Slimy Dancing/transcript

Template:EpisodeTr/88c

• Squidward: Well, Squidward, ol' boy, all that's left is to go win that dancing trophy and give it a home. After all, nobody ever worked harder to get it than you. [flashback to him dancing with some other fish] All those years of training with the masters. Your tireless effort to keep your instrument supple. [flashback to him getting his legs twisted and stretched] Not to mention your weekly thigh waxing. [pulls some hair off his leg as a scream is heard] And now, it's time to go get it. So, let's do it. Whoo...! [runs out of his house and into a bar of bamboo]
• Patrick: Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. Want to give me a ruling, SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward, you got to go lower to win.
• Squidward: What? What are you two doing?
• SpongeBob: We're limbo dancing to get ready for the dance-a-thon auditions.
• Patrick: We're gonna win the trophy.
• Squidward: Ha. The two of you? Don't make me laugh. Come here... see that? That's where the trophy's going. [shows them the trophy case]
• SpongeBob: You built us a trophy case for when we win? [both hug Squidward] Oh, you are a true friend.
• Squidward: no, you twits. I built that trophy case for me when I win. I'm going to ace the tryouts today and then I'm going to the finals tomorrow and win the trophy. I am going forth to meet my destiny. Good-bye. [runs out but runs into the limbo bar again]
• Patrick: Ruling, SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: I think we better raise the bar. [cut to the tryouts where Squidward sits down on the bench]
• SpongeBob & Patrick: Hiya, Squidward.
• Squidward: Oh, great. The flying Gyvonne Brothers. Just ignore them, Squidward.
• Female: [over loudspeaker] Contestants 51 and 52 to the stage, please.
• SpongeBob: We're up, Patrick. Wish us luck, Squidward.
• Squidward: Do I know you?
• SpongeBob: [laughs] You kidder. Let's go, Patrick.
• Squidward: Poor boobs, they don't stand a chance. [laughs]
• SpongeBob: Well, see you at the finals tomorrow, Squidward.
• Squidward: You actually got in?
• SpongeBob: Yep.
• Squidward: Humph, if those two nitwits made it then I'm a shoo-in.
• Female: [over loudspeaker] Contestant 53 to the stage, please.
• Squidward: Look out, dancing world, here comes your future. Music, please. [dances]
• Judge: Next.
• Squidward: Excuse me?
• Judge: You're done. You know, next contestant. You didn't make the cut, sorry, Mac.
• Squidward: But, but, but, but, you don't understand. I already build a trophy case with the cutest little plaque. If I could just touch it...
• Judge: Hey!
• Squidward: But I, hey... Unhand me, you brutes. Ah! [cut to Squidward crying into his house and walking into a limbo bar again]
• Patrick: SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: You're just not getting into the spirit of this thing, Squidward.
• Squidward: Doh, help me up.
• SpongeBob: How'd the audition go, Squidward?
• Squidward: (gets choked up)The audition? My trophy? [sobs uncontrollably] I mean, uh, uh, yeah, the audition. [chuckles] Evidently, I'm such a great dancer that I've been banned from the competition for life.
• Patrick: Whoa.
• SpongeBob: Impressive. [gasps] Hey, Squidward, would you be our coach for the finals?
• Squidward: What? I've got better thinks to do than help you two dopes.
• Patrick: Like polishing your empty trophy case?
• Squidward: Fine. But I keep the trophy when we win, deal?
• SpongeBob & Patrick: Deal.
• Squidward: Ok. Show me what you got, Patrick.
• Patrick: Ok, here I go. Watch me now. [goes under the limbo stick but gets a butt cramp before going all the way through] Cramp! [screams and rolls around. Squidward opens the door and Patrick rolls outside]
• Squidward: Well, I guess that just leaves you, SpongeBob. Show me your stuff. Ready, and... [turns on some music. SpongeBob laughs and wiggles his arms and legs all around the room. Squidward grabs his arms] Having fun?
• SpongeBob: Yes, yes I am.
• Squidward: SpongeBob, dancing isn't supposed to be fun. It's supposed to be art and art is suffering! Now, we'll start with some ballet. Watch my feet and follow my lead. Ready, and...plié. [SpongeBob and Squidward bend their knees] Relevé. [twirl around on their toes] And now grand jeté. [Squidward slips on the limbo stick] Where am I? See if I can find the lights. [turns on the light and sees a giant SpongeBob face. Squidward's head is stuck inside SpongeBob's body] Wait a minute. [feels around] This gives me an idea. [Squidward's body is now inside SpongeBob's] Ready, SpongeBob?
• SpongeBob: [salutes] Ready!
• Squidward: A one and a two, and... [SpongeBob dances] Plié, jeté, relevé - [SpongeBob's legs get tangled in a knot] No, no, no. This will never work. You've got two left feet.
• SpongeBob: [takes off feet] How'd you know? [he wiggles both of his left pair of toes]
• Squidward: Gimme those. [takes SpongeBob's legs and puts his own legs through SpongeBob's pants] That's better. Ok, let's go. SpongeBob, what are you doing? [SpongeBob's arms are in the air wiggling] Why are you moving your arms like that?
• SpongeBob: [laughs] I guess they're happy.
• Squidward: Argh, hand 'em over. [SpongeBob hands Squidward one of his arms] And the other one, come on. [Squidward breaks off the other one then uses his arms as SpongeBob's] Ah, now that's more like it.
• SpongeBob: Gee, Squidward, with your arms and legs doing all the work, I'm not really doing anything. I think I should help.
• Squidward: Are you questioning my leadership.
• SpongeBob: Well, I just...
• Squidward: Ok, hand it over. [SpongeBob hands his mouth to Squidward]
• SpongeBob: You know what, Squidward?
• Squidward: What's that?
• SpongeBob: I think I'm suffering for my art now. [cut to the dance recital where Pilar is already dancing] Good gravy. Get a load of the talent here.
• Squidward: Oh, please. Just wait until you see my brilliant moves.
• [Pilar who is dancing falls on his face. The crowd gasps as the judges give him a total score of 5. The next dancer is a whale balancing a ball on its head. The judges total score is 23.5. The next dancer is a giant sea horse, then a dancer who can balance coins on his arms while jumping up and down. The judges score him a 29.5]
• SpongeBob: Oh my goodness. I am honored to be in the presence of such divine talent.
• Squidward: Quit groveling. Where is your dignity? [gets SpongeBob up and slaps him] These losers are here to worship us. I mean me. By the end of the night I'll have them on their knees just begging for more.
• Female: [over loudspeaker] Now that's what I like to call a hard act to follow. Next up, we have SpongeBob SquarePants.
• Frank: Oh, man. I can't wait. I am so stoked on dancing right now.
• SpongeBob: Now, before I begin, let me just thank you all for coming out tonight. [Squidward grabs SpongeBob's mouth]
• Squidward: Will you stop it? And let my dancing do the talking. [dances]
• SpongeBob: Wow, Squidward, the crowd's gone silent.
• Squidward: Of course they have. They are in the presence of a true artiste.
• Frank: What's he doing?
• Nat: Is he hurt?
• Nathiel: I don't know man, but it's hurting my eyes.
• Clay: I think I'm gonna be sick. [throws up]
• SpongeBob: Uh, Squidward?
• Squidward: Ha. If they think that's good, wait till they see... [gets a knot in his leg] Cramp! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! [bounces around on the floor on his headwhile everyone leaves. Fred was asleep wakes up and is about to walk out the door. All grumbling and leaving, except blue man]
• Fred: Hey, guys, wait up. Huh? What's this? [sees SpongeBob dancing] That's kind of nice. Hey guys, come check this out.
• Squidward: Must finish dance... on other... [gets another cramp in the other leg]
• SpongeBob: Um, Squidward, is this part of the act?
• Squidward: [screams] I'm in pain! [crowd cheers and throws flower onto the stage]
• Judge #2: By unanimous decision, we have a winner.
• Squidward: [gasps] Mine! [grabs the trophy and hugs it] I won, I won!
• Judge #2: Never before have I seen such zest, such joie de vivre.
• SpongeBob: Oh, thank you, you're too kind. But I couldn't have done it without a very special someone. [grabs Squidward]
• Squidward: Wait, SpongeBob, no! [is pulled out from SpongeBob's body]
• Judge #2: The rulebook clearly states "A single dancer must perform without any further assistance from a partner." Therefore, you're the winner. [hands trophy to coin balancing dancer]
• Fish #6: Oh man, the jig's up, Pedro. We're going home. [rips his wig in half and shows Pedro inside of it]
• Pedro: It's all right, I'll go call a taxi.
• Judge #2: Merciful Neptune. Are there any more cheaters?
• Fish #7: [takes off the sea horse costume] Ah, crud, we're two dancers.
• Scottish Octopus: We're nine dancers, actually. [lifts his kilt up to show 8 little ones around his legs]
• Pilar: [takes Frank out of his pants] Does this count?
• Judge #2: Isn't there a single dancer here who is not assisted by a partner?
• Judge: Uh, what about number 52 over there? [Patrick is moving around on the ground screaming]
• Judge #2: Is he alone?
• Judge: Well, let me see. [looks inside Patrick's mouth] Why, yes, he is a single dancer.
• Judge #2: Oh, well, then. I guess he wins. [Patrick screams some more as everyone else, except Squidward cheers]
• SpongeBob: I love your new dance, Patrick.
• Patrick: Thanks.
• Narrator: Epilogue.
• Sadie: Tommy? I've got a fresh load of laundr- [screams as she thinks Tommy is having a seizure on the floor] Tommy! Oh! Oh, dear me, no! [dials phone numbers] Hello, it's an emergency! My son! He's-
• Tommy: [scoffs] Mom, calm down. [stops music] I'm just doing "The Cramp"!
• Sadie: [hangs up phone] Oh, oh you kids and your crazy dance fads. [she laughs and is soon joined by Mr Krabs, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward]
• Patrick: Hey, everybody, let's all do "the cramp"!
• All: Yeah! [Sadie sets up the music. Everybody dances "the cramp" and scream]