[Episode opens up with SpongeBob clattering his teeth in his sleep, apparently having a nightmare. He wakes up, frightened]
SpongeBob:[Starts panting loudly] Phew! [Wipes forehead. banging and squeaking noises start from downstairs]
SpongeBob:[Dials the phone] Hello, HELLO! [Realizes phone line is cut] Huh? The lines been cut. [Slams the phone down] Barnacles!
SpongeBob:[Puts on army helmet and gets out tennis racket] I guess I go better take a look. [Gets up and legs start shaking]
SpongeBob:[Shakes around tennis racket] Who's there? Stay back, I'm armed. [Slips on toy fire truck] Woah! WOAH! [Falls down stairs]
SpongeBob: HA, HEY! [Flicks on light switch. Novelty teeth chattering] Ah Ha! Wind-Up novelty teeth. How did you wind up down here [laughs]. [Fancy boot runs in circles]
SpongeBob: What the heck is going on with my fancy boot? [Goes over to fancy boot] HEY, KNOCK IT OFF! [Boot goes in circles faster]
SpongeBob: Alright, I warned you! [Whacks boot. Racket comes back round and hits SpongeBob in the face] You're a dirty fighter! Hmn, I gotcha now! Hi YA! [Karate chops boot. Gary bounces out]
SpongeBob: Gary? [Heads towards a sand castle near the wall] Noooooooooo! [Crashes underneath bucket with soap in it]
SpongeBob: GARY! [Lifts off bucket] Hooa!
Gary: Meewwwaaaawwwwoowwww! [With soap in mouth. SpongeBob removes soap from mouth] CWA! HE-HE! [Coughing tone]
SpongeBob: Phew, thank goodness. For a moment there I thought you were hurt. [Shell starts to crack]
Gary: MEEOW! [Quick and sharp tone of voice. Shell cracks fully off]
SpongeBob:[shocked] Gary, I... I broke your shell!
Gary: Meeeeooooowwwww! [Skin on back starts to go puffy] Mwaawaaaawwaaaaa! [starts crying]
SpongeBob: Oh no! You're in pain! Don't worry, I'll make it better. [Gives Gary a tight hug]
Gary: MEOW! [Slips out of SpongeBob's hands. SpongeBob grabs him again]
SpongeBob: Sorry about that. Oh, I know! [Picks up the cracks from Gary's shell] Here, just use a little tape and theerrre ya go, good as new! [Shell brakes off] Oh. Well, that's alright because we'll find a new shell for ya!
SpongeBob: How about this? [holds up green Hawaiian shirt with orange flowers on it]
SpongeBob: Yeah, your right, too gaudy. [Pull out a Santa hat] No, too last season. [Pulls out a gorilla mask] Well, I need that. A-haha, look Gary. [Pulls out pair of SquarePants] Here, try this on for size.
SpongeBob: Of course it's a shell! [Gary looks at SpongeBob sternly] Oh c'mon, don't look at me like that. [The slime on Gary's back covers the pants and the wet pants go soggy].
SpongeBob: OK, your right it's not a shell. [Starts thinking] OH! [Comes back with a clear helmet over his head] Greetings, earthlings. I am SpongeBob. I come from the future. DA-HA-HA-DA-HA-HA. [takes off helmet] I bet this'll look great. [Puffy skin swirls up inside helmet]. Eeewww. I can see why snail shells aren't clear. [Takes helmet from Gary] Hmmmm.
SpongeBob: Here it is Gary. Your neeew shell. [puts on race driver helmet]. You look ready to ride. [Gary throws magazine at SpongeBob] Shell Spiffy. Great idea, Gair, I'll order you a new shell. Are there any you have your mind on, ol' buddy? [Shows Gary magazine]
SpongeBob: Oh, page 72. Oh, here it is. WOOOOW! [Looks the same as Gary's old shell]. This stylish, fully insulated, dual coat ceramic shell comes with automatic restroom facilities standard, and for the affordable price of $9,595.95! Isn't there a place I can get a quality shell without spending a fortune!?
SpongeBob: Commercial? What commercial? [TV is on]
Commercial Voice: Uh-Oh! Now look what you've done, you've broke your snail's shell again. [Man sweeping up snail shell peices]
Man: Yeah. Now what do I do?
Angry Jack: You come on down to Angry Jack's Shell Emporium!
Commercial Voice:[Drop scene with shop name on it] Angry Jack's!
Angry Jack: I'm so angry about my massive inventory that I'm slashing prices like crazy!
Commercial Voice: Jack's Angry!
Angry Jack: $99.99 to buy this refurbished shell, and I'm angry about it! Or what about this one, brand new plastic shell, super-gloss coat, only $39.99! [Price appears in front of his eyes] HEY! GET THOSE NUMBERS OUTTA MY FACE! [Price disappears]
Angry Jack: Did I mention I'm angry!?
Commercial Voice: Seething with Rage!
Angry Jack: Once gone, gone for good, so I'm gonna sell sell sell, all these shell shell shells! So come on down to Angry Jack's now!
Commercial Voice: Jack is reeaalll mad! Don't bring your kids!
Angry Jack: And remember, I'll match, or beat, anyone advertised rage or is absolutely... hey. [Sees SpongeBob] What are you doing in my commercial?
SpongeBob: Oh, sorry Angry Jack, eh Gary here needs a new shell, and we knew you would help us find one. Hey, shouldn't you be yelling at me right now?
Angry Jack: Nah, I just do that to make my commercials louder. And louder, is the same as BETTER! Now let's see if I can't get you into a new shell. Hmmm. [starts scanning shelves] There she is. [Takes the same shell as Gary's old one]. There ya go, little guy.
SpongeBob: Oh it's perfect! Just like the old one hey, buddy? [Shell falls off and breaks]
SpongeBob: Now it... really looks like the old one hey buddy?
Gary: Meowwweeooowww! [Angry tone of voice]
Angry Jack: Hey, accidents'll happen. Why don't we try this one? [Picks up yellow shell with orange patches]
SpongeBob: Oooohh, that's nice, love the pattern. We'll take it, but first I gotta make sure it's battened down. We don't want this one slippin' off hey, buddy? [SpongeBob pushes down shell so hard it cracks and breaks. Angry Jack looks at SpongeBob angrily]
SpongeBob: Oops. Hey, what about that one? [Walks to a shell with purple and orange stripes on it. Turns around to take to Gary but whacks it on Angry Jack]
SpongeBob: Oops, sorry Jack. HEY, how much is that one? [Picks up shades of pink stripes. Trips over lace and drops shell]
Angry Jack: Why don't you just hold your snail? I'll take care of the shells.
SpongeBob: Good idea, angry.
Angry Jack: So, how do ya like this one? [Puts on very bright-lighted shell]
SpongeBob: Well it... certainly is shiny.
Angry Jack: It's our most reflective model.
SpongeBob: Ah that is bright. Can't... see! OW, what was that!? [Bashes into shell shelves and knocks them over one by one. Shelves knock each other over like dominoes. Some shell shelves spell 'oops']
SpongeBob: Why... can't... I... stop... break-ing... SHELLS!? AHHHH! [Falls off shelf he was running along. View from outside Angry Jack's store]
SpongeBob: Whoops. Hey Jack I don't suppose you have any more to show me?
Angry Jack: I do have one more available. It's the only certified indestructible shell I've ever seen, but I'm sure you'll find a way.
SpongeBob: WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! Before we do the hand-off, let me make some precautionary measures. Okay, first, [shoes pop from under shell bits] shoes are tied, hands are de-ry [pronounced dry] and now a thick layer of bubble wrap [starts wrapping shell in bubble wrap. Picks up shell but the actual shell falls out of the bubble wrap layer and breaks]
SpongeBob: You, er... sure you don't have any more in the back?
Angry Jack: The back? There is no back anymore.
SpongeBob: Well, look on the bright side, I reduced your inventory for ya.
Angry Jack: REDUCED? YOU DESTOYED EVERYTHING! AND NOW, YOUR GONNA HAVE TO PAY!
SpongeBob: Are you really angry or ya just trying to sound louder?
Angry Jack: I'M REALLY ANGRY!
Commercial Voice: Blistering Fury!
Angry Jack: AND I DEMAND IMMEDIATE PAYMENT!
SpongeBob:[Takes about 40 cents out his pocket] Take it, it's all my savings.
Angry Jack: This? This isn't enough to repay my fortune! I'm gonna need more!
SpongeBob: Sorry, that's all I got, honest.
Angry Jack: No it's not! You've got two arms and two legs, don'tcha?
Angry Jack: Give me one of each!
SpongeBob: Okay. [Takes off one arm and one leg and gives them to Angry Jack]
Angry Jack: I'll also need some internal organs. [SpongeBob takes out his heart and gives it to Angry Jack] And an eyeball! [SpongeBob hands over an eyeball] And your clothes. [SpongeBob refuses and walks away fully formed again]
SpongeBob:[sadly] Oh, Gary. How I wish your shell could grow back like my appendages. [sees box] Hey, I've got an idea! [SpongeBob draws a shell pattern on the box]
Gary: Meow. [angry tone]
SpongeBob: Oh, Gary it's not that bad! Square looks good on anybody!
Gary:[starts to cry] Mwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaa!
SpongeBob:[crying] Oh, what am I kidding, it looks terrible on you!
SpongeBob:[crying] I know Gary, I ruined your life! DO YA HAVE TO RUB IT IN?!? [sobbing]
Mr. Krabs: Hey boy, what's with all that snivelin'?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs. What are you doing here?
Mr. Krabs: Well, I just, uh, well never mind that, boy. What's your problem?
SpongeBob: I destroyed Gary's shell, and now I can't find a replacement. I guess he'll just spend the rest of his days as a lowly slug! [bawling]
Mr. Krabs: There, there, boy. There, there. It's not that bad. I'm sure you'll thinka something.
SpongeBob:[looks at Mr. Krabs' shiny shell and has an idea] Mr. Krabs, perhaps you can help me find a new shell for Gary.
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'd be honored to help you and your snivelin' snail during such desperate times. I love helping others. Like helping meself Now, how much ya got?
SpongeBob: Nothing, Mr. Krabs. I'm broke.
Mr. Krabs: Oh. I see [walks away disappointed]
SpongeBob: Wait, Mr. Krabs! If you help me get Gary a shell, I'll, WORK FREE FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR.
Mr. Krabs: Only if I get to cut your health benefit for ya.
SpongeBob: Deal! [Cut to SpongeBob's house, he has the same nightmare from the beginning, and woke up again] Oh, another bad dream. [Screams, He shines a torch at Gary] Mr. Krabs?
SpongeBob: Oh, sorry Gary, I'm not used to your new shell. [Mr. Krabs comes in]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob me boy, I need to borrow a blanket.
SpongeBob: There ya go, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Thanks, boy-o. Now I'm all toasty.
SpongeBob:[sighs] I guess "All's shell that ends shell. Huh, Gary? [laughs] Gary? Gary? Gary?