This transcript is in need of repair. Please help Encyclopedia SpongeBobia by fixing this transcript. |
This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Squid Defense" from season 9, which aired on January 1, 2013.
- [The episode starts with Squidward walking out of the bathroom holding a newspaper]
- SpongeBob: Hiii... yah! [karate chops Squidward in the stomach] Squidward! Sorry, buddy, didn't see you. Are you okay?
- Squidward: [holding his leg in pain; moans] What kind of unforeseen yet completely predictable stupidity have you ruined my day with this time?
- SpongeBob: Oh, I'm just practicing my [chops with his hand] karate chops. I'm going to have [takes off his karate glove] an intense kar-a-tay session with Sandy later. Sandy says you never know what kind of creepy creeper could be creeping creepily around any creepy corner.
- Squidward: Paranoid much?
- SpongeBob: [spooked, chops Squidward in the torso again] Sorry, Squidward! I thought you were one of those creepy creepers. You know, Squidward, you really should learn how to protect yourself. Maybe you'd like to join us.
- Squidward: Well... nope. I have more important things to do.
- SpongeBob: Okey dokey, Squidward! Stop on by later if you change your mind about the karate.
- Squidward: [pushes SpongeBob] I won't. [walks out of the Krusty Krab and scene changes to him walking in town with groceries. He then walks down a dark alley then turns around noticing something] Uh... hello? Is somebody there? [spots a large figure in the distance] Um... hello? It's considered rude not to answer! [the figure walks closer to him. He starts to act nervous] Hah... whatta ya got? Cotton in your ear holes? [laughs nervously as the figure gets even closer to him] I gotta get outta here! [starts to run away, walks face-first into a low ladder, then falls on the ground and drops the groceries, then notices the figure staring at him, gets up and runs to SpongeBob's house] SpongeBob! [starts banging on his door as the scene changes over to SpongeBob and Gary]
- SpongeBob: [watching television with Gary while laughing] Oh, wait, I-I don't get it.
- Squidward: SpongeBob! SpongeBob! Open up! [the door opens and he falls on his face]
- SpongeBob: Squidward?
- Squidward: Hurry, SpongeBob! [pushes SpongeBob inside and closes the door]
- SpongeBob: Squidward? What's wrong?
- Squidward: You were... right!
- SpongeBob: I was? About what?
- Squidward: About how danger lurks around every corner! [screams as a shadow roars at him]
- SpongeBob: Um, Squidward? [Gary is shown] It's just Gary.
- Gary: [looking at the television] Meow meow meow meow meow!
- SpongeBob: Hey, I should've named you "Scary," eh buddy?
- Gary: [laughs] Meow meow meow meow! [crawls away]
- Squidward: SpongeBob, this is serious! I was just viciously attacked!
- SpongeBob: [gasps] No!
- Squidward: You gotta teach me, SpongeBob! Teach me the way! The way of tar-a-kay.
- SpongeBob: Eh, don't you mean "kar-a-tay?"
- Squidward: Um... sure. Whatever.
- [Bubble transition to Squidward and SpongeBob who is in his karate gear]
- SpongeBob: [walking around Squidward] Hmm... hmm! Hmm... yes! You show potential young student! [grabs Squidward's arm] But with the rubbery arms and the doughiness in this area [pokes Squidward's belly] you obviously have our work cut out for us.
- Squidward: Can't we just get on with this, SpongeBob? [SpongeBob shushes him, Squidward sighs] I mean can't get just get on with this "O Great Sensei?"
- SpongeBob: Pay close attention and you will receive the totality of my kar-a-tay mastery! Handed down from Sensei Cheeks herself. Now watch! Watch and learn. [walks over to a piece of wood and karate chops it the force breaks him in half]
- Squidward: Uh huh. What else you got?
- SpongeBob: That's it.
- Squidward: That's it!? That's the "totality" of your karate mastery?
- SpongeBob half 1: Well, Squidward. I've only been studying a couple of years. But if total karate knowledge is what you seek...
- SpongeBob half 2: ...then you should visit Sensei Cheeks.
- SpongeBob half 1: Hey! I was just going to say that!
- SpongeBob half 2: I know! [both laugh]
- Squidward: Oh boy...
- [Karate chop transition to Sandy's Treedome]
- Sandy: I don't know, SpongeBob. [grabs Squidward's arm] With the rubbery arms and doughiness in this area [pokes Squidward's belly], we obviously-
- Squidward: Alright already! We've been through this! Are you going to teach me how to get revenge on my attacker or what!?
- Sandy: Whoa, oh, oh! Karate ain't for revenge. It's a delicate art that helps you protect yourself!
- Squidward: Yeah, fine.
- Sandy: Great! Now repeat after me: Hi-yah!
- SpongeBob: Hi-yah! [also karate chops]
- Squidward: Oh... whatever. Hi-yah...
- Sandy: "I promise to use karate only for protection and not for revenge."
- Squidward: "I promise to use karate only for protection and not for revenge." Or whatever...
- [Karate chop transition to SpongeBob, Sandy, and Squidward near a wooden board]
- Sandy: Okay then! Let's get started with a little choppin'! Like so. Hi-yah! [karate chops the board in half, and SpongeBob does the same]
- SpongeBob: Whoa!
- Squidward: A board? I wasn't attacked by a piece of wood! I was assaulted by a deranged lunatic!
- Sandy: The only way you'll protect yourself is if you know the basics. Now give it a chop!
- Squidward: [sighs] Whatever you say, Sensei...
- SpongeBob: This is a tough one, Squidward. Don't feel bad if you can't do it.
- Squidward: I'm sure I can break one little twig! Hiiii... yah! [karate chops the board but it doesn't break. the force makes him shake and moves back on the treedome wall and he breaks apart on the ground]
- [Karate chop transition to Sandy]
- Sandy: Arms up Squidward! Block! Block! [Squidward gets hit by acorns thrown by SpongeBob] Block! Block!
- Squidward: [grumbles] This is stupid! The only thing this maniac threw at me were his big, meaty fists! [raises his hands up but SpongeBob continues to throw acorns at him. Then he throws a acorn at SpongeBob]
- SpongeBob: [blocks the acorn with his elbow] Block!
- Sandy: Now that's how you do it!
- Squidward: Dimwit's luck! [gets hit by another acorn]
- [Karate chop transition to the tree of them near a sandbag]
- SpongeBob: Come on, Squiddy! Give it the ol' roundhouse!
- Squidward: Alright... [moves backwards] Hi-yah! [kicks the sandbag but gets stuck to it and starts to get smacked over and over and is thrown in front of Sandy] This isn't working! [walks back toward the sandbag] My assailant was twice as tall! And his shoulders were twenty times as broad! The furrows of his brow with the size of biceps!
- Sandy: Hmm... we're gotta make this more personal for you, Squidward. So as to help you bring out your inner dragon! SpongeBob?!
- SpongeBob: [jumps in wearing a ski mask] Hey! Grocery boy! It is me! A big, scary miscreant! Now hand over that sack of groceries before things get ugly!
- Squidward: Groceries? You'll have to pull my groceries from my cold, wet tentacles, bucko! Take this! Hi-yah! [tries to karate chop SpongeBob but his arm gets stuck to his helmet] Huh? Think that's going to stop me!? You're not getting me without a fight! Hi-yah! [tries to kick SpongeBob but his feet retract and get stuck to his helmet as well. He starts moving around on the ground getting more and more tangled] Got you... right where... I want you! [moves around again becoming fully tangled] Vengeance... is... mine!
- Sandy: Vengeance? Squidward Tentacles, I told ya at the beginning that karate ain't for revenge! Sorry Squidward. As of now, I ain't your sensei no more! [walks off]
- Squidward: Sandy! Wait! [tries to move] I need you to teach... [sighs]... Oh, this is pointless. [struggles] I'll never be able to protect myself. [struggles] I may as well start handing my groceries to criminals. Here! Please Mr. Criminal! [struggles] Take my unprocessed kale cream.
- SpongeBob: Sandy! Wait! Please! Help him! He just want to keep his organic, blue algae safe.
- Sandy: He's going to use my teachings for revenge, SpongeBob.
- Squidward: Please, Sandy! I'll do anything!
- Sandy: Oh, really? Well, Squidward, a wise sensei once told me: [takes out a mop] "One must first know the movements of everyday, before mastering ka-rah-tay!
- [Karate chop transition to a short montage with Squidward first mopping in Sandy's house. He then tries to turn on a vacuum but doesn't turn on. He kicks it and it finally turns on and starts to clean up making the place spotless]
- Squidward: Phew! All finished!
- Sandy: Wow! This looks great!
- SpongeBob: [to Squidward] Psst! You missed a spot!
- [Squidward growls. Karate chop transition to him with water hoses tied to him spraying the grass]
- Sandy: Alright! I reckon the yard is good and watered!
- SpongeBob: Psst! You missed a spot!
- [Squidward mumbles angrily. Karate chop transition to him shoveling the ground]
- Squidward: Phew! [grabs the bucket of acorns and pours them into the hole he dug up]
- Sandy: Atta boy Squiddy! [on a beach chair next to SpongeBob] Be sure to twist that torso!
- SpongeBob: Hey Sandy? [stretches] I don't remember this being a part of my training.
- Sandy: It wasn't! But today is chore day! So I'd figured why not fry two fish in one skillet! [she and SpongeBob laugh]
- Squidward: That's it! I am outta here! This is a no good waste of my time! [rams his foot onto a bucket of acorns and they start to fly toward him. He blocks them all away] Hey! I'm doing it! I'm blocking the acorns!
- Sandy: Yee-haw! I told you all you had to do is know the movements of everyday to master karate!
- Squidward: [laughs] I can't believe I did it!
- SpongeBob: [holding a wooden board] Yeah! Yeah! Now try this!
- Squidward: Okay! Okay! Hi-yah! [chops the wooden board and SpongeBob in half and laughs] I did it! [starts running then jumps] Hi-yah! [kicks the Slug Buddy punching bag destroying it] I can protect my groceries now! Hi-yah! [kicks SpongeBob toward the glass wall and breaks him apart. SpongeBob holds a thumbs up] I am a karate master! Woo hoo hoo!
- Sandy: Well, I wouldn't go that far. But you have proven yourself worthy of... [takes out a belt] ...the Belt of Basic Competence!
- Squidward: Yeah yeah, that's great, thanks. But I have some business to attend to!
- [Squidward walks off. Karate chop transition to him walking down a dark alley.]
- Squidward: Heh heh heh... What's this? Do I find myself on this dark and scary street, yet again? We'll just see what happens! [walks down further into the alley] This time!
- Man: Hey! You! [starts walking toward Squidward]
- Squidward: Let me give him a taste! A mere morsel of what's in store! [karate chops] Hi-yah! [kicks] Hi-yah! [flips] Hi-yah! That one was called Washing Sandy's Windows! [the man walks closer] Stay back or you're gonna get it! I am warning you! [the man continues to walk closer breathing heavily] Okay buddy, I warned ya! [near a trash can] I like to call this one Taking Out Sandy's Trash! Hi-yah! [kicks the trash can toward the man]
- Man: What? [gets hit on the head by the trash can] Ow!
- Squidward: [laughs] How do you like them apples? Wah! [punches a crate at the man]
- Man: Oh! Ow!
- Squidward: [holding two wooden planks] Hah! Feel my wrath! [throws them] How's your uncle?!
- Man: [gets hit on the head by one of the planks] Ow! [the other hits him on the stomach] Ow!
- Squidward: And as my finishing move! I give you Watering Sandy's Lawn! He-yah! [spin kicks a dumpster at the man. Then pushes it off of him]
- Man: Oh... hey, man! Wha-what was that for? [holding Squidward's groceries] I was just trying to give you back your groceries you dropped!
- Squidward: [takes the groceries] Uh, oh.
- SpongeBob: Sandy! I found him! He's over here! [holding the belt] You forgot your belt silly! [looks at the man and gasps]
- Sandy: Gosh! What happened to you?
- SpongeBob: This guy's been... ka-rah-tayed!
- Sandy: After all I said about never using karate for revenge?
- SpongeBob: For shame, Squidward. For shame.
- Sandy: Looks like he's not worthy of this belt after all. [takes the belt] Thanks for dishonoring our trust in you, Squidward. [walks off with SpongeBob].
- Squidward: Whatever! I'm still a karate master!
- Officer John: Wow, really? You are? [walks Squidward to the police car]
- Squidward: Yes I am!
- Officer John: Hey watch your head. [Squidward gets into the police car. Then John gets into it] Oh, I'd never guess it.
- Squidward: And what is that supposed to mean?
- Officer John: Oh, uh... nothing. Just with the rubbery arms and the doughiness in the midsection...
- Squidward: Okay, already! I get it! [notices the handcuffs on him] What? Wait a second. Am I under arrest?
- Officer John: You sure are! And you have the right to remain silent... [Squidward screams loudly] ...or not silent. [drives off as the episode ends]