- SpongeBob SquarePants
- Patrick Star
- Gary the Snail
- Squidward Tentacles
- King of Sports (debut)
- Angel Squidward (debut)
- Devil Squidward (debut)
- Shark Dad (debut)
- Shark Son (debut)
- Debbie Rechid
- Norma Rechid
- Old Man Jenkins (fat; blue)
- Charlie (cameo)
- Jennifer Millie
- Jimmy Gus
- Shelly Fishbowl
- Taylor Fishbowl
- Abigail Marge
- Martha Smith
- Miss Rechid
- Monroe Timmy
- Nat Peterson
- Susie Rechid
- Sandy Cheeks
- Don the Whale
- Frank the Red-Shirt-Wearing Fish
- Medley Fishbowl
- Frankie Billy
- Harold "Bill" Reginald
- Vera Fishbowl
- Frank the Muscular Goldfish
- Larry the Lobster (cameo)
- Nathiel Waters
- Tina Fran
- Frank the Lifeguard
- Mrs. Tentacles
The episode begins with SpongeBob taking out the trash. Meanwhile, a package falls out of a mail truck and onto SpongeBob's lawn. Patrick (who came out of the garbage can) and SpongeBob wonder what's inside. SpongeBob looks for an address, but he does not see one (the address, which says "Sandy Cheeks," was actually located on the other side of the package). Patrick opens the package then SpongeBob looks inside the package and they find a bunch of sports equipment in the package. However, SpongeBob and Patrick are not sure what the equipment does, so they decide to test the stuff.
First, they think a golf club is used to getting books off the top shelf so they knock the books down. Second, they think a bowling ball is a whipped cream holder. Patrick tries to eat the whipped cream on the bowling ball. He accidentally drops the bowling ball and it gets in his mouth. The bowling ball breaks the floor and Patrick falls through the floor. Third, they think a baseball glove is a portable snail bed. Patrick wants to try, so he knocks Gary off. Patrick fell asleep on it as well.
While they’re trying out the sports equipment, Squidward makes a sophisticated meal. A tennis ball breaks through his window and starts bouncing around his kitchen. Squidward gets angered by this and then hears SpongeBob and Patrick laughing. He goes outside and sees the two destroying his garden. Squidward becomes infuriated and says, “What are you doing with this equipment?” SpongeBob and Patrick don’t know what equipment means. Squidward tells them what the it is. SpongeBob doesn’t know what sports are, so Squidward tells him and Patrick the definition of the hobby.
SpongeBob and Patrick want to play sports. The two of them want Squidward to teach them how to play sports. Squidward says no, until Angel and Devil Squidward show up. Angel Squidward says he should teach them but if they play incorrectly, sports can be dangerous. Devil Squidward says he should teach them incorrectly because it's payback time. Angel Squidward gets hit by a tennis ball and says "let him have it, right between the eyes." Squidward then changes his mind and "teaches them."
First, they play horseshoes except they have blindfolds and pain gets them points. After playing it 100 more times, SpongeBob and Patrick are really hurt. Second, the two of them have to do a race with roller skates. SpongeBob and Patrick's feet severely injured in the process. After they finish the race, they're really hurt. SpongeBob and Patrick have a big sportz tournament, only to continue getting really hurt.
While they’re having the big tournament, Sandy is looking for her sports equipment. She finds the package but it doesn't have her sports equipment. Sandy hears the big tournament and walks there to ask SpongeBob and Patrick what's going on. SpongeBob says that he and Patrick are in the middle of a sports game. Sandy says this isn't any sports game she's ever seen before. SpongeBob says it's kickboxing, while Sandy says that whatever they're playing, it's causing them a lot of pain, but SpongeBob and Patrick won't stop playing because they're in a middle of a tie.
The Rule Giver comes out. Sandy goes to The Rule Giver and then realizes it's Squidward. The latter prefers "King of Sportz." Sandy realizes that Squidward is making a game where SpongeBob and Patrick get hurt and won't let them stop. Squidward says he's just giving the people what they want. Sandy makes an effort to put a stop to this because SpongeBob and Patrick are getting severely injured.
Squidward resumes the game and Sandy challenges him to a game of basketball, but the former refuses. The people say they want him to play, so he ends up doing so. The first round is basketball. Sandy wins this round and Squidward says it was a foul. Sandy however calls him out on this, telling him to go tell that to his mother. Squidward then goes to his mother, but she doesn’t want to hear it.
The second round is soccer. Sandy wins again. The third round is football. Sandy win for the third time in a row. Fourth round is pool, which Sandy wins. Sandy is the winner of sportz.
Since Squidward got hurt throughout the game, he became just as hurt as SpongeBob and Patrick did. The pair come to talk about the game she and Squidward had. Sandy ends their game and says they're both winners. She then gives all three of them a big hug. She hugs them so hard that Squidward's head pops and his eyes fall out of him.
|( ‣ ) Associated production music|
|( • ) Original music|
|( ◦ ) SpongeBob music|
‣ Sporting Triumph - Ronald Hanmer [Title card]
‣ Unknown Track 1 - Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [Opening]
‣ Unknown Track 21 - "Ooh..."
‣ Hot Steel and Slide Licks (l) - Jeremy Wakefield [SpongeBob looking through the box.]
‣ Unknown Track 38 - Nicolas Carr [SpongeBob takes sports equipment from the box.]
‣ Skipping to School - Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [SpongeBob and Patrick trying to figure out what the sports equipment is for.]
‣ Hot Steel and Slide Licks XI - Jeremy Wakefield [Patrick bounces onto the baseball glove.]
‣ Steel Sting (x) - Jeremy Wakefield [Patrick gets sleep.]
‣ Bobmatisme - Achille Alberto Scotti [Squidward preparing a meal for himself.]
‣ Tension Bits - Nicolas Carr, Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [Squidward growls.]
‣ Gator - Steve Belfer [Squidward's garden gets ruined by SpongeBob and Patrick.]
‣ ? [Angel Squidward appears.]
‣ Down in Davy Jones' Locker - Nicolas Carr [Devil Squidward appears.]
‣ Hot Steel and Slide Licks - Jeremy Wakefield [Angel Squidward crushed by a tennis ball.]
‣ Hot Steel and Slide Licks (b) - Jeremy Wakefield ["I'd be happy to teach you all about sports, SpongeBob."]
‣ Hot Steel and Slide Licks (a) - Jeremy Wakefield [Squidward laughs.]
‣ Cartoon Sting 4 - SpongeBob and Patrick throw horseshoes around a stick blindfolded.
‣ Hot Steel and Slide Licks (n) - Jeremy Wakefield ["Squidward, can the game be over now?"]
‣ Earl's Revenge - Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [SpongeBob and Patrick skating on the floor.]
‣ Hot Steel and Slide Licks (f) - Jeremy Wakefield [Close-up of SpongeBob and Patrick's swollen ankles.]
‣ ? [SpongeBob and Patrick doing dangerous sports at the outdoor sports arena.]
‣ A Fishy Conversation - Barry Anthony [Sandy looking for her sports equipment.]
‣ Cornu Fanfare (a) - Francis Shaw [The rule giver appears.]
‣ Big Bad Giant - Paddy Kingsland [Sandy challenges Squidward to a game of basketball.]
‣ Happy March - Sam Spence [Sandy makes a basket.]
‣ Hot Steel and Slide Licks (e) - Jeremy Wakefield ["Tell it to your mama, Squidward!"]
‣ Speed Trials (a) - Rod Argent, Robert Howes [Sandy playing soccer.]
‣ Hot Steel and Slide Licks (t) - Jeremy Wakefield [Squidward pulls his head back up.]
‣ Unknown Track 3 - Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [Sandy does a football round and launches Squidward to a pool table.]
‣ The Irish Patriot - Sam Spence [Sandy wins.]
‣ Bikini Bottom Bound - Nicolas Carr, Sage Guyton, Jeremy Wakefield [Ending.]
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- As of July 18, 2017, The Internet Movie Database (IMDB) gives this episode a rating of 9.4/10 based on 8 ratings by users. TV.com users give this episode a 7.5/10 based on 2 votes.
- This episode aired on July 4, 2017 in Israel, twelve days earlier than in the U.S.A.
- Along with "Spin the Bottle," this episode premiered before the 2017 Kids' Choice Sports Awards.
- Along with "Spin the Bottle," this episode premiered on Will Ferrell's 50th birthday, nine years after the premiere of "MuscleBob BuffPants," "Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost," "The Chaperone," and "Employee of the Month" in Poland, and two years after the premiere of "Lost in Bikini Bottom" and "Tutor Sauce."
- This is the first episode to have the Wilhelm scream.
- The original U.S. airing doesn't have the over-the-last-scene credits. Instead, it goes straight to the Kids' Choice Sports 2017.
- This is the seventh episode where everyone cheers except for Squidward. The first was "Texas," the second was "Squid Wood," the third was "Slimy Dancing," the fourth was "Sponge-Cano!," the fifth was "Sharks vs. Pods," and the sixth was "Food Con Castaways."
- It is possible that this episode takes place before "A Friendly Game" since SpongeBob and Patrick did not know what a golf club is in this episode.
- This episode takes place before "Your Shoe's Untied" and "Spin The Bottle" because in those episodes SpongeBob knew what sports and football were. However, in this episode, he didn't.
- This episode takes place before "Rock Bottom" because this episode takes place before "Your Shoe's Untied" and SpongeBob could tie his shoes in the former.
- This episode is sports themed, which is the reason why it aired before the 2017 Kids Choice Sports.
- This is the ninth episode to have the title end with a question mark. The others are "Christmas Who?," "Can You Spare A Dime?," "Have You Seen This Snail?," "Hide and Then What Happens?," "Are You Happy Now?," "What Ever Happened to SpongeBob?," "What's Eating Patrick?," and "Goodbye Krabby Patty?" respectively.
- This is the tenth instance of SpongeBob getting a black eye.
- This is the second episode in which SpongeBob and Patrick mess up Squidward's garden. The first was "Mermaid Pants."
- This is the third episode a shoulder devil and angel have appeared. The first was "The Donut of Shame" and the second was "Truth or Square."
- This is the second episode that a character says to Squidward, "That's low, Squidward, even for you." The first was "Little Yellow Book," in which Mr. Krabs says it to him.
- This episode was originally aired with "Spin the Bottle."
- This episode takes place before "Idiot Box" because in that episode, SpongeBob mentions being a football player and in this episode, he doesn't know what one is.
- This is the third episode in which Squidward wants to murder SpongeBob. The first was "The Lost Mattress" and the second was "Mermaid Pants."
- The seahorse that lands on Patrick looks like Mystery from "My Pretty Seahorse."
- This takes place after "SpongeBob SquarePants vs. The Big One" because in that episode, Squidward and Sandy didn't know each other, whereas in this one (and numerous others as well) he does.
- When Sandy and Squidward are about to play basketball, Thaddeus' eye is a deep murky blue colour instead of white.