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This article is a transcript of the SpongeBob SquarePants episode "Shellback Shenanigans" from season seven, which aired on September 18, 2010.
  • [episode starts at the Krusty Krab at night]
  • SpongeBob: [Flips sign from "open" to "closed] Good night, Mr. Krabs.
  • Mr. Krabs: Closing time already?
  • SpongeBob: I just served a Krabby Patty to the last customer.
  • Mr. Krabs: Well have a good night SpongeBob.
  • SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, is it okay if I buy a Krabby Patty to go for my pet snail Gary?
  • Mr. Krabs: I thought those things ate mostly kibble.
  • SpongeBob: It's a special treat. Just to get him ready for tomorrow...
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh! Right! Okay, that make- Wait, what's tomorrow?
  • SpongeBob: Gasp! Mr. Krabs, did you forget?
  • Mr. Krabs: Probably.
  • SpongeBob: Tomorrow is "Bring Your Pet To Work" day!
  • Mr. Krabs: I don't need a special day for that. Squidward's here every day!
  • Squidward: [Stood in the doorway] Nice. [Walks away] REAL NICE!
  • SpongeBob: Umm... Can I buy that patty?
  • Mr. Krabs: Yeah. Sure.
  • SpongeBob: Alright! Gary's gonna be so excited!
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh SpongeBob! I almost forgot. The price is double for pets because they're so special.
  • SpongeBob: Good idea! [Gives Mr. Krabs some change] Thanks again Mr. Krabs! [Leaves, then pops out of no where] Mr. Krabs!
  • Mr. Krabs: Whoa, what?
  • SpongeBob: [speaking gibberish]
  • Mr. Krabs: What, what?!
  • SpongeBob: We're all out of Krabby Patties!
  • Mr. Krabs: Did you check the freezer?!
  • SpongeBob: I checked the freezer, the spare freezer, the back-up freezer, the extra freezer, the rear freezer, the micro freezer, and the freezer under the stairs!
  • Mr. Krabs: What about the freezer in the attic?
  • SpongeBob: We don't have an attic.
  • Mr. Krabs: No attic?!
  • SpongeBob: You sold it, remember?
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh, yeah.
  • [Plankton and Karen are spying on Krabs and SpongeBob from the Chum Bucket with a telescope]
  • Plankton: Now what are they saying Karen? Karen?!
  • Karen: I have no idea.
  • Plankton: What? I thought you said you could read lips!
  • Karen: I can, but you took my telescope away!
  • [Plankton gives the telescope to Karen]
  • Mr. Krabs: [In the telescope] Well, that settles it, SpongeBob. We're just gonna have to make a fresh batch of Krabby Patties.
  • SpongeBob: A fresh batch?
  • Mr. Krabs: That's what I said. A fresh batch of Krabby Patties.
  • Plankton: Okay, now what's he saying?
  • Karen: He said they're going to make a fresh batch of Krabby Patties.
  • Plankton: A fresh batch of—ooh, this is good. This is really good!
  • SpongeBob: When are we making this fresh batch of Krabby Patties, Mr. Krabs?
  • Mr. Krabs: What?
  • Plankton: Okay, what'd he just say?
  • Karen: What?
  • Plankton: I said, "What'd he just say?"
  • Karen: He said, "What?"
  • Plankton: I have no idea, that's why I'm asking you what he just said!
  • Karen: I know that, and I'm saying he said, "What?"!
  • Plankton: I know that! Wait... oh, he said, "What?".
  • Karen: Yes!
  • SpongeBob: Wow, a whole new fresh batch of Krabby Patties! Gary's gonna go crazy!
  • Mr. Krabs: You know, SpongeBob, heh, might not be such a good idea bringing a dirty snail into the kitchen. I think we might just want to reschedule "Bring Your Pet To Work" day.
  • SpongeBob: No! Mr. Krabs, I promise that Gary will be sparkly clean. I'll give him an extra long bath tonight!
  • Mr. Krabs: Oh okay. But make sure he's healthy and clean!
  • Plankton: Healthy and Clean, Fresh Batch of Krabby Patties? Ooh, I think I smell a plan!
  • [Bubbles change the scene showing SpongeBob's House]
  • SpongeBob: Gary! I brought you a delicious treat!
  • Gary: Mow.
  • SpongeBob: There you are Gare bear. I brought you some kelp fries. [Holds a bag and shakes it upside down. A plate of kelp fries falls out and Gary sniffs them] I was going to bring you a Krabby Patty, but we ran out! I'll go get your bath ready While you enjoy them. [Gary gets scared and runs away while SpongeBob fills the bath tub] Gary! Your bath is ready! Gary? Gary? [Eats a kelp fry] Gary? [Walks in the kitchen] Gary?! [He sees Gary hiding under the counter] Gary, not again come out of there, it's dirty! [Grabs Gary] Gotcha! Come on Gary, quit messing arou.... [Tries to pull him out but accidentally trips and Gary flies into a pot on top of the refrigerator and is covered in mud]
  • Gary: Meow.
  • SpongeBob: [Upset] Great, Gary,just great! Now you need an extra, extra, extra, extra long bath! You're not going to come down from there, are you?
  • Gary: Meow. [No]
  • SpongeBob: Ugh! you win, we'll bathe you in the morning! [Flicks off the light and leaves.. Bubbles change the scene. Gary hears a knock on the door and comes to answer it]
  • Plankton: [In a disguise wearing a wig and has a suitcase] Good morning sir! My name is Sheldon R. Shellcleaner, owner and operator of Super Shell Cleaner Vacations Unlimited. Can I ask you a question? Are you tired of your dirty shell resulting in tireless hours of...
  • SpongeBob: [Off screen] Gary! I'm going to start the bath!
  • Plankton: Look I'll just cut to the chase. Do you have a dirty shell and hate bath time?
  • Gary: Meow.
  • Plankton: Of course you do! That's why I must tell you about our limited time offer. For not 4, not 3, but 1 luxurious night here![Opens suitcase and a large poster pops out] At Club Shell! A perfect resort for snails. Don't try to pinch yourself this could be...
  • SpongeBob: [off screen] Gary! The bath is ready!
  • Plankton: ...all yours! Now I know what your thinking but I got you covered! [Shows Gary an orange inflatable shell] A temporary shell will be provided for you to wear while yours is being cleaned, and all of this is free of charge of course.
  • SpongeBob: [off screen] Gary! Your bath is ready!
  • [Gary immediately puts on the shell and leaves]
  • Plankton: Have a pleasant stay! Bon Voyage! [Closes the door and takes off the disguise, goes into Gary's real shell, and puts small balls on his antennas, making him look like Gary. He laughs] If my reasoning is correct, as SpongeBob's pet I'll get to witness Krabby Patties being made from scratch! Then I can copy the formula, and destroy Krabs once and for all!
  • SpongeBob: [Appears walking next to Plankton in the shell and mistakes him for Gary] Ah-ha there you are Gare-Bear! [Picks him up and walks up the stairs] Oh, you naughty little snail hiding from me! I'm gonna give you a real good scrubbing. You have to be sparkly clean for "Bring your pet to work day"! And today is the day! [Goes to the bath tub and drops "Gary" in the tub] First I'm gonna start you off with a yummy smelling shower gel!
  • Plankton: Wha...? [Gets squirted with the gel and is covered in shampoo]
  • SpongeBob: Ahhh, smells nice, doesn't it?
  • Plankton: Ugh...
  • SpongeBob: [Takes "Gary" and holds him above his head] Prepare yourself for the scrubbing of a lifetime! [Scrubs Plankton by dragging him back and forth like a sponge]
  • Plankton: [screams]
  • SpongeBob: [Stops scrubbing him] Bet that feel good, huh?
  • Plankton: [Coughs and Chokes] Curses! I mean... meow?
  • SpongeBob: [Nervous] Gary, are you sure you're feeling alright?
  • Plankton: I've never felt better! Uh, I mean... meow! [Soap washes off and reveals his body to SpongeBob]
  • SpongeBob: [Worried] Gary! You're turning green! And talking!
  • Plankton: No I'm not.
  • SpongeBob: [Rushes down the stairs holding "Gary"] We gotta get you to the pet hospital!
  • Plankton: Pet hospital! But what about the fresh batch of Krabby Patties?! I mean, meow!
  • SpongeBob: You're right, Gary! I'll call Mr. Krabs and tell him I'm gonna be late! Gary, you're a lot more talkative when you're sick. [Bubbles change the scene showing the hospital. To Sadie] Excuse me, nurse. My snail has been talking and he's turning green. Is he sick?
  • [Sadie takes a look at "Gary"]
  • Plankton: [Afraid she might notice it's him] Meow? [Sadie throws bottles of medicine on the ceiling while shrieking in horror]
  • SpongeBob: Is that yes? Or no?
  • Sadie: I have never seen such a drastic case! Rush this snail to the intensive care unit stat!
  • Plankton: Intensive care unit?
  • SpongeBob: Don't worry, Gary. These are proffesionals.
  • [Bubbles change the scene and Plankton is sitting on a bed]
  • Plankton: [Sees a large computer, thinking it's Karen] Karen! Oh, sorry. I thought you were someone else.
  • Sadie: [Walks in the room] Don't worry. I'm just going to subject you to a series of invasive tests. It'll be over before you know it. [She pulls a curtains and we hear Plankton screaming in pain while the screen shows the hospital. SpongeBob breathes heavily thinking about "Gary"]
  • Jennifer-Millie: Sir, all the doctor is saying is that your snail is still in the intensive care unit and we just need to run a couple more tests.
  • Purple Doctorfish: [To Jennifer] That's not what I'm saying at all.
  • SpongeBob: Oh, Gary! [crying]
  • Purple Doctorfish: [To SpongeBob] Yes, I'll be honest with you, son, we've tried everything we can, we just can't find out anything wrong with him! I've never seen anything like it.
  • SpongeBob: Please try to save him, doctor!
  • [Cut to Plankton]
  • Plankton: [Sleeps on the bed, then wakes up paranoid] No! No more! Please! I-I-I-I...
  • Sadie: Relax, Gary, the tests are over. I'm just here to give you a little pill.
  • Plankton: Whew! That's a relief.
  • Sadie: [Takes out a giant pill bigger than Plankton] Open wide. [Plankton screams as Sadie puts the pill in his mouth]
  • Sadie: That wasn't so bad, was it? [Plankton has the pill in his mouth, tears up, and spits out the pill all over her] That's not good... [Cuts to SpongeBob still crying] Uh, Mr. SquarePants?
  • SpongeBob: [stops crying and heads over to "Gary" who is covered up in bandages] Gary!
  • Sadie: The doctor says there's nothing more we can do. It's best to take him home and let nature take it's course.
  • SpongeBob: You're-you're saying that he's... that he might... oh... [Sadie walks away] Nurse? Nurse?! Oh well, Gary, this looks like it might be...[sniff]... the end. [wails]
  • Plankton: If I could just have a... [cough cough] Krabby Patty before I go...
  • SpongeBob: Sure thing, little buddy, sure. [sniffs] Y'know it's really poignant.
  • Plankton: What is?
  • SpongeBob: Well, now that you can talk we're... we're running out of time to say I love you! [continues wailing and crying]
  • Plankton: [sighs] Oh, boy...
  • [Bubbles change the scene to the bus Gary is on]]
  • Tourist: So, once again we'd like to thank you for choosing Club Shell, and we hope to see you again, real soon.
  • SpongeBob: [Carrying "Gary"] Just a little further, Gare-bare.
  • Gary: [Looks out window]
  • Plankton: Yes!
  • [Gary pulls busline angrily and slithers over to the Krusty Krab]
  • SpongeBob: [Puts "Gary" down on the floor next to the grill] Buddy, you just stay right here, and daddy's gonna go get the secret formula and whip you up the best batch that we ever whipped up. Be right back, Gary... [Walks away gloomily]
  • Plankton: Yes, Spongefool, come right back with your complete undoing and victory will be mine!
  • [Gary slithers to Plankton angrily and growls at him]
  • Plankton: Mommy?
  • [Gary beats Plankton up, while Mr. Krabs hears this, and he sees Plankton running out the door]
  • Mr. Krabs: Plankton? [Finds out Gary beat him out of the restaurant and has an idea. Bubbles change the scene. Gary is at the Krusty Krab door letting people in, then Plankton in a costume comes up to Gary]
  • Plankton: Good day, sir. I'm just here to sample some of your delicious Krabby fare. [Gary Growls] Whoa, there, fido! [screams and runs away] I'm going! I'm going already!
  • SpongeBob: Wow, Mr. Krabs, Gary's doing a great job as bouncer. He's really earning his pay!
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, he takes after you, lad. [surprised] Pay?!

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