Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Snooze You Lose" from season 10, which aired on March 4, 2017.

  • [The episode begins at nighttime. Squidward, who appears to be very tired, is getting ready to go to bed.]
  • Squidward: Oh, why can't I get to sleep? Let's try it again. [sighs] Warm milk. [drinks milk] White noise machine.
  • [Squidward turns on the noise machine and it blows bubbles out. He groans as he closes his eyes. His eyelids say "10 Grit" on them. Then he wakes up.]
  • Squidward: Dim lights. [turns off lights and groans] [sings] ♪ Sleep, little Squidward, catch some winks / Everything and everybody clearly stinks ♪
  • [Squidward shuts his eyes, curls up in his bed, and tries to go to sleep. Suddenly, a loud belch is heard and a startled Squidward screams and clings on the ceiling with his suction cups. At SpongeBob's house, SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing while having a sleepover. SpongeBob chugs down a liter of soda and swallows it. His bottom begins to bubble up.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, yeah! Fizz Bomb Cola!
  • Patrick: Fire in the hole!
  • [SpongeBob's body bubbles up and he makes a really loud belch. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh.]
  • Squidward: [yelling] Hey! Will you two psychopaths keep it down?!
  • SpongeBob: Oh, hi, Squidward. How ya doing?
  • Squidward: Horrible! I haven't slept for three days!
  • Patrick: [grabs Squidward's hand and shakes it] Hey, that's great!
  • Squidward: It is not great! [pulls back his hand] I've got an audition with the Bikini Bottom Philharmonic Orchestra tomorrow morning, and I'm a nervous wreck!
  • SpongeBob: [appears behind Squidward] Why don't you try taking a walk? Works for me.
  • Squidward: You know, normally, I jump up and scream when you appear like that. But I'm so tired, I'm just gonna take your stupid advice.
  • [Squidward walks away. SpongeBob sees Patrick chugging down Fizz Bomb Cola next door.]
  • SpongeBob: No, Patrick, no!
  • [SpongeBob jumps out from Squidward's window and pounces on Patrick.]
  • SpongeBob: We've got to keep it quiet.
  • [Patrick's belly rumbles.]
  • Patrick: Tell my parents I love them.
  • SpongeBob: Ahh!
  • [SpongeBob stuffs Patrick's mouth with a pillow, pops out five safety cones, pulls out his real ears, and puts on his earphones.]
  • SpongeBob: Hit the dirt!
  • [SpongeBob takes cover and Patrick makes his loud belch through his eye sockets, sending SpongeBob flying to a wall. Patrick pulls his eyes back to his head and swallows the pillow.]
  • Patrick: [sighs] That was sheer beauty.
  • [Squidward walks out of his house.]
  • Squidward: Taking a walk... walk... walk. [groans]
  • [Squidward walks past a billboard saying, "Sleepy-Dream Beds," a person sleeping on a bench near a bus stop sign, a pet store where worm puppies are sleeping, and a TV store where a television is showing sheep jumping over a fence.]
  • Squidward: [groans] Home.
  • [Squidward walks into SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob, Gary, and Patrick are watching a movie. SpongeBob and Patrick are eating popcorn while sitting on the couch; Patrick is sitting upside down. They are surprised to see Squidward's presence as he walked in.]
  • Patrick: SpongeBob? What's happening?
  • SpongeBob: I don't know.
  • [Squidward closes his eyes and goes to sleep. As he sleeps, he starts to fall. SpongeBob forms into a mattress and catches Squidward before he hits the floor. Squidward pats on SpongeBob's eyes as if they are his pillows and lays down to sleep.]
  • SpongeBob: Aw, poor guy was just sleepy. Looks like we're gonna be here a while. See you in the morning, Patrick.
  • Patrick: [sleepy] Oh, yeah. I should probably...
  • [Patrick falls on SpongeBob and goes to sleep. Gary slithers onto Squidward's head and goes to sleep.]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: Aww.
  • [Squidward drools through SpongeBob's hole as he sleeps.]
  • SpongeBob: Aww.
  • [SpongeBob goes to sleep as well. After a long and quiet night, morning arrives and a scallop crows like a rooster.]
  • Gary: [wakes up] Meow.
  • [Gary slithers off of Squidward's head. Patrick wakes up, yawns, and scratches his back. When he looks at his rug, he immediately becomes scared.]
  • Patrick: [yells and panics] This isn't my rug! [stupidly] Where—where am I? Who am I?! [pants as he spins] Who am I?! [pants as he spins] Who am I?!
  • SpongeBob: [Catching Patrick's attention and calming him] Patrick, Patrick, calm down! You're at my house! Oh, and that is your rug.
  • Patrick: [looks closely] Oh, yeah. [jumps on the rug and rolls around in it] Ruggie, Ruggie, Ruggie. Ruggie, Ruggie, Ruggie.
  • SpongeBob: [shakes his body] Squidward, time to wake up. Wake up, little Squidward. [stops moving] Patrick, Squidward won't wake up.
  • Patrick: Ruggie, Ruggie, Ruggie, Ruggie! [takes off rug and pounds on Squidward] Wake up, little Squidward, wake up!
  • [Nothing helps and SpongeBob shrinks back to his normal size.]
  • SpongeBob: Maybe we should get him up.
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick pick Squidward up and walk around the room.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: [both chanting] Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up!
  • [Nothing is working. SpongeBob makes coffee in his coffee maker. Patrick holds open Squidward's mouth and SpongeBob pours down the coffee, burning Squidward's mouth.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Wake up!
  • [Nothing is working. SpongeBob and Patrick play loud music with electric guitars.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Wake up!
  • [Nothing is working and Squidward continues to sleep.]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, this is bad. Squidward won't make his audition with the Philharmonic Orchestra. What can we do?
  • Patrick: Oh, we'll have to create another Squidward in the lab.
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, you are a genius!
  • [The bubbles transition to SpongeBob and Patrick creating a monstrous version of Squidward in a laboratory. They take him out of the tank and set him down. SpongeBob gives the monster a clarinet. But instead of playing music, it goes wild and crashes through a wall. It then proceeds to rampage across Bikini Bottom, destroying several buildings.]
  • Patrick: Eureka!
  • SpongeBob: No, Patrick. It didn't work.
  • Patrick: Ohh, we've tried everything under the ocean and we failed! If only we could just crawl up inside Squidward and play him like a puppet.
  • SpongeBob: That's it! We could crawl up inside Squidward and play him like a puppet!
  • Patrick: [Forgetting what he said] Oh, whose dumb idea was that?
  • SpongeBob: Yours.
  • Patrick: [Stupidly] Well, it sounds good to me.
  • French Narrator: Later...
  • [SpongeBob holds Squidward's mouth open.]
  • SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick, you go in first and control his arms and legs. Then I'll go in and control the brain.
  • Patrick: Okay.
  • [Patrick steps inside Squidward's mouth and tries to fit inside Squidward's body.]
  • Patrick: Eww. [laughs] It tickles.
  • SpongeBob: How's that feel, buddy?
  • Patrick: Not bad. Okay, get on my shoulders.
  • [Patrick kneels down. SpongeBob jumps onto Patrick's shoulder's and closes Squidward's mouth over him. SpongeBob draws two lines on Squidward's eyelids to make them look like his pupils.]
  • SpongeBob: [holding Squidward's brain.] Okay, Patrick, I'm gonna see if I can make Squidward talk.
  • [SpongeBob moves Squidward's mouth.]
  • SpongeBob: [in his normal voice as Squidward] My name is Squidward, [talks like Squidward] and I think SpongeBob is a lamebrain. [laughs like Squidward]
  • Patrick: [laughs] Wow, you sound more like him than—than Squidward! [laughs]
  • SpongeBob: All right, Patrick, we've got a date at the Bikini Bottom Philharmonic. Let's get going.
  • [Patrick moves Squidward around.]
  • SpongeBob: [as Squidward] Whoa, whoops. [goes outside] Watch out. Take it easy. [at downtown, they bump to a construction worker, making him fall to the hole]
  • Worker: Hey!
  • SpongeBob: Left foot, right foot.
  • [Patrick continues to move Squidward but trips over and falls backwards. Patrick gets up, fixes Squidward's head and continues to move him. Inside Squidward, Patrick is having a hard time moving the arms and legs. SpongeBob frantically tries to control Squidward's brain, but no avail. Patrick trips and falls on top of a guy.]
  • SpongeBob: Whoa! Excuse me. Sorry.
  • [Patrick gets up and falls backwards, bumping into Orchid, who is talking on her phone. Orchid explodes after she falls. A boat bumps into Patrick, sending the driver flying and screaming while spitting out Squidward's brain and SpongeBob. Patrick gets up and walks over to Officer Rob, accidentally getting Squidward's suction cups on his face. When Patrick pulls it off, suction marks are all over Rob's face.]
  • SpongeBob: Pardon me.
  • Officer Rob: Hey, Twinkle Toes, you're in a no dancing zone. Now beat it.
  • [Officer Rob pulls Squidward's nose and lets go, making Squidward open his mouth. SpongeBob closes Squidward's mouth and Patrick walks off.]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, I just realized I don't know where the concert hall is.
  • [SpongeBob takes out a pilot mask and puts it on. Then he takes out a plane control and plugs it into Squidward's brain.]
  • SpongeBob: Uh, let's ask someone.
  • [SpongeBob flies Squidward around like a plane and lands in front of Miss Shell.]
  • SpongeBob: [as Squidward] Excuse me, ma'am. I'm looking for the concert hall.
  • [Miss Shell removes her glasses. SpongeBob struggles to stay still in Squidward's mouth.]
  • SpongeBob: [grunting] Whoa!
  • Miss Shell: Young man, you don't need a concert hall. You need a hospital.
  • Handsome Fish: Great Neptune, you're hideous! [reveals second head] I manage a freak show and you're exactly the kind of act I need.
  • Kid: Mommy, look! It's Frankenstein!
  • [Various people walk up and murmur about SpongeBob and Patrick's disguise in Squidward's body. SpongeBob notices a bus with the word, "Philharmonic," on it at the bus stop.]
  • SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick! That bus is going to the concert hall!
  • [Patrick runs over to the bus and enters inside. He takes out a quarter from Squidward's pocket but drops it and it goes out of the bus. Smiles nervously as Nat narrows his eyes]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, do you have any change?
  • Patrick: One second.
  • [Patrick pulls his bellybutton and takes out an extra quarter. SpongeBob is grossed out, but takes the quarter and puts it in the coin slot.]
  • Nat Peterson: Hey, I wasn't born yesterday. That'll be three fares.
  • [SpongeBob puts two more coins in the slot and he, along with Patrick, goes to take a seat.]
  • Nat Peterson: Hmm, what some people won't do to cheat the system. [closes bus door]
  • French Narrator: Moments later...
  • [The bus arrives at the concert hall and drops SpongeBob and Patrick off. Patrick walks up to the main stairway.]
  • Maestro Mackerel: And don't come back!
  • Musician: [exits the hall with a trumpet tangled to his head] Oh, man. That conductor's brutal.
  • [Patrick enters the concert hall, but trips over one of the steps. As they fall, Squidward, who is still asleep, spits SpongeBob and Patrick out.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoa!
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick land on the stage, making a mess. Squidward lands on top of SpongeBob and Patrick and they are back in his body.]
  • SpongeBob: [as Squidward] I was just, oh, um, [picks up music stand] the thing is not on the thing. [throws music stand] Oh, uh...
  • Maestro Mackerel: Who is that imbecile?
  • Octavius Rex: Squidward Tentacles. Apparently, he's a clarinet player. [gets hit with a toaster]
  • Maestro Mackerel: All right, whenever you're ready.
  • SpongeBob: [whispering] The clarinet, where's his clarinet?
  • Patrick: I got it. [turns and reveals that Squidward's clarinet is in his butt.]
  • SpongeBob: [Disgusted] Ew, why'd you put it there?
  • Patrick: I guess I never actually thought of the moment where we'd have to play it.
  • SpongeBob: [digs around Squidward's brain] Let's see, the ability to play clarinet has got to be in his brain somewhere. [squeezes Squidward's brain.] It's just a matter of squeezing it out.
  • [SpongeBob makes Squidward put his clarinet on his eye. However, Patrick takes the clarinet and plays horrible notes with it. SpongeBob continues to mess with Squidward's brain. Maestro Mackerel becomes irritated and bends a trumpet and throws it away.]
  • Maestro Mackerel: [growls] All right, thank you, next!
  • [Patrick takes the clarinet and surprisingly plays beautiful music. Maestro Mackerel continues to growl when he and Octavius Rex are stunned by the performance.]
  • Maestro Mackerel and Octavius Rex: Huh?
  • [Patrick continues to play beautiful music and dances around the stage. SpongeBob conducts the music with Squidward's brain.]
  • Maestro Mackerel: He's magnificent.
  • [Suddenly, unknown to SpongeBob and Patrick, Squidward finally wakes up and notices that he's playing the clarinet.]
  • Squidward: What—what's going on here? Where am I? I'm at the audition. I'm playing, but I'm not in control. I—I—I feel like I've been taken over by something.
  • Patrick: What's going on?
  • SpongeBob: [Squidward's brain is shaking.] I don't know what's happening! I'm losing control!
  • Squidward: [struggling to regain control] Must... gain... control!
  • Maestro Mackerel: That's an unusual playing style, but still he sounds magnificent.
  • SpongeBob: [Squidward's brain smacks him] Patrick, I don't think I can command his brain much longer!
  • Patrick: Me neither, SpongeBob!
  • [Squidward turns his eyes and sees SpongeBob and Patrick inside him.]
  • Squidward: What was that—SpongeBob? Patrick? You're inside me?! Oh, how did this happen? Get out of my mind!
  • [Squidward punches SpongeBob with his eyes.]
  • Squidward: Get out of my body! Just—just—just get out!
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick fight Squidward inside his body. SpongeBob pulls Squidward's nose and bites his brain. Patrick punches Squidward inside. Squidward inhales and vomits SpongeBob and Patrick out of his body.]
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Ta-da!
  • Squidward: Oh, I am going to lambaste you two!
  • Maestro Mackerel: You're a wizard. A magical, musical wizard.
  • Squidward: I—huh? Oh.
  • [Squidward prepares to play his clarinet.]
  • Maestro Mackerel: Yes, yes! Oh, bring us to [throws his clipboard away] ecstasy, maestro!
  • Squidward: I envy you common people. For you are about to have the glorious honor of hearing me play Gustav Mollusk's Symphony No. 5 in C Sharp Minor. For I am in complete control.
  • [Squidward proceeds to play the clarinet. However, instead of playing beautiful music as he did before, he squeals out loud and horrible notes. Maestro Mackerel and Octavius Rex cover their ears. The stage lights break. SpongeBob and Patrick's eyes crack and break like glass. A flock of birds fly away. Chunks of ice fall in the water. Two large buildings collapse to the ground.]
  • French Narrator: Later...
  • [The bus drives SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick home from the concert hall. SpongeBob and Patrick sleep while Squidward is feeling rejected as his clarinet is wrapped around his head. Squidward hears beautiful music from outside of the bus. He looks out the window and sees the monster octopus playing music with a building like a clarinet. The monster roars and the crowd cheers for its performance. The monster bows, ending the episode.]
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