SpongeBob's diary appears to be red in color, and the front title on the top reads "SpongeBob's Diary" in yellow font. SpongeBob appears to be holding a spatula on the cover with the #1 bestseller label located on the bottom right in light blue with purple font.
"Dear diary, what an amazing day I've had. This morning I was greeted by my nearest and dearest neighbor, Squidward. He had some very important news he was just bursting to share. He had decided that today would be the perfect day to deliver his profound opinions on how to properly raise and care for a household pet. Specifically, what not to feed them. The list was very thorough. Needless to say, this is all very enlightening. It warms my heart to know that Squidward thinks we're close enough to use the harshest words in his critique-- Horrible words that should never be used around strangers, who may now know how well-intended those words are. Knowing I have the tendency to dawdle, Gary cut our conversation short. And I hurried along to work, where I arrived only an hour and a half early for what may be my favorite day of the year: cleaning day! Together, Mr. Krabs and I scrubbed every inch of the Krusty Krab, and finally, with a little elbow grease, we were able to get into even the tightest spots. Ah yes, cleaning day."
When SpongeBob sees plaid, he has the urge to cluck like a chicken.
"If I hear the Bikini Bottom Municipal Anthem, I can't help but take off all my clothes and dance around in my underwear!"
Role in the episode
Squidward reads SpongeBob's private diary to everyone at the Krusty Krab, and everyone hates him when they found out it was SpongeBob's. SpongeBob becomes sad when he found out that Squidward read it. Squidward therefore is put in a stockade. Later SpongeBob comes along, and tells him since everyone loved his diary, he published it and it became a best seller. SpongeBob then tells Squidward that it only was his work diary and that it would've been worse if he'd read his Super Personal Diary, showing it to Squidward in his hand, but he's already reading the Super Personal Diary. This gravely upsets SpongeBob, and Squidward is pelted with fruits once again. Squidward states that it's worth it and laughs while reading it.