Smoothe Jazz at Bikini Bottom/transcript

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• [it is night time at The Krusty Krab, Squidward is sweeping and dancing, while listening to Kelpy G's music on the radio]
• Squidward: La-da-dee-la-da-doo-la-da-doo... [Harold leaves and Squidward holds the door open] Thank you for eating at The Krusty Krab! [SpongeBob is struggling with dirty dishes cheerfully] May I help you with that?!
• SpongeBob: Thank you, Squidward! [to himself] Gee, looks like playing Kelpy G's music has really energized him!

SpongeBob: Kelpy's music is really...unique.

Squidward: Kelpy's not for everyone.

Radio: That was Kelpy G. Taking you on a trip that is out of this ocean. Hope you fellow kelpheads got your tickets early, because this concert at High Tide Stadium is Sorry, Sold Out.

SpongeBob: Ooooo! Kelpy G is performing tonight Squidward! But tickets are Sorry, Sold Out.

Squidward: Oh, how could this be? Whatever shall I do?

SpongeBob: You forgot to buy a ticket?

Squidward: Oh no, I have a ticket. I just don't know what i'll do without you there! (Squidward snaps) Oh wait, I just realized...I'll be having the greatest time of my life!

SpongeBob: Squidward, May I at least gaze upon your ticket?

Squidward: Oh yeah. I show you the ticket, and then through some manner of polly, you destroy it! (Patrick swallows ticket)

SpongeBob: You're probably not gonna get that back before show time.

Radio: This goes out to all those sad slads without a ticket to tonights concert. We can give the last two tickets two one lucky collar!

Squidward: Oh, the tickets to a life! (Squidward runs to phone, picks it up and dials)

Telephone: Hey! You are lucky loser #1! Please try again. Hey! You are lucky loser #5! Please try again. Hey! You are lucky loser #9! Please try again. 22! Try again. 27! 65!

Squidward: Oh come on! Nothing but a scam!

Telephone: And now! You're winning car #102!

SpongeBob: I am? (Squidward on-purpusely falls over in shock)

Telephone: Not only have you won two front row seats, but you and a friend will go backstage to meet Kelpy G himself!

SpongeBob: Me... and a friend. (SpongeBob touches Squidward) I wonder who that will be!

SpongeBob: Can you believe it? We're gonna meet our hero! Kelpy G!

Squidward: Ah, so nice to be surrounded by such kindred spirits. 

Octopus: You can say that again. It's a rare treat to mingo with true die-hearted smooth-jazzes.

SpongeBob: You said it, lady! I've got a die-heart to attend this morning! Who's ready for a Kelpy G concert tonight!?

Octopus: Was it you who brought the rockus miscreant?

Squidward: No. Of course not. No.

Squidward: See all you fellow kelpheads at the show!

Octopus: Just keep your friends, outbursts, under control.

SpongeBob: Isn't this great, Squidward? Wow, I love your Kelpy G wig, sir.

Octopus: What wig?

Squidward: Come on, SpongeBob. SpongeBob's obnoxiousnus is ostracising meet of all these other fans! Somehow I gotta get him to slip! 

SpongeBob: Woah, just look at that lemonade line.

Squidward: Ha! That's it!

Squidward: Hang on, SpongeBob? I need a rest, my throat is parched, I really wish I knew where one could brochure some...lemonade.

SpongeBob: Um, yeah.

Squidward:  I said, I wonder where someone could get some lemonade.

SpongeBob: Yeah.

Squidward: Oh, it's right behind you SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Oh. Why don't I get you some for you?

Squidward: Oh. Dear me. No. I cannot have you wait in that long line, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: It's no problem, Squidward. Really.

Squidward: Well, if you insist.

SpongeBob: Alright. One lemonade, coming up.

Squidward: Ha ha ha. See you after the show, Spongey.

Squidward: (Octupuses snapping) Two nice scallop sunmans, I just love this too.

Octopus: Hey hey, a fellow mellow jazz daslo.

Squidward: I just love dancing to the smooth waves of jazz jee. 

Octopus: I'm picking up while you're laying down! You can groove with us any time!