[A shadow that looks like Plankton walks up to the Krusty Krab and gets inside using the code. He goes back into Mr. Krabs' office and opens up the safe and gets out the formula. SpongeBob turns on the lights to reveal the shadow is Mr. Krabs]
SpongeBob: What are you doing, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Just making sure the Krabby Patty formula is safe. [he points to a calendar] Plankton hasn't tried stealing the formula in over a month. He must be planning something big.
Squidward:[walks in] Hello.
Mr. Krabs: One of you will have to volunteer for some extra work.
Squidward:[walks out] Good bye.
Mr. Krabs: I was just gonna ask if someone can spy on Plankton.
SpongeBob: Spy?! Whoo-ooh-ooh! [acts like James Bond]
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, I can see you through this straw.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm going to be a spy.
Patrick: You're a spy?! [cuts to outside of the Krusty Krab as it rocks back and forth] I wanna be a spy, too!!!
Mr. Krabs:[back inside] Shh! Okay, okay! You can be a spy. Just be quiet.
Mr. Krabs: Your instructions are on this krabby patty. But remember, the fate of the Krusty Krab rests in your hands, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: In my hands. [he looks at his hands] Ooh!
Patrick:[he grabs SpongeBob's hand and looks at it] Ooh. [cut to SpongeBob's house where SpongeBob pushes the button on the patty]
Mr. Krabs: Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to discover what Plankton's up to. Don't let him out of your sight. You'll need to rustle up some spy gadgets. If you don't accept it, you're fired! This patty will self-destruct in 10 seconds. [both scream and run around while the patty is beeping]
SpongeBob: Get rid of it! Get rid of it, Patrick! [Patrick puts the patty in his pants. They both cover their ears. The patty explodes and leaves the bottom half of Patrick's body without any skin]
Patrick: That's going to leave a mark. [Patrick pulls up his pants. Cuts to Sandy's treedome]
SpongeBob: Hey, Sandy.
Sandy: Hey, SpongeBob, Patrick. What ya'll doing?
SpongeBob: Do you know anything about spying, Sandy?
Sandy: Well, I know you need a lot of crazy gadgets like jet-packs, laser-equipped Bermuda shorts with walkie-talkies.
Man on Walkie Talkie: 10-4, good buddy. [static]
Sandy: Cameras that fit up your nose, high-powered magnifying glass, emergency bikes, and my favorite, the knockout ray. [blasts SpongeBob and Patrick with it causes them to knockout. Then blasts them again making them wake up]
SpongeBob: Wow, Sandy, with these gadgets, Patrick and I will be great spies.
Sandy:[laughs] I wouldn't trust you two with any of this stuff.
SpongeBob: What do we do now, Patrick? [Patrick picks up the knockout ray and knocks Sandy out. Both laugh. Cut to the city where SpongeBob and Patrick are spying from the side of a building]
Patrick: What's he doing now?
SpongeBob: Nothing yet. Wait! Wait! He's... [Plankton walks into "Guppies R Us"] ...buying baby clothes? We gotta get closer.
Plankton: Excuse me? [holds up a small pink outfit] Do you have anything in a size negative five?
Employee:[laughs] Sorry, bud, that's as small as they come. [He takes the outfit. Plankton sighs and walks away. SpongeBob enlarges himself in the clothes on the wall]
SpongeBob: Wow, Plankton has to buy baby clothes? [Patrick enlarges himself in the outfit next to SpongeBob]
Patrick: How embarrassing. [Plankton walks out of "Guppies R Us". SpongeBob walks out a couple seconds later]
SpongeBob: SpongeBob to Krabs. Come in Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Krabs here. Go ahead.
SpongeBob: Plankton just bought some baby clothes.
Mr. Krabs: Baby clothes? Hmm... [writes 'baby clothes' on the chalkboard] What's he doing now?
SpongeBob: Hold on. [looks through store window] He's buying...
Mr. Krabs: Yeah? Yeah?
SpongeBob: A... stamp.
Mr. Krabs: A stamp. [writes 'stamp' on the chalkboard] This is the most elaborate scheme ever. Keep on him, SpongeBob. [cut to later where SpongeBob and Patrick are tip-toeing behind Plankton]
SpongeBob: We're right behind him and he has no idea. [from Plankton's POV, the tip-toes are thunderous steps. He turns around]
Plankton: Would you stop making all that racket? [from SpongeBob and Patrick's POV, Plankton is squeaking as he talks so they can't understand him]
Patrick: What's he doing now?
SpongeBob: I can't tell. [they walk again but SpongeBob is shining a light on Plankton from the magnifying glass]
Plankton: Whew! Gosh, it's hot. [catches on fire] AAAAAAAAH!
SpongeBob: He's getting away! Quick, Patrick, use the jet-packs!
Patrick: Can do! [pushes a button and Patrick grabs SpongeBob as they fly toward Plankton. Plankton jumps into a soda drink and puts himself out]
Plankton: Whew. Huh? [SpongeBob and Patrick are fly over Plankton, setting him and the cup on fire, while they fly through buildings. The jet-pack detaches itself from Patrick and they both skid on the sidewalk. When they stand up, their faces and bodies are deformed]
SpongeBob: Boy, it was lucky the sidewalk broke out fall. But we've lost Plankton!
Patrick: To the spy mobile! [both hop into the car]
Patrick: Self destruct!! [pushes button and the car explodes. Both laugh. Patrick's pants phone is ringing] There's a call coming through on my Pants-A-Phone.
Mr. Krabs: Krabs to Agent SpongeBob. Come in SpongeBob.
Patrick: It's for you.
SpongeBob: Agent SpongeBob here.
Mr. Krabs: You found out what Plankton's up to?
SpongeBob: I'm afraid we've lost him, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Well, find him, lad. I'm not paying you to goof off with Patrick.
SpongeBob: You're not paying me at all, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Exactly. So get to work. [hangs up]
Recording: If you'd like to make a call, please deposit 25 cents. [SpongeBob gets out a quarter. Cut to the Chum Bucket at night. SpongeBob and Patrick are on the roof]
SpongeBob: Ok, Patrick, we're in position. Now how do we get inside?
Patrick: I think the front door's open.
SpongeBob: Spies don't use the front door, Patrick. We've got to figure out a complicated way to get inside.
Patrick: This looks like a job for Patrick Star Laser Pants! [shoots a laser out of his behind and cuts out a square on the roof]
SpongeBob: Good work, Patrick! Now it's my turn. [drops down inside, with the rope tied around him. He lowers himself but hits the floor] I thought you were holding the rope -- [Patrick lands on top of him]
Patrick: I am. You need to be quiet. We're on a secret mission.
Plankton:[turns on the lights] Secret mission, eh? [they both scream and hold each other] Don't you think I know what you're up to? You want to eat at the Chum Bucket without your boss knowing. Karen, we've got a customer! [SpongeBob and Patrick are now seated at a table] I'll let you two look over the menu. [jumps off the table and walks off]
Patrick: SpongeBob, I've got to go.
SpongeBob: Can't you go later?
Patrick:[groans] My laser pants aren't working right. [shoots a laser at the salt shaker on the other table. It vanishes. Patrick sighs]
Plankton: Could I interest you in a raspberry iced tea?
Patrick: No, thank you.
Plankton: Or perhaps a bran muffin?
Patrick: SpongeBob, I have to go now!
Plankton: Prune Danish? [sees Patrick's behind wiggle] What the...? [pan out to the Chum Bucket building where Patrick's laser pants makes holes everywhere as they all scream and destroys the Chum Bucket. Later, the floor opens up and a blimp emerges with Plankton controlling it from the inside] Destroy my lab, will ya, Krabs? Well, if it's war you want, it's war you'll get! [flies his blimp over to the Krusty Krab. The inside of the Krusty Krab gets darker]
Mr. Krabs: I think I put up with my cataract surgery too long.
Squidward: No, Mr. Krabs, it's that time of the month.
Mr. Krabs:[sees the blimp] Merciful Neptune! [red light flashes] Man your battle stations!
Squidward: I'm on it! [runs into the bathroom and flushes a toilet]
Mr. Krabs:[raises himself in the crow's nest] Bring it on, Plankton.
Plankton: Oh, I will. We'll see if you have any customers left after I pump up the volume. [Loud music starts playing. All the customers cover their ears]
Nat: Oh, brother, I hated the real version of this song. [The Krusty Krab customers start to leave]
Mr. Krabs: He's driving me customers away! All right, Plankton, you want my customers so badly? [he presses a button, a vacuum comes out and sucks up all the customers] You can have 'em! [he launches the customers through a cannon aimed at the blimp]
Plankton:[as customers hit the blimp] Do your worst, Krabs!
Squidward:[hits the blimp] I hate my job. [he slides down]
SpongeBob:[watching from the top of the blimp] It's up to you and me, buddy!
Patrick: Abandon ship! [Patrick screams and jumps off the blimp. He lands in the cannon and is blasted back toward the blimp]
Plankton: Point-headed projectile on the port side! [Patrick makes a hole in the blimp, causing it to fly around]
Mr. Krabs: Ha ha ha! Huh? [gasps as the blimp, now on fire, is falling down to the Krusty Krab] No! [the blimp destroys the Krusty Krab]
Plankton:[standing on the Krusty Krab sign with a piece of paper in his hand] I win! I always win! [evil laugh]
SpongeBob: Not to rain on your parade or anything, but you always lose.
Plankton: No, SpongeBob, I always... [he grabs his head and rips it off, turning into Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: ...win!
SpongeBob:[gasps] Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs:[jumps off the sign] That's right! [he rips the body of Plankton's disguise off] I stole me own formula!
SpongeBob: But if you're Mr. Krabs, then who's... [the other Mr. Krabs rips off his suit to show the Robot Krabs from "Imitation Krabs"] Mr. Krabs is a robot! [Robot Krabs opens its head up to reveal Plankton]
Plankton: No, you idiot.
SpongeBob: Plankton?! What the barnacles is going on here?
Mr. Krabs: You see, we had a bet. Plankton's been trying for 20 years to steal me formula, and he's never done it!
Plankton: I almost had it 37 times, and you know it!
Mr. Krabs:[shows his claw at Plankton] Tell it to the claw, sister. Last time he failed, we made a bet. [flashback to Mr. Krabs laughing while Plankton is crying on the ground] You can't beat me, Plankton. I always win!
Plankton:[he stops crying] You've got the easy part. I'd like to see you do my job.
Mr. Krabs:[he picks Plankton up] Oh, yeah right. If I was you, I could steal me formula on me first try.
Plankton: Ha! The usual wager?
Mr. Krabs: You're on. [flashback ends] So, through a series of events far too elaborate to go into right now, we flawlessly assumed each other's lives; and I beat Plankton at his own game. [points at the destroyed Chum Bucket] And destroyed his place of business! [laughs] Now pay up.
Plankton: Here you go, Eugene. [takes out a dollar] One a dollar.
Patrick: Not so fast! [rips his bodysuit off to reveal Squidward]
SpongeBob: Squidward? Then who are you?
Squidward: I'm not... [SpongeBob tears off his face, revealing facial muscles] ...wearing a disguise. [he puts his face back on and walks away]
SpongeBob: Hmmm, if he's Squidward, then you must be... [fake Squidward rips off his suit to reveal Sandy] ...Sandy?
Sandy: Whoops, wrong outfit. [rips off bodysuit to reveal another SpongeBob in drag]
SpongeBob:[gasps] You're me! Then I must be... [rips off his suit to reveal Patrick]
SpongeBob: Nah, I'm just kidding. [rips off the SpongeBob suit and reveals another Patrick]
Patrick: I really am Patrick. [laughs. Other Patrick rips off his bodysuit to reveal SpongeBob again]
SpongeBob: Good one, Patrick! [both laugh] There's just one thing I don't understand.
Mr. Krabs: What's that, laddie?
SpongeBob: That. [points to two Patrick's laughing beside each other. Goes to black, ending the episode.]