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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Spin the Bottle" from season eleven, which aired on July 16, 2017.
  • [The episode begins with showing the exterior of the Chum Bucket. It then cuts to the Lab of the Chum Bucket, where Karen, who is in her mobile form, is dusting off some bottles. A purple bottle rolls into her and she stops.]
  • Karen: Huh? Mm, I don't remember this bottle. [opens it and peeks inside]
  • Plankton: Poof! [appears in a genie costume from a purple-ish dust cloud] Alakazam! Your wish is my command!
  • [Karen scans him and identifies him as Plankton.]
  • Karen: I wish you back in the bottle. [pushes Plankton with the cork]
  • Plankton: Ow! [pulls himself out] Hey, cut it out.
  • Karen: All right, what's with the Ali Baba routine?
  • Plankton: It's my new scheme, Karen. I get Krabs to believe I'm a genie, I break this bottle, and then he's gonna put me in another bottle.
  • Karen: I hope it's a baby bottle because you look adorable.
  • Plankton: No, Karen, you hope it's the secret formula bottle because then we'll rule the fast food world!
  • Karen: Yeah, keep messing with that old crab, and the only container you'll need is an urn. [pushes Plankton in the bottle with the cork]
  • Plankton: Ow!
  • [Karen puts the bottle down and kicks it out of the Chum Bucket. The scene changes to Plankton pushing the bottle to the front door of Mr. Krabs' house.]
  • Plankton: [humming] Krabs should be heading out for work right about now. [opens the bottle and climbs back inside]
  • [A very tired Mr. Krabs opens the front door, yawns and stretches his right arm. His arm grabs Thaddeus' newspaper and coffee mug. Mr. Krabs drinks the coffee and becomes wide awake. He goes to read the newspaper while walking to work. As he walks, his foot kicks the bottle with Plankton inside.]
  • Plankton: Ow! [exclaiming]
  • [The bottle rolls towards the lamppost and flies into the rotating rudder of a boat.]
  • Plankton: Whoa, whoa, whoa! [screaming]
  • [The bottle rolls down the road towards the Krusty Krab. Inside the bottle, Plankton is having a rough time during the bumpy ride.]
  • Plankton: [grunting and exclaiming] Ow, ow, ow!
  • [SpongeBob is cleaning the windows outside the restaurant. The bottle rolls over SpongeBob's feet.]
  • Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, pick up that trash. [enters the restaurant]
  • SpongeBob: [stops cleaning windows and salutes] And a good morning to you, Mr. Krabs. [picks up the bottle and goes to throw it in the trashcan; but takes notice of it and gasps] Whoa, it's so pretty.
  • Plankton: Oh, no, that's SpongeBob. [SpongeBob shakes the bottle] Oof, oof!
  • [SpongeBob continues shaking the bottle and shrugs as he sees there's no worries.]
  • SpongeBob: I'm going home for my lunch break, Mr. Krabs! [opens the bottle and blows music through the opening]
  • Plankton: Ugh, nagging Neptune, the agony! [exclaiming]
  • [SpongeBob drags the bottle against the fence and laughs.]
  • Plankton: [bouncing around in the bottle due to fence-dragging] Whatever's happening, I'm sure it will be over soon.
  • [SpongeBob continues dragging the bottle against the fence, which appears to be extended for a long stretch of road, as he walks down the street. SpongeBob enters his house and shows Gary, who was watching the sports channel, the bottle.]
  • SpongeBob: Ooh, huh?
  • Gary: [hits the bottle] Meow.
  • SpongeBob: [laughs and pushes the bottle] Huh?
  • Gary: [hits the bottle again] Meow.
  • SpongeBob: [laughs and pushes the bottle] Ooh.
  • Gary: [slithers back to the TV and sighs] Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Hey, there's writing on this. [reading the inscription] "Rub bottle for magic genie." Magic genie! I found a genie!
  • [SpongeBob rubs the bottle real hard and it becomes red hot.]
  • Plankton: Ow, ow, hot, hot, hot, ow, ow, ow!
  • [Plankton pops out of the bottle in a blaze of fire.]
  • Plankton: Yeow! Alakazam! I am the genie of the bottle. [exclaiming from the burns]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, yeah! Hi, genie! Are you really a genie?
  • Plankton: Of course I am. Now, as a genie, I command you to take me to Mr. Krabs.
  • SpongeBob: [giggles] You silly genie, you. You know it doesn't work like that. I'm your master now, and you have to grant me three wishes.
  • Plankton: What? For cryin' out loud. All right, what would you like?
  • SpongeBob: Oh, nothing for me, thank you. That would be selfish. But I will make three wishes for my friends. Friendship is magical too.
  • Plankton: I'm gonna be sick.
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob and Plankton at the front door of Squidward's house. SpongeBob knocks on the door with the bottle.]
  • Plankton: Ow, ow, ow, ow!
  • Squidward: What do you want? It's my day off!
  • SpongeBob: Well now it's your lucky day off. Make a wish, and the genie shall make it come true.
  • Squidward: Anything to get you away. I wish I for a golden clarinet that always plays beautifully. There.
  • SpongeBob: [to Plankton] Say it. Mm!
  • Plankton: [sighs] Your wish is my command! [claps his hands and disappears]
  • SpongeBob: Yeah!
  • Squidward: So we're done? [slams the door]
  • SpongeBob: Huh? Genie? [looks in the bottle]
  • [Plankton paints Squidward's clarinet with gold paint. Then he kicks the paint bucket into the trash can and hides in the clarinet.]
  • Squidward: [notices the gold-painted clarinet] Well, I'll be an ocean monkey's uncle. The wish came true!
  • [Squidward blows through the gold-painted clarinet and makes mysterious but beautiful music. Plankton, who is inside the clarinet, is helping Squidward play the notes correctly.]
  • Plankton: [panting] Good thing I spent that last summer in evil band camp.
  • [Squidward stops playing music and puts down his clarinet. He now has gold paint all over his mouth and hands.]
  • Squidward: Oh, magic is real.
  • [Plankton runs out of Squidward's house and onto SpongeBob's head.]
  • Plankton: Oh, Master? I have an idea! How about your next friend is Mr. Krabs?
  • SpongeBob: My next friend is my best friend.
  • Plankton: Oh, for cod's sake.
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob and Plankton at Patrick's house. Patrick is trying to decide what his wish will be.]
  • Patrick: I wish...I wish...I wish...
  • Plankton: Pick something, you bozo!
  • Patrick: Well, sometimes I wish I had an extra head so that I'd have someone to talk to when you're at work.
  • SpongeBob: Aww.
  • Plankton: Pathetic. All right, your crummy wish is my command! Give me your hand, Jumbo. And the both of you, close your eyes.
  • [Patrick holds up his left hand as he and SpongeBob close their eyes. Plankton draws a doodle on Patrick's hand with a marker, making him giggle.]
  • Plankton: Alakazam!
  • Patrick: [notices the doodle on his hand] Oh! My extra head! It's my wish come true! Oh, I'm gonna call you... Noggin.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, hello, Noggin. Nice to meet you.
  • Patrick: Noggin, say hello to SpongeBob. [silence]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, he doesn't have to—
  • Patrick: Noggin, you're embarrassing me. Say hello to SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: No, it's okay, Patrick.
  • Patrick: No, it's not okay!!
  • Plankton: Leaping lungfish, can we go now?
  • Patrick: Yes, go! Noggin here needs to be taught a painful lesson.
  • [SpongeBob and Plankton leave as Patrick enters his house.]
  • Patrick: Okay, Mister, you can—ow! [Sounds of fighting and struggle] Ooh-ho-ho-ho! What are you do—? Ow, ow! Ow, Noggin, don't! Oh!
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob and Plankton arriving at the Krusty Krab.]
  • Plankton: Finally! The Krusty Krab.
  • SpongeBob: Of course, I was saving my last wish for good ol' Mr. Krabs.
  • Plankton: Ooh, izzy wizzy, let's get busy. [giggles]
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob talking to Mr. Krabs in his office.]
  • SpongeBob: And so this would be the third and last wish I have, and it's all for you.
  • [SpongeBob puts the bottle on Mr. Krabs' desk and opens it. Plankton pops out of the bottle with his magic dust.]
  • Plankton: Alakazam!
  • [Mr. Krabs doesn't care and pushes the bottle aside.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Child, can't you see I'm working here? [holds up clipboard with a word search on it. Comically, the words found are different words for money.] Take your toy and go play in the kitchen.
  • SpongeBob: [teary eyed] But it's a real genie, and I—I saved the last wish for you. [sobbing]
  • Mr. Krabs: Okay, stop your blubbering. I'll play along. I wish I had, um, $1,000.
  • Plankton: Your wish is my command! [quietly] You greedy crook. [disappears]
  • [Plankton is now at the First Nautical Bank.]
  • Plankton: I'd like to withdraw all my money, please.
  • [The cash register dings and Plankton runs out with $1,000. Plankton runs back to Mr. Krabs' office, puts the money on his desk, and goes back in the bottle.]
  • Mr. Krabs: [notices the money and gasps] Well, blow me down. It is a real genie! If I possess that bottle, I'll get three more wishes!
  • Squidward: [grabs the bottle] It's mine now! With three wishes, I could rule the music world!
  • [Squidward runs out with the bottle to the exit of the restaurant. But Patrick, who is now wearing bandages, trips him with his foot and grabs the bottle.]
  • Squidward: [gets up] What happened to you?
  • Patrick: I don't wanna talk about it. I just want a new Noggin.
  • [Mr. Krabs punches Patrick and grabs the bottle.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Got it! Nyah, nyah, the genie's mine now!
  • [Mr. Krabs goes to run back in his restaurant. SpongeBob comes out and sees a penny.]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, look, a penny!
  • Mr. Krabs: What? Money? Where? Ooh. [giggles]
  • [SpongeBob snatches the bottle as Mr. Krabs picks up the penny and puts it in his coin slot on his back. He turns around and is now in a bloodthirsty rage.]
  • Mr. Krabs: You hand me that bottle!!!
  • SpongeBob: No, Mr. Krabs! Oh, don't you all see? We shouldn't be fighting. Today we found out that magic is real. And that magic is magical and that magic makes you feel all sparkly and [quirrkily shakes bottle] carbonated inside.
  • [Plankton vomits in the bottle.]
  • Squidward: So how do we decide who gets the genie?
  • SpongeBob: That's easy. We're gonna play a little game called Spin The Bottle! [spins the bottle and Plankton screams inside]
  • [The scene changes to SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs and Squidward sitting on the floor in the middle of the restaurant.]
  • SpongeBob: So the rules are whichever one the bottle points to...
  • Patrick: Has to kiss!
  • SpongeBob: No, Patrick, they will win the bottle.
  • [Patrick goes to put lipstick on, but stops immediately.]
  • Patrick: Oh.
  • SpongeBob: And spin!
  • [SpongeBob spins the bottle. Plankton tries to hold his mouth shut to prevent himself from vomiting.]
  • Squidward: [nervously] Ooh, ooh...
  • Mr. Krabs: [nervously] Mm...
  • [Patrick laughs.]
  • Mr. Krabs: Stop on me, stop on me...
  • [The bottle stops on Squidward.]
  • Squidward: It's mine, it's mine!
  • [Plankton cheats the game as he moves the bottle to Mr. Krabs.]
  • Mr. Krabs: It's coming back! It's coming to me! Yes, it's mine! Whoo-hoo! [grabs the bottle, pushes Squidward, runs to the kitchen, and opens the bottle] All right, [rubs the bottle] abracadabra! [shakes the bottle] Hocus pocus! [shakes the bottle over his right hand] Open sesame!
  • [Plankton, who is liquefied, falls out of the bottle.]
  • Plankton: [gets up and feels dizzy] Al—Alakazoom! Your swish is my com—my com— [claps his hands] ♪My wishy wishy wishy wish fish!♪ [blows raspberry and tosses sparkles]
  • Mr. Krabs: All right, Alakazam, first thing I want is for everything in the Krusty Krab to turn into gold—even all the negative space.
  • Plankton: [rips off his genie costume] I can't do it! I can't keep up this charade anymore. I'm too mangled and mutilated!
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, I should have known! What was your lame-o plan this time?
  • Plankton: [sighs] I was gonna break that bottle so you would have to put me in the bottle with the secret formula.
  • [Suddenly, a cloud of purple magic dust erupts in the kitchen. In the midst of the magic, a real genie appears and he's not very happy.]
  • Genie: [grabs the bottle] So you were gonna break my bottle, eh? That's the last time I go on vacation and sublet my bottle to someone without references! [thunder claps] What did you do to it? It's all chipped and scratched!
  • Plankton: Calm down, you're insured.
  • [Squidward bursts in the kitchen.]
  • Squidward: Who's this clod with my bottle?
  • [Patrick bursts in the kitchen as well.]
  • Patrick: Who's that bottle with my clod?
  • [Patrick pushes Squidward aside and goes to reach for the genie's bottle.]
  • Genie: Hmm...
  • [The genie is outraged at Squidward, Patrick, Mr. Krabs and Plankton and sees that their greed, lust, and selfishness over his bottle had desecrated him and his powers.]
  • Genie: [thunder rumbles] So you all like bottles, eh?!
  • [The genie uses his powers to grab an empty ketchup bottle from the trashcan. Then he shrinks Squidward, Patrick, Mr. Krabs and Plankton in a smaller size and stuffs them in the bottle. He closes the bottle with a lid and drops it on the floor.]
  • Genie: [kisses his bottle] Oh, poor baby. Next time I'll take you with me to visit Mama.
  • [The genie snaps his fingers and disappears with his bottle. SpongeBob comes in the kitchen.]
  • SpongeBob: Hey, you guys, I—huh? Hmm, guess they worked it out. It's so heartwarming to live in a world with real magic. And the greatest magic of all is the way my friends are so close to each other.
  • [The ketchup bottle containing SpongeBob's friends rolls over to SpongeBob. SpongeBob picks up the bottle.]
  • Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Plankton, and Patrick: SpongeBob, will you get us out of here?! [exclaiming and shouting for help to SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: Yuck, this bottle of ketchup's gone bad. [throws the bottle in the trashcan with his friends inside]

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