The Ballad of Barnacle Bill Part 1
Prologue: The Lonely Sailor
Barnacle Bill the Sailor visits Shady Shoals Rest Home and receives a message.
Chapter 1: Long-Lost Friends
SpongeBob SquarePants goes to Shady Shoals to see if Mermaid Man or Barnacle Boy can sign his copy of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Comics number 38. However, when SpongeBob goes to see them, Barnacle Boy has come down with a cold. Mermaid Man says he could use someone to help him fold his socks and fill in for Barnacle Boy. SpongeBob decides to fill in for Barnacle Boy's role and help Mermaid Man with his laundry. When SpongeBob and Mermaid Man go down to the laundry room, Barnacle Bill catches SpongeBob. Barnacle Bill mistakes SpongeBob for the actual Barnacle Boy and says he has finally found his lost son. He explains to SpongeBob and Mermaid Man his backstory of losing Barnacle Boy. He explains that a very long time ago, Barnacle Bill was sailing the seas in his ship and came across the horrible White Water Witch. She was trying to kidnap the magical mermaid Cindy Sudds. However, Barnacle Bill punches White Water Witch out of sight. Cindy was so grateful of Barnacle Bill saving her that she granted him a wish. Barnacle Bill wished he was not so lonely all of the time. Cindy waved her magic wand and gave Barnacle Bill a baby. From then on, he was not a lonely man anymore. Barnacle Bill, Barnacle Baby, and Cindy sailed the world together. They lived a life full of adventure and excitement. Unfortunately, the good times ended when they met up with the White Water Witch. She wanted Cindy's magical abilities for her own. She locked up Cindy in a tower on Ruff n' Reef. As revenge for Barnacle Bill, the White Water Witch snatched his sidekick. Since then, Barnacle Bill has devoted his life on finding his sidekick and thinks he has found him. Barnacle Bill says that he and SpongeBob can sail to Ruff n' Reef to save Cindy Sudds from the awful witch. Mermaid Man reminds them that Barnacle Boy is now his sidekick and he was supposed to be in the laundry room to fold socks. Barnacle Bill and Mermaid Man get into a fight on which one of them can keep the sidekick. A bunch of Shady Shoals Caretakers come into the room to break the fight. During the fight, SpongeBob realizes that he can go with Barnacle Bill while Mermaid Man stays back at Shady Shoals with the real Barnacle Boy. SpongeBob goes up to Barnacle Bill and says he is ready to help him save Cindy. Mermaid Man is confused by this and thinks that his sidekick left him. Suddenly, the real Barnacle Boy comes into the room and reminds Mermaid Man that he still exists.
Chapter 2: Sidekick at Last!
SpongeBob SquarePants and Barnacle Bill are sailing the sea on a ship. Barnacle Bill starts talking about memories of getting a sub tattoo on one of their shoulders. SpongeBob does not have a sub tattoo and quickly draws one on his left shoulder without Barnacle Bill noticing. Barnacle Bill and SpongeBob put their shoulders together for old times sake. When doing this, they both realize they have a different type of sub tattoo on their shoulders. SpongeBob talks to Barnacle Bill about being on an adventure, sailing in boats, looking through telescopes, and sleeping in hammocks. However, Barnacle Bill talks about the previous adventures he had that involved eating nails for breakfast, sailing through 100-foot waves, and fighting with gruesome monsters. Barnacle Bill takes SpongeBob to the under part of the deck and shows him a map of Ruff n' Reef. Barnacle Bill explains that Ruff n' Reef is full of endless jungles, horrifying monsters, and tons of sailors taking orders from the White Water Witch. SpongeBob is confused as to why they are going to Ruff n' Reef. Barnacle Bill reminds SpongeBob that they're going there to free Cindy the Mermaid from a tower she has been trapped in for twenty-years. Barnacle Bill explains that he has not gone there to save Cindy by himself because he was looking for Barnacle Boy the entire time. But with a sidekick once again, Barnacle Bill and SpongeBob can save Cindy no matter what menacing menace waits for them on Ruff n' Reef. SpongeBob is nervous by this, but Barnacle Bill explains that it is worth any risk because every swab knows that rescuing a mermaid earns a magical mermaid wish in return. While talking, Barnacle Bill accidentally knocks over a lantern and it starts a small fire. SpongeBob quickly puts out the fire with a bucket of water. Barnacle Bill says that his magical mermaid wish is for Cindy to reunite with him and Barnacle Boy so they will be a family once again. Barnacle Bill praises SpongeBob for not letting him down. Suddenly, the ship they are on hits a bang. Barnacle Bill looks out of a window of the ship and sees that it is the ruthless and toothless, Gangplank Gus that hit them with his shark boat. Barnacle Bill explains that Gangplank Gus has been trying to prove himself tougher than Barnacle Bill since they had met ten years ago. The toughest feature of Gangplank Gus is his stinky breath. Barnacle Bill says that he is too busy to feed fish to Gangplank Gus as he is going to Ruff n' Reef to rescue Cindy Sudds. Gangplank Gus angrily says that he is tougher than Barnacle Bill and to prove it this time, he is going to Ruff n' Reef and rescue the mermaid himself. Gangplank Gus mentions that his magical mermaid wish is for Cindy to send Barnacle Bill to Davy Jones' Locker so he can wash all of the dirty socks. They now are competing on which one of them can rescue Cindy the Mermaid first. Barnacle Bill's ship breaks in half as Gangplank Gus smashes his boat through it. SpongeBob, holding on to a floating box, questions on how they are going to beat Gangplank Gus to Ruff n' Reef without a ship. Barnacle Bill pulls out strained seaweed caesar salad. This food is loaded with minerals and fiber which a boy needs to stay healthy. The seaweed caesar salad finally makes Barnacle Bill strong and have muscles. SpongeBob holds onto Barnacle Bill as he starts swimming very quick king. While swimming quickly enough, Barnacle Bill and SpongeBob smash through Gangplank Gus' boat.
Chapter 3: Ruff n' Reef
After swimming in the sea for a while, Barnacle Bill and SpongeBob have made it to Ruff n' Reef island. Looking through a telescope on the tower, the White Water Witch sees that Barnacle Bill has come to rescue his mermaid girlfriend named Cindy Sudds. Cindy, chained in the tower, is shown to be very old, rather now than when Barnacle Bill last saw her. Cindy explains that she could have escaped from the tower any time she that wanted, but she is an old-fashioned girl who expects a sailor to rescue the mermaid he loves. Even if it takes twenty-years. The White Water Witch warns Cindy that Barnacle Bill has a couple of big surprises for Barnacle Bill on the island. The witch tells her sea scum army crew to stop Barnacle Bill. Barnacle Bill and SpongeBob reach the Ruff n' Reef beach. Barnacle Bill says that he and SpongeBob got too mixed up with too many of sea scum. SpongeBob thinks this means making up a sticky mix that he just so happens to have with him. SpongeBob gives an army crew his saltwater taffy mix. The captain of the crew gives the saltwater taffy mix to everyone. However, the sticky saltwater taffy mix falls on the entire crew and they get stuck together. Barnacle Bill says that is not what he meant by mixing and starts punching away at the army crew. With all of the army crew knocked out, Barnacle Bill explains to SpongeBob about surprises. Suddenly, a gigantic prehistoric pterodactyl comes flying out from the sky and grabs Barnacle Bill away with his beak. SpongeBob is left on Ruff n' Reef island without Barnacle Bill. Gangplank Gus has made it to Ruff n' Reef and his smashed boat gets fixed. Gangplank Gus can now rescue Cindy Sudds and get his wish. Now what will SpongeBob do alone on the island with Barnacle Bill stuck with a pterodactyl?
Patrick draws tattoos on himself. The drawings are a bunny, a choo-choo, and a flower. Patrick thinks the drawings look tough, but SpongeBob thinks they look cute.
Real Tattoos Hurt
SpongeBob tells Patrick that his tattoos would be tough if they were real. Patrick claims that he has a real shark tattoo on his back, but it is turns out to be a real shark clinging onto his back and not a tattoo version.
Legends of the Deep
This comic talks about the legendary mermaids.
One Krabby Patty... To Go
Patrick desperately tries to get a Krabby Patty, even when he cannot pay money for it.
Mermaid Man at Home
Mermaid Man folds his own underwear. While doing this, he finds his meatball sandwich in the laundry.
- This comic was released twelve years after Crime and Funishment (AKA Bikini Bottom's Most Wanted) was released, nine years after "Friend or Foe" premiered, five years after SpongeBob Comics No. 2 was released, and four years after "Karen 2.0" premiered.
- In the Chapter 1: Long-Lost Friends comic strip, Barnacle Bill thinks Barnacle Boy is his lost son.
- Throughout the The Ballad of Barnacle Bill story, there is a running gag of Barnacle Bill being destructive to his surroundings.
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