Sponge-Cano!/transcript

Template:EpisodeTr/142b

• [Squidward is about to paint]
• Squidward: [hears SpongeBob outside] Is that supposed to be singing? [paint brushes fall on the floor] I am putting that one on SpongeBob. [to SpongeBob] Would you clam up, SpongeBob ? I'm trying to paint in here!
• SpongeBob: ♪I cherish my fellow residents...♪
• Squidward: SpongeBob, why are you doing this?
• SpongeBob: I'm expressing to all the sea an attitude of gratitude!
• Squidward: Gratitude? What could you possibly be greatful, for?
• SpongeBob: Hit it, boys! [Slimy Trashcan Monsters appear]♪Oh, I’ve got an whole new, attitude, A life-time subscription to, gratitude, Friend you’ve got to change your, platitude, Live an attitude of, gratitude, I’m grateful for the life I am living, Who knows how long I will have it, I’m thankful for all I’ve been given, We make appreciation a habit, There’s no time like the present day, To have a present come your way, (All you have to do it grab it), So now I think that you will see (you’ll see), There’s nothing more you need, My friend this ain't no, platitude (platitude), Just an attitude of, gratitude (gratitude).♪ Or in your case, Squidward,An attitude of hattitude! [laughs]
• Squidward: Keep you and your gratitude to yourself! Because having you as a neighbor has left me with nothing to be grateful for! [slips on the paint brushes and falls downstairs, bursting a pipe]
• SpongeBob: Boy, Squidward, looks like you need your plumbing checked.
• Squidward: This is all your fault, SpongeBob!
• SpongeBob: May I help you out?
• Squidward: No, SpongeBob. Don't help me EVER!
• SpongeBob: Okay, see ya later. [walks away]
• Squidward: Moron. [uses his wrench to tighten the pipe, and tightens it up too much] Stupid pipe! [looks at watch] Oh, great. I'm late for work, again!
• [Bubble transition to The Krusty Krab. Squidward walks inside really fast]
• Scooter: Whoa! Slow down, Speedster! [laughs]
• Squidward: Don't jump in a coral pit.
• Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, how many times do i have to tell you, the customers' jokes are always funny! Now, give the gentlemen a chuckle!
• Squidward: Ha ha ha.
• Scooter: I knew you would soon get it dude.[laughs. SpongeBob is looking at Squidward]
• Squidward: Stop staring, SpongeBob.
• Sandals: I would like to order one Krabby Patty.
• Squidward: That'll will be 3 dollars.
• Sandals: [with many pennies] Do you accept pennies?
• Squidward: I don't have time to count all that!
• Sandals: Oh, well have it your way. I'll just take my loose change, ELSEWHERE!
• Squidward: Oh, please do, I'm trying to get some work done here. Sheesh, some people just want to waste your time. [Fred is tapping his feet] Hey, buddy, how am I supposed to focus with all of that insesant tapping? And what do you think you're doing, sir?
• Nat: I'm holding the door for the nice lady!
• Squidward: No, you're not. You're leaving your grummy finger prints all over the glass! And now yours truly is gonna have to clean it up! Why does everyone insist on making my job so difficult?! [to Dale] You always leave trash on the table! [to Mabel] Your teeth chatter! [to orange fish with a hat] Your hat annoys me! [to blue fish] You take too long in the restroom! [to SpongeBob] And SpongeBob, would you quit singing that song?
• SpongeBob: What's the matter, Squidward. Don't you have an attitude of gratitude?
• Squidward: [sighs] SpongeBob, I hate my job, and I live in a dead end town with neighbors I can't stand. I'm the most miserable person in Bikini Bottom! What do I have to be thankful for?
• SpongeBob: Well, it could be worse.
• Squidward: How could life in Bikini Bottom POSSIBLY get any worse?
• [a volcano erupts]
• Nat: Mount Bikini Bottom's erupting!
• SpongeBob: That's how.
• Lloyd: Ooh.
• Scooter: Look, the roof! [lava and fire is burning down the Krusty Krab,and everyone runs around screaming]
• Mr. Krabs: Eh, ya lemons. Afraid of a little lavar?[lava splashes on cash register] CASHY! Noo! Make it stop raining fire of destruction! [sobs]
• SpongeBob: Sorry to interupt your crying, Mr. Krabs, but shouldn't we get to a place that at least doesn't have a roof with lava coming through it? [everyone evacuates] Fear not, shelter can be found--
• Mr. Krabs: Oh, why even bother, SpongeBob? Can't you see? The civilization as we know is crumbling to dust! [a hideous close-up is shown] Civilic orders is in tatters. It's every man for himself, there's no other way. I'm gonna need your life essence! [grabs SpongeBob and Squidward]
• Old Woman: [to Mr. Krabs] What are you boys doing out still? Plenty of room at the Volcano Shelter! Now, I'll have no more roughhousing, you got that?!
• Mr. Krabs: [lets go] Oh, yes. Of course, ma'am. [to SpongeBob and Squidward] Try and behave yourselves, fellas.
• [cut to the Volcano Shelter]
• Mayor: No need to get excited, citizens. The government is working tirelessy to defeat this evil volcano.
• Billy: What are we gonna do?
• Mayor: Don't worry. We've got it under control.
• Billy: [jerks on the mayor] Under control? Half the city is on fire! You call THAT under control? Huh? Do ya? [the police take him away] The end is near, Mayor.
• Harold: That guy's on to something. What are you hiding from us, Mayor? Do you have some secret? Is the end near?
• SpongeBob: Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor, please. I've got something.
• Mayor: Yes, boy? How do you purpose we stop the volcano?
• SpongeBob: [takes out parking tickets] Actually, I just had a question about these parking tickets. I don't have a car.
• Squidward: Oh, boy. Morons.
• Mayor: WE'RE DOOMED!
• [a shadow appears in the doorway]
• Dolphin Warrior: [laughs] You fools!
• Mayor: Who are you?
• Dolphin Warrior: [laughing] I am an ancient warrior from long ago. The last of my kind who ruled over the ocean from before the dawn of time. But, a las, my people were wiped out by the same volcano that plagues you now.
• Harold: Then how did you survive?
• Dolphin Warrior: [laughs] I survived, because I was the only one who knew how to stop it!
• Harold: Well, don't keep us in suspense. How did you stop it?
• Dolphin Warrior: You must make... A SACRIFICE!
• [everyone gasps]
• Harold: What kind of sacrifice?
• Dolphin Warrior: A sacrifice must be made of the most miserable person.
• Harold: I knew it! We have to sacrifice the most miserable person!
• Monica: And who would that be?
• Harold: Well, it certainly isn't me! [everyone argues]
• SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward, who do you think is the most miserable person?
• Squidward: Don't know, don't care. [walks away]
• SpongeBob: But, Squidward, it's imperative that we...
• Squidward: [imitating SpongeBob] But, Squidward, it is imperative that we... [regular voice] NOTHING! I think I'd rather take my chances with the volcano than be stuck in this miserable barnicle hole with you, and the citizens of Dumb-Dumb Town! [everyone is angry at Squidward] What? [scence cuts to everyone carrying Squidward to the volcano] You idiots. You've got the wrong guy!
• Fish 1: We heard you complaining about the fingerprints.
• Fish 2: And the foot-tapping.
• Sandals: And my loose change.
• Mabel: And my teeth, [points to fish with hat] and his hat.
• Scooter: And you called your pipe stupid.
• Lloyd: And the fact that you said you were the most miserable person in Bikini Bottom! [plays tape recorder]
• Squidward: [on the tape recorder] I'm the most miserable person in Bikini Bottom! [grumbles] Let me down, you goons!
• Mayor: Sorry, Mr. Tentacles. Throw him in, fellas.
• Squidward: NOOOOOO!!!!
• SpongeBob: WAIT! It was I who made Squidward miserable. Throw ME in instead.
• Mayor: Works for me!
• [everyone puts Squidward down]
• Squidward: Well, I'm glad that y'all came to your senses. Bunch of ingrates. C'mon, SpongeBob. Jump in. [Squidward steps on the ledge; it breaks and Squidward falls and holds on to other ledges]
• SpongeBob: Squidward!
• Squidward: Ahhh! SpongeBob, HELP!
• SpongeBob: I'd love to, Squidward, but you said to not help you ever again! And that being my neighbor left you with nothing to be grateful for. I made a promise!
• Squidward: I take it back! [screaming] Please, SpongeBob, I didn't mean any of that! I do appreciate your friendship. I am grateful. I'm...I'm... [cries] I'm grateful for the life I'm living! Who knows how long I'll have it? I learned that from you, remember? Goodbye, everyone! [the cliff crumbles and Squidward falls and screams] Huh?
• SpongeBob: [grabs him] Squidward, I always knew you felt that way. [pulls him up] Aw, buddy. Thanks for finally opening up to us.
• [the pipe at Squidward's house bursts causing it to fall into the volcano. everyone except Squidward cheers]
• Squidward: MY HOUSE!
• Dolphin Warrior: Ah, now the volcano is appeased!
• Squidward: But I thought you said a sacrifice had to be made of the most miserable person.
• Dolphin Warrior: [chuckles] No! You didn't let me finish. I was trying to say, a sacrifice of the most miserable person's HOUSE. No one ever listens to me. [laughs as he flies away on his scepter]
• Squidward: You know, SpongeBob. In light of everything that just happened... I lied to you. I'm not grateful for anything! I mean look at me. I don't even have a roof to sleep under, anymore!
• SpongeBob: Well, I wouldn't say that. [bubble transition to SpongeBob going to bed with Squidward]
• Squidward: Go away. [turns out lights]