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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy VI The Motion Picture 123
"Cut! No, Mermaid Man, it's 'stolen Krabby Patties.'"

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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Sponge-Cano!" from season 7, which aired on January 28, 2011.

  • [Squidward is about to paint something when he hears SpongeBob singing.]
  • SpongeBob: ♪Oh, I've got an whole new attitude♪
  • Squidward: Oh, is that supposed to be singing? [paint brushes fall on the floor] I am putting that one on SpongeBob. [to SpongeBob] Would you clam up, SpongeBob? I am trying to paint in here!
  • SpongeBob: ♪I cherish my fellow residents...♪
  • Squidward: SpongeBob, why are you doing this?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, I'm just displaying for all to see an attitude of gratitude!
  • Squidward: Gratitude? You've been wallowing in filth all morning. What could you possibly be grateful for?
  • SpongeBob: Hit it, boys! [slimy trash can monsters appear] One, two, three, four! [song starts] ♪ Oh, I've got a whole new, attitude. A lifetime subscription to, gratitude. Friend, you've got to change your, latitude. Live an attitude of, gratitude. ♪ [the song only annoys Squidward] ♪I'm grateful for the life I'm, living. Who knows how long I will, have it? I'm thankful for all I've been, given. We make appreciation a, habit. There's no time like the present day. To have a present come your way!♪
  • Slimy trash can monsters: ♪All you have to do is, grab it!♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪So, now I think that, you will see.♪
  • Slimy trash can monsters: ♪You'll see.♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪There's nothing more, you need. My friend, this ain't no, platitude.♪
  • Slimy trash can creatures: ♪Platitude!♪
  • SpongeBob: ♪Just an attitude of, gratitude.♪
  • Slimy trash can creatures: ♪Gratitude!♪
  • SpongeBob: Or, in your case, Squidward, an attitude of hattitude! [laughs. The song ends]
  • Squidward: Keep your hat and your gratitude! Because being your neighbor leaves me with nothing to be grateful for! [slips on the paintbrushes and falls downstairs, bursting a pipe]
  • SpongeBob: Wow, Squidward, you should really consider getting your plumbing looked at.
  • Squidward: This is your fault!
  • SpongeBob: Don't worry, buddy. I can give you a hand.
  • Squidward: No, you have helped me enough. I don't want your help ever again!
  • SpongeBob: No problem, pal. [walks away]
  • Squidward: Moron. [uses his wrench to tighten the pipe, and tightens it up too much] Stupid pipe! [looks at watch] Oh, great. Now I'm late for work.
  • [Bubble transition to the Krusty Krab. Squidward walks inside really fast.]
  • Squidward: Pardon me!
  • Scooter: Whoa! Slow down, Speedster! [laughs]
  • Squidward: Go jump in a coral pit.
  • Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward, how many times do I have to tell you? The customers' jokes are always funny! Now, give the gentlemen a chuckle.
  • Squidward: Ha ha ha.
  • Scooter: I knew you would eventually get it, dude. [laughs. SpongeBob is looking at Squidward]
  • Squidward: Stop staring, SpongeBob. You're affecting my productivity.
  • Sandals: I would like to order one Krabby Patty.
  • Squidward: That'll be three dollars.
  • Sandals: [with many pennies] Do you accept pennies?
  • Squidward: I don't have time to count all that!
  • Sandals: Oh, well, have it your way. I'll just take my loose change elsewhere!
  • Squidward: Oh, please do, I'm trying to get some work done here. Sheesh, some people just want to waste your time. [Fred is tapping his feet] Hey, buddy! How am I supposed to focus with all of that incessant tapping? And what do you think you're doing, sir?
  • Incidental 41: I'm holding the door for the nice lady.
  • Squidward: No, you're not. You're leaving your grubby finger prints all over the glass! And now yours truly is gonna have to clean it up! Why does everyone insist on making my job so difficult?! [to Incidental 108] You always leave trash on the table! [to Incidental 82] Your teeth chatter! [to Incidental 2] Your hat annoys me! [to Incidental 67] You take too long in the restroom! [to SpongeBob] And SpongeBob, would you quit singing that song?
  • SpongeBob: What's the matter, Squidward? Don't you have an attitude of gratitude?
  • Squidward: [sighs] SpongeBob, I hate my job, and I live in a dead end town with neighbors I can't stand. I'm the most miserable person in Bikini Bottom! What do I have to be thankful for?
  • SpongeBob: Well, it could be worse.
  • Squidward: How could life in Bikini Bottom possibly get any worse?
  • [a volcano erupts]
  • Incidental 41: Mount Bikini Bottom's erupting!
  • SpongeBob: That's how.
  • Incidental 37B: Cool.
  • Scooter: Look, the roof! [lava and fire is burning down the Krusty Krab, and everyone runs around screaming]
  • Mr. Krabs: Eh, ya lemons. Afraid of a little lavar? [lava splashes on the cash register] Cashy! No! Make it stop raining fiery destruction! [sobs]
  • SpongeBob: Sorry to interrupt your crying, Mr. Krabs, but shouldn't we get to a place that at least doesn't have a roof with lava coming through it? [everyone evacuates] Fear not, shelter can't be far a-
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, why even bother, SpongeBob? Can't you see? Civilization as we know it is crumbling to dust! [a hideous close-up is shown] Civic orders is in tatters. It's every man for himself, there's no other way. I'm gonna need your life essence! [grabs SpongeBob and Squidward]
  • Incidental 93: [to Mr. Krabs] What are you boys doing out still? Plenty of room at the Volcano Shelter! [The citizens are entering the shelter.] Hey, but no more roughhousing, you got that?!
  • Mr. Krabs: [lets go] Oh, yes. Of course, ma'am. [to SpongeBob and Squidward] Try and behave yourselves, fellers.
  • [Bubble transition to the Volcano Shelter, where the citizens argue angrily.]
  • Mr. Mayor: No need to get excited, citizens. The government is working tirelessly to defeat this evil volcano.
  • [a member of the crowd angrily smashes the nameplate that reads "MAYOR."]
  • Incidental 107: What are we gonna do?
  • Mayor: Don't worry. We've got it under control.
  • Incidental 107: [jerks on the mayor] Under control? Half the city's on fire! [the two of the police angrily walk up to him] You call THAT under control? Huh? Do ya? [being taken away] The end is near, Mayor.
  • Incidental 40: That guy's on to something. What are you hiding from us, Mayor? Do you have some secret? Is the end near?
  • [the crowd of citizens angrily stretches their arms, but SpongeBob raises his hand.]
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Mayor! Mr. Mayor, please. I've got something.
  • Mr. Mayor: Oh! Yes, boy? How do you propose we stop the volcano?
  • SpongeBob: [takes out parking tickets] Actually, I just had a question about these parking tickets. I don't have a car.
  • Squidward: Oh, boy. Moron.
  • Mr. Mayor: We're doomed!
  • [a shadowy figure appears in the doorway, laughing. The figure reveals to be a humanized dolphin holding a staff.]
  • Ancient warrior: [laughs] You fools!
  • [The crowd of Bikini Bottom citizens looks at the dolphin flying on his staff. He lands on behind the mayor's desk.]
  • Mr. Mayor: Who are you?
  • Ancient warrior: [laughing] I am an ancient warrior from long ago. The last of my kind who ruled over the ocean from before the dawn of time. But, alas, my people were wiped out by the same volcano that plagues you now.
  • Incidental 40: Then how did you survive?
  • Ancient warrior: [laughs] I survived, because I was the only one who knew how to stop it!
  • Incidental 40: Well, don't keep us in suspense. How did you stop it?
  • Ancient warrior: You must make... a sacrifice!
  • [everyone gasps]
  • Incidental 40: What kind of sacrifice?
  • Ancient warrior: A sacrifice must be made of the most miserable person.
  • Incidental 40: I knew it! We have to sacrifice the most miserable person!
  • Incidental 115: And who would that be?
  • Incidental 40: Well, it certainly isn't me! [The crowd of citizens argues, pointing at each other. We look at SpongeBob, Squidward, and Krabs, as the citizens continue pointing at each other.]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward, who do you think is the most miserable person?
  • Squidward: Don't know, don't care. [walks away]
  • SpongeBob: But, Squidward, it's imperative that we...
  • Squidward: [imitating SpongeBob] But, Squidward, it is imperative that we... [regular voice] Nothing! I think I'd rather take my chances with the volcano than be stuck in this miserable barnacle hole with you [the citizens who continue arguing hear Squidward talking] and the citizens of Dumb-Dumb Town!
  • Man: Oh, oh, we're idiots now! Oh, nice! Nice!
  • Woman: I'm a solitary smart woman.
  • [A group of citizens walks to the exit of the stage, where they equip their torches and pitchforks, forming a mob to make a sacrifice.]
  • Squidward: What?
  • Male Fish: [The mob of citizens angrily carrying Squidward marches to the volcano.] Miserable Squidward! Oh, you are miserable!
  • Squidward: You idiots! You've got the wrong guy!
  • Incidental 108: We heard you complaining about the fingerprints.
  • Incidental 41: And the foot tapping.
  • Sandals: And my loose change.
  • Incidental 82: And my teeth! [points to Incidental 2] And his hat!
  • Scooter: And you called your pipe stupid.
  • Incidental 37B: And the fact that you said you were the most miserable person in Bikini Bottom! [plays tape recorder]
  • Squidward: [on the tape recorder] I'm the most miserable person in Bikini Bottom! Oh, would you just... [grumbles] Let me down, you goons!
  • Mr. Mayor: Sorry, Mr. Tentacles. Throw him in, fellas.
  • Squidward: No!
  • SpongeBob: Wait! It is I who makes Squidward miserable. Throw me in instead.
  • Mr. Mayor: Works for me.
  • [The trio puts Squidward down.]
  • Squidward: Well, I'm glad that y'all came to your senses. Bunch of ingrates. Come on, SpongeBob. Jump in. [Squidward steps on the ledge; it breaks and Squidward falls and holds on to other ledges]
  • SpongeBob: Squidward!
  • Squidward: [screams] SpongeBob, help!
  • SpongeBob: I'd love to, Squidward, but you said to not help you ever again! And that being my neighbor left you with nothing to be grateful for. I made a promise!
  • Squidward: I take it back! [screaming] Please SpongeBob, I didn't mean any of that! I do appreciate your friendship. I am grateful. I'm... I'm... [cries] I'm grateful for the life I'm living! Who knows how long I'll have it? I learned that from you, remember? Goodbye, everyone! [the cliff crumbles and Squidward falls and screams] Huh?
  • SpongeBob: [grabs him] Squidward, I always knew you felt that way. [pulls him up] Aw, buddy. Thanks for finally opening up to us.
  • [the pipe at Squidward's house bursts causing it to fall into the volcano. everyone except Squidward cheers]
  • Squidward: My house!
  • Ancient warrior: Ah, now the volcano is appeased!
  • Squidward: But I thought you said a sacrifice had to be made of the most miserable person.
  • Ancient warrior: [chuckles] No! You didn't let me finish. [looks at the camera] I was trying to say, a sacrifice of the most miserable person's house. No one ever listens to me. [laughs as he flies away on his scepter]
  • Squidward: You know SpongeBob, in light of everything that just happened... I lied to you. I am not grateful for anything! I mean look at me. I don't even have a roof to sleep under, anymore!
  • SpongeBob: Well, I wouldn't say that. [Bubble transition to SpongeBob going to bed with Squidward and touching his nose.]
  • Squidward: Go away. [He turns out lights, ending the episode.]
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