Encyclopedia SpongeBobia
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Encyclopedia SpongeBobia

This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Slide Whistle Stooges" from season 6, which aired on February 16, 2009.

  • Squidward: [wakes up, goes into the shower, and starts to brush himself when he starts hearing a slide whistling noise every time he uses the brush] Huh? What's that? Hmm, must be hearing things.
  • [Goes outside and breathes in]
  • Squidward: Ahhhh... smell that fresh morning sea! [singing to himself] ♪La da dum dum dee.♪
  • [Bends down to pick up the newspaper and hears the slide whistling noise. The same happens when he stands back up.]
  • Squidward: Huh? Must be hearing things... Again.
  • [Slide whistling noises happen when he shakes the bag and when the newspaper slides out.]
  • Squidward: [breathes out, then hears the slide whistle] What is that noise?
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick are heard laughing]
  • Squidward: Ahhhh.... I should have guessed. It's too early for this.
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick are heard laughing again]
  • Squidward: Alright, you two. [SpongeBob and Patrick are seen as lumps under Squidward's front mat. He stomps on the lumps] What is the meaning of this?
  • [Squidward lifts up the mat]
  • SpongeBob: What is the meaning of this? [he and Patrick laugh and stand up with the slide whistle effect] We're slide whistling.
  • Squidward: Don't you mean, "Playing the slide whistle?"
  • SpongeBob: Squidward, slide whistling is more than just simply tooting on an instrument, it's a way of life. Let's show him, Patrick.
  • [Squidward's door opens with the slide whistling effect. SpongeBob and Patrick run inside]
  • Squidward: Hey! Get out of here! Huh? [looks around and doesn't see them. SpongeBob and Patrick are heard laughing]
  • Squidward: Alright, you two morons! Show yourselves!
  • [They slide out from the dining room light with the slide whistle effect]
  • SpongeBob: You see, Squidward? Slide whistling can add a little zest to the humdrum of everyday life.
  • Squidward: I don't need zest! I need you out of my lampshade! [jumps onto the table to get them out, but they're not there. SpongeBob appears with the slide whistle effect behind a plant]
  • Squidward: Get out of there!
  • [SpongeBob floats through the air with the slide whistle noise and out the door]
  • Squidward: Grrrrr... [SpongeBob and Patrick are spinning around the circular windows] Just get out of there! [They land onto Squidward's paintings. as the shape of Squidward's head] Okay, that's enough! You've had your fun.
  • SpongeBob: True, Squidward, true. We have had our fun. But you know what's twice as much fun? [pops out of the painting] Twice as many slide whistles! After you, my good man. [hands Patrick a slide whistle]
  • Patrick: Thanks, buddy. [floats out of the painting and across the room. SpongeBob follows. They start to head toward the windows]
  • Squidward: Not the windows again! [runs to the window and opens it] Gotcha! They're gone. Whew! Now if they would just stay out of my house, I might be able to enjoy a little squid time.
  • [Squidward makes himself a pot of tea. The slide whistle effect happens when he pours the tea into the cup. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh. Squidward closes the blinds and then sits down to drink his tea. The slide whistle effect is also here. SpongeBob and Patrick laugh outside. SpongeBob and Patrick continue this when Squidward is making his bed, when he brushes his teeth, cleans the toilet, and reads]
  • Squidward: [getting enraged, about to explode] I gotta get out of here!
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick are laughing when Squidward walks through the door, shattering it]
  • SpongeBob: Look, Patrick! Squidward's finally playing along.
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick follow Squidward while he is running away from them. They, of course, have their slide whistles]
  • Squidward: Go away! Can't you idiots take a hint?! [keeps running, then runs into Goo Lagoon with SpongeBob and Patrick following him. SpongeBob and Patrick are shown as mermen underwater, SpongeBob and Patrick have their slide whistles and are playing along with Squidward's movements. Squidward swims into a cave and starts running. He breaks through the back of the cave and stops to catch his breath]
  • Squidward: I think I lost 'em. [SpongeBob and Patrick are there whistling every time Squidward takes a breath. Squidward takes SpongeBob's slide whistle]
  • Squidward: How would you like it if someone did this to you?! [starts playing through a fit of rage]
  • SpongeBob: Alright! [he and Patrick dance along to Squidward's whistling. SpongeBob and Patrick are floating around and dancing for a while when Squidward puts down the slide whistle and gives up, so we think]
  • SpongeBob: Wow, Squidward. You have got quite an ear for music!
  • Squidward: [yelling] Don't you... I do?
  • SpongeBob: Yes my friend. You got... the goods.
  • Squidward: Well, uh... ha... that is true...
  • SpongeBob: Come, play some more, maestro. Me and Patrick want to sing to your saweeet tunes.
  • Squidward: Well... If you insist...
  • SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, we insist!
  • Squidward: Okay!
  • [SpongeBob, Patrick and Squidward all start slide whistling. Scene cuts to the Barg'N-Mart. The door opens]
  • Incidental 92: [looks up] Hello?
  • [Door closes with the slide whistle effect]
  • Incidental 92: That's unusual. [keeps reading. Slide whistle effect happens when he turns the pages]
  • Incidental 92: [angrily] What is that?! Who's there?! [Squidward behind the cashiers desk, laughs] Who's back here?
  • [Doors close with the slide whistle effect. Incidental 92 looks behind him. He hears the doors again]
  • Incidental 92: [runs out of the store] Alright, this isn't funny! Come on, jerk. You think you can mess with me? [SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward laugh. Scene cuts to the streets of Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward march with slide whistles playing in a chorus]
  • Squidward: Watch this! [shows Incidental 47 pushing a baby carriage. Squidward plays a note on the slide whistle from inside the carriage. Incidental 47 looks down]
  • Squidward: Goo goo wa wa goo goo wa goo goo he ha wa... [jumps out of the carriage] ha ha ha!
  • Incidental 47: [screams] Someone help! Baby assaulter!
  • [Squidward in a crowd of people floats up with the slide whistle effect]
  • All: [yelling at him] phrases heard amidst the crowd: "Go assault your own baby!", "Hey! Get back here!", etc.
  • Squidward: [laughs while in midair] If you say so. [floats down with the slide whistle effect and into a manhole]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
  • [Shows Patrick with a thought cloud digging out bellybutton lint]
  • Patrick: Probably not.
  • [Squidward goes up through a streetlight and hears a couple]
  • Incidental 7: Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I promise it'll never happen again. [she and Incidental 24 hug. Squidward plays "wolf whistle" on his slide. Incidental 24 gets up. Incidental 114 walks along]
  • Incidental 114: Can I help you... [Incidental 24 punches Incidental 114 in the face]
  • Incidental 24: Liar!
  • Incidental 105: She's not lying. [an angry mob appears with torches and pitchforks] She speaks the truth. Someone wicked has disturbed our peaceful city, Frank.
  • Incidental 24: But who would do such a thing?
  • Incidental 105: Squidward! Squidward Tentacles! He lives on Conch Drive!
  • Incidental 24: What?
  • Incidental 105: Yes, we must capture him. He must pay for his wrongdoings!
  • Angry Mob: He's going to pay! He's going to pay with interest! He's going down!
  • [Squidward slide whistles by]
  • Incidental 105: Come on, let's get him!
  • [Angry mob runs after Squidward]
  • SpongeBob: Patrick, do you think Squidward is taking this all too far?
  • Patrick: He's only a block away. [crowd yelling. Policemen see the angry mob]
  • Incidental 118 (teal): What do you make of it, Sarge?
  • Incidental 118 (orange): It looks like a full scale riot. I'm calling for backup. [on his radio] Get me the K-9 unit!
  • [The riot looks up and sees Squidward on top of a building with the slide whistle... captions version Looks like a full-scale riot. I'm calling for back-up, get me the canine unit.] [crowd yelling. Squidward laughs. All talking at once. The cops show up and then the K-9 unit]
  • Squidward: Would you like some more? [makes a high-pitched noise on the slide whistle]
  • K-9 Handler: [The worms begin turning rabid] Wait! Wait, you stupid worms! [The worms start to attack him and he screams] I was supposed to retire this week!
  • Squidward: Let's give them a grand finale they'll never forget.
  • [Squidward slide whistles his way into the back of a semi truck pulling a gas tanker. The trucker shifts gears and the slide whistle noise happens. The trucker starts to drink some coffee and the slide whistle noise happens.]
  • Trucker: Huh? What is that?!
  • [Squidward silently laughs to himself. The trucker turns the steering wheel and the slide whistling noise happens]
  • Trucker: I can't work under these conditions. [The trucker puts on a helmet and jumps from the truck and rolls. Squidward sits in the drivers seat]
  • Squidward: Now you're in the driver's seat, Squiddy! [does the slide whistle noises and isn't paying attention to the road at all] This is great! [all the fishes scream as he accelerates and drives through the Chum Bucket]
  • Mr. Krabs: [laughs] Well, Plankton finally got what he deserved. Whoa! Stop! [Then Squidward drives through the Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs starts crying]
  • Squidward: [headed toward a ramp and through a ring of fire] I've never felt so alive! [Clears the jump] I don't wanna stop!
  • [SpongeBob and Patrick pull up in a car]
  • SpongeBob: Um, Squidward, are you sure you don't wanna stop?
  • Squidward: What are you talking about, nitwit?
  • SpongeBob: Up ahead!
  • Squidward: What up ahead? [sees a cliff. As he goes over the edge, he plays the slide whistle from high to low. The tanker crashes. Pause. Everyone but SpongeBob and Patrick cheer happily about Squidward crashing his tanker (among them are "Justice!"). SpongeBob and Patrick play a funeral march on the slide whistle. Scene cuts to the Bikini Bottom Hospital]
  • Intercom: Dr. Forrest, dial 118, please. Dr. Forrest?
  • Incidental 116: Your friend is very lucky. If it wasn't for that slide whistle getting lodged in his throat, the rescue team might have never found him. [The slide whistle starts going crazy in Squidward’s throat] His yelling, or whistling, I should say, under all that rubble, saved his life.
  • SpongeBob: Doctor, why did you leave the whistle in his throat?
  • Incidental 116: Unfortunately, we don't have the technology to remove it yet. But on the bright side, he can still communicate with us.
  • [The slide whistle starts going crazy again. Squidward is actually moving the slide whistle in a fit of anger, attempting to scream at SpongeBob and Patrick]
  • SpongeBob: Wow, Squidward, listen to you! You're getting better already! Here, we'll help. [he and Patrick raise their slide whistles. SpongeBob and Patrick go around the hospital playing the slide whistle to CPR, Incidental 80 on a ventilator, and Incidental 116 stitching Incidental 41 up]
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