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Squeaky Boots (transcript)

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Squeaky Boots
General
Season №: 1
Episode №: 8b
Airdate: September 4, 1999
Chronology
Previous: "Sandy's Rocket"
Next: "Nature Pants"
List of episode transcripts

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Squeaky Boots" from season one, which aired on September 4, 1999.

  • Mr. Krabs: [dancing and singing at Pearl's birthday party] ♪Yar-har, Pearl's my daughter, I'll spit in your eye! Yo-ho, Pearl's a whale, and it's her birthday, yar-yar-yar!♪ Ta-da.
  • Pearl: Thanks for the show, Dad. Now can we open the presents?
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, all right. presents for me darling little sardine. It's from me. [places the present in front of Pearl]
  • Pearl: Oh you shouldn't have. What is it, Daddy? It wouldn't be those totally hip new flipper slippers all my friends are using, would it? Everyone wants them.
  • Mr. Krabs: Uhh... well, they might be.
  • Pearl: Whee! [begins to unwrap present] Oh, you shouldn't have, yay, you shouldn't have. [sees present] I mean, Dad, [holds up big boots] you really shouldn't have! [Pearl's friends laugh]
  • Mr. Krabs: Pearl, these are the finest fishin' boots available!
  • Pearl: Dad, you ruined me! [cries]
  • Mr. Krabs: But I got them for a bargain! [the house shakes from Pearl's screaming and crying; bubble wipe to the Krusty Krab] Oh, what am I gonna do? I spent two whole dollars on these boots and now I'm stuck with them!
  • SpongeBob: [peeks into Mr. Krabs' office] Oh, uhh, Mr. Krabs, can I get my paycheck?
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBoy, me Bob! Come in. Come in, right this way, laddie! Have a seat anywhere, but not on these beautiful priceless boots. [SpongeBob sits down, but the boots are in his way, so he can't see Mr. Krabs] So you want to get paid?
  • SpongeBob: Uhh, sir, I can't see you. The boots [leans over to one side and Mr. Krabs leans towards the other] are in [leans over to one side and Mr. Krabs leans towards the other] the way.
  • Mr. Krabs: [pushes the boots aside] In the way? These boots never leave my sight! These are the most expensive and prized possessions I own.
  • SpongeBob: Wow, really? Why is that, they just look like any old ordinary boots.
  • Mr. Krabs: Ordinary boots? These are the only official fry cook boots! Only the finest fry cooks in the world are permitted to wear them! Part of a tradition. And these boots were given to me by the most famous fry cook in the sea.
  • SpongeBob: Who's that?
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, uhh, oh, well, his name's not important, but he was famous, all right, don't you worry.
  • SpongeBob: ♪I'm ready! I'm ready! I want those boots!♪
  • Mr. Krabs: Sorry, son, these boots are far too valuable. [takes boots away]
  • SpongeBob: I know! What if I give you my Krusty Krab paycheck?
  • Mr. Krabs: Paycheck! You got a deal--
  • SpongeBob: And what if I paint the Krusty Krab for free?
  • Mr. Krabs: You've got a deal.
  • SpongeBob: And I'll throw in a year's supply of French fry orders!
  • Mr. Krabs: You got a...
  • SpongeBob: And... [Mr. Krabs stops SpongeBob from saying anything else]
  • Mr. Krabs: Hold on there, lad! You're gonna give me a heart attack! [shakes SpongeBob's hand] You got yourself a deal.
  • [Squidward is drying off a glass when he looks through the glass and sees SpongeBob wearing boots]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward. Do you like my new boots? Pretty cool, huh? Now, I'm an official fry cook!
  • [SpongeBob bounces up and down in the boots, making them squeak, as Squidward watches. Then SpongeBob bounces harder until Squidward's head is bouncing up and down really hard trying to keep up. Then SpongeBob leaves to squeak his boots around the Krusty Krab.]
  • Squidward: That squeaking is gonna drive us all crazy!
  • Mr. Krabs: Nonsense, Squidward. That squeaking is money to my ears. I mean, music.
  • [later that night, Mr. Krabs is in his room, lying in his hammock and imagining dollar bills jumping one-by-one into a cash register]
  • Mr. Krabs: [muttering] Five, ten, twenty, thirty... [all of a sudden, the pair of squeaky boots jumps into the register. He opens his eyes] Wha? Who's there? [rests his head on his pillow] Back to countin' me money. [closes his eyes again and imagines coins jumping into the register] One, two, three, four, five... [the boots appear again; Mr. Krabs opens his eyes again] What the barnacle is that? [he sees that the bedroom window is opening and shutting by itself, making squeaky noises. Mr. Krabs closes the window and gets back into bed, but notices the window has opened again. He walks back across the room to close it but steps into a hole and falls out the window, breaking the tip of his leg off in the process. He gets back into his bedroom and shuts the window, but it won't close. He starts shutting it with increasing force and speed until the window finally stays closed. The window reopens again, and Mr. Krabs gives it the "evil eye" followed by a growl. The window immediately closes back, as if it said "Yipe!" Mr. Krabs then starts to go back to bed, but he steps into another hole in the floor and breaks the tip of his other leg off. He screams as he gets flung into his hammock and gets all twisted up in it. Mr. Krabs can do nothing but sit there with bloodshot eyes as the window makes squeaky noises all night. Fade to the next morning; Mr. Krabs has his legs bandaged up as he walks to the Krusty Krab] Arrgh, that was the worst night I ever weathered. At least I'll have some peace and quiet at work. [As he walks up to the door, Squidward slams the doors open into Mr. Krabs' face]
  • Squidward: That's it, Mr. Krabs; I'm taking my vacation now.
  • Mr. Krabs: [muffled] What's wrong, Mr. Squid-ard?
  • Squidward: I can't take the world's greatest fry cook anymore! I'll see you in a week. [leaves the Krusty Krab]
  • Mr. Krabs: That fry cook's making me a fortune. What could be the problem?
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob-Bob-Bob-Bob-Bob-Bob-ob. [every time SpongeBob's boots squeak, Mr. Krabs stutters. SpongeBob walks up to Mr. Krabs, but he is so tall, all Mr. Krabs can see is his boots]
  • Mr. Krabs: I... uhh, I see you're still wearing them boots.
  • SpongeBob: Are you kidding? I love them! Could the world's greatest fry cook do this? [runs in place fast with plates of Krabby Patties in each hand]
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, I don't... uhh... I don't... uhh...
  • SpongeBob: Or could he do this? [leans over to one table and sets the plate on the table without having to move from his spot at all] Or this? [leans to another table and puts a plate of patties on that table, then goes behind the register on top of the boat] And watch this, Mr. Krabs! [moves his boots around slightly, making them "talk"]
  • Squeaky Boots: May I take your order?
  • Francis: Yeah, I'll have the Krusty Special.
  • Squeaky Boots: Thank you, sir. I will squeak when it's ready.
  • SpongeBob: Could the greatest fry cook do that, Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: I, uhh...
  • SpongeBob: And watch this, Mr. Krabs. And this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this. [does many different things with his boots until Mr. Krabs can't take it anymore]
  • Mr. Krabs: [his eyes go bloodshot] AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I gotta go to my office! [puts seat cushions over his ears] I can still hear it! [puts chairs over his ears] It's still coming through! The infernal SQUEAK! [he repeatedly bangs his head on his desk] Those boots have got to go! And I need an aspirin.
  • [that night, at SpongeBob's pineapple...]
  • SpongeBob: Gary, these boots have changed my life. I'm never taking them off.
  • Gary: [puts earplugs in] Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Good night, Gary.
  • [as SpongeBob is sleeping with his boots on, Mr. Krabs peeks over his diving board and climbs down, then takes his boots off and runs to the Krusty Krab, laughing quietly. Some hammering sounds are heard, then a rooster crows as night fades to morning]
  • Mr. Krabs: Ah, quiet money. Silence and money. [SpongeBob bursts through the double doors]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: What is it, my boy?
  • SpongeBob: [hugs Mr. Krabs while crying] Oh, Mr. Krabs, I'm sorry! Sorry! Sorry! I'm sorryyyyy!
  • Mr. Krabs: It's okay, son.
  • SpongeBob: [cries harder and looks up at his boss with tears streaming down his face] No, it's not okay! I lost the boots! Your valuable boots, it's my fault, I let you down! Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Ohh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
  • Mr. Krabs: Hold it, boy! It's not the end of the world.
  • SpongeBob: Yes, it is!
  • Mr. Krabs: Look, don't cry. I got some, uhh, some magic oven mitts! [holds up some oven mitts]
  • SpongeBob: [puts them on his feet, waits a second, then kicks them off] They're not the same! You were right. I wasn't ready for those blessed boots. [walks into the door, opens it, then goes into the kitchen]
  • Mr. Krabs: Poor lad. [looks through the window and sees that SpongeBob is so upset, he has his head down... right on top of the hot grill]
  • Tom: Excuse me?
  • Mr. Krabs: I didn't do it! [sees Tom] Ohh, heh-heh, can I help ya?
  • Tom: Yeah, I'm ready to order.
  • Mr. Krabs: [takes out a notepad] What'll ya have?
  • Tom: I'll take a [squeak squeak].
  • Mr. Krabs: [becomes surprised] What did you say?
  • Tom: I said, I'll take a [squeak].
  • Mr. Krabs: Huh?
  • SpongeBob: [still in tears] I heard his order, Mr. Krabs. He says he wants [squeak squeak].
  • Mr. Krabs: What?
  • Tom: And a [squeak squeak squeak squeak].
  • Mr. Krabs: Huh? [starts going insane, imagining everything and everyone squeaking] Huh? [looks at the menu and sees "squeak" as an item for everything] I didn't write that! [keeps thinking and hearing the squeaks. Even the dripping kitchen sink makes squeaking sounds instead of dripping sounds. Eventually he starts seeing visions of SpongeBob and his boots.]
  • SpongeBob: [in Mr. Krabs' head] Could the world's greatest fry cook do this?... And this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this... [Mr. Krabs' eye starts swirling]
  • Mr. Krabs: [snaps] Stop it! [the customers look at Mr. Krabs like he's crazy] STOP... IIITTTTT! [his eyes start contorting] Oh, oh, can't you hear it? Yes, I did it! I did it! I took the boots! They're here, under the floorboard! Oh, please, make it stop! It's the squeaking of the hideous boots! [throws himself onto the floor and bawls] I'm sorry, but I can't take the infernal squeaking no more! [lifts up the Krusty Krab and grabs the boots, with everyone screaming inside. He then walks into the kitchen with an evil expression on his face and puts the boots into a vat of grease which shrinks them, and he eats them. After that, he opens the door to the dining room, and lets out a long burp] The deed is done.
  • SpongeBob: Umm, why did you eat my boots, Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: Because, lad, you didn't need 'em. It's not the boots, it's the boot-ee. I mean, uh, the person... in the boots. You're a great fry cook.
  • SpongeBob: You really think so, Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: I do, son. [hands SpongeBob a stack of money] Here's the paycheck I owe you. [puts another stack of money on top of the first stack] Plus a bonus! [takes the bonus back] Well, there's your paycheck anyway. [walks away] I need a vacation.
  • SpongeBob: Bye, Mr. Krabs!
  • [fade to Mr. Krabs and Pearl taking a drive out to somewhere, with a camper behind their boat]
  • Mr. Krabs: Ah, a long week away from Bikini Bottom is exactly what I need, just me and my darling daughter Pearl.
  • Pearl: [lifts her feet over the side of the door to reveal her new shoes] Don't forget my new flipper slippers, Daddy!
  • Mr. Krabs: Darling, I won't. [as he laughs, he hiccups and the squeaky noise comes out] Oh, no. [continues to hiccup and squeak as they drive off into the distance]

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