate only for protection and not for revenge." Or whatever...
- [karate chop transition to SpongeBob, Sandy, and Squidward near a wooden board]
- Sandy: Okay then! Let's get started with a little choppin'! Like so. HIYAH! [karate chops the board in half, and SpongeBob as well]
- SpongeBob: Whoa!
- Squidward: A board? I wasn't attacked by a piece of wood! I was assaulted by a deranged lunatic!
- Sandy: The only way to protect yourself is if you know the basics. Now give it a chop!
- Squidward: Sigh...whatever you say Sensei...
- SpongeBob: This is a tough one Squidward. Don't feel bad if you can't do it.
- Squidward: I'm sure I can break one little twig! Hiiii-YAH! [karate chops the board but it doesn't break. the force makes him shake and moves back on the treedome wall and he breaks apart on the ground].
- [karate chop transition to Sandy]
- Sandy: Arms up Squidward! Block! BLOCK! [Squidward gets hit by acorns thrown by SpongeBob] Block! BLOCK!
- Squidward: Arg! This is stupid! The only thing this manic threw at me were his big, meaty fists! [raises his hands up but SpongeBob continues to throw acorns at him. Then he throws a acorn at SpongeBob]
- SpongeBob: [blocks the acorn with his elbow] BLOCK!
- Sandy: Now that's how you do it!
- Squidward: Dimwits luck! [gets hit by another acorn]
- [karate chop transition to the tree of them near a sandbag]
- SpongeBob: Come on Squiddy! Give it the ol' roundhouse!
- Squidward: Alright... [moves backwards] HIYAH! [kicks the sandbag but gets stuck to it and starts to get smacked over and over and is thrown in front of Sandy] This isn't working! [walks back toward the sandbag] My assailant was twice as tall! And shoulders were twenty times as broad! The burrows of his brow with the size as biceps!
- Sandy: Hmm... we're gotta make this more personal for you Squidward. So is to help you bring out your inner dragon! SpongeBob!
- SpongeBob: [jumps in wearing a ski mask] Hey! Grocery boy! It is me! A big, scary miscreant! Now hand over that sack of groceries before things get ugly!
- Squidward: Groceries? You'll have to pull my groceries from my cold, wet tentacles bucko! Take this! Hiyah! [tries to karate chop SpongeBob but his arm gets stuck to his helmet] Huh? Think that's going to stop me!? You're not getting me without a fight! HIYAH! [tries to kick SpongeBob but his feet retract and get stuck to his helmet as well. He starts moving around on the ground getting more and more tangled] Got you... right where...I want you! [moves around again becoming fully tangled] Vengeance... is... MINE!
- Sandy: Vengeance? Squidward Tentacles, I told ya at the beginning that karate ain't for revenge! Sorry Squidward. As of now, I ain't your sensei no more! [walks off]
- Squidward: Sandy! Wait! [tries to move] I need you to teach... Sigh... this is pointless. I'll never be able to protect myself. I may as well start handing my groceries to criminals. Here! Please Mr. Criminal! Take my unprocessed kelp feed!
- SpongeBob: Sandy! Wait! Please! Help him! He just want to keep his organic, blue algae safe.
- Sandy: He's going to use my teachings for revenge SpongeBob.
- Squidward: Please Sandy! I'll do anything!
- Sandy: Oh really? Well Squidward, a wise sensei once told me: [takes out a mop] "One must first know the movements of everyday, to master ka-rah-tay!
- [karate chop transition to a short montage with Squidward first mopping in Sandy's house. He then tries to turn on a vacuum but doesn't turn on. He kicks it and it finally turns on and starts to clean up making the place spotless]
- Squidward: Phew! All finished!
- Sandy: Wow! It looks great!
- SpongeBob: [to Squidward] Psst! You missed a spot!
- [Squidward growls and a karate transition to him with water hoses tied to him spraying the grass]
- Sandy: Alright! I reckon that yard is good and watered!
- SpongeBob: Psst! You missed a spot!
- [Squidward mumbles angrily as a karate chop transition to him shoveling the ground]
- Squidward: Phew! [grabs the bucket of acorns and pours them into the hole he dug up]
- Sandy: Atta boy Squiddy! [On a beach chair next to SpongeBob] Be sure to twist that torso!
- SpongeBob: Hey Sandy? [stretches] I don't remember this being a part of my training.
- Sandy: It wasn't! But today is chore day! So I'd figured why not fry two fish in one skillet! [she and SpongeBob laugh]
- Squidward: That's it! I am outta here! This is a no good waste of my time! [rams his foot onto a bucket of acorns and they start to fly toward him. He blocks them all away] Hey! I'm doing it! I'm blocking the acorns!
- Sandy: Ye-HAAA! I told y'all had to do is know the movements of everyday to master karate!
- Squidward: Hah hah! I can't believe I did it!
- SpongeBob: [holding a wooden board] YEAH YEAH! Now try this!
- Squidward: Okay! Okay! Hee-YAH! [chops the wooden board and SpongeBob in half] Hah hah hah! Oh, I did it! [starts running then jumps] Hee-YAH! [kicks the Slug Buddy punching bag destroying it] I can protect my groceries now! Hee-YAH! [kicks SpongeBob toward the glass wall and breaks him apart. SpongeBob holds a thumbs up] I am a karate master! WOO HOO HOO!
- Sandy: Well, I wouldn't go that far. But you have proven yourself worthy of... [takes out a belt] ...the Belt of Basic Competence!
- Squidward: Yeah yeah, that's great, thanks. But I have some business to attend to! [walks off and a karate chop transition to him walking down a dark alley] Heh heh heh... What's this? Do I find myself on this dark and scary street, yet again? We'll just see what happens! [walks down further into the alley] This time!
- Man: Hey! You! [starts walking toward Squidward]
- Squidward: Let me give him a taste! A mere morsel of what's in store! [karate chops] Hee-YAH! [kicks] HEE-YAH! [flips] Hiyah! That one was called Washing Sandy's Windows! [the man walks closer] Stay back or you're gonna get it! I am warning you! [the man continues to walk closer breathing heavily] Okay buddy, I warned ya! [near a trash can] I like to call this one Taking Out Sandy's Trash! Hee-YAH! [kicks the trash can toward the man]
- Man: What? [gets hit on the head by the trash can] OW!
- Squidward: Hah! Hah! How do you like them apples? YAH! [punches a crate at the man]
- Man: Ow! OW!
- Squidward: [holding two wooden planks] Hah! Feel my wrath! [throws them] How's your uncle!
- Man: [gets hit on the head by one of the planks] Ow! [the other hits him on the stomach] Ow!
- Squidward: My finishing move! I give you Watering Sandy's Lawn! Hee-YAH! [spin kicks a dumpster at the man. Then pushes it off of him]
- Man: Oh...hey, man! Wha-wha-what was that for? [holding Squidward's groceries] I was trying to give you back your groceries you dropped!
- Squidward: [takes the groceries] Uh, oh.
- SpongeBob: Sandy! I found him! He's over here! [holding the belt] You forgot your belt silly! [looks at the man and gasps]
- Sandy: Gosh! What happened to you?
- SpongeBob: This guy's been... ka-rah-tayed!
- Sandy: After all I'd said about never using karate for revenge.
- SpongeBob: For shame, Squidward. For shame.
- Sandy: Looks like he's not worthy of this belt after all. [takes the belt] Thanks for dishonoring our trust in you Squidward [walks off with SpongeBob].
- Squidward: Whatever! I'm still a karate master!
- Officer John: Wow, really? You are? [walks Squidward to the police car]
- Squidward: Yes I am!
- Officer John: Hey watch your head. [Squidward gets into the police car. Then John gets into it] Oh, I never guess it.
- Squidward: And what is that suppose to mean?
- Officer John: Oh, uh nothing. Just with the rubbery arms and the doughiness in the midsection...
- Squidward: Okay already! I get it! [notices the hand cuffs on him] What? Wait a second! Am I under arrest?
- Officer John: You sure are! And you have the right to remain silent! [Squidward screams loudly] Or not silent... [drives off, and the episode ends]