Something Smells/transcript

Template:BTranscript

• [Foghorn sounds. SpongeBob turns it off and launches himself at his big calendar. He hits the 20th day] Wow! It’s Sunday, Gary! Guess what’s for breakfast?
• Gary: Meow.
• SpongeBob: That’s right! [puts a bowl on the kitchen counter] A sundae! [runs to the freezer and finds it empty] Whoops, looks like we’re out of ice cream. Guess I’ll have to use something else. Ketchup! [squeezes a bunch of ketchup into the bowl. Then runs over to the storage bin] Hmmm, bananas, cherries, boring. [closes storage door] Ahh, here we go, onions! [runs up to the counter with two sacks that say "onions" on them] Ready, Gary?
• Gary: Meow.
• SpongeBob: [Gary plays a violin while SpongeBob cries while peeling the onions into the bowl] Just one more thing! Pea... [opens up another storage door but finds an empty jar] ...nuts. Gary! Our peanuts jar is totally empty. [Gary burps] Hmmm... [snaps fingers] Wait! I know one other place we can find peanuts. [looks in the bathroom and finds a peanut plant in front of the window] Good thing I still have these peanut plants growing in the windowsill. [throws the plant into the sundae bowl] A little texture never hurt. There we go. [gets out a spoon] This sundae’s gonna taste great! Aren’t you going to help me, Gary? Gary? Oh well, more for me! [takes a few spoonfuls. Scene cuts to SpongeBob coming out of the kitchen with a bunch of sundae smoke coming out with him. He drops his spoon while Gary hides behind a coral plant] You know what they say, Gary. I’m easy like Sunday morning. ['morning' comes out of SpongeBob's mouth and wraps itself around Gary's eyes, twisting them]
• SpongeBob: Ok, let’s see my to-do list. [takes out a big long list] Go to work, go to work, go to work, go to work, go to work...wait, that’s not right. I need the one for Sunday. [takes out a small piece of paper] Ah, here we go. 'Say hi to everyone in Bikini Bottom'. [runs off. Scene cuts to SpongeBob running up to a citizen] Hello. [citizen runs off in disgust of his bad breath. SpongeBob waves] Some people are even late on Sunday. [SpongeBob notices a mailman] Hi mailfish! [mailman breaks his skin into a smaller fish and then into another smaller fish. SpongeBob notices a crossing guard] Hi, Mrs. Crossing Guard! [crossing guard gets a whiff of his bad breath]
• Mrs. Crossing Guard: Mother of mercy! [children walk across the street and then the sound of a crashing car sounds but its revealed to actually be a parade]
• SpongeBob: Wow! A parade! Hi, parade! [the band stops] Hi tuba player, hi drummer, hi guy with the cymbals, hi trumpeter, hi tamborine girl, hi timbale man, hi didgeydo player,[didgeydo player has a big skirt hat sunglasses playing a big long deep sound instrument], hi triangle player, hi the man with kettle drum, hi pianist, hi the guy with the flute, And heeelllooo, Dolly! [the stench ball rolls down the street, knocking the band out like a bunch of bowling pins and scattering them about. They all run out wailing in pain and disgust. The whole town is soon deserted]
• Fish bands: MY LEG! My leg! [they all run away from the stench]
• SpongeBob: Was it something I said? [he walks down the street] Something weird is going on today. Everyone is running away from me. And now… [he notices a giant pink wad on a bench] …giant piles of bubble gum?! Oh, what next? [Patrick’s head pops out from it]
• Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob. [his appendages form from the wad]
• SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Patrick. I’m confused.
• Patrick: Yes, I am.
• SpongeBob: Patrick, everyone is running away from me. Watch. [he walks over to a building] Hi, building! [the stench bounces off the building, and it slowly moves away. SpongeBob walks back to Patrick] I just don’t get it.
• [the stench goes toward Patrick, but bounces off him, as he has no nose]
• Patrick: I don’t either. Maybe it’s the way you’re dressed. [pan up slowly at SpongeBob’s clothes, looking fan-say]
• SpongeBob & Patrick: Nah.
• Patrick: Maybe it’s your voice. [SpongeBob laughs obnoxiously as he always does for an extended time, then stops]
• SpongeBob: Good one, Patrick.
• Patrick: Well, maybe it’s just because you’re ugly.
• SpongeBob: Ugly? [he puts a finger in his mouth, wipes his forehead with it, then strikes a pose. A spotlight goes off] You gotta be kiddin’ me.
• Patrick: Better try the reflection test. [he pulls out a large mirror]
• SpongeBob: [to his reflection] Hi. [the stench hits his reflection, and the reflection takes a hammer and breaks the mirror. Pat peeks through it]
• Patrick: Ugly.
• SpongeBob: Oh no!! I can’t be ugly! I can’t be! I can’t be ugly! [he runs up to a couple] Am I ugly? [the two catch a whiff on the stench. The husband pulls down a hook, the two bites down on it and the hook is reeled in. SpongeBob runs off and latches onto a car’s windshield] Am I ugly? [the stench goes around the glass and hits the woman]
• Driver: My eyes!! My eyes!! [the car swerves, spins around, throwing SpongeBob off, then explodes. All that’s left is the charred frame, but a policeman gives it a ticket anyway. A tire bounces by and lands on Sponge, who is on the ground]
• SpongeBob: I’m ugly… [cut to night at SpongeBob’s house. Lightning strikes repeatedly as Pat walks in]
• Patrick: SpongeBob, can I borrow some bath beads? [he walks through the dark house. He opens the library door. It’s pitch dark, except for a light from the fire. SpongeBob plays the organ mournfully. Patrick walks up to him, and he stops playing] SpongeBob? [the lights go on, and SpongeBob turns. He’s wearing a Groucho Marx-esque nose and glasses, and a dark cape. He turns his back to Patrick]
• SpongeBob: Go. Run away like all the others. No one would want a friend as ugly as I am. [he hits down on the organ]
• Patrick: Sure they would! It makes them feel better about the way they look! Maybe a story will cheer you up. [he picks SpongeBob up, without glasses or cape, up and puts him in his comfy chair] It’s called, ‘The Ugly Barnacle.’ [SpongeBob listens attentively] Once there was a ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died! The end. [Patrick grins, oblivious to his story's bad message]
• SpongeBob: That didn’t help at all. [he starts sobbing] How long? How long have I been ugly, Patrick?
• Patrick: As long as I can remember. You poor ugly thing, you. [SpongeBob clings on Patrick]
• SpongeBob: Help me! I’m so ashamed! I’m spiraling! I’m spiraling! [Patrick smacks SpongeBob in the face, twisting his head around] Thanks Patrick. [Patrick holds his hand up again, and Sponge stops him, stammering] It’s OK, Patrick. Spiraling, over.
• Patrick: Just do what I do when I have problems. [screaming] SCREAM!!!!!! [SpongeBob is covered with spit from Patrick. Patrick grabs SpongeBob and runs off] Come on buddy I’ll help you. [cut to SpongeBob and Patrick on the roof] OK now, say it. [Sponge hesitates] Say it.
• SpongeBob: I can’t.
• Patrick: SpongeBob, you’re never going to feel better unless you get this thing off your chest. [we see SpongeBob has a long lavender sucker being on his chest]
• SpongeBob: I know, Patrick. [he pulls it off and throws it aside]
• Patrick: Say it. Say it.
• SpongeBob: I’m ugly.
• Patrick: You’re ugly and what…?
• SpongeBob: Square?
• Patrick: No. Proud.
• SpongeBob: I’m ugly and I’m proud.
• Patrick: Good! Say it louder.
• SpongeBob: [louder] I’m ugly and I’m proud.
• Patrick: Louder.
• SpongeBob: [louder] I’m ugly and I’m proud.
• Patrick: Louder!
• SpongeBob: [louder] I’m ugly and I’m proud! [pan over to Squidward’s roof, where he’s tanning] I’m ugly and I’m proud!! I’m ugly and I’m proud!!
• Squidward: Is that what he calls it? [SpongeBob is breathing heavily]
• Spongebob: That felt great! I feel empowered.
• Patrick: So whaddya wanna do now?
• SpongeBob: I don’t know. How about a movie? [cut to ‘The Reef’ movie theater. SpongeBob and Patrick walk into a crowded theater. The two go down the front row] Pardon me. Ugly Sponge coming through. [two fish smell SpongeBob’s breath, their pupils turn to crosses, and they float upward]
• Patrick: People respect self esteem. [he and SpongeBob sit down the two now empty seats. SpongeBob leans over to a woman next to him]
• SpongeBob: Hi. I am very ugly. But you should enjoy the movie anyway. [the stench burns the woman’s eyes, complexion, and hair off, and her head is now all charred. Sponge leans over Pat to the man beside Pat, who is a blue version of Fred] Excuse me, sir. I hope my horrible ugliness won’t be a distraction to you.
• Fred: Not at all, boy. [he smells SpongeBob's bad breath] DEUUEAUGH!!!!
• Patrick: [to SpongeBob] Don’t worry about him, SpongeBob. He’s just a- [he notices his friend crying] SpongeBob? SpongeBob, what’s wrong?
• SpongeBob: I can’t do this, Patrick! I’ve tried, and I’ve tried, [he turns around, revealing an extremely deflated face] but I’m not always as confident as I look. Maybe I’d better just go back and hide. [Patrick goes from sad to angry]
• Patrick: [loudly] What is wrong with you people?! [he stands up] Afraid to look ugliness in the face? [he picks up SpongeBob] Well, here!! Look at it! [the stench pours into the audience] It’s ugly, isn’t it?! [he points SpongeBob at five people] Here! You look at it!
• SpongeBob: Hello. [the people run off. Patrick points SpongeBob at a larger group of people]
• Patrick: Look at it!!
• SpongeBob: Hi. [the people run off]
• Patrick: Look at it!! [the entire room empties out] Look at it! Look at it! Look at it!!! I WANT ALL OF YOU TO LOOK AT IT!!!!!!!!!! [Everybody screams in terror and they all run out of the theater in a panic]
• [Patrick and SpongeBob are all alone in the theater]
• SpongeBob: They all ran away, Patrick.
• Patrick: I bet there’s no line at the snack bar. [cut to the snack bar. Patrick leans over the counter] Hello...? Hello...? They must be on break. [Patrick looks bummed out]
• SpongeBob: Oh, wait, Patrick! I just remembered. [he reaches in his pocket and pulls out some of his sundae] I’ve got some of my peanut-onion sundae we can share! [the fume of it floats past Patrick, burning off his eyebrows]
• Patrick: That looks great! [closes his mouth on SpongeBob’s hand, and sucks out the sundae. Patrick sighs with relief, but he starts to feel funny] Oh, I gotta go to the restroom! [he runs off. Cut to the restroom, where Patrick and a fish in a green cap wash their hands at the sink] I’m out of soap, can I borrow- [the stench reaches the guy]
• Green Cap Fish: Stay back!
• Patrick: I just want some- [the fish takes out some money]
• Green Cap Fish: Here! Here’s my money! [he drops it] Take it! Take it and go away! [he runs off]
• Patrick: My hands aren’t THAT dirty… [he walks over to a line of three fish waiting at a stall] Hey, you guys want to hear a bathroom joke? [his breath reaches them, and they make disgusted noises]
• Indignant Fish: You tryin’ to kill us?! [they walk out murmuring. Patrick looks in the mirror]
• Patrick: [Says It In Shock] Oh… GOD!! I'M UGLY!!! [SpongeBob walks in]
• SpongeBob: Patrick, is everything OK in here? [he hears Patrick sobbing. He opens a stall door and sees Patrick sitting with a bag over his head] What are you doing in there, Patrick?
• Patrick: Wouldn’t you like to know?
• SpongeBob: And why is that bag on your head?
• Patrick: Why? Oh, no reason. Except you gave me the ugly! [he whips the bag off. SpongeBob recoils and gasps. Patrick walks out] What am I gonna do? I can’t go out looking like this!
• SpongeBob: Just remember what we talked about. There’s power in pride.
• Patrick: That may be fine for you, but I was one of the beautiful people. Now look at me! [his breath reaches Sponge and he holds his nose in disgust] I’m almost as ugly as you! I always thought if I was as ugly as that guy, I don’t know what I’d do.
• SpongeBob: Patrick...?
• Patrick: What’s my mom gonna say?
• SpongeBob: Patrick??
• Patrick: Oh my gosh, if my sister finds out, wait, I don’t have a sister, if the bank, I mean it’s one thing if you have bad shoes, or even bad hair, but… [SpongeBob grows, towering over Patrick]
• SpongeBob: PATRICK!!!!! [he goes back to normal] You’re not ugly. Your breath stinks. Really bad. [Patrick sighs with relief, his stench in the shape of a skull and crossbones]
• Patrick: Ahhhhhhhh, What a relief....
• SpongeBob: [his eyes water from the foul smell] OHHH, 'BARNACLES', Patrick! What did you eat?!
• Patrick: Oh, some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza…
• SpongeBob: No, I mean just this morning.
• Patrick: Some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza…
• SpongeBob: What else?
• Patrick: Well, I had some of your sundae.
• SpongeBob: Sundae… [he whips what’s remaining of it out] Patrick! My sundae gave us rancid breath!
• Patrick: Whatcha mean? [SpongeBob coughs as Patrick’s breath flies by him]
• SpongeBob: I mean, we’re not ugly, we just stink!
• Patrick: Stink? [the two cheer and run around in circles chanting]
• Both: We stink! We stink! We stink! We stink! We stink! We stink!
• [The fumes encompass the entire theatre and it dissolves to the ground. SpongeBob and Patrick run out and run up to Squidward, who is looking through the window of a wig shop]
• SpongeBob: Oh, guess what, Squidward?

{{L|SpongeBob & Patrick|We stink!! [the two hug Squidward, and then run off, still cheering] We're smelly! I reek! [[the two run off until they're out of sight}}